Title: Old Friends, New Relationships

Chapter Nine

By: LizD

Written: Late Summer/Fall 2004

Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew or creators. With love and thanks.

Old Friends, New Relationships

Chapter Nine - Somebody Open a Window

1000 EST

Madden Residence

Janet Schnarr was standing in Gate's doorway, hat in hand. "Can we talk?" she asked.

"Not sure we have anything to say to each other." Gates said evenly.

"It wasn't an accident." Janet said quickly.

Gates stood rigid in the doorway.

"And I know you didn't shoot him."

Gates' tried to look away.

"He tried to kill himself, didn't he?"

Gates stepped back into the house leaving the door wide open. Janet followed.

Janet waited for Gates to sit and sat down near her.

"What do you want from me, Janet?" Gates asked after a long moment.

"I need your help." She said quickly. "Glenn needs your help."

Gates laughed and shook her head. "What more can I do? I said it was an accident."

"I want you to tell the truth."

Gates looked away. Gates was not sure she knew what the truth was anymore.

"It is the only way."

"Way for what?"

"The only way that he will get the help he needs."

Gates got up in search of the Jack Daniels.

"Gates, I'm sorry about this."

"Sorry? You're sorry?" She called back from the kitchen. "You had nothing to do with it."

Janet went to the sliding glass door and looked out over the back deck and tiny 'yard'.

Gates found the bottle and came back in with two glasses. She offered Janet a drink. Janet nodded.

Gates poured – no ice, no nothing – neat, as they say. The women drank – no toast, just a brief acknowledgement that they had each suffered at the hands of Glenn Schnarr.

"Do you want to know something funny?" Janet offered.

"Yeah, make me laugh." She said sarcastically.

"The moment after Glenn and I got remarried – and I mean less than three minutes after the JOP said 'husband and wife', he took off … for five days." She laughed. "We never made it to the honeymoon – second honeymoon." She took another sip. "Anyway, he came back … eventually … hung over, dirty and smelling of a woman. I was sure he was with you. Even accused him of it."

"He wasn't with me." Gates defended.

She shrugged. "Oh, it doesn't matter now." She looked up at Gates. "That was the first time he hit me – well – pushed me. Glenn is a pusher, a shover, a manhandler – not a hitter. He was very proud of the fact that he never hit a woman in anger." Janet snickered at the ridiculousness of that comment and how it was even more ridiculous that she had been agreeing with it for all those years.

Gates sat back.

"Anyway, he came back. We fought and he shoved me into the stove." Janet revealed a burn scar on her forearm. It was well healed, but it looked like it had been a very bad burn. "Dinner was ruined and that gave him reason to leave for another three days." She took a breath and pulled her sleeve down. "He was very sorry when he got back; down right penitent."

Gates nodded.

"I could deal with the pushing." Janet continued. "But his words – his vile hateful wrath was more than I could bare. It wasn't Glenn – it was a whole other person. It was as if I never actually knew him. He called me things too ugly to repeat, but the words still ring in my ears."

Gates looked sad but didn't know how much she could really help this woman, nor was she particularly motivated to help. "What is the funny part?"

Janet laughed sadly. "Well, the funny part is that when he left – left for the second time – I actually hoped he was going to you. I wanted you to 'steal' him back." She laughed again. "That time, however, I was not going to put up a fight. You could have him."

Gates knew it wasn't funny and that it was killing Janet to have to admit this after all that time. "Why are you telling me this?" Gates asked gently.

Janet studied her for a moment. "I don't know. … I guess I thought you would understand."

Gates nodded. She did understand.

"There is no one I can talk to about him." She brushed at her eyes as if she were worried she might cry. "Everyone else sees Glenn the charmer. They think he is funny, impassioned, smart, kind, generous, loyal, and the kind of person they would love to be loved by." She laughed. "They have no idea how devastating his love – his kind of love can be."

Gates' heart went out to her. She had never thought of it from Janet's perspective. Glenn could be the most exciting, thrilling, loving man – and he could be a bastard. How would Gates' life have been different if she had won the battle for Glenn?

"He has gotten worse over the years – as you know." Janet continued. "I know he has kept in sporadic contact with you."

