Title: Old Friends, New Relationships
Chapter Three
By: LizD
Written: Late Summer/Fall 2004
Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew or creators. With love and thanks.
Old Friends, New Relationships
Chapter Three - What IS Behind Door Number Two?
1315 EST
French Bistro
Falls Church, VA
"So, baby doll … how's your love life?"
Mac nearly choked on her tea. "You are asking me?"
Gates loved shocking Mac. "Of course I am asking you. You are the woman IN LOVE and with the MAN OF HER DREAMS … living out one of your harlequin fantasies."
"I wouldn't say …"
"So Harmon THE RABB is not the dream date you thought he would be?" Gates challenged. "The reality is a little bit more like a JOB than an ADVENTURE, eh?"
"Harm and I are fine." Mac stated emphatically, maybe a little too emphatically. "It's you that needs to talk your love life."
"Me?" Gate mocked effrontery. "I have no love life."
"Evidence to the contrary." Mac declared.
"Nothing to tell here, sweet pea." She laughed. "So has the Rabbster popped the question? Or are you two past that?"
"I don't want to talk about Harm and me." Mac stated.
"Why not?" Gates leaned in. "Trouble in paradise? Come on doll, you can tell me – I am a licensed - if not a practicing - psychiatrist"
"We are fine." Mac declared though her eyes shifted and her shoulders slumped enough to let Gates know she was not as sure as she was trying to lead Gates to believe.
Gates noticed. "Fine as in FINE or fine as in fine?" She asked.
"I don't know what the means." Mac waved her away. "What about you and the Gunny?"
"The Gunny?" Gates was thrown. "You mean Vic?" She could not contain her sly smile at the thought of Retired Gunnery Sergeant Victor Galindez.
Mac nodded grateful to have finally gotten her off the subject of Harm.
"Vic is … Vic is … Vic is 110 all American red blooded male …" Her eyes sparkled. "Damn, he knows how to treat a lady … in more ways than six, let me tell you."
"GATES!"
"You asked." She laughed. "I can't believe you worked with him for years and you two never …"
"A little stickler called RANK." Mac reminded her.
"A little stickler call RABB." Gates corrected.
Mac changed the subject again quickly. "I thought you and the Admiral were …"
"AJ?" Gates got a far away look in her eyes. "AJ is … wow … How do I describe him?" … You never hooked up with him either? Jesus, what are you a nun?"
Mac flashed back to the time the admiral almost kissed her. "Rank … chain of command … rules ... regulations."
"Guess that's why I would never have made it in the military." Gates nodded and looked past Mac. "Wow … AJ. He is a man among men … and I know men." She smiled warmly as she thought of him. "He is fascinating, absolutely fascinating. I could listen to him talk about anything … and you know me, getting me to shut up and listen to anyone who isn't paying me is a monumental feat."
"So which one are you dating?" Mac was getting frustrated. These were her friends, her co-workers that Gates was talking about them like … like … well, she was not giving them the respect that Mac wanted her to. They were no pieces of meat.
"Listen to you … what the hell is 'dating'?"
"Gates, these are friends of mine and they are going into business together." She stated seriously. "I don't want you playing one off the other for your own amusement."
"Have you always been such a prude?" Gates asked.
"I am serious." Mac was.
"You are always serious, you need to lighten up a little … boy getting sober sure has popped your balloon."
"What the hell does that mean?"
"It means; you used to be a lot more fun." She reached out to take Mac's hand so she wouldn't pull away – physically or emotionally. "You need to lighten up a little. Try to have some fun in life. Look at me – I have plenty of fun and I'm clean and sober."
It didn't work, Mac pulled away both physically and emotionally.
"Honey, you know I love you." Gates cajoled.
Mac nodded.
"Baby, come on. You have to admit, you are a bit of a control freak."
"I need to be." Mac averted her eyes.
