Title:I don´t want to be me! I want to be you!

Summary: A couple of men aren't happy with themselves and would like tohave a go at being someone else.Let's let Gandalf and all the others try another life. Do you think Gandalf will do a good job being Legolas? Mix in a Stone door with a tragic past, a forgetful Balrog and soldiers on strike. The result is a Lord of The Rings Cake!

Disclaimer:I don´t own anything in this story. Well, except for a couple of the Ents, and the Stone door and… This is my first fanfiction. .

Let me explain why I haven't updated sooner. One word school. Thanks for your LOVELY reviews!


Aragorn...Gollum

Boromir...Pippin

Pippin...Elrond

Merry...Gimli

Sam...Gandalf

Frodo...Boromir

Legolas...Aragorn

Gimli...Sam

Gandalf...Legolas

Gollum...Frodo

Elrond...Merry


The Fellowship has finally arrived to Lothlorien. Everybody is relieved and looking forward to take a break from the travelling. Well, everybody except Merry.

"I don't like this place..." he says and looks cautiously around.

Elrond lifts an eyebrow. "How come?"

Merry lowers his voice. "They say it lives an elf-sorceress here. An elf- witch of terrible powers."

Elrond rolls his eyes. "Well duh, I know. She's my mother-in-law."

"What!" Merry jumps backward knocking Gollum, who is walking behind him, to the ground and makes a cross of his index fingers.

"Keep away, evil one."

Everyone stops walking and to stares at the hysterical hobbit. Gimli goes to stand beside Elrond and crosses his arms.

"Don't go near him. He's possessed. He's a wizard!" Merry warns Gimli. The dwarf eyes Elrond with suspicious eyes.

Frodo walks to Merry and taps him lightly on the shoulder. "If you haven't noticed, Sam is... was a wizard. And Gandalf..." Frodo nods at Gandalf, who is dancing on the flowers. "... is supposed to be a wizard disguised as an elf. You have been around a wizard all the time. What's the problem?"

Merry starts waving his arms. "You don't understand! The elf-witch is evil. If you look at her you fall under her spell... and your eyes pop out." Merry points an accusing finger at Elrond. "If she's his mother-in-law and his eyes are in their original places, then he must be under the influence of her black magic. He is a traitor!"

"Calm down Merry. Take deep breaths. Breath in, breath out. He is Elrond. You know, a good elf. One of the elves who fought against Sauron in the Second age."

Merry widens his already wide eyes and looks disbelieving around. "You don't believe me! None of you do! You are all under his spell! YOU!" Merry points at Elrond, who looks confused.

"This was your plan all along, wasn't it? To take us to your mistress! To give the ring to her!" Merry makes a jump, ending on top of Gollum, who is still lying on the ground. "Give me the ring! I won't let the sorceress have it!" Merry starts to tug at the chain, where the ring is secured.

"NO! Not our preciousssss! It'ssss our, our own, our precioussss. Gollum, gollum." Gollum bites Merry on the hand.

"OUH!"

"Merry relax, we are invited to Lady Galadriel, we will get a bath and a big meal, perhaps even many. Elrond said so." Frodo explains to the lying hobbit.

"Yeah, Elrond. I have a question. You said that we are invited to Lady Galadriel. I can't remember that we got an invitation," Boromir says and frowns lightly.

Elrond gives a big smile. "That is because we haven't"

"..." everybody says

"If we haven't got an invitation, how can you say that we are invited there?" Boromir asks and grits his teeth.

"Because we'll get it in a moment. Even while we speak, we are surrounded by archers pointing deathly arrows at our hearts," Elrond says happily.

"Excuse me, Elrond, if I'm wrong. But it sounded like you are happy about it." Boromir asks while blinking rapidly. Elrond smiles even broader. "So you mean that you're happy, because we are surrounded by Elven soldiers." Elrond nods. Boromir takes a loud breath and then turns towards Merry. "I'm sorry my friend that I doubted you. It seems as if our friend here is trying to have us killed."

"I told you so," Merry says and glares at Elrond.

"No, my friends. You see, soon my old friend Haldir will step forward and I will explain the whole thing to him and then we will be invited," Elrond explains. "Wait and see," he says to make a point. "Any minute now." The time goes. "You will see that I'm right."

"I don't see any Haldir," Frodo says and looks at a bush. "Do you think he is shy or afraid that we are going to hurt him?" Frodo asks and puts his head into the bush. "Hello Mr. Haldir! We are not going to hurt you!"

"What the hell is he doing?" Elrond asks loudly and starts to stomp around, purposely makingsomuch sound as possible. Suddenly he stops and glares at the others. "Well! What are you looking at? Help me make sound!" They start to break twigs and stomp, not daring to ask Elrond what the meaning is of this. After a while Elrond stops abruptly. "What is the meaning of this!"

"My thought exactly," Gimli mumbles.

"They should've heard us already!" he shouts. "HALLLLLLLLDIR! HAAAAALDIR! HALDIRRRR! HALDIIIIIR!"

"What!" A blond elf suddenly steps forward looking more than a little irritated.

"What do you mean by this? We have been in your realmfor more than three hours! Haven't you noticed it? You should've surrounded us already!" Elrond shouts.

"Keep your voice down.Of course we knew you were here. We even know that one of you picked his nose," Haldir says and looks at Gandalf.

"So, why were you not here?"

"The soldiers are being on strike. We want higher salary. The others have chosen me to be their leader," Haldir explains and straightens himself proudly.

"What?" Elrond asks uncertainly.

