Title:I don´t want to be me! I want to be you!

Summary: A couple of men aren't happy with themselves and would like tohave a go at being someone else.Let's let Gandalf and all the others try another life. Do you think Gandalf will do a good job being Legolas? Mix in a Stone door with a tragic past, a forgetful Balrog and soldiers on strike. The result is a Lord of The Rings Cake!

Disclaimer: I don´t own anything in this story. Well, except for a couple of the Ents, and the Stone door and… This is my first fanfiction. .

NOTE TO READERS: I'M LOOKING FOR A BETA READER! IF YOU'RE INTERESTED AND BETTER IN ENGLISH GRAMMAR THAN I, PLEASE LET ME KNOW! YOU CAN FIND MY EMAIL ON MY BIO PAGE.

No, no,no... The Fellowship haven't changed bodies! They're just pretending to be someone else, like role-play.


Aragorn...Gollum

Boromir...Pippin

Pippin...Elrond

Merry...Gimli

Sam...Gandalf

Frodo...Boromir

Legolas...Aragorn

Gimli...Sam

Gandalf...Legolas

Gollum...Frodo

Elrond...Merry


Galadriel watches Merry sleep. She eyes the sun and then bends down. "Time to wake up, my dear hobbit."

"No... Mum... No school... Five minutes more..." the hobbit mumbles.

Galadriel turns around. "Haldir, wake him up..." She frowns lightly when she doesn't see him anywhere. "Right, being on strike. Do I have to do all the dirty work?" she sighs. "Umm... Merry breakfast is ready..."

"I'm up. I'm awake. I'm ready."

Galadriel smiles slightly. "Time to wake and embrace the new day. See the clouds, see the sun, feel the wind, hear... "

"AAAAAHH! The elf-witch! The dreadful, dangerous, manipulating..." Merry screams and pulls back.

"Gee, you sure can give compliments..."

Merry screaming voice suddenly becomes softer as he for the first time sees the Lady (When the Fellowship met her the evening before he hid behind Gimli, not daring showing himself, so that she couldn't use her magic on him. He really likes his eyes.) "... magical, wonderful, beautiful, sweet elf...

"It is good to see you awake," Galadriel states and nods, watching Merry's admiring face.

"It is good to be awake. Uhum, do you hear the birds sing, my lady?"

Galadriel smiles a little broader. "Yes...?"

Merry grasps her hand and looks deeply into her eyes. "Their most beautiful song can't match with your honey filled voice. The sunrays can't match with the golden hair of yours..."

"Oh, dear."

"Alright," Celeborn waves his hand. "You thought it would be nice to have a change, so you chose to play a game. You're an elf, you're a dwarf and you're a hobbit?" The Fellowship nods to Celeborn's question. "My,my... And my daughter wondered why we didn't want her to marry Elrond..."

Elrond glares at his father-in-law.

"Your skin is like milk and smooth as silk..." Merry runs lightly behind Galadriel, who is approaching the Fellowship with long steps.

"How's it going here?" Galadriel asks her husband.

"Just peeeerfect. Our son-in-law just told me about their little... game... Tell me, my beloved, what, oh what have we done to deserve this kind of son- in-law?"

"I don't know... I don't know... But I have some business with the ring- bearer, if Gollum would follow me?"

"No, Gollum wouldn't like to follow nassssty elf-witchie, thank you," Gollum says and crosses his arms with a defiant look.

"Come come. It's important."

"No."

"Please if you would follow me, I would show you the future, past or maybe the present..." she taunts.

"If nasssty elfie-witchie wantsss to show usss the future, passst or maybe the present she can show us it here."

"DAMN IT YOU SLIMY BASTARD! I CAN'T SHOW IT TO YOU HERE BECAUSE MY MAGICAL EYE IS HURT! I'll take you to my mirror... My eye is not well," Galadriel screams and starts to cry. Celeborn wraps his arms around her and glares darkly at Gollum. Suddenly he feels a tap on his shoulder.

"Excuse me, mister Celeborn. That happens to be my girlfriend you are embracing..."