"You needed to be … needed … past tense … Look at you now … a Colonel in the marines, a lawyer and a damned fine one … respected and … and you have been sober for what … eighteen years? I think you have mastered that demon. You can let loose a little on the reins."
Mac shook her head.
"Mac?"
"I fell off a few years back, been sober for six years and five months."
Mac wanted to tell her the number of times she wanted to drink during the aftermath of Sadik Fahd. She wanted to tell her that again it was a struggle every day as she drove past the liquor store or the bar on the way home. It was a struggle when Clay was in her bed, making love to her with alcohol on his breath and a glass on the nightstand. She wanted to tell her if it were not for her being a 'control freak', she would have fallen back off the wagon and there was no telling who or what would have gotten her back on not after all the she suffered at the hands of that man. She wanted to tell her that Harm – his love and acceptance - had eased the struggle, but she was terrified of staying that out loud. She did not want to replace one obsession with another. She didn't want to make Harm responsible for her not drinking. Mac was responsible. Mac was in control.
Gates watched as Mac's face painted with six different shades of pain. She moved closer to her. "Honey, I'm sorry. It was incredibly insensitive of me … and I – of all people - should know better."
Mac nodded and gave her a week smile.
"I want you to be happy, Sarah." She wrapped her arm around her. "I want you to have everything you want and deserve in life. I am so proud of you. Look how far you have come … and from where we started?"
Mac eyes were tearing up.
"Don't you know you are my hero?" Gates said playfully but seriously.
Mac wiped at the tears in her eyes and smiled through them. "If you say I am the wind beneath your wings, I think I will throw up."
"I have always hated that song." She leaned back still keeping her arm around Mac.
"Me too." Mac smiled through her tears.
"Hated that movie … hated that song … hated everything about it." She laughed. "And I love Bette. Hell, I would listen to her do scales."
Mac nodded slightly.
"But you are, darling." Her voice caught. It was Gates' turn to tear up. "You are … I don't how … I can't under-… you are ..."
"What?" Mac had not seen Gates break down like that, not in many years.
"Nothing." She smiled and forced a smile. "I just love you and I have missed so much of you in my life." Gates vainly wiped at her tears. "I'm sorry."
"Sorry for what?" Mac was back; her eyes were dry – well damp.
They were silent for a moment.
"Gates?"
"I never called you back." She burst out. "It was my turn and I never called you back."
Mac shook her head … this was from years ago. "Gates?"
"You called … you were drunk … babbling something about Chris … I think he hit you and you were scared about having a baby with him … he was too much like your father … it was all you talked about when you were drunk ... baby this, and baby that … I didn't call you back."
"I don't remember." Mac has sincerely forgotten how she lost touch with Gates, but had assumed that it was her own fault. Her life was pretty blurry back then.
"I do. … I was so mad … I needed to be mad …mad at everybody … I was mad at you."
"Mad at me?"
She nodded. "I screwed up." She laughed sarcastically. "Literally … I had just found out I was pregnant … I didn't want to get married and have a kid … not that Isaac had any intention of marrying me … I wanted to go to school … I didn't want … I didn't want what you wanted."
"Honey?"
"You were married, I wasn't … you wanted a baby. I didn't. I couldn't ask for your help … I couldn't talk to you … I couldn't deal with you and your needs … I never called you back." She took a deep breath. "I am so sorry."
"Gates, don't … honey … don't … I was so messed up … it took me months to sober up and two years in the marines before I even thought I could call you … call you to apologize … it was my fault … by then I had lost track of you. I'm sorry … I am sorry I wasn't there for you."
They hugged and cried in each other's arms for a moment. Gates finally pulled back. "This is ancient history … we were kids." She pulled a tissue from her purse to wipe her eyes.
"We were kids." Mac confirmed wiping at her own.
"No more apologies … no more living in the past … particularly that past … agreed?"
"Agreed."
They each took a few deep breaths.
"They will never let us back in this place." Gates laughed.
