Title: I don't want to be me! I want to be you!

Summary: A couple of men aren't happy with themselves and would like tohave a go at being someone else.Let's let Gandalf and all the others try another life. Do you think Gandalf will do a good job being Legolas? Mix in a Stone door with a tragic past, a forgetful Balrog and soldiers on strike. The result is a Lord of The Rings Cake!

Disclaimer: I don´t own anything in this story. Well, except for a couple of the Ents, and the Stone door and… This is my first fanfiction

Here's a new chapter. Hope you like it. I want to thank for the reviews I got from the last chapter, they were all welcomed.

Arien, The Maia, this chapter is for you.

My betareader hasn't read this chapter so try to survive the spelling errors and please tell me what they are, so that I can correct them.

Enjoy.


Aragorn...Gollum

Boromir...Pippin

Pippin...Elrond

Merry...Gimli

Sam...Gandalf

Frodo...Boromir

Legolas...Aragorn

Gimli...Sam

Gandalf...Legolas

Gollum...Frodo

Elrond...Merry


"Come on, be a sport!"

"No, no and NO!"

"Please," Aragorn begs and reaches his bound arms out towards Gimli and Gollum.

"Read my lips: NO!" Gimli shouts.

"Please free my arms."

"Why? Doessss they burn you, my precious?" Gollum asks.

"Umm... Yeah. They burn. Umm...Ouch, it really hurts. It feels like... umm... like they are on fire... umm," Aragorn says.

"Good. Let them burn," Gollum smiles, "You led Nassty Elf Lady to usss."

"Come on. She isn't here! She wouldn't know if you'd take them away."

"Keep on dreaming. If we'd free you, you'd follow her and then she would know that we set you free," Gimli says.

"And that would make her angry at us," Gimli adds whispering. He shivers.

"Yessss, she isss nasty. She threatened ussss. Threaten she did. Oh horror, horror!" Gollum complains.

"What did she say to you?" Gimli asks sympathetically and pats Gollum's shoulder.

"Oh, she didn't say anything, but we could ssssee it in her eyes. Yess we could, couldn't we preciousss? We have nightmares every night. Every night she visits us," Gollum buries his head in his hands.

"Tell me of your dreams."

"It'sss the sssame dream every night. We have a nice, fresssh, wriggling, juicy fish in our hands. But then Nassty Elf Lady steps forward and we looksss at her and she smiles and looks at our fissssh. We looks down at our handses, but there is no longer a juicy fish. There is a plate! A plate with potatoes, cooked potatoes. The fish isss no longer fresh, it's cooked. And there's vegetables. Nassty elf lady says that if we don't eat our vegetables, we have to go to bed without dessert. Oh horror!" Gollum tells and shivers.

Gimli and Aragorn stares at him numb. After awhile Gimli says, "Well... that's... terrible."

"We're ssssorry, but we needs ssssome time alone to calm down ourssselves."

Gimli and Aragorn watches as Gollum walks away.

"So, what's your explanation?" Aragorn asks.

"What explanation?"

"Why you can't free me. He has nightmares. What's you explanation?" Aragorn says. "Oh, I see. You don't need to tell me. I understand."

"What? What do you see?" Gimli requires.

"Don't worry, you secrets safe with me," Aragorn says and blinks with one of his eyes.

"What? I don't understand! What do you see?"

"Your feelings for Arwen, of course silly."

"What feelings? I don't have feelings for her!" Gimli denies.

"You don't fool me. I'm not blind, you know. I can see that you shiver everytime we talk about her," Aragorn says and holds one of his fingers up. "And don't try to convince me that it's because of fear."

"I don't love her! I can prove it to you!" Gimli shouts and stands up with his fists clenched.

"You can prove it to me? Well, prove me wrong then," Aragorn says and leans backwards with a confident smile.

"Yeah, that's what I'm going to do!" Gimli announces.

"Umm.., What am I supposed to do?" he then asks shyly.

"I don't really know. What would Arwen hate?"

"Umm... She hates when you lie to her..."

"There! And you say that you don't have feelings for her. You know so much about her. You probably know what she calls her beloved."

"Snookie-wookie-tookie?"

"Yes! That's it!"

Gimli swallows. "BY THE VALAR! I THINK I LOVE HER!"

Aragorn pats, the now, sobbing Gimli. "Don't worry. I'm probably wrong. Now do something she would hate you to do." When he sees that it didn't help, he says firmly, "Pick yourself together. Are you going to let a woman make you fall into a pathetic pile of dwarf? Are you a man or are you a mouse?"

Gimli looks up smiling and jumps to his feet and pounds himself on his chest, "I'm neither! I'm a dwarf! Or a hobbit!"

"That's the spirit!"

"Now what could I do to prove to you I don't love her? I could follow her and lie to her... No, that would take too long," Gimli ponders.

"Hmm, good question. What could you do? You could always..." Aragorn looks expectably at Gimli

"I could always..."

"... Take your knife..."

"... Take my knife..." Gimli says.

"... And cut..."

"... And cut..."

Aragorn sighs at Gimli's slow mind. "... My bonds."

"... Your bonds! What a brilliant idea I got! I'm so smart."

"Yes you are. I bow to you brilliance."

Gimli cuts Aragorn's bonds, "Now, what do you say? Do you still think that I love her?"

"No. I'm convinced that you don't have any feelings towards her."

Gollum returns, now that he has picked himself together and he freezes when he sees that Aragorn is free. "What have you done, sssstupid? Nassty Elf Lady is going to kill ussss!"

"That was my meaning!" Gimli states and smiles broadly.

"?" Gollum says.

"I don't love her!"

"Dear Gollum, you don't have to worry," Aragorn smiles, "I'm not going to follow her. Now that I think about it, you two are more fun than she is. I'm staying with you!" He sweeps Gollum and Gimli into his arms.

