Title: Old Friends, New Relationships

Chapter Fifteen

By: LizD

Written: Late Summer/Fall 2004

Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew or creators. With love and thanks.

Old Friends, New Relationships

Chapter Fifteen - The Great Escape

0713 EST - Friday

Rabb Residence

North of Union Station

"Mattie is gone." Jennifer said with a mixture of panic and guilt in her voice.

"Gone? What do you mean gone?" Harm moved passed her toward Mattie's apartment.

Jennifer followed after him. "I mean gone … as her bed has not been slept in … packed her bags … gone."

"Did she have to be at school early?" Harm asked trying to contain his worry.

"She took her toothbrush."

Her laptop was gone, clearly some of the clothes from the closet were removed and the bathroom was cleaned out. He quickly scanned for a note, but there was nothing. He headed back to his apartment. Panic – and something else – something like guilt – was setting in.

"When was the last time you saw her?" He shot over his shoulder as he moved passed her.

"Last night … around 1930 … she was online with someone … I think it was Josh."

"Josh? Josh Pendry?" Harm hadn't realized that Josh and Mattie were still in contact.

"Yes, sir. They have been on the phone and online for the past two weeks, I thought you knew."

"How the hell would I know?" He barked at her and was immediately sorry. He apologized with a look.

Jennifer nodded, she understood him.

X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X

Two weeks prior Josh Pendry had shown up on Harm's doorstep. Mattie was the first to meet him. That night when Harm came home with a hysterical Annie Pendry he found Mattie with Josh in her apartment – talking, apparently they have been talking all afternoon. Harm was not happy with Josh, nor was he happy with Mattie for not calling him immediately. The fact that he didn't have his phone was not at issue – they didn't reach him. In Mattie's defense she did try through Jennifer, but she didn't leave the message that Josh was there. It became a talking point for Harm and Mattie – neither side won that argument and it was left unsettled. Both Harm and Mattie could be pig headed at times.

With some intense mediation from Harm, Josh finally agreed to go home with his mother and finish school. The subject of the navy and flight school was tabled until his graduation. Harm counted it as a victory. Mac was a little less confident in the strength of that agreement.

In the years since Annie left so unceremoniously, she hadn't changed, her position on Josh hadn't changed and Josh had grown up to be a willful, insolent and determined young man. Well, actually he was still a boy – he had all the maturity of a seventeen year-old brat. He was smart and daring, but had no discipline. His good looks let him get a way with a lot and he used it to his advantage every chance he got. Mac thought that he was probably a little like Harm at that age. The largest difference was that Harm always had respect for his elders particularly his mother, something that Josh was sorely lacking. Annie had never remarried but had had a revolving door of men running through their lives. Josh had never forgiven her for forcing Harm out. Honestly Josh held it against Harm for many years, but recently he had realized that it was not Harm's fault – well not entirely his fault. He also realized that Harm could help him. Josh was a user.

Annie had taken to calling Harm every day or so. It was usually after some fight that she and Josh had. Annie's opinion of Harm was flipped when she discovered that he had taken on Mattie. She was impressed and felt that he might finally understand what she was feeling as a parent. Annie of course knew about Harm and Mac's relationship, but didn't seem to care. Harm didn't do anything inappropriate but didn't he shut her off either. It was slowly becoming a sore spot between Harm and Mac. Mac's opinion – as it always had been of Annie Pendry – was that she needed professional help, some 'couch time' as it were. Mac's bigger issue was Harm 'the hero'. Harm could never walk away from a woman in distress. Mac knew that about him, but this was the first time that it felt wrong – really, really wrong. She convinced herself that it was not jealousy that she was feeling; she trusted Harm and she rationalized that if Harm had wanted Annie or a woman like Annie (read: a woman unlike Mac), that he would have stayed with her years ago. But all those arguments fell flat in the face of Harm taking her calls day or night and each call from Annie, netted a call back to Josh. In Mac's mind, Annie was not looking for a save from the crisis; she was looking for a save from her life and who better than Hero Harm. Mac saw that much more clearly than Harm did, but had kept that opinion to herself.