Mac shrugged. "What made you think of that?" Mac asked after a moment.
"Your man Rabb."
"Harm?"
"Asked me how I lost track of you for eighteen years." She laughed and wiped away the last of the tears insuring that her mascara was not running. "I'll give him one thing … he can sure ask some pointed questions."
"He asked you that? When?" Mac was confused.
"A few weeks back … when we met at that Chinese place in Georgetown."
"Right, when he saw you with Victor."
At that Gates laughed out loud. "How can this guy have such deep insight into one thing but be shallow as a pie pan in another?"
"The paradox of Harmon Rabb, Junior." She smirked. "How could he have worked beside me for eight years and not known how I felt about him?" Mac looked like she was making a major point.
"Well, that is easy." Gates laughed. "You're a prude."
"I am not a prude." Mac stated.
"Lady S, you are a prude whose mind is in the gutter. You see me getting to know both AJ and Vic and you assume I am sleeping with them?"
Mac shrugged a yes. "You were practically drooling when you were talking about Gunny and you went to Boston with AJ for two nights."
"And they only have one hotel room in that whole town, right?"
"Well."
"Baby, I may be a little wild ... but this is not the sixties." She smiled. "Free love isn't free anymore … it comes with a blood test and signed affidavits from past lovers … kind of takes the spontaneity out of it."
"Well … I mean … that is not an issue for you or AJ or Vic … and … well … men and women of a certain age …"
"Are we at that age already?" Gates laughed. "I thought I had another decade to go before I was THAT AGE."
"What about Gibbs?"
"Gibbs?" Gates was taken back. "Rabb … need to have a talk with that boy. Maybe he is the prude." She looked back at Mac. "First of all, I am not a red head … Gibbs is a sucker for red heads … thought about dying it for him when we first met, but ... nah, Gibbs and I are old dinner companions." She explained a little more. "I helped him … professionally … with a friend of his about a year ago and we discovered that we liked talking to each other … that is all. We are comrades."
"So you are just having dinner with these men?"
"Dinner, dancing, horseback riding, baseball … AJ said he was going to take me fishing when he gets the cast off his leg and we are going to go scuba diving. Vic is going to teach me how to shoot."
"That's it?"
"Sorry to burst your bubble, babe." She laughed. "To be honest, since you came back into my life, I have more men to chose from than I ever had in the past. Still can't believe you chose Rabb over AJ or Vic."
Mac ignored her last dig on Harm; she was relieved momentarily. "You know they are going to want more. … Eventually they are going to want more."
"Cause I am such a catch?" She thought it was silly.
"You are quite a catch, Gates." Mac confirmed. "What happens then?"
"Not crossing any bridge until I am right in front of it." She waved it away. "Who knows … maybe it won't be an option for me. Did you ever think of that?"
Mac hadn't. It never occurred to her that maybe AJ or Gunny were just in it for the company and would choose to not want to pursue a relationship with Gates. 'Pursue a relationship?' Mac thought. 'My God, I am a prude.'
"So enough about me … tell me ... how is your love life?" Gates stated again.
Mac sighed. Gates was like a dog with a bone, she would force Mac to talk about it.
1623 EST
Roberts Residence
"So, how's your love life, Mac?'
Mac sunk down on to the couch. She could not believe she had to go through that again – and not with Harriet.
"Fine, the question is how are you doing?"
"I am good." She smiled infectiously. "I am great. I missed this staying at home and nesting when I was pregnant before."
"You look healthy."
"I have never been healthier – eating rights, moderate exercise and lots of rest – as much as I can with two boys under my feet."
"That's fantastic." Mac nodded and reached out to gently caress Harriet's swelling stomach. "Do you know yet, boys or girls?"
"We are going to wait to find out." She leaned into keep her voice low. "Honestly … I would love two more little boys, but I think Bud wants a girl and a boy."
Mac nodded.
"What about you Mac? You thinking about having a baby?"
Mac smiled tentatively. "Thinking about it."
