Title:I don´t want to be me! I want to be you!

Summary: A couple of men aren't happy with themselves and would like tohave a go at being someone else.Let's let Gandalf and all the others try another life. Do you think Gandalf will do a good job being Legolas? Mix in a Stone door with a tragic past, a forgetful Balrog and soldiers on strike. The result is a Lord of The Rings Cake!

Disclaimer: I don´t own anything in this story. Well, except for a couple of the Ents, and the Stone door and… This is my first fanfiction. .

And last but not least: a bunch of roses to XNemesis for beta reading this for me


Aragorn...Gollum

Boromir...Pippin

Merry...Gimli

Pippin...Elrond

Sam...Gandalf

Frodo...Boromir

Legolas...Aragorn

Gimli...Sam

Gandalf...Legolas

Gollum...Frodo

Elrond...Merry


Gandalf aims at Gimli and lets the "arrow"go, "Bam! Ha-ha! You're dead!" The dwarf, who has been "shot" exactly thirty-six times during their walk from Rivendell, turns around to face Gandalf.

"You can thank Eru that I haven't got my axe right now. Otherwise, that bow of yours would be in many pocket-sized pieces," he hisses. Gandalf looks at Gimli in horror and embraces the bow tightly.

"You cannot have it. It's mine. My own. My precious," he whispers and caresses the bow.

"Does anyone know where the nearest mental hospital is?" Elrond asks, pauses and looks around. "No one? Crap."

Boromir, looking as dignified as one can when on their knees, because they're supposed to be short, puts his hand on Sam's shoulder.

"So dearest hobbit-wizard, which way shall we take?" he wonders and squeezes the hobbit's shoulder.

"Umm… let me see…the Gap of Rohan?" Sam states uncertainly. Suddenly, Aragorn jumps in front of Sam and violentlyshakes the hobbit's shoulders.

"No, no! I beg of you! Not Rohan!" he shouts desperately, with eyes gleaming of insanity.

"And why not?" Boromir questions Aragorn and crosses suspiciously his arms.

"Because of Eowyn, candlelight suppers, roses, horses, and baths! Don't make me go there again! Pretty please…" Aragorn begs and looks around terrified. Sam, who was terrified by the time Aragorn said, "Not Rohan," tries to push himself from Aragorn's tight grip.

"Alright. Not Rohan. Caradhras? Moria?" he suggests.

Gimli looks up at the two men and hobbit, "MORIA! MORIA! MORIA!"

Legolas shouts, "CARADHRAS! CARADHRAS!" He and Gimli changes glares. When Aragorn hasn't let go of Sam, by the time Gimli jumps on Legolas and starts hitting him with a frying pan, the hobbit takes his staff and whacks him on the head.

"Wow! Look out with that staff of yours," Boromir ducks when the staff almost hits his head.

Sam, who has been released by Aragorn, looks at the large wooden staff.

"I'm sorry, but it's so long," he apologises.

"I can use my axe and shorten it for you!" Merry suggests excitedly

"I don't know if that's such a good idea…" Sam says uncertainly, but Merry has already taken the axe in his hands and swings it.

"Watch out, you moron! You almost decapitated me!" Sam shouts. " And you made me drop my pointy hat," he adds sadly.

Merry takes a better hold of his axe, "Try to hold it still. Or better hold it over your head."

Merry swings the axe and it gives Sam a very nice but extremely short haircut.

Sam touches what is left of his hair with shaky hands, "My hair! My beautiful long hair! Look what you did!"

Merry shrugs, "Let me try again."

"No! Keep that thing away from me!" Sam calls out and backs away.

Merry looks pleadingly at his hobbit friend, "Just one more time." The axe flies through the air nearly hitting Sam's leg.

"Crap! One more time!" Merry stomps with his foot and raises the axe.

"HELP! AAAAAAAAH!" Sam screams, lifts his hands over his head and starts to run away, with Merry behind him swinging the large axe. Legolas looks towards where Sam and Merry are running, massaging his aching head.

"Looks like we're heading for Caradhras!" grins Legolas.

Gimli scowls, "Oh, just shut up!" And with a last hit on Legolas with the frying pan, Gimli starts to follow the running hobbits. Aragorn wakes up and stares at the nine walking people. He looks down at his clothes.

"Man, it's going to be freezing."

"Uhum…" the author growls.

Aragorn adds unenthusiastically, "Oh, yeah. Gollum."


So? Was it dreadful?