Harm and Mac discussed the Annie/Josh problem superficially. They were dealing with their own personal issues: duty stations, the house and Mattie. The Admiral had accepted Harm's letter requesting transfer and then nothing. She had made no other mention of it and things were status quo at the office. Harm and Mac were on better than their best behavior and working very diligently. They gave the admiral no reason to reprimand them. Neither Harm nor Mac wanted to push the idea of his transfer, so they were just enjoying the time. There was enough work and enough lawyers to go around, so it was not necessary for Harm and Mac to be put on the same case as either a team or as opposing council. It was a little unnerving to know that the orders could come through at any moment, but they were moving ahead with the other plans.

Sadly the house they wanted was already in escrow by time they got to it. So the hunt began again. Secretly both were a little glad that they had lost out on the house. They would have had to move on it too quickly and it would have really put a strain on them financially even with Mac's savings. Neither of them wanted to over extend themselves financially with so much else up in the air.

The biggest concern was Mattie. She was pulling further and further away emotionally – physically she was there (albeit minimally and only when asked repeatedly). She would join them for dinners and she even spent a half-day looking for houses with them. Mac was disappointed that little had changed between the two of them. She had really thought that they had made some major break through. In many ways they had. Mattie at least talked to Mac about something other than school – they continued to train together a couple of times a week. The concern now was Harm and Mattie. Ever since his return from Quals Mattie was distant. Harm tried to talk to her about it, but she continued to profess that nothing was wrong, that she was just busy with school. Harm asked her if she were worried about him flying and she said 'no', but there was something in her eyes that said she was terrified of losing him too. Mac pointed out that it was the old 'leave before you get left' syndrome. They both understood that philosophy. Harm tried to get her to talk about it, as did Mac, but she wouldn't admit to anything. Harm had no idea how unhappy she was until the morning she left. He had no idea that she had chosen Josh Pendry to confide in.

X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X

"So she didn't say anything to you?" He asked Jennifer.

"No, sir. Nothing." Jennifer felt very guilty. "I went to bed early last night, sir. I am sorry."

"Jennifer it is not your fault. You shouldn't have to baby sit her. Mattie has a mind of her own."

He was saying that more to himself than he was to Jennifer. Harm was feeling very guilty. Between Mac, Annie, Josh, work, the house etc, Mattie falling through the cracks sat squarely on Harm's shoulders. It wasn't like he didn't care or wasn't interested enough. He asked. He tried to talk to her. She kept pushing him away. He thought he was giving her space to deal with things in her own way and in her own time. He trusted that she would come to him when she was ready. How could he have been so wrong?

The frantic phone calling began. Harm's first phone call was to Mattie's cell – no answer (Jennifer had already tried that – she reminded him again about Josh). His second was to Annie – she was not awake yet, but a quick survey of the situation showed that Josh was gone too and so was his car. Annie broke down. Harm was in no mood to deal with her hysterics on the phone – he would deal with her in person. He sent Jennifer to work and headed toward Maryland. The third call was to Mac. She was already at work. She had an early morning meeting with a client but could clear her calendar and meet him in Maryland in an hour or two. Harm's next call was to the police, they would not take a report for another fifteen hours. Harm finally called the admiral. He knew how much she frowned on having personal issues infringe on work time, but in this case it could not be helped. The admiral was very understanding – in her own way. She would have Bud and Mattoni handle his caseload (luckily he did not have anything big on his plate) and told him to take all the time he needed. She was also very accepting of Mac's request to secure for the day but expected her back on Monday.

Mac, of course, took the initiative to call Chloe. Mattie had told her nothing but apparently whoever "J" was (she did not have a full name) – Mattie was really hooked on him. Chloe suggested that she call Susan Smithfield. Mac did and found out that Mattie hadn't been in school since Monday and wasn't expected until the following Monday. A call was immediately placed to the principal of the school who confirmed that she was not in school. When grilled by the colonel as to why this was not brought to Harm's attention, the principal said that Mattie had provided a written excuse signed by 'Commander H. Rabb Jr.". That was not going to go over well with Harm.

0956 EST – Friday

Pendry Residence

Maryland

Mac got to Maryland shortly after Harm did. Annie was crazed and worried.

Harm and Mac exchanged a quick hug.

"Everything OK with the admiral." It was clear that he was trying to maintain his cool, but it was becoming impossible.

"Fine … what is going on here?" She looked over at Annie who was talking to someone on the phone.