Celeborn turns his head, only to see Merry stand there with crossed arms and glaring eyes. "Is she? Well, I'm so sorry but she's my wife," Celeborn states exactly as coldly as Merry. They stand there glaring at each other for a moment. Galadriel cries harder.

"My love! Look what you did! You made her even more upset by not letting her boyfriend comfort her!" Merry shouts and elbows Celeborn away from Galadriel. "So, so my love. I'm here. I won't let that evil elf come between us," Merry comforts and drags her down to his height.

Galadriel looks up with an alarmed face. "What? My love? I'm sorry, but I'm married..."

"Sssch," Merry whispers and places a finger on Galadriel's lips. "You don't have to pretend anymore. Your husband knows about us. We can express our feelings openly now, finally. I've been waiting for this moment..."

"Excuse me, but I haven't even known you for a day!"

"I know, my love. It was love at first sight."

"Haldir! Come and take this madman away from me!" Galadriel shouts. No Haldir comes. She pries Merry's arms away from her. "Gollum, you're coming with me," Galadriel says and grabs Gollum's arm.

"NO, NO! Let usss go! Let usss go! Filthy elfie kiddnapperses poor Smeagol!" Gollum shouts while Galadriel drags him away.

"Now, my dear Gollum. It is time to... look into your future, past or present," Galadriel says while she drags the struggling creature towards her mirror.

"Well, what'sss that? A birdbath? Iss there tasssty birdies bathing? Tassty birdies..." Gollum asks, his interest aroused.

"It's not a birdbath. It's my magic mirror."

"We can ssee just fine. It'sss a birdbath."

"It's a mirror."

"It'sss a birdbath."

"Mirror."

"Birdbath."

"Mirror."

"Birdbath."

"Mirror."

"Birdbath."

"MIRROR!"

"Isss we getting on your nerve?" Gollum smiles wickedly. "Birdbath, birdbath, birdbath, birdbath..."

"HALDIR!"


Meanwhile...

Celeborn and Merry glare at each other. Gandalf watches the two beings with a smile on his lips. "Excuse me, sir. I have a nice bow. And an nice arrow..."

Celeborn turns his head and looks at Gandalf's bow. He bites his bottom lip in deep thought. "Tempting, tempting..."

"CELEBORN! He insulted my birdbath... Look what he made me do! My mirror, my mirror," Galadriel throws herself into her husband's arms. Celeborn glances, over Galadriel's shoulder, at Gollum; who sings "birdbath, birdbath, birdbath" and jumps around.

"Sssch my love... It's all right... Your love is here..." he whispers loudly, so that Merry canhear it.

Merry glares and looks around for Gandalf. "Gandalf. Give me that bow," he demands.

"Give my bow? No," Gandalf says sourly.

"But you offered your bow to Celeborn..." Merry pleads.

"No, I didn't. I only told him that I have a much nicer bow and arrow than he."

Galadriel's scream interrupts them. "I want Haldir! This has been the most horrible four days! I had to wake a hobbit. I had to drag Gollum with me! I had to pour tea in my own cup! I had to find my pink slippers! I didn't find them, I had to take my blue!"

"Excuse me Lady," Frodo says. "But I found these, and I thought that I could keep them. They are so comfortable..." he explains and points at his slipper covered feet.

"Where did you find them?" Galadriel asks and stares with tears in her eyes at her beloved pink slippers.

"They weren't put away, if you mean. Anybody could've taken them. If they would've broken a lock to your private bedroom, stole your box and picked the lock. Anybody could've done it."

Galadriel takes the pink slippers from Frodo and puts her feet into them. Tears appear in her eyes again. "They are to big."

"Well, I have bigger feet than you..."

Tears start to roll down from Galadriel's face. "My slippers," she whispers. "HALDIR! Where are you! Lock that horrible creature in the darkest cell!"

"We don't have cells..."

"Buhuuu!" Galadriel cries.

"Maybe we can shrink them..." Frodo suggests.

"OUT! OUT! Out from my home!"

Elrond frowns lightly. "Or what? How are you two going to get rid of us? We're eight, you're two. I don't think we'll be leaving yet. We're still tired."

"Please go, I will give presents. Here wait a minute," Galadriel pleads and then turns around and runs towards the house. After a minute she comes back. "Here to you a new bow," she says and gives Gandalf a beautiful bow.