"He has."

"I also know that you counseled him to work out his issues with me."

"I counseled him to get counseling." Gates felt accused of something. "I thought he loved you, I thought you loved him."

"Love." She snorted. Janet refilled her glass and moved away. "Love." She looked back at Gates. "Glenn was the only one." She offered. "The only man I have ever been with – the only man who ever made me feel … like I don't know what … beautiful, desirable, special – you know?"

"Yeah, I know." Gates did.

"And when he loved – he loved with his whole being – heart, soul and body." She looked like she was about to cry. "But when he hated, he hated with the same force."

Gates took another thoughtful drink. She absent mindedly rubbed at one of the bruises Glenn had given her.

"He hit you – shoved you, didn't he?"

Gates looked up in shock.

"You need to tell them that. You are a psychiatrist Gates. You know he needs help."

Gates nodded.

"He needs to be locked away from people." Janet pushed. "So he can do no more damage to himself or others."

Gates did not want to hear that. She was not an advocate for mental hospitals.

"You know I am right." Janet continued. "He was never this violent – at least not with a gun – but he has gotten worse since he resigned his commission – dangerous, suicidal. Maybe he was hoping that you would kill him."

"Janet."

"You don't know him now. There is no telling what he could do. He could have killed you. He is manic and happy one moment and sobbing the next – then he gets mad." She shrugged. "And then there are days – weeks, months that will go by where everything will be fine."

"What sets him off?"

"This last time it was my running into you at JAG. I shouldn't have said anything."

"In the past."

"Anything … from an advertisement in the mail to something one of his doctors said or didn't say. Any number of things. But something will cause him to go off his meds. I shouldn't have cut him off like that – but I just couldn't take it any more."

"Why didn't you divorce him years ago?"

"Divorce? Do you honestly think that he would have stayed out of my life? He didn't stay out of yours." She shrugged. "No, I said better or worse, sickness and heath – I meant it. Glenn needed me, and for long periods of time, things would be OK." She coughed. "I buried myself in my work and hoping against hope that the next doctor would be the right one."

Gates motioned for her to join her on the couch.

Janet was done talking about herself. "Look, I know he tried to kill himself and you struggled with him for the gun."

"How do you know that?"

"He told me."

"He told you that?" Glenn had begged Gates not to tell anyone. To say it was an accident.

"He had to when his story fell apart under my …."

"Cross examination?" Gates offered with a smile.

"If you will." Janet smiled back.

"So you tell the police."

"I have. They don't believe me. You need to tell the real story, and when faced with both of us and the facts – he will have to tell the truth."

Gates nodded.

"I also think you need to file assault charges against him."

Gates panicked, she took another long drink. She couldn't go through that.

"Gates?" Janet asked gently.

Gates shook her head. "No."

"Gates, did something else happen here?"

Gates again rubbed at her arm but would not look at her.

"How badly did he hurt you?" Janet looked her up and down for visible signs of bruising. She saw nothing obvious, but there was a fear, a dread in Gates eyes. Janet had to believe was something worse. Glenn used sex to get what he wanted. It all of a sudden occurred to Janet – what if it wasn't working. What if Glenn's charms and cooing, weren't working. Would he use it as a weapon? Could he force himself on someone – someone he once loved? She had to ask. "Gates, did he rape you?"

Gates got up and moved away.

Janet followed her but did not touch her. "Oh, Gates. I'm sorry."

Gates turned to her with a forced strength. "Yeah, me too."

Janet inched closer to her like she would put her arms around her for comfort.

Gates stepped back. "I will tell them that he pushed his way into my house, that we fought, he threatened suicide, I turned to call the EMT's and he was out the door. When I caught up to him he had the gun to his mouth. I grabbed for the gun, pulled it away – but it went off, hitting him in the chest. I will tell them nothing else." She fixed her with a stare. "Nothing."

Janet wanted to fight her. She was now angry. She wanted Glenn punished for what he had done – yes what he had done to her over the years, but more importantly what he had done to Gates. "Do you think you are protecting him or me?" Janet asked.

"This isn't about either one of you … for a change. This is about me!"

Janet was thinking of her next argument.