"Apparently she and Josh had a major blow up last night and she grounded him. She discovered that he was still taking flying lessons, had forged her name, taken money out of her account and skipped school to do it."

"How did she find out?"

"Josh went up yesterday and nearly crashed the plane. There was some damage done on the landing and the owner wanted Annie to make restitution."

"Was he alone?" Mac lowered her voice.

The question took Harm by surprise. "No, had a girl with him … but we don't know who … you are not thinking it was Mattie."

Mac nodded.

Anger and irritation flashed in his eyes. "Mattie was in school yesterday."

Mac shook her head. "She hasn't been in school for three days."

"THREE DAYS!" He bellowed. "Why wasn't I notified?"

"She apparently turned in an excuse signed by you."

"ME?" Harm nearly lost it. Mattie would never have done that on her own – in Harm's mind - this was Josh's influence. He turned his attention to Annie. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?"

Mac grabbed his arm. "Harm."

He looked back at her and pulled his arm away roughly.

"Harm, that won't help." She said calmly.

He took a deep breath and nodded.

Annie got off the phone. "I gave the information to the police."

"Information?" Mac asked.

"The description of his car." Annie explained sheepishly. Harm had just gotten done admonishing her for giving him a car in the first place.

"But we don't know when they left." The disdain in his voice was tangible. "Annie hasn't seen him since last night around 2100 when he slammed his door in her face."

"Harm - enough." Mac needed him not to take this out on Annie – everyone needed that. "Have you checked his room?"

"For what?"

"Check his computer … look at his e-mails … maybe they had planned this and could give us some clue as to where they are going."

The three went into Josh's room. Annie was talking a mile a minute saying nothing – well nothing useful. Harm tried to get her to focus and think about anything that she might remember that would give them a clue as to when he might have left, friends he might have confided in, anything. Annie was no help … Josh didn't talk to her.

Mac took a seat at the desk and booted the computer. Something caught her eye in the wastebasket. She pulled the basket out. What she saw shocked her. She didn't have time to think before Harm had seen what she had. He pulled the basket away from her and pulled out a condom wrapper from the trash. He held it up for Annie to see.

"That's not Josh's." She said quickly.

"Of course it's Josh's." He spat back at her.

"No, Josh is a good boy."

"HE IS NOT A BOY ANY MORE?" He bellowed.

Annie folded under his rage and again the sobbing tears came.

"For God sake Annie … Do you pay attention at all? … Do you live in the real world?"

"Harm." Mac said softly.

"He is seventeen Annie … Now he has taken off … with my daughter."

"Harm." Mac said again.

"She is FIFTEEN YEARS OLD, ANNIE …FIFTEEN!"

"Harm!" She said again with a little more force.

"Damn it, Annie … you did this … all of this … you drove that boy to -."

"HARM." Mac grabbed his arm.

Harm threw her hand off roughly. "Stay the hell out of this, Mac!"

The words hit Mac like a slap in the face. Mac took the 'slap' but did not yield her ground. "Harm, take a walk!" She said sternly. "Take a walk now!"

His remorse was real. "Mac, I'm sorry."

"Take a walk, Harm. I mean it."

Harm did as he was ordered to do.

Mac turned her attention to the crumpled mess that was Annie. "How much money does Josh have access to?" She asked without much softness to her voice. Through the mumbling and the crying Mac was able to determine that Josh didn't have access to much money. His savings account had about $500. Mac suggested that she call the bank and find out if and when it was withdrawn and to check her accounts too.

Five minutes later she joined Harm outside. He was pacing with the phone to his ear. He was trying Mattie again. No answer. He wasn't about to leave another voice-mail – it would have been his fifth that morning. He hung up when he saw her.

"I am sorry." He said again.

Mac waved him off. She would not discuss his dismissal of her, not while there was a crisis still going on. But she was definitely not happy about it and it would be discussed at a later time. "We need to stop reacting and start thinking about this rationally."

"Rationally?"

"Mattie is not some precious piece of porcelain. She will not break. She was taking care of herself when you found her a year ago, I'll bet she can take care of herself now."