"For now?"
"For now." She confirmed.
Harriet was satisfied with the answer and decided to move on. "I am worried about Bud."
"What is going on with him?"
"He hates going to work."
"What? Why?" Mac had to admit she talked to Bud rarely at work anymore, only slightly less than she talked to Harm – at work.
"He doesn't like the new admiral – he thinks that she thinks he is stupid or something."
"Harriet, he has to know that is not true."
"No he doesn't." She looked at Mac quickly. "And he says he can't talk to you or Harm anymore."
"Why not?"
"Well he is either going up against one or the other of you and … he worries."
"He can't think that we would break a confidence." Mac was concerned.
"No, I think he is more worried that he would put one or the other of you in a position where you would have to keep something from the other."
"That is just silly." Mac stated.
Harriet shrugged. Sometimes Bud was silly.
"You have to know that nothing has changed for us - professionally."
Harriet shrugged. "Bud knows that but he wouldn't want to be the cause of anything to come between you two."
"Harriet, Harm and I are professionals and we can distinguish between work and … and … and not work." She nodded. "We are fine."
"Are you?"
"We are." Mac reached out and pressed Harriet's hand.
"Mac, you two don't look fine."
Mac was taken aback.
"Honestly – I am telling you this as a friend, as someone who knows and loves both of you … you two look … flat. Like all the air has gone out of you."
"What?" Mac defended. "That is just not true."
"Mac, there was more spark between you at the fourth of July picnic where you two said less than three words to each other than there has been in the last several weeks."
2020 EST
Rabb Residence
North of Union Station
"We'll need to file the brief --." Harm was in mid-sentence when he opened the door to see Mac standing on the other side.
"Hi." Mac said quickly realizing that he was not alone.
"Hi." He answered with a private smile he used only for her.
"Colonel." Came Carroll Clarks voice from the dining room.
"Lieutenant." Mac nodded to the Lt JG.
Carroll Clark was in a t-shirt and jeans – rephrase – a TIGHT t-shirt and jeans with her hair down. She was sitting at Harm's dining room table with files, law books and dirty dishes from dinner spread out in front of her.
Harm was still in the uniform of the day (same as Mac) except his tie had been loosened slightly. "We were just finishing up, come in." He stepped back to let her in.
"I don't want to interrupt." Mac needed to pretend like she was expected. "I can come back, or we could do this tomorrow." She didn't want to let the JG think she just showed up willy-nilly. She did not look to Harm to give her an excuse, but she hoped that he would be smart enough to do it on his own.
"No, no, right on time. Come in, come in. The lieutenant and I were just wrapping things up. Can I make you some tea?" He was good – casual and clear. Nothing telegraphed, nothing that could be misinterpreted by his protégée. He was not giving anything away and he was keeping his lies simple … the first rule in any collusion.
"We had to work late." Carroll explained. "Harm cooked us dinner … it was fabulous … lobster ravioli."
Harm smiled at Mac. Dinner was leftovers. He had made the lobster ravioli for Mac two nights ago after they put Mattie on the train. It was actually their first quiet dinner together in weeks. It was a very romantic evening … they were celebrating him getting his cast off early. They got a good jump on the physical therapy that his arm would need.
"The commander is an excellent cook." Mac smiled at Carroll again not trying to imply anything other than this chick was not the first person Harm had cooked for.
"OK … lieutenant." Harm said. "Proceed with what we talked about and I will catch up with you tomorrow morning after the interview."
"I would like to join you for the interview." She said with a little too much sugar on her tongue.
Harm started closing the law books and folders and organizing the mess on the table. "We will need to divide our efforts if we are to be ready for court the following morning."
Still Carroll was not moving.
"Thank you for working late this evening, I will try not to make a habit of it." He was dismissing her as politely as he could.
Carroll finally stood and stretched … displaying her … shall we say 'wares'? "I don't mind … I have a lot to learn … about more than cooking."