"Thank you my Lady," he thanks and admires the bow.

"To you two, knifes," she offers Boromir and Elrond two small knifes. "To you," she says. "To you... You're supposed to be Aragorn?" Legolas nods. "Well, in that case. My granddaughter has given you her heart. I can give you no greater gift," Galadriel smiles. "You're supposed to be Sam, a gardener. Am I right? So I will give you this. In this small box there is a magical powder that will make things grow," she explains and gives Gimli the box. "To you, I will give this vial. In it is the light of the brightest star of my people. It will shine when darkness is as dark as it can be and it will give you hope," she gives Gollum the vial. "And what can I give you?" she asks Merry.

"My love, the only thing I want is you."

"Sorry, no can do. Anything else?"

"A kiss?"

"Nope."

"Not even a small one?"

"No."

"Then give me three hairs. I will cherish them like my heart."

Galadriel glances at Celeborn, who nods. "As you wish." She gives Merry what he asked for.

"Mine, my own, my precious..." Merry whispers.

"Now can you go?" Galadriel pleads.

"Hey I want a better gift!" Legolas shouts.

"Arwen has given you... or Aragorn... or you... her heart. I can give nothing greater."

"Well, duh. I don't want it!"

"Do you insult my granddaughter? How dear you! HALDIR!"

"I don't want any of this stupid powder," Gimli grunts.

"But, but my Lady? Don't I get anything?" Frodo asks and starts to cry.

"Filthy elfie magic! Burns our handsss! Curse them! Curse them!" Gollum screams.

"We're not leaving before we get something else," Legolas states and crosses his arms.

Celeborn watches the whole scene; the crying Frodo, the mad Legolas and Gimli, the screaming Gollum, the goofy smiling Merry and Gandalf, the disappointed looking Elrond and Boromir and the Haldir screaming Galadriel. Celeborn thinks for a minute. "That does it!" he states and walks away. "Haldir. I know you can hear me. Come out. We'll double your salary."

"Double it one more time," the answer comes from a tree.

"What! That's robbery!"

"Not then."

"Alright, come out." Celeborn is defeated. Haldir and every guard steps forward wearing victorious smiles. "Now, get my son-in-law and his company out of the woods!"

"Yes, sir!" The guards grab the Fellowship by their arms and drag them to the river Anduin and throw them into boats. They push the grey boats into the water and watch as the Fellowship sails away.

"Thank Valar it's over," Celeborn sighs.

"Yes," Galadriel agrees. "Haldir, where have you been. You have lots of things to do..." Galadriel starts to tell Haldir everything he has to do.

"Ungrateful elves. For all we did to them," Gimli mutters.

Gollum throws the vial of Galadriel into the river. "No more filthy elfie- magic."

"That, that... There's no curse that could describe that thief," Gandalf says to no one and everyone and stares at the elves that are standing there watching the boats sail away.

"What did he do to you?"Frodo asks.

"That blond elf, the one everyone calls Haldir. He took my new bow," Gandalf says slowly and raises his old bow.

"Oh dear."

"...After you've done that, my wardrobe needs some tidying..." Galadriel explains to Haldir, who is holding Gandalf's new bow. It's a really nice one and Haldir needs a new.

Twang

For perhaps the first time in Gandalf's life, he actually hits the target. Haldir stares at his own arm. Blood flows from it. He can't stand to see his own blood. He faints.

"Haha! He's dead! I killed him!"

The Fellowship laughs, unaware that they are being followed by someone...


"Stupid bastards... Leaving me there with a bounce of orcs. With a hangover. Tried to eat me. If I ever get my hands on them I promise I'll kill them. They won't get away from this. I won't ever touch anything with alcohol, ever. What's that?" Aragorn mutters and picks the vial up. "Looks like something you can drink..." Aragorn opens the vial and takes a sip. "Mmmm," he mumbles and continues to drink. Our dear Aragorn has become the light in the darkest dark and Gollum's hope.
TBC

Sorry that this chapter wasn't that good. I haven't had time to write something better. IP promise to try to make the next chapter better. One thing: Reviews please