"Mac – you saw what I saw … she is --- SHE IS … they are …"

Mac really didn't want to deal with Harm's overprotective new father side. "Yes Harm, it appears that Mattie and Josh are having sex … well you know what? She isn't the first girl to lose her virginity at fifteen … she won't be the last." The words were a little to harsh and in his face. Mac apparently wasn't as 'over' the 'stay the hell out of this comment' that she would have liked to have believed she was.

"How can you be so matter-of-fact about this?" He barked.

"I don't know what you were expecting Harm. Did you think she would join a nunnery? Mattie is a passionate young woman, coming into her own-."

"SHE IS FIFTEEN."

"I KNOW HOW OLD SHE IS … she is almost sixteen … and she is in a lot of pain … losing a mother … losing a father … not knowing what the future holds … where she is going to be in six months … she is confused … she is lost and alone."

"She is not alone." Harm argued.

"Harm … trust me … I don't want to get into how the mind of a teenage girl works … but believe me when I tell you, I have a better handle on it than you do."

"Did you know she was having sex with him?"

Mac shook her head. "No … and to be honest, if I did … I am not sure I would have told you." That was mean, Mac didn't mean that.

"MAC – FOR GOD SAKE ---."

"YOU HAVE TO CALM DOWN." She yelled back at him. "This is not the end of the world. We will find them, we will make sure they are safe and we will bring them home. That is what is important right now. We will deal with the rest of it later."

He shook his head. He couldn't believe this was happening.

Her voice got very soft. "Harm, I would have told you … or I would have encouraged her to tell you … I didn't know. I didn't know she was even in contact with him."

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He nodded and looked away. "None of us knew … she was keeping us all at bay." He slumped down onto the edge of her car. "I trusted her … I never should have trusted her."

"Harm, again … she is not made of glass and you have to trust … if there is no trust, then there is no relationship. You didn't do anything wrong. Mattie is the one that screwed up here … but she is a kid, we have to allow for that."

"Allow for that?"

"I didn't say accept it or condone it … but we have to allow for it."

Harm shook his head. All he knew was that he was scared, angry and very, very guilty. "The hearing to have her permanently placed with me – with us - is coming up next week."

Mac nodded. She had thought about that too, in fact that was the first thing she thought of when Harm had told her that Mattie was gone. She also wondered if Mattie had that in mind when she left.

"The judge is going to ship her off to a home."

"Harm, let's not go looking for trouble … we have trouble enough already." She took his hand. "OK? First things first … we have to find her and bring her home."

Harm nodded. "What do you suggest?"

"First of all, I think we should get AJ and Victor involved."

"What? Why?"

"We need all the eyes we can get looking for them, we have to assume that they have at least a five to seven hour head start.

"They could have gone anywhere."

"I know. That's why we need their help … professional help … help from private investigators … the police don't work that hard looking for runaways."

Harm reluctantly nodded.

X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X

AJ and Vic were called in. There really wasn't much to go on. The first place they checked was Blacksburg thinking that Mattie might have decided to hide out there for a few days. The police told them that the house appeared to have been vacant, but they would keep an eye out for them. They interviewed many of Josh's friends and the only thing they came up with was a vague reference to Josh saying that he wanted to go back to California or Alaska. Neither was much to go on.

AJ was working on getting satellite tracking on Mattie or Josh's phone (which required a little string pulling at NCIS – Gates was more than happy to help facilitate that) but both phones were turned off. Regardless, Harm called her cell phone every hour on the hour, hoping against hope that she might just pick it up.

It was determined that they probably had between $1500 and $2500 cash with them, and one of Annie's credit cards. The card had not been used. They had to know that if they did use it, it would give away their location. However, Harm was grateful that they weren't without money. It meant they wouldn't be living on the streets or accepting help from people who would not have their best interests at heart.

They had left Annie in Maryland with a friend late Friday morning. Harm could not speak to her without exploding, so Mac was the one who was relaying what little information they had back to her. Nowhere on Mac's agenda was getting Harm and Annie to reconcile – selfishly or not – she would not facilitate that. Mac also believed that Annie had pushed Josh to this. That relationship – Josh and Annie – was going to need a long time to repair, if it ever could be. Mac was hoping that Harm's part in that was now over.

