A/N Not connected to Smoke, just so no one gets confused, this was more the mini angst outlet necessary to ensure the survival of the fluff there.
Oh yeah, I don't own these guys, too bad.
The entire time you were pushing us away, three years, we didn't know. Ginji and Himiko would know, they knew you the best, they'd take care of you. Or so we thought.
But you even had them at arms length the whole time…so where was I ? Where were Kazuki and Paul and Natsumi? How many miles away had you been keeping all of us while letting us think we were your friends? That if you tripped we'd still be able to reach out and catch you?
I spent three years watching you fall, and I didn't even know it. None of us did.
Ginji cried for two weeks straight after you… after the accident. I thought we would lose him too, but he's doing better now. Natsumi takes good care of him. In fact, he's back to his old self already, back to bouncy happy Ginji…. Everyone seems to be dealing really really well. Too well. Paul doesn't bitch about the tab anymore, and Himiko drinks black coffee now. I think it reminds her of you. Other than that, everything seems normal. Life just…goes on. Everyone seems to be doing fine.
Everyone but me.
I don't get it, I never liked you. Hell, I wanted to kill you. Even after I got over that you were still the single greatest nuisance in my life. A rival, competition. You existed to piss me off and you were damn good at it too.
So why does this hurt so much?
Why do I try to catch the smoke that should linger in the HonkyTonk, the car, your…Ginjis apartment. The places smell to clean now, sterile, unlived in.
Why do I still half expect to see you glaring at me through purple shades, hunched protectively over a cup of coffee?
Why do I miss fighting with you?
We really were friends weren't we? Not that I like to admit it. Yeah, we were friends, or at least you were my friend. Was I yours? If I was would you still be here? If you had counted me as one of your friends, does that mean I let you down?
His thoughts were interrupted by a concerned lion all but knocking him over. The sun shone warmly down into Madokas yard, haphazardly painting the ground and himself through numerous leaves.
'It's been two months, you have to stop thinking about it.'
" I know, but I can't, maybe if someone else would just say it-"
'Say what? Admit that it wasn't an accident?'
"That would be a start."
' It won't happen.'
" I know."