Harm nodded.
Lieutenant JG Carroll Clark had a hell of a lot more than 'a lot' to learn … she had to learn it all. If Harm were asked, he would have said she hadn't cracked a book all through law school. Working with her was worse than a nightmare, but he was trying … he was trying to do what was expected, to not rock the boat and to not draw any attention to himself. Why? That didn't sound like the Harmon Rabb we have come to know and love. So why? He was doing it for Mac … so they could continue to work together … well at least work in the same office even if they weren't really working together.
All they were able to have in the past few weeks were chance meetings in the break room, the occasional lunch and then there were the few times that they had the opportunity to go head-to-head in the courtroom. He liked that best. At least then he was sitting three feet away from her, he could look at her, talk around her and he could try to out think her. It was a weird kind of foreplay (in Harm's mind) to spend his days trying to think like she thought and to think of ways to beat her. He had to admit that the more intimate knowledge he had of her both helped and hurt his abilities as a lawyer. He knew her moves better and could anticipate them, however he became distracted – at times - listening to an argument she was making and missed an objection or two. It would be a little bit of a struggle, but he was up for it.
They kept their courtroom life and their private life separate … almost to a fault. Harm did not talk about his JG and she did not talk about hers. They did not comment – in the off hours – about the new policy and procedures. They were going out of their way to make it work. All it severed to do was water down the work they were doing and sadly it watered down most of everything else too.
The kettle whistled to tell all that the water was hot. Mac reached over and took it off the burner and he opened the door for Clark.
"Good night." He stated clearly. "Thanks again for working late."
"Good night colonel." She nodded to Mac. "Good night Harm." She smiled and left.
Harm watched her go and closed the door behind her. Without giving her a second thought he turned his attention again to clearing the table. "How are you?" He asked casually.
Mac had watched the whole exchange. "She likes you … Haaarrrm." She let his name roll off her lips as Carroll just had – well a little more emphatically.
"Huh?" Harm was not listening.
"She is flirting with you."
"Is she?" He really hadn't paid any attention to the female wiles of Lt JG Carroll Clark.
"Yes Harm." She said loudly. "You need to be careful."
He looked back at her. "Why? I haven't done anything wrong."
"Nor do I expect that you will … but she is prepared to pick up any crumb you drop." She nodded.
He shook his head. She was overreacting.
"You might want to keep this little mentorship at the office." She warned.
He smiled broadly at her. "Jealous?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"You want me to be jealous of that little piece of fluff?"
"I just want to know why you aren't." His eyes flashed playfully.
"Because I trust you?" She offered.
He shook his head and dumped the dishes in the sink.
"Because I know you well enough to know that you are not going to throw your career away on a fraternization charge with some blonde-haired blue-eyed playmate of the month who batted her lashes at you."
He leaned against the counter and folded his arms across his chest. Still not the answer he was looking for.
"Because you know that if you did do anything with Lieutenant JG Malibu Barbie I would slice you into little pieces and feed you to my fish."
He laughed. "You don't have any fish."
"I would get some just to feed you to them."
"Just so long as you aren't jealous." He smiled and went back to doing the dishes.
"Tea?" She asked still waiting for him.
"Sure … water is hot." He nodded to the kettle.
Mac finally felt it. She was no longer a guest in the house. Now she was making her own tea. At least she wasn't darning socks yet.
A little while later Mac was sitting on the couch checking her messages and Harm had finished cleaning the kitchen and tidying up the dining room table. He came over and sat down in the chair next to her. It had still not been revealed why Mac was there, but in Harm's mind she didn't need a reason to come over at any time of day or night. So there was no reason to ask. The fact that Mattie was out of town meant she was staying all night – at least he assumed she would stay all night.
He was making notes in a file.
Mac was still retrieving her messages. "Had some weird conversations today." She said casually.