The first real "break" – if you can call it a break – was an e-mail from Mattie. She had the courtesy to e-mail Harm and tell him that she was fine and that she would call when they got to where they were going. The e-mail was sent early Friday morning – Harm got it late in the afternoon. She didn't mention Josh by name, but it was clear that that was who she was with. Josh did not e-mail his mother. That put the search back on the road. They put it out over the wires in all 48 states so that every police department would be alerted to Josh's car. The problem with that was that unless they were pulled over, or in an accident (please God no) they could be in a police parade and might be ignore

The second break came very late on Saturday afternoon. Harm again was calling Mattie's cell and someone answered. Mattie had left her phone in the bathroom of a MacDonald's in St. Louis Missouri. AJ convinced Harm that he needed to stay in Washington, that she had probably moved on from St. Louis and there was no reason to double up the efforts there. So AJ went to St. Louis to check it out. The odds of her still being there or gathering any other information were slim, but it was all they had to go on.

2333 EST - Saturday

Rabb Residence

North of Union Station

It was just over thirty hours from when Harm discovered that Mattie had gone. Sleep was not even an option for Harm. He had gone for a short run. He needed something to do; he was going crazy. Mac had wanted to go with him, but he asked that she stay by the phone. He had barely broken a sweat; he had not been gone more than fifteen minutes. He flopped down in the chair.

"It is not your fault." Mac said for probably the hundredth time since this all began.

"It has to be … there is no one else to blame."

Mac came up behind him and leaned down to rub his shoulders.

Harm buried his face in his hands and repeated his mantra. "She has to be alright."

"Mattie will be fine."

"She has to be … before I kill her."

Mac moved around and sat down in front of him on the coffee table. Her voice was calm and reassuring. "She is probably thinking right now about what a big mistake this whole thing was … and is trying to figure out how she is going to get home."

"How she is going to get home? All she has to do is call me … she knows that … doesn't she? Doesn't she know that there is nothing --." Harm stopped himself. The look on Mac's face was enough to let him know that it was not that simple. He took her hands in his. "Tell me what I am supposed to do."

"You'll know what to do." Mac reassured. "You'll know what to say."

"I don't know … I don't think so." Harm shook his head. "I just don't understand … it doesn't make any sense to me." He looked at her. "Can you help me?"

Mac smiled and squeezed his hands back. It was the first time since this mess began that she honestly felt that he would listen to what she had to say not because he had to, but because he really wanted to understand.

"I can tell you what I know – about me – how it was for me."

He nodded.

"Mattie and I are alike." She looked away. "I was so jealous of her."

"Jealous? Why?"

"You gave to her to freely what I wanted you to give to me … what I had earned and couldn't ask for… couldn't accept"

"Mac --."

"You were making the life that I had always wanted … without me."

"Mac."

She put up her hand to stop him – she wasn't telling him that to get consoled – it was just information. "When I first met her I flattered myself into thinking that you were helping her because I wouldn't let you help me; that you found an easier version of me to … to love and to care for."

He smiled. He hadn't really thought of it that way, but there was an element of truth to that that he could not deny. "Easier?" He asked. "It hasn't felt that easy."

"In some ways it is, and some ways it isn't. But it made me sad to realize how cold and distant our relationship had become. How my life had gone to shit and yours was moving ahead."

"All you had to do was reach out to me." He said.

Mac shook her head. "You didn't make it easy … in fact you made it pretty close to impossible." She waited until she saw acknowledgement in his eyes. "Don't do that with Mattie." She warned.

He looked down remembering exactly how difficult he had made it for Mac back then. "I won't." He was apologetic – after nearly losing Mac and this very real possibility of losing Mattie, he had learned his lesson. But he needed new tools to use. He was hoping Mac could provide them. "I just don't understand why … why she felt that she had to leave … that she couldn't talk to me … or you or anyone but Josh." His disdain for the boy was growing.

"I don't know for sure, but I can try … I can tell you what it was like for me … and maybe that will help."

Harm moved to the couch and pulled her with him. He wanted her close, he wanted her to know that he would listen, hear and not judge.

After a moment Mac started her story. "You know I started drinking – I mean really drinking – after my mother left."

Harm nodded.

The next part came out like a shot … like she had to say it quickly or she would lose her nerve. "Well with drinking comes partying … and with partying comes boys." She stole a quick glance at him and then looked away. "I was so starved for attention and so in need of love … that I confused the two." She meant love and sex …to a degree she had done that most of her life.

