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Chapter Four!

Okay, so after two months, here it is! I'm so sorry, it's just STAR WARS EPPIE III is coming out, and I've been spending all my waking and non-waking hours obsessed. I'm a total SW fan. I used to be really into, but then went anti-geek. Now I am back with a vengeance! So don't expect any updates for a while, cuz I'm kinda brain dead. Any plot bunnies would be welcome!

Thanks Christy! Love those reviews!

Depression, Isolation, Death, and Rebirth

November 24th, 1977

I haven't written in forever. I'm only writing today because it's thanksgiving. But sadly, I don't have all hat much to be thankful for. My mother is dead, my father is withdrawn, and I… I'm in terrible shape. I am thankful that Riles and Lils are there for me, always, regardless of the crisis. Lily has started seeing James by the way. Riley did it all on her own. I did nothing to help. The only thing I ever do is school assignments, read textbooks, and eat. (Barely) Lily keeps trying to psychoanalyze me, and tell me that I should see Madame Pomphrey for some anti-depressants. Screw that. There is absolutely nothing wrong with me. I've just grieving, that's all.

Emmeline

January 13th, 1978

It feels so good to write again. I'm sorry that I haven't been. It's just, I've have been so depressed. I know I said I didn't like my mum, but now that she is gone I know just how much she meant to me. Everywhere I go, even the simplest things remind me of her. So I'll be out at Hogsmeade and see a particular bracelet, or smell a certain scent, and I'll start crying because that's what she smelled like, or she had that piece of jewelry. All I can think about is all the bad things I've ever said to her; how many times I've said I hated her, how many times I told her I was sick of living in her household. I think about how many times I made her cry. I'm drowning in a sea of sadness and guilt. It's almost as if it was my fault that Voldemort killed her. It hurts to think about it, but I guess I have to get it out.

I'm doing better, I really am. Yeah, I still mope around and stuff, but I'll be doing that for a long time. My mother will never get to see me graduate Hogwarts, get married, or any of those thing. I get really sad thinking of it. But it's okay to be sad.

Oh. My. Gods. I sound like Lily. HELP! If I sound like Lils, I sound like a shrink. Which is not good, not good, and VERY NOT GOOD.

There we go, I'm starting to sound like my old self.

Speaking of my old self, I met this really nice guy. His name is Benji. Benji Fenwick. I spend a lot of time with him. NOT LIKE THAT. I mean, as just friends. REALLY. Riley doesn't believe me, but of course, that's Riles. Erm, I've gotta disappear for a while. I'm in Transfiguration. You know McGonnagal.

Later

Was just assaulted by Benji's sister, Kae. I really don't know why, though. I mean, I was just walking along in the corridor, doing nothing. Well, actually, I was looking for a suit of armor to enchant, but… that is entirely beside the point. All of a sudden, Kae pops up from behind the one I was going to charm. She starts this big long lecture and then bloody well PUNCHES ME IN MY EYE! What is up with that?

Booty. That is so booty.

Sigh.

It almost reminds me of when Lils first started to date James. That guy was on fucking cloud nine! But his twin sister, erm… Lizzie, wasn't. Her and Lily got in a FIGHT! Think, perfect Head Girl Lily Evans, IN A FIGHT! Ha. Good times, good times.

Anywho, I have to go see Madame Pomphrey. I can't see out of my left eye. BAH.

I'm outie.

. Emme .

January 15th, 1978

Happy New Year! I kind of forgot to mention it earlier. Sorry. I guess it kind of slipped my mind.

Oops.

He. Hee…

Yeah. So. Today is really blah. It's one of those tasteless days, you know? If it really had a taste it would taste like tofu. Which, as everybody knows, HAS NO TASTE ONCE SO EVER. What is the point of a tasteless food? I mean, hello? Whatever.

Anyway.

It's like I look around, and everything is just… gray. There isn't a bit of life to anything at all. Everyone is moping around and looking like a bunch of lost puppies. (all except the Slytherins.) At first, I didn't have a clue as to why. Then Lils showed me the Prophet.