Gates needed to get back to business. She would deal with her pain later. "I can't get into see him. They won't let me."

"No, they won't. Have your lawyer talk to his. Have him bring a statement." She said simply. "Do you have a lawyer?"

Gates looked victoriously sheepish (if that is possible). "I have two."

"Oh?"

"Retired Admiral AJ Chegwidden and Commander Harmon Rabb."

Janet looked like the wind had been completely taken out of her sails. "I see."

Gates waited for her to say something else.

"All the civilian lawyers were booked up this week?" She said caustically.

"AJ and I are friends and Rabb just stepped up."

"Because of MacKenzie." She nodded. She didn't KNOW about Harm and Mac, but she knew that they were at least friends. "Well, it doesn't matter anyway."

"What doesn't matter?"

"When this gets out, I will have effectively lost any authority I had to lead them. I knew it the day I saw you at JAG. Just thought I could handle it. Now I know I can't."

"I don't see it that way." Gates said.

"You have never served a day in uniform – you have skirted around the military for years – your parents, two of your husbands, but you have never held a command position. You have no idea how important respect for your commanding officer is."

"No, I guess I don't."

"It wouldn't have worked with me at JAG regardless. That unit is so enmeshed, I am not sure anyone could step into the role of Chegwidden." She looked down. "Probably need to break the whole office up and start fresh."

Gates thought about what she would say. "I don't know them that well, but it seems to me that the criteria for being accepted are pretty low and once you are in – you are in for life."

Janet shook her head. "I am going back to the academy. It is where I belong."

"Protected in your ivy covered walls?"

"Think you are looking for the Ivory Tower metaphor."

"You need to give your people a little more credit. They all have skeletons in their closet, and everyone knows where everyone else's bodies are buried."

"Talk about mixing metaphors."

"Even AJ had a few old bones lying around, and he led them very well for nine years."

Janet shook her head.

"Talk to AJ. I'll have Rabb take care of that thing with Glenn."

The handyman arrived to fix the door. The discussion was over.

Gates walked Janet to her car.

"Gates, if you reconsider – I think you should reconsider, and file charges against him. I will help you in anyway I can."

Gates laughed. "I can't begin to tell you how many people are offering me their help and how much I don't want or need it."

"Don't be so strong that you get brittle and break. Accept the help that is being offered."

"Thank you." Gates said simply. "No, thank you."

"Ok."

The women parted, no longer as enemies, but as wounded people who now understood each other a little better.

Gates picked up her phone, pulled a card from her pocket and dialed. "Hey Rabb, are you ready to go to work? Earn that retainer I gave you … What? I didn't? … Well consider yourself retained."

X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X 1815 EST Bethesda Naval Hospital

Harm marched down the hall late for his meeting with Glenn Schnarr, Schnarr's lawyer and Detective London. He was armed with Gate's statement taken earlier that day and strict instructions to get him to withdraw his statement and agree to have himself committed to the psych ward. Oh yes, London needed to drop the charges against Gates too.

Gates had told Harm the "story." She told him about Glenn's utter desperation, the suicide attempt, about the struggle for the gun and it going off. Harm had barely enough to go on. Then she told him about Janet's involvement and Glenn's confession to his her. Still it wasn't enough to force Glenn to change his story, if he wasn't willing.

Finally, she reluctantly told him of the assault confirming his suspicions. Harm pressed gently for the details, but Gates stood firm: he broke into her house, and 'roughed her up' and that's all. Harm knew there was more, but didn't feel he needed her to say it out loud. He encouraged her to press charges against him. She said 'no'. Harm convinced her that he might have to use that threat in order to get Schnarr to agree. Gates understood that, but told him she would not file, regardless.

Harm asked why she did not ask AJ to handle the meeting with Glenn and his lawyer. Her simple answer was "Rank." Glenn retired as a captain; AJ was an admiral. Glenn had issues with rank. The real issue for Gates was that she didn't want to have to deal directly with AJ about the assault and her first set of lies. She still had hopes that they could have a relationship.

Glenn had been moved to a private room. He was recovering quickly. When Glen was faced with three men, and both Janet and Gates' statements, he folded – just as Janet expected that he would. He was reluctant to agree to enter a psychiatric ward, but his lawyer assured him that it was only temporary – for evaluation and to regulate his meds.