Harm understood and would not interrupt. He knew that this would be difficult for her to explain to him – to anyone, she had worked so hard to put this part of her life behind her.

She got a very sad look in her eye. "Are you sure you want to know this much about me? Are you sure you are still going to love me when you know all my dirty secrets?"

"There is nothing you can tell me, that would change how I think or feel about you."

It was not enough for her.

"Sarah, we have known each other through good and really, really bad times and we are still here – together – more together than we ever have been." He tilted her chin back so she would look him in the eye. "I love you – that doesn't change."

"Yes, but will you respect me in the morning." She was trying to make a joke but the worry and pain was real.

"I have never not respected you … I have disrespected you and been mean, nasty, petty and rude … but there was always respect."

She laughed. "There is some twisted Rabb logic in that." With a deep breath and braving the feared outcome she continued. "The gory details are not important, let's just say that before I knew what I was doing, I was in the middle of something that I didn't know how to get out of. I was only a little bit older than Mattie and a lot less mature. Chris was not the first, but he was the first to make me believe that he would give me a way out … out of my house … out of my life. " Mac got a very sad, far away look in her eye. "Chris made me feel loved."

She looked back at Harm. She could not tell what he was thinking or how he was taking her disclosure.

"Well, I thought it was love … at the time … I thought I was the most important thing in the world to him … for the first time in my life, I was important to someone … it was probably the most intense period of my life … hot, cold, up, down … and through it all I was maintaining an alcohol level of .08." She turned to look at him. "You wouldn't have had much respect for me then."

"You were young, we all do stupid things when we are young." He was so focused on not letting her be too hard on her self that he didn't really hear what he was saying.

Mac saw a way to shift the attention off her self. "You know … you and Mattie are a lot alike too."

"What do you mean?"

"Doing stupid things at a young age … like you taking off at age sixteen for Viet Nam in search of your father?"

"That was fool hearty and very dangerous." He agreed. "But I didn't see it that way at the time."

"Kind of like Mattie taking off with Josh."

Her bringing it full circle was a little quick for him. It snapped him back to reality and his fear and frustration started to take over. "I was going in search of something … of some one."

"So is Mattie … it is just not that defined."

He shook his head. It was not the same thing at all.

She had to rein him back in. "Harm … remember where you were at sixteen, and what you were feeling … everything was so much more intense back then… nothing was more important than what was right in front of you …if someone had told you that going to Viet Nam could get you killed, it wouldn't have meant anything to you … at sixteen nothing can touch you … but everything does."

"I never thought about the danger … even after-." He thought about the loss of Kym – had he ever told Mac about her? It was not the time for that. "It never occurred to me that I could get hurt or worse – all that mattered was finding my father." He explained. "But what is Mattie searching for … she is just a kid."

"A kid who had to grow up too fast … like you, like me. It makes you want to get out there that much faster. It wasn't safe for us at home … it wasn't safe being a kid … nothing was in our control."

"What do you mean by 'safe'?"

"For me is was my father … he had hit my mother … there was nothing to say that I would not be next, particularly since she was out of reach. It wasn't literally safe for me to be home – but it wasn't emotionally safe either – Chris made me feel safe … for a little while."

He understood that … he didn't understand his lack of "safety."

"For you it was your mom and your stepfather … that was not safe – emotionally safe for you. Your mom was moving on from your dad, something that you were not prepared to do. Was it physically safe? Sure, you had a roof and food and what ever you wanted. Did your mom and Frank love you – I am sure they did – I know they did and they wanted the best for you. But it was it was not enough for you. You needed something that was yours – yours alone. Your father – the man your mother left behind."

He nodded like he was trying on her theory to see if it fit. It some ways it made sense, in others it didn't.

"I had Chris – he was mine alone." She paused. "It is probably the same thing for Mattie. She just wants something that belongs to her – a love that is all about her … and sex at that age feels very real and very personal – and very much like love. Only in hind sight do we know how unreal and dangerous it really was."

Harm leaned back. This whole thing was hurting his head. "She has only known him for two weeks?"

"Two weeks is a lifetime when you are fifteen."