"Group-hug!"


"What's that smell?" Gimli complains and pinches his nose.

"It'sss the Dead Marshes. Breathe in. Can you smell the aroma?" Gollum takes a deep breath, "Ah!"

"Smells like your underwear," Aragorn mumbles.

"What did you say?" Gimli asks.

"Nothing."

"Don't try to fool me! I heard what you said!" Gimli says.

Aragorn shelters his head, waiting for the famous frying pan to hit him. Gimli walks to him and stares up at Aragorn. He wriggles his moustache, "Now, dear mate, I have only one, one question!"

Aragorn swallows nervously.

"How in the name of the Valar, do you know how my underwear smells?"

"No time to disssscusssss our lingerie. We can discuss them later. Now let'ssss get moving," Gollum orders and starts walking over the marshes.

Gimli and Aragorn stares at each other for a moment, "Lingerie?" They look at Gollum suspiciously.

"You know," Gimli whispers to Aragorn as they follow the ring-bearer, "We've never asked Gollum if he's a boy or a girl."

"Should we do that?" Aragorn wonders.

"Not now. Now, is not probably the best time. It's a sensitive question," Gimli answers Aragorn.

Gollum turns around, "Now, preciousss, we sssseems to have forgot to warn you about a few teeny-weeny thingssss. Asss a ssschooled guide of the Dead Marshesss, it's our obligation to warn every tourist of the dangers. Not very important, if you asks me, but we hasss to doesss that."

Gimli and Aragorn nods.

"What we tellses you not to do, you do not do. Undersstood?"

Gimli and Aragorn nod again, their minds unconsciously planing to do exact the things they are not allowed to do.

"Don't follow the lights. Don't take a relaxing ssswim in the water. Don't ssstray away from oursses path. Don't talk with any dead people, they are bad influence and they usess a bad language. Don't agree to have a cup of tea with any old women," Gollum tells and nods when he sees that he is understood. He turns around and says over his shoulder, "If you wantsss, we can tell of the sightsss in the Dead Marshes. Very interessssssting."

"Does it cost extra?"

"Yessss, but only..."

"No, thank you. We have a brochure here that tells us of the sights," Gimli says.

"Penny-pinching rich bastards," Gollum mumbles and continues to walk.

Aragorn looks around with curious eyes. He sees something bright flying near him. "Gimli, Gimli," he whines and pulls at Gimli's sleeve.

"Yes, my little one. What is it?" Gimli asks and takes Aragorn's hand in his. "Don't tell me you have to go already? We have only started the tour! Try to hold yourself."

"No, but-"

"I told you to go when we were home, so that you don't have the need to go when we are here! Why didn't you do as I told you to? It's like when I tell you to take out the garbage! You always seem to have extremely much to do then-"

"Gimli! I don't have to go! I want you to look at that!" Aragorn says and points at the flying light ball, only a couple of feet from them.

"Yes it's very nice, honey. Come let's go. We've got to hurry up, so that we won't be left behind."

"But Gimli look at it-"

"Yes, very pretty. Now let's go-"

"But look at it! It so beautiful!"

"Yes it is, come now," Gimli smiles and drags Aragorn after him.

Aragorn follows Gimli reluctantly. He kicks some grass and glares at Gimli's back. After awhile he looks sadly back. When he sees that the light ball has followed him he plants his feet firmly on the ground, "Look Gimli! It has followed me! Oh pretty, pretty please! Can I take it home?"

Gimli stops and releases Aragorn's hand. He watches the light intently, "Hmm..."

"Please Gimli."

"Hmm..."

"I will name it Daisy."

Gimli looks at Aragorn from the corner of his eye, after that, he stares intently at the light. "Is it house-clean?"

"Yes."

"Where will it sleep?"

"With me, of course."

"But not in your bed?"

Aragorn sighs, "No, not in my bed."

"What will it eat?"

"I'll take care of the food, don't you worry of it."

Gimli watches the light for awhile, "It's your responsibility. I won't be cleaning up after it. And I won't be taking it out for walks."

"Does that mean that I can keep it?" Aragorn asks hopefully and looks at him with puppy-eyes.

"Yes," Gimli sighs.

Aragorn lights up, "Tank you, thank you, thank you!" He hugs Gimli hastily and then turns around to face the light ball. "Come here girl."

Daisy blinks a couple of times. Aragorn smiles and opens his arms. Daisy blinks mischievously and flies away.

"Hey! Where are you going?" Aragorn shouts and runs after the light. Daisy, the ball, flies towards Gollum and then plunges into the water. Just when Aragorn is going to jump after, Gollum grabs hold on him and says:

"Ssstop, you ssstupid, cooked fish. We're over the Marshes now."

"Aragorn! What were you thinking, running off like that? You could've fallen and hurt yourself! Let me look at you," Gimli grabs hold on Aragorn's hand and studies him. "Wait, here's some dirt. Let me clean it," Gimli says and spits in a napkin and rubs the dirt away.

"Gimli," Aragorn whines embarrassed, "Stop fussing."

"Hold still and let your old Gimli do this. There, that's better."

"Now, ssshall we continue?"

"Yes, it was quite fascinating, the tour I mean," Gimli says and follows Gollum.

Aragorn looks back at the Marshes.

"Come Aragorn!"

"Coming Gimli!" Aragorn answers. He looks into the water where Daisy plunged in. "I will come back after you girl. I promise," he whispers and turns around to follow the others.

In the water Daisy sits down and readies herself for a long wait.


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Updates are going to come more rarely, because my school starts on Wednesday and I'm going to have longer schooldays and it's going to take one hour to get to school. Which means I'm going to sit two hours in a bus every day. But updates are coming.