London said the charges against Gates would be dropped.

The lawyer and London were discussing the final points.

"Is she OK?" Glenn asked Harm quietly.

"Gates?"

"Yeah, is she OK?"

"She will be fine now that she doesn't have to face unfounded charges." was Harm's not so short answer.

"I love her." Glenn stated as if he were defending himself.

Harm gave him a skeptical look.

"I have always loved her, she is special." Glenn continued. "I thought she loved me – I thought she wanted me the same way … I never meant to … I mean, if she had said 'NO' … but she never did … I didn't … I wouldn't."

Harm felt that defender-of-women side of him tense up. The man all but admitted to sexually assaulting Gates – to raping her. Harm had suspected as much, but did not push Gates on it. Confronted with her attacker and knowing that he would not be punished for his crime, Harm wished he were not lying sick in a hospital bed. "You assaulted her, Captain. You assaulted her in the vilest way a man can assault a woman."

"Did she say that?"

"You said that." Harm corrected. "That is not love. That is sick. Get the help you need."

The lawyer came up when Glenn tried to defend himself. Harm looked the lawyer in the eye. "Make this deal stick – or I will personally lock your client up and I will throw away the key."

Harm called Gates and told her that the deal was made and that the charges were dropped. She thanked him.

"Is there something else, Rabb?" She asked.

"If you change your mind and want to press charges-."

"I won't."

"If you do."

"I won't."

He slowly let the breath he was holding out. "All right."

"Thank you."

Harm hung up. There was nothing else for him to do. At least now he understood why Mac had been supersensitive to his involvement.

X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X 1510 EST

Madden Residence

Mac drove back from Norfolk with Bud. Bud was exhausted and deserved a rest. He had done a heck of a job on the investigation. Even he was impressed with himself. Mac drove to let him sleep and because it would give her time to think, unfortunately it was probably too much time.

From the road she made a quick call to Gates, enough to find out that things were resolved and of Harm's involvement. Mac was still very angry at Harm, but her first concern was getting to her friend. The call netted her one other vital piece of information: Gates had been alone for nearly twenty-four hours. She needed to debrief with someone – someone she could trust. Gates didn't actually say that, but the relief Mac heard in her voice when she told Gates that she was hours away was almost tangible.

Between the call and actually arriving to the condo, Mac started questioning her ability to provide that trusted someone to Gates. She was feeling very guilty over what had happened back when they were eighteen. Mac cursed herself and only gave herself a minor excuse in the alcohol and Chris. Gates needed to take a little of the blame – not for the incident naturally – but for not telling Mac what happened. There would be a lot for these two old friends to discuss.

Mac couldn't go empty handed. She stopped at the store and bought close to $100 worth of stuff - stuff that didn't make any sense: pasta and vegetables, cookies and cheese, pretzels and oranges, diet coke and ice cream, steak and tortillas … and whip cream … lots of whipped cream. On her way to the cash register she passed the candy aisle. Twizzlers – they ate them as kids. She bought three bags each of black and red. She was disgusted to discover that they now sold grape and chocolate.

Mac arrived. It was stiff and uncomfortable at first. Gates was not prepared to open up completely and Mac was trying to be strong for her. After a period of time of them trying to meet on some level, Mac finally broke down.

"I'm sorry. Oh God, Gates. I am so sorry."

They folded into each other and cried like girls. Over the next several hours they processed everything, they ate everything, and they apologized for things that they had no control over. They explained, they enlightened, they remembered and they corrected misconceptions. But what they did the most was catch up … truly catch up with all that they had lost over the years. The last couple of months was nice ground work, but it was this night – this night of truth and honesty and raw emotion that brought these best friends, best girl friends back to each other. They had rediscovered sisterhood, love and trust. Gates told Mac things that she wasn't even aware of herself, and Mac … well Mac did the same.

Sometime around ten or eleven they got to the subject of Harm. Mac was still angry with him – rather she was freshly reminded of her anger at him.

Gates took pity on her. "Don't be, baby."

"What?" Mac was surprised that her friend did not understand why. "He is arrogant, self-centered and totally convinced of his own superiority."