Harm cringed at the mention of her age again. She was so young. He was trying to see that Mattie at fifteen and Mac at seventeen and him at sixteen were all the same. In essence they were. "So what do I do … what do I say when I see her again?" He had to hold onto the belief that he would see her again soon – that she would choose to come home.

"Tell her that you love her … make her understand."

"What if I don't get the chance?"

Mac pulled him to her and wrapped him up in her arms. There was nothing to say to that. It was a very real fear that something could happen to Mattie, and placating words were not enough any more. She felt Harm tighten his hold on her. He was hanging on to Mac and Mac's strength – she was allowed to be the strong one for them. It was enough for Mac that he wanted her there, and needed her to get through this, that they would meet this problem and resolve it as a couple. His harsh words of the day before would be forgiven though he would continue to apologize for them.

1813 EST - Sunday

Rabb Residence

North of Union Station

It was a bad night for Harm. He paced most of it. Mac tried to get him to at least lie down, but he was too restless. She didn't sleep much either, but she stayed in bed to allow him the freedom of the apartment.

The calling started again that morning very early. AJ had found a hotel that they had stayed at on Friday night. There was nothing there that would point him in another direction. The clerk at the hotel didn't seem too impressed that he had rented a room to a couple of teenagers even after AJ had pointed out that he could be brought up on charges for that. There was an employee at MacDonald's that remembered seeing the car and recognized a picture of Mattie, but did not see her leave or notice the guy she was with. Someone else remembered that there were a couple of kids fighting in the parking lot, but didn't actually see them or the car.

At 1306 Josh's car was reported abandon on the side of the road in Albuquerque, New Mexico. AJ flew out immediately from St Louis. Victor would meet him there. It seemed pretty clear that they were headed to San Diego. Harm wanted to meet them at the other end, but again Mac convinced him that he needed to be at home – at least until they got something definite.

Mac had gone out to pick up dinner. They could have ordered in, but she needed to give him some time to himself – and she needed a little too. There were no actual plans of eating what she brought home, but it was something to do. She parked and walked toward the door. Around the corner came Mattie – walking. Her head and shoulders were down and the weight of the backpack had taken its toll. She looked tired and haggard. She looked up in time to see Mac watching her. Mac could not help but think that she looked scared but otherwise unharmed. Her heart went out to her. She waited for Mattie to approach.

"Hi." Mattie said tentatively.

"Are you ok?" Mac's voice was tender and caring and she reached out to touch Mattie's cheek.

"Yeah." Mattie's voice was near breaking. "How much trouble am I in?" She asked.

"Quite a bit." Mac pulled her into an embrace that Mattie only barely returned.

"Should I bother to talk to him or should I just keep on walking?" Mattie was defeated – she had screwed up the only really good thing in her life.

"Of course you should talk to him – he loves you very much – and you know what? So do I."

Mattie's weak smile said she wanted to believe it, but the look in her eye said she didn't.

"Come on." Mac led her up the stairs.

Mac opened the door to the apartment. Harm was lying down on the bed with his arms over his face. He looked up as soon as Mattie stepped over the threshold. He was up immediately but didn't want to advance on her too much. He didn't want to frighten her away.

"Are you OK?" He asked.

She nodded fearing that her voice would not work.

"Really? Are you really OK?" He searched her with his eyes to see if she were hurt in anyway.

"Yes." She croaked.

"You scared the hell out of me Mattie." He said.

The tears spilled over. "Can I come home?" She cried.

Harm immediately scooped her up in a tight embrace. "Of course you can, honey. Of course you can."

Through her tears she apologized and swore she would never do anything like that again. Harm just hung on to her as tightly as he could. It was not the time to discuss what happened or lay down ground rules for the future. It was a time to remind her that she was loved, in spite of the stupid things she has done and that she could always come home.

Mattie needed a shower and something to eat before they would have 'the discussion'. What she really needed was a good night sleep – they could have all used a good night sleep, but that would have to wait. Before she left to shower and change, she had told them enough to know that Josh and she split up in St. Louis – she had spent close to 22 hours on a bus getting back to Washington. Harm admonished her for not calling him then, he would have gone to pick her up. Mac understood why … Mattie needed time to think; sadly it was too much time. She also told them that Josh was headed to San Diego. He said it was to stay with friends, but she found out that they were people he had met over the Internet. He had never actually met them in person before.