"We're for the moment demonstrating outside Celeborns and Galadriels house."

Elrond sighs deeply. "So you won't be taking us to Lady Galadriel?"

"No."

"Well, then we must go there by ourselves. Come on everybody."


"Go away! You won't be getting any more money!"

The Fellowship has recently arrived to Galadriel's home and they are currently watching her stand on balcony shouting and waving. Elves are standing under her balcony screaming things like: "Money to honey". Some elves are singing "Money, money, money. Is so funny, funny. In the elves world..." And some elves are holding placards where there says some not too friendly thingsabout Celeborn and Galadriel.

"Perhaps this isn't the best time to be here," Boromir whispers to Elrond and watches as a tomato hits Galadriel in the face.

"Who was it!" You'll pay for that! Oh, Elrond!" Her face lights up in a smile, until another tomato hits her white dress. "Stop that! You are all behaving like elflings!" She ducks down as a whole fruit stand is being thrown in her way, but she is too slow. "Oww! MY EYE! My Seeing Eye! My Magical Eye! My Seeing Eye!" Galadriel places both of her hands in front her left eye. "Celeborn...!" Galadriel bursts into tears and runs inside the house.

"I smell trouble..." Elrond whispers. Suddenly two blue flashes of lightning flies from inside of Celeborn's and Galadriel's home and hits two certain elves in the crowd under their balcony. Two piercing screams fills the air and then it turns quiet. But then two evil laughs reach every elf, man, dwarf and hobbit.

"Muahahahahahahahaaa! Muhuhuhhahahahah! Mwuahahahaha!"

"Huahuhuhuahuahuahua! Hiahihihihahahahhia! Hwihihihihiihih!"

The elves from Lothlorienchangeterrified glances with each other before they all start to run away and scream in fear, the two evil laughs following them until all of them have disappeared.

"What was that?" Frodo asks with trembling bottom lip.

"Dear friends, may I introduce my father- and mother-in-law."

"Muahahahahahahahaaa! Muhuhuhhahahahah! Mwuahahahaha!"

"Huahuhuhuahuahuahua! Hiahihihihahahahhia! Hwihihihihiihih!"


"Elrond, long time no see." Galadriel greets and smiles warmly, her left eye covered by a big piece of meat.

"Dearest mother-in-law, your beauty beats the beauty of the new day..." Elrond bows, ready to continue his long speech of compliments.

"Yes yes, Elrond. I know that already," Galadriel rolls her eyes and then looks at Frodo with an intense gaze. "Welcome Frodo Baggins. I have been waiting to see you. You bring great evil."

Frodo's bottom lip starts to tremble and a lone tear roll down his chin. "M- me, Lady? Bu-but, I haven't done anything, I promise. Please don't be angry. " Galadriel watches Frodo, as he cries, with a surprised face.

"Uhum," Elrond says. "Frodo isn't the ring-bearer. You should know that by now..."

"What? Curse these pathetic, lazy, money-eating soldiers! Everytime my eye gets better, they hit it with a vegetable and it goes blind again!" Galadriel touches her meat-covered left eye.

"Her left eye is her magical eye. With it she can see many things," Elrond explains when he notices the Fellowships questioning faces.

"Yes," Galadriel sighs. "I can see that I have missed several important things in the plot. Tell me, who is the ring-bearer."

When no one answers her question Elrond turns his eyes at Gollum. "Now, Gollum. Why don't you answer Lady Galadriel?"

"She's an nasssty elfie. We hatess her," Gollum hisses and shows his tongue at Galadriel.

"Come on Gollum, you've been with an elf all the time. RememberGandalf... and Legolas, sort of," Gimli says.

"Those, precioussss? Well, they are not asssss elf-like as the other elvessss. So we hassss no problem with them," Gollum explains and nods atGandalf andLegolas. Legolasfrowns deeply, wondering if it was an insult.

"Well, let me rephrase myself. Welcome Gollum. I have been waiting to see you. You bring great evil," Galadriel repeats.

"If you wantsss, then we can go away and never return..." When Galadriel glares at Gollum, he wisely keeps his mouth shut.

"I see that the wizard is still with us. I'm glad for that, because I have much to discuss with him," Celeborn says and smiles at Gandalf. Gandalf smiles dumbly and caresses his bow. "Tell me, wizard, will you not take a cup of tea with me?" Celeborn makes a jest with his hand, to show Gandalf that he should follow him.

"Uhum, if you beg me pardon. The wizard is no longer with us," Elrond says and bows his head in sorrow. Frodo sniffles loudly.

Celeborn lifts a questioning eyebrow. "Now it's my time to ask you to beg me pardon, Gandalf is here..."

"Yes, we know."

"What do you mean then by: He isn't with us anymore?"

"He fell in Moria. He battled a Balrog and fell. Well, actually he was dragged down. But it's no different. He is gone. He was a good hobbit."

"What! Hobbit?"

"Yes, Sam was a wizard."

"But Gandalf is a wizard..." Celeborn asks confused.

"No, I'm an elf. Bom, you're dead. Hahaha..."

"Elrond, dearest half-elven. I think you are all a little bit exhausted."

"I'm no half-elven. I'm a hobbit!" Elrond says happily.

Celeborn leans towards his wife. "My love, do we have any madhouses in Lothlorien?"

"Not anythat I know of..."

Celeborn sighs and watches the stupid smiles the Fellowship is wearing and listens to their explanations (I'm a dwarf! I'm an elf! I'm a human! I'm a hobbit!) "I think they will be very tiring guests..."