(I'm pasting the article)

Mass Attack on Wizarding community of Ròiseal.

Late last night, Death Eaters whose identities are unknown created a great disturbance in the Wizarding village of Ròiseal, off the coast of Ireland. The sleeping citizens awoke to the sound of explosions, the smell of smoke, and the feel of danger that hung in the air. The town was quickly set fire to, and the Death Eaters took hostage of a few families. Others were brutally murdered outside the town and left on the great, once green hills. Many bodies were found mutilated and beyond recognition. Some of the several hostage families were among the following.

The Burns Family

Katrina, 34 and Patrick, 38. Daughters Emily (14), and Sarah (12).

The Winston Sisters

Maria (50) andAislinn (50)

Among other Wizarding families, Muggle ones were taken too.

The death toll right now is around 500 people. This is along with the 30 people, wounded.

Why is everyone so intent on killing one another? How long will it take to realize that too many have died? When it is too late? When we are all gone? Innocent children, babies, and senior citizens! Why is mankind so destructive?

Haven't we all suffered enough already? Don't we all deserve some peace?

Emmeline

January 21st, 1978

Sorry about not writing. I've just been so upset about that village. Nobody deserves to die as such. But I have got to stop being like that! Getting monumentally upset over every single thing! Why do I let the little things get to me?

Later

Benji walked in on me crying my heart out in my alcove at the library. I hated him seeing me like that! I hate anybody seeing me like that! Why am I so weak? Of course, nobody else thinks so. But they don't know! They don't know what it's like inside of my mind. It's screaming at me Weak! Worthless! INCAPABLE! It hurts so much.

But anyhow, Benji come up to me and asks me what's wrong. All I could do was look at him and throw my hands up in the air, as if to say 'everything', or 'I don't know, or a million other things. But somehow, he just gets me, you know? He knew what was wrong, when even I didn't. Anyway, after that, he just hugged me. We didn't talk or anything. It was very soothing. I'm so lucky to have a friend like him.

Afterwards, we started to actually USE the library. I had some assignments that I needed to work on. Didn't really get that far on them.

Later,

Emmeline

February 1st, 1978

Everything is happening so fast, it's catching me by surprise. A whirlwind of events, and they're spinning too much, too fast. The days are blending together and it's crazy.

Top Five Most Important Updates

I, Emmeline Vance, am now going 'steady' with Benji Fenwick. (Squeal!)

Lily and James have decided that they are going to get married right out of Hogwarts! (EEEE!)

Severus Snape jumped off a cliff. He died. (I wish!)

RILEY'S GONNA BE AN AUNTIE!

I no longer cry myself to sleep at night. (Hoorah for me.)

Did I mention Benji?

Okay, so they aren't really that important, especially the on about Snape. (considering it didn't happen!) Oh well. I felt like putting it there anyway.

So anyway, about Riley. Her sister, Anya, is having a baby! Anya is so awesome. She loves Lily and I. She said we could be godmothers! I knew I always liked her.

I better get down to breakfast, before I starve.

History of Magic

Oh. My. Gods. Reality has just hit me full force in the face! NEWTS! I have to start studying. I can't fail. Those tests are the very key to my very fucking future. If I screw up, I can kiss my life goodbye!

I am going to actually take notes in this class.

Emmeline

February 3rd, 1978

Study. Study. Study. Study some more.

Zat, that is my new schedule. I wake up, go to breakfast, go to class, in between class I study, after class I go to dinner. Then I study even more. Sometimes, I go out for walks and such with Benji, though. I go to the library with Lily and Riles, too, I guess.

It is official. Emmeline Vivian Vance has no life what so ever. I will start to have a life again after NEWTS. I will. I will. I will.

I must stop repeating words like that. I really, really must.

THERE I GO AGAIN!

Total grrness.

Laters,

EVV

February 7th, 1978

We went to Hogsmeade today! I squealed… a lot.

HehE!

Anywho, it went like this. (Ahem!)