"I will give you that." Gates laughed.

"But what?"

"Well, angel – I don't know how to tell you this…"

"What?"

"Well"

"Well what?"

"He is a good man, Sarah."

"Excuse me?"

"Don't get me wrong and I will deny it tomorrow --- but he is a good man … and he loves you."

"What?"

"He loves you, baby." Gates took her hands. "He came here when he knew he shouldn't, he wasn't asked nor was he wanted. But he was here for me. He was here for me FOR YOU. It wasn't about me; it wasn't even about what I had gone through – and there is a part of me that thinks he knew, I don't know why or how, but I think he knew. Anyway – he did what he could do – he came for you – because you couldn't – he did for me what I wouldn't ask for."

"I told him … I asked him to leave it alone."

"I know honey, and I know you did that for me. I should never have asked."

"What? Why?"

"I will give you that his HERO side can be really annoying … but he means well."

"That is hardly the point, Gates."

"The point is, I never should have asked you to keep my secret."

"What?"

"You know I am right." She contended. "If you were not under such time pressure, you would never have made that promise.

"Harm and I are not joined at the hip … he doesn't need to know everything."

"Honey, I told you some things that had to affect you and you need to have someone to process them with – who better than your partner in life. I shouldn't have asked you to not say anything."

"He shouldn't have pushed."

"That is true – but it is not the end of the world."

"How can you be some calm about this?"

"Because I have had some time to process all that has happened. And Rabb sticking his nose in where he wasn't invited – in the grand scheme of things – was pretty minor. In fact … dare I say it … it was helpful."

"Helpful?"

"I didn't need to confess to AJ. I don't know if that will ultimate help or kill a relationship with him, but at the moment, I didn't want to face AJ. Harm was there and he was safe – he had no agenda with me."

"Gates."

"Look honey. I only know what you have told me about your relationship with him and the little I have gleaned from our times together, but did you honestly expect him to stay out of it?"

Mac shook her head in disgust. "No. No, I didn't. He always does this kind of stuff."

"And?"

"And nothing, he gets away with it every time. He doesn't follow orders and he gets given a medal. It is really annoying." She looked away. "He needs to know that this is unacceptable in a relationship."

"Sarah, just because you are in a relationship, doesn't mean that either one of you have changed." She took her hand. "You can't be mad at him for being who he is."

Mac relaxed. "Yes I can." She had a smile on her face and a glint in her eye.

"Be careful with that, honey. It might just come back and bite you in the butt."

"I will let him apologize to me." Mac grinned. "Let him apologize A LOT."

"You can lose at that game, doll." She added, "You don't want to lose a good man."

"Yeah." Mac said with a far away look. "He is a good man, isn't he?"

"He is no Brad Pitt, but … I think you should try to hang on to him."

"Yeah … maybe."

"Why don't you go find him? He is probably going crazy wondering where you are."

"He knows where I am, I will talk to him tomorrow." She stated firmly.

"Mac, I love having you here, but I am exhausted. I need some sleep."

"Do you want me to stay the night?"

"No, honey. I am fine. Really. I'll clean up a little and go to bed … maybe take a long hot bath."

"That sounds nice."

The women parted after some more chit-chat. They made a lunch date for the next day. It was Sunday and Gates knew a great place for brunch. She suggested that Mac invite Harm, and she would invite AJ. Mac suggested that they wait for another time to have that celebration. With several more hugs and declarations of love and friendship, Mac left. Gates was grateful for the solitude, she felt alone and lonely, but lost that 'alone in the world' feeling she had just hours before. Mac and she would never lose touch again and neither would ever consider themselves alone in the world.

X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X 2313 EST

MacKenzie Residence

Mac drove home. She thought about going to Harm's, but she was exhausted and needed some time to clear her head. She wasn't trying to punish him; it was just that eight hours of processing everything from the past eighteen years with Gates had taken a lot out of her. She would call Harm when she got home. Make sure he knew that things were fine – were going to be fine – and that they would have their discussion the next day. It seemed reasonable, even logical to her as she drove home.