Mac was still processing Gates' questions Gates. It hadn't ended with 'How was your love life?' With Gates it never ended with one direct question. Mac had to admit that the situation she found herself in was not what she had expected. Then Harriett swooped in and – popped her balloon (sorry). Was it a plot? Was it a plan? Was it just a coincidence? Was Venus aligned with Mars? What was the real answer? How was Mac and Harm's love life?
So how was their love life?
Honestly? They had fallen back into a version of their friendship mode. It was better than it ever had been but it was also – dare I say routine. They ran together every morning and spoke on the phone (if they couldn't be together) the last thing every night. The got together as often as time and work would allow for dinner or whatever. They were doing what a normal working couple would do.
But HOW were they doing?
Personally their discussion topics were limited. Often Mattie was around which naturally and expectedly cramped their private time. However, she helped more than she hurt. They found that they agreed about a lot of the parental decisions and they liked being together as a family unit – it opened some doors that otherwise would have been left closed. So that took care of the present. Neither one was comfortable talking about the past as yet (still too many wounds to heal, explanations to be given and apologies to be exchanged) – not to mention – the past was past, both wanted to move on. The future was still a little too scary to discuss. There were next logical steps to come to terms about (marriage, kids, living arrangements, duty stations) but they would be HUGE steps. This time was for baby steps and maintaining the status quo. They were getting their bearings. That's what they asked for. Time to get their bearings. (Be careful what you wish for.)
The big problem – rather biggest (as not to imply that it was a HUGE or insurmountable problem just something that needed to be addressed) was that they were trying so hard at the office to NOT reveal their personal connection that their personal connection suffered. It was understood that the admiral didn't like idle chit chat at work. There was very little of a personal nature – for anyone – discussed within the hallowed walls of JAG anymore. No laughing, no playful banter, no respectfully submitted dissenting opinions, no sharing of information nor any casual consultations between attorneys related to current cases or investigations. It was all pretty dry. Most of the attention was focused on the JGs. They were the admiral's pet project. Her teacher side was showing through and flavoring the office. They were also swamped. Down two attorneys spread them all pretty thin. So there you have it. A lot of work, very little time to process or play together and overcompensating was their biggest problem.
"With whom?" He didn't look up.
"Huh?" She asked.
"With whom did you have these weird conversations?" He was still making notes in a file.
She didn't answer. She was listening to a message and making notes. "I need to return a couple of these." She said putting down her phone.
He looked up. The SOP for that comment was for the other person to excuse himself or herself. "Ok. I'll go take a shower." He folded his file and got up.
She grabbed his hand before he could get too far away. "Hey." She smiled playfully at him.
He leaned down and kissed her. "Hi … I'm glad you came by."
"Me too."
He stroked her cheek and retreated toward the bedroom.
"For the record." She called after him.
"Yeah." He looked back at her.
"You are going to have to seriously make up to me."
"Oh really … why is that?"
"You fed my leftovers to another woman."
His smile could not be contained. "Funny … I already had a plan for that … was plotting it since I pulled the tupperware out of the fridge."
"I see." She laughed.
"You will indeed." He nodded toward her phone. "How long do you need?"
"Five minutes."
"Five minutes it is."
True to Mac's word she was done in four minutes and forty-seven seconds.
Typical for Harm, he was out of the shower in fifteen.
That gave Mac ten minutes to think … to think and reflect … to think and reflect and formulate some questions … to think, reflect, formulate questions and start an agenda.
He came out of the bathroom with the towel wrapped around him whistling some damn tune that Mattie had been playing over and over.
Mac was seated cross-legged on the bed. She had changed into shorts and had a folder in front of her.
"Thought you were done for the night." He stated drying his hair with a clean towel.
"I am done with work."
"So what is that?" He gestured toward the file.
"Something we need to discuss."
"Discuss?" He turned away. "Can it wait until tomorrow?"
"No." She was firm. "We need to deal with this tonight."
"Oh?"
"This isn't working for me, Harm."
End of Chapter Three