Lily, Riles, and I got into the same carriage. We had a barrel of monkeys, did we ever! It felt real nice to not study. We were talking about Riles being an aunt, and it slipped into names. Riles started to tease Lily bout' James and her having a kid. SHE TURNED BEET RED! Hee-larious. As we got off the carriages, Lily stared talking about what she would name her kids. She's got some pretty mundane names. If she ever had girls, they'd be Alison, Katie, or Maria. If she had boys, they'd be Harry, William, or Jack.

"Those are like, everywhere." Riles said.

"Are not!" Lily shot back.

"Are too!"

"Are not!"

"Are too!"

"STOP!" I yelled, and they all looked at me. "Riles, what would you name your kids?"

Riley looked at us blankly for a moment and then scratched her head.

"I'd name my kids, if they were girls, Tisiphone or Katerin. If my kids were boys I probably name them either Elijah or Reese."

"Isn't Reese spelled R-E-E-S-E, like the candy?" I asked. Lil and Riles laughed at me. LAUGHED!

"So, Emmy, what would you call your mutant offspring?" Riles asked, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"Erm, Um…" I started, unsure. "I like the name, for girls, Jalila, Sofia, Katya, and Gabriella. For boys, I think that the names Mordred, Jonathan, Matthias, and Vladimir are cool."

Lily and Riles just looked at me like I crazy. Frowning, I glared at them.

"Fine, be that way!" I shouted in fake anger, and walked off. I could hear them laughing behind them, and flashed them a smile. I made my way towards the Three Broomsticks, to meet Benji.

"Hey babe," said a voice from behind me, and I felt arms snake around my waist. Benji leaned down and nuzzled my neck, causing me to giggle. Him doing this reminded me of how much I loved him. I was so lucky to have a guy like him. I could be so very worse off.

Anyway, we headed into the Three Broomsticks and got some butterbeer. It was nice to simply spend some time with him, you know?

"Come on," I said. "I wanna go to Quality Quidditch Supplies."

"Do we have to?" he whined, and I laughed. I loved how he made me laugh.

"Yes, we have to." I said. "I have to get myself some new wax, I'm all out."

"You want to buy broom wax while on our date?"

"Yes."

After that, we headed down to the Shrieking Shack, and made out. Quite nice, really. Then we had to go. BAH. But overall, it was a rockin' day. Now, I have to sleep before I pass out and spill my ink.

Catch ya on ze flip side!

Emmeline

April 12th, 1978

Okay, so once again I have gone ages without writing! I'm sorry! It's this whole NEWTS thing! I have to study, and drum all this stuff into my head, and look at potential careers! It's aggravation, and time consuming, and horrible.

OH MY GODS! I am about to divulge some super secret info. Benji and me made it. Had sex. It was amazing. I'll spare you, and try to describe it. He says we'll marry after the war is over.

Emmeline

June 3rd, 1978

Great Lady Fate! It's graduation tonight. This is my last day at Hogwarts as a student. I cannot believe it. This is the last time I have to try not to laugh when Flitwick sits on his dictionaries to see over his desk, or see the Marauders hex Snape. It's all so unbelievable.

Once again, I am SO FUCKING SORRY I haven't written. There just isn't enough time in a day. Exams were last week, and I was so busy cramming. (Like crazy!) I completely skipped the month of May.

I have to go see Dumbledore. He wants a word with me. He can't have found out that I put a charm on myself and beat up Malfoy while I was invisible! He can't have.

Later

Dumbledore didn't find out about Malfoy. Though I know he suspects me. But after all the times I've beat the shit out of Lucius Malfoy, why wouldn't he?

My dear old headmaster has started an Order that fights Voldemort. It is so secretive that not even the Ministry knows about it. He asked me (along with Lily, Sirius, Remus, James, Peter, Benji, Riley, and some other people) to join it. Some of us declined (such as Riles), but I said yes. Voldemort killed my mother. He deserves to have his ass kicked good, and I want to be there to see it.

I have to get ready for the ceremony. Under my robes I'm wearing my favorite black slacks, and navy signet top. I cannot believe it! I'm graduating Hogwarts!

Emmeline