She let herself into her apartment: lights were on, a fire lit in the fireplace and music was softly coming from her stereo. There was a huge arrangement of flowers on the coffee table and a brand new Navy Sweatshirt and pants lying next to it. She looked to the dining room; the table was covered with files and law books. She dropped her bag and walked toward the kitchen and was surprised by Harm coming out with a fresh cup of tea.

"Hey." She said.

"Hi." He answered back. "I didn't hear you come in." He stepped toward her as if to give her a hug, but she remained where she was. He stepped back.

"What are you doing here?" She asked evenly.

"I assumed you would want to spend the night in your own apartment."

"And you assumed I would want you here." She rapped back at him.

He didn't respond. He didn't want to fight with her, but he had a feeling that there would have to be some discussion before they could get back on track.

"How long have you been here?" She fingered the files on the tabled. They were the ones that she and Bud had put together.

"16 – 1630." He put his tea down and took a seat. "Just after Bud called, debriefed me and gave me the reports. You two did some great work."

"Bud did most of it."

"I can see the influence you had on this investigation – you both did some excellent work."

"Thank you."

"Are you hungry?" He asked. "I stopped at the bistro you like and got a couple of things to go. I could warm them up for you. Do you want some tea?"

"No, thanks. We ate." She realized that maybe he might have been waiting for her – he was OBVIOUSLY waiting for her, but maybe he waited dinner. "But go ahead if you are hungry."

"I'm Ok. Picked at some salad." He started folding up the files and books. "Not very hungry."

She turned to the living room and nodded toward the flowers. "What are those?"

"Nothing … just a Welcome home. I missed you."

"And the sweatshirt?"

"The other one finally gave up the ghost." She had been wearing a sweatshirt of his for the past several months. It had been washed more since she got her hands on it than it had in the ten plus years he owned it. She had complained about his pants being way too long for her, so he got her some new ones.

"Oh."

"Oh?"

"Thought they might have been an apology."

He crossed to the living room and picked up the card he had gotten and handed it to her. "Nope, just a 'welcome home.'"

She read the card. It was very sweet, but there was nothing to imply that he was apologizing. "Thank you."

He nodded.

"It has been a very long day." She said. "I need to take a long hot shower and go to bed and sleep."

He nodded. She was dismissing him. "Ok … Yeah, Ok, sure." He had to assume that she was so angry that she didn't want to fight. 'Fine.' He thought. But he didn't believe she was only upset with him. So much had happened, she could be angry a lot of things. So she needed to take whatever it was she was feeling out on him, he could handle it. He was strong enough to take her anger, her silence, her dismissal. It was for the night, not forever – and he could do that for her.

He walked past her to get his coat and to gather up some of the files.

Mac caught his hand before he could get to the table. "Harm?" her voice cracked.

He stopped immediately at her touch and turned back to look in her eyes. They were filling with tears.

"Stay." She squeaked. "Please stay with me … hold me." She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his chest.

He wrapped her up in a protective embrace, held her as tightly as he dared. In moments he felt her start to weep. He knew it was about Gates, about all women, and what they go through in life –particularly those women who suffer at the hands of men. Mac certainly had her issues with men from Eddie, to Chris, to numerous boyfriends to Sadik. Harm had even caused her more than a day's grief. Yes, Mac had suffered at the hands of men, but he hoped that she had never nor would she ever have to experience anything like what Gates had. As long as he was around, she never would. He led her over to the couch and curled her up in his lap. He rocked her and soothed her and let her cry. He shed a few tears of his own.

After a while she calmed herself. He continued to hang on. To let her know that he would be there for her.

"I don't know where that came from." She said defensively. She pulled her self to him more tightly. "You know that I am still upset with you." There was a tear stained smile on her lips.

He stroked her hair and down her back. "I know."

"And you know that you were wrong."

"I know that that is up for discussion."

"So you won't admit it."

"I'll admit to not being forth coming with you about what I was doing or planning on doing."

"Hardly an admission of guilt."

"I don't consider myself guilty."

"You know Harm, most men, at this point would apologize, admit they were wrong and let the woman win."

"I am not most men." He said triumphantly. "And you forget that there is another side to this thing that we need to address."

She leaned back so she could see him. "Oh?"

"Why couldn't you trust me with what Gates had told you and why did you get so irate?"

