Title: I don't want to be me! I want to be you!

Summary: Let's let Gandalf and all the others try another life. Do you think Gandalf will do a good job being Legolas? Mix in a Stone door with a tragic past, a forgetful Balrog and soldiers on strike. The result is a Lord of The Rings Cake!

Disclaimer: I don´t own anything in this story. Well, except for a couple of the Ents, and the Stone door and… This is my first fanfiction

Abig thanks to my beta, The Lady of Mirkwood!


Aragorn...Gollum

Boromir...Pippin

Pippin...Elrond

Merry...Gimli

Sam...Gandalf

Frodo...Boromir

Legolas...Aragorn

Gimli...Sam

Gandalf...Legolas

Gollum...Frodo

Elrond...Merry


"Ha! I told you that I can hit my target!" Gandalf screams and runs down the hill, jumping a few times. He stops at Merry's unmoving body. "Hey! Wake up! Look! I showed him that I can hit my target! It's time to celebrate! Bring forth the champagne!" Gandalf shouts happily and bends down. "Merry?" he asks uncertainly and shakes Merry lightly. "Merry, wake up. I want you here beside me," he says softly. He pokes Merry in his side with his index finger, draws himself backwards, places his hands on his head and shuts his eyes, waiting for Merry to burst out laughing. Merry is very ticklish. Gandalf slowly opens his eyes and looks at Merry. Merry lies unmoving. Reality hits him. If an arrow hits you, you are likely to die. "No, Merry. No! Don't leave me. Don't leave me! Wake up. I need you here," Gandalf pleads while tears stream down his face. "Please, I didn't mean to. It was a joke," Gandalf says. He looks up from Merry, "Legolas." He runs over to Legolas, "Legolas! You have to help me, I think Merry is dead. Legolas?" Gandalf's legs don't seem to have the strength to keep him up, so he falls down beside Legolas. "BY THE VALAR! WHAT HAVE I DONE!"

"What has happened?"

"Don't you see? I've killed them!"

"Really?"

"Yes!" Gandalf shouts.

"Are you sure?"

"Never been more sure."

"Well, that's strange. I've never been the smartest, but I feel very alive. But, if you say I'm dead, then you're probably right. What a pity. I rather enjoyed being alive. Oh well, I'd better go back and lie still, then."

"Yes, I think that's the thing dead people do..." Gandalf answers.

"Yeah. It was nice knowing you."

"Couldn't agree more."

"Oh, while I remember it, could you please tell Boromir that he can keep the carrot. That is, if he's alive. If he's not, don't bother following him. I can tell him myself. I really don't have a use for a carrot in my current condition. It would only rot, and I don't like wasting food."

"I will tell him. Don't worry," Gandalf answers.

"Okay, thanks. Bye."

"Bye, bye."

Merry lies down.

"..." Gandalf says and stares forward. He turns around, looks at Merry, turns away, turns around again to look at Merry, only to turn away again. "No, I must've imagined."

"Blasted rock! It digs into my stomach! Can't decent people be dead in peace?" Merry throws the stone away.

Gandalf blinks rapidly and feels the stone hit him. "MERRY! YOU'RE ALIVE!" he screams, then jumps up and runs to Merry.

Merry looks at him, confused, "Am I? You just told me that I'm not."

"Don't you know you shouldn't listen to me! Come here, you ol' rascal, give me a hug!"

Merry is swept up into Gandalf's arms and is almost squashed. "What "about "Legolas?" Merry breathes.

"Yes, what about me?" Legolas asks and glares at Gandalf, tapping one foot.

"Legolas!" Gandalf exclaims and drops Merry ("Ouch!") to the ground. He runs to Legolas, lifts him up and twirls around, "I'm so happy!" Suddenly he stops and drops Legolas. He stands still, his face impassive. Soon he starts to grin, "Ha! I TOLD YOU I CAN HIT MY TARGET!"

"So you did hit your target, I presume," Legolas says, lifting an eyebrow.

"Yes!"

"So, in other words, you hit your targets, the targets being Merry and me."

"Yes!" Gandalf shouts happily. Slowly, Gandalf starts to understand what he just said, his grin fades." mean, no."

"Do you mean: No, Merry and I weren't the targets, or no, you didn't hit your targets."

"Yes!"

Legolas watches Gandalf for awhile, then smacks him on the head. "Idiot."

"So, our friends aren't alive then," Legolas states, looking at the still smoking pile.

"Doesn't seem so," Merry says and watches it also.

"Was that really necessary?" Gandalf asks grumpily and massages his sore head.

"Yes," Legolas says.

"Indeed," Merry agrees.

"I feel very left out," Gandalf grumps.

"Good."

"Indeed," Merry agrees.

"You're mean, do you know that?" Gandalf asks grumpily.

"Good."

"Indeed," Merry agrees.

"I don't like you anymore."

"Good. I don't like you."

"Indeed," Merry agrees.

"Merry!" Gandalf shouts. "Do you really mean that? If you mean that, I'm going to be very sad," Gandalf sniffles.

"Good," Legolas says.

"Indeed," Merry agrees.

"Fine," Gandalf spits, walks away and sits down on the ground, his back facing Merry. He looks into the forest and sees to his surprise an orc, lying at the edge of it. Gandalf walks over to it and, to his utter surprise, he sees a pair of footprints leading into the forest. He recognises them. "These are Boromir's and Elrond's. Should I tell the others?" Gandalf questions and looks back at Legolas and Merry. He smiles, "Nah."


"Why are you so happy?" Legolas asks and watches Gandalf jump towards him and Merry, whistling.

"Me? Nothing, nothing."

"Alright," Legolas shrugs and continues to watch the smoking pile.

"Nothing... but a secret."

"Okay," Merry says.

"Don't even try to convince me to tell you," Gandalf says.

"Wasn't even going to," Legolas shrugs.

"Not even your tears would make me tell you."

"I don't mind," Merry shrugs.

"Not even wild horses could make me tell."

"What about tame horses? Or pigs?" Merry asks, interested. "Or mice? Or rabbits"

"Not even they," Gandalf assures, shaking his head.

"Oh. Good for you."

"Whatever you do to torture me doesn't help you."

"Why would we do that? We're not interested," Legolas states.

"Alright! Alright! You can stop pleading! I will tell you! Geez, you people are nosy!" Gandalf exclaims and lifts his hands up. "Elrond and Boromir are alive."

"Oh!"

" Well... That's... good news, I think..." Legolas says.

"I can't says it's bad. I have a chance to get my carrot back," Merry says smiling. "Now that I'm alive, I do have a reason to get it back. I'm feeling hungry."

"Yes, well, we have come this far. Why not go to the end? How do you know that they are alive?" Legolas asks Gandalf.

"I saw their footprints. They lead into the forest."

"Ah, that's Fangorn Forest. I have heard of it!" Legolas smiles.

Merry looks at Legolas with a smile, "You have? It must be nice things, when you look so happy just by hearing the name!"

"No."


I would really appreciate it if I got a little more response. Even flames are better than nothing!

And now, a note from the Lady of Mirkwood:

REVIEW HER STORY, OR I WILL PERSONALLY SHOOT YOU WITH THE CYBER-ARROWS OF DOOM!Don't think I won't!