She nodded slowly. "I suppose there is more to discuss, isn't there?"

"Yes there is."

"I don't think I can go through it tonight." She sighed.

"We can do it another time."

"What I really need … what I want … is to sleep … sleep in your arms knowing that you are watching out over me."

"I can do that." He said.

She looked up into his face. "You don't have to win your points tonight? You would really be willing to table this whole thing for later?"

He stroked her cheek and combed her hair back behind her ears. "Sarah, we have the rest of our lives to pick apart who did what, when, where and why and who was more wrong and who was more right … I expect that there will be a lot of bumps like this along our road."

"There always have been."

"Yes. So this I will promise you … I will never pass up a night of holding you, of feeling you next to me, of waking up next to you."

"Why?" She asked carefully.

"You really have to ask?"

She nodded.

"Because that is all that is important. All the rest of it – being right or wrong – that is just filler."

"It used to be very important – it kept us apart for a long time."

"Yes, yes it did. I hope I have learned my lesson there. Being with you is all that is important. I won't compromise myself – nor would I expect you to – but I hope we have both learned that ego, and who is right are unimportant when it comes to … love."

"It could be gone in a second." She got a distant look in her eye. "I was reminded how quickly life can change."

"I imagine you were."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that Gates' life changed again these past couple of days." He looked down. "She is something else, isn't she?"

"'Something else'?"

"How she could understand and forgive Schnarr for what he did … I don't have that kind of forgiveness in me."

"Yeah, she is something else."

"I couldn't do it."

"You might if you had been through what she had." Mac offered knowing that Harm had an amazing about of forgiveness in his heart.

"I doubt it. I still want to nail that bastard to the wall!" He relented. "But I won't. It is not my call."

Mac reached up and touched his cheek. "You have grown, Commander Harmon Rabb. The man I met lo those many years ago would rarely back off a fight for what was right – it was all so black and white for you back then."

"Maybe, maybe to a certain extent it was and it still is … but there are a lot more shades of gray in my life."

"And in your hair."

"HEY!"

"Can I take credit for a few of those?" She combed her fingers threw his hair.

"You better." He pulled her to him. He didn't want to kiss her. Well, he wanted to, but he didn't want to push that kind of agenda – that kind of sexual agenda that night. He needed Mac to know that it was about love and not sex. He buried his face in her neck and inhaled deeply.

"It is good to be home." She said after a moment.

"It is good to have you here." He pulled back. "Go take your shower, and I will shut it all down for the night." He kissed her forehead and helped her up.

Mac stood in the doorway to her bedroom watching Harm shut off lights, tend to the fire, and close up the files on the table. He hadn't realized he was being watched.

"Hey." She called to him.

He looked up and a gentle smile came across his face. "What?"

"Join me?" She asked.

He closed one more file, turned the light in the dining room out and walked over to take her outstretched hand.

"You are a good man, Harm." She said wrapping her arms around his neck and bringing her lips close to his.

"I try to be." He wrapped his own arms around her waist and pulled her close. "Don't always succeed."

"More often than not." She brushed his lips with hers. "Thank you."

He smiled. "Thank you." He returned.

She pulled back slightly so she could see his eyes. "So you think we have the rest of our lives to pick apart who is right and who is wrong?"

"MORE right and MORE wrong." He corrected. "It is a matter of degrees."

"Oh, I see." She smiled. "And you will never take a pass on a night with me?"

"Not if I can help it."

"Good." Her smile turned sly. "I think we need to talk more about that."

"Oh?"

"Yeah." She kissed him softly. "Yeah, I think we need to talk about all of that some more."

"Our agenda is filling up." He kissed her back.

"We have the rest of our lives, right?"

"Right." He was wary.

She slid her cheek neck to his and whispered in his ear. "How is that plan of yours coming along?"

Harm finally caught her game. His face melted into a soft smiled. "It is coming along … well, very well … better all the time."

"Need any help?"

"Can always use your help."

"Good answer." She pulled herself from his embrace and took him by the hand toward the bathroom. "With me, Commander."

'To the end of time, Colonel.' Harm thought, but kept it to himself – for the moment.

X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X

End Chapter Nine