Mattie was very embarrassed when she found out that AJ and Vic had been brought into this mess, as well as Gates and the services of NCIS. Harm did not give her a break on that. He needed for her to understand that what she and Josh had done was very serious. Mattie knew and would not let too much of the blame be placed on Josh. Although it may not have been her idea initially, she did agree to go.

Mac made the phone calls to AJ and Vic. They said that they would continue to look for Josh – now that they had better information. She called Gates and finally Annie. Annie would not get off the phone until she talked to Harm. He had nothing to say to her other than that AJ and Vic would continue to look for him but could not guarantee that they could bring him home. Josh would be turning 18 in April. It was only a matter of time before he took off again. By the end of the conversation, Annie had finally realized that Harm was still holding her responsible. She had driven a wedge to deeply between herself and her son, that controlling or reasoning with him was useless. He was reckless with his own life, but to bring Mattie into it was unacceptable. The last straw was the fact that Josh left Mattie at the Greyhound station in St. Louis. It was enough for Harm to write the boy off completely. He didn't know how he would deal with Mattie if she had wanted to continue to see him or stay in contact with him.

The reunion between Mattie and Jennifer was much like sisters though it was interesting to see Jennifer taking a hard line with Mattie. It was softer than Harm's was, but it was good that Mattie knew that so many people cared and worried about her.

2200 EST

Rabb Residence

Mattie came back to Harm's apartment. She had showered and changed and was feeling a little revived after lying down for a half an hour. She didn't want to push the discussion, but she also didn't want it to fester and weigh on them overnight.

She knocked and entered. Harm and Mac were sitting on the couch, clearly discussing the past few days and what was to come.

"I suppose you want to talk to me." Mattie said tentatively.

"You suppose correctly." Harm stood and motioned for her to take a seat in the chair.

Mac stood also. She was about to excuse herself. Harm reflexively reached out for her hand to prevent her from leaving.

"Mac, please stay." Mattie's voice squeaked. "I mean, would you please stay?"

They were a family. If Mac took nothing else from this conversation it was the fact that – regardless of legal documents and living arrangements – the three of them were a family – a family by choice.

"Should I start?" Mattie said bravely after they had all taken their seats again.

"Go ahead." Harm nodded.

"I am sorry … really very sorry. I didn't want to scare you … I can't believe that you got AJ and Victor, and Gates involved."

"We needed to find you."

"I'm sorry … I just …"

"Just what?" Harm pressed. Mac took his hand hoping it would rein him back in a little.

"It seemed like such an easy answer." Mattie continued.

"To what Mattie?" Mac used a motherly tone that she didn't even know she had. "An easy answer to what?"

"I felt like I was in the way … that you two … that I wanted to … I don't know … I just …" She didn't have a real answer – it was a feeling that she had. "It wasn't supposed to be like this."

"Like what?"

"This hard … it wasn't supposed to be this hard."

Mac and Harm exchanged a look. No, it wasn't supposed to be that hard … it was supposed to be easy … but it never was.

"Mattie," Mac said softly. "I would like to tell you that it gets easier. I wish I could make you believe that the worst is over and in your case most of the really bad stuff is behind you … but the most important thing you have to know … I mean really know and believe … " She looked over at Harm.

"You need to know that you are not alone." He finished for her. "We love you Mattie and no matter what happened before or tomorrow or the next day … you have a home."

Mattie nodded slowly. It was be hard for her to accept that. So much of the drama in her life was foisted on Harm. He wasn't her father – hell he wasn't even related. He was just some guy – some nice guy – who saved her. A man who showed up out of nowhere and took her – and her problems – on and for no apparent reason. In the beginning it made more sense, he was alone and jobless, but now that he and Mac were working things out, his career was changing – again. All of that made her feel that he would have much rather had her go back to where she came from, but now he was stuck with her. She didn't want him to be stuck – she didn't want to be the sticking point in his life. She had no right to be there – other than that he had asked her to be a long time ago when his life was different.

"Mattie, " Harm continued. "When I met you – which seems like a long time ago – a lot longer than a year – and asked you to let me be your guardian, I meant that … I really meant that. It wasn't just for a period of time, or until you are eighteen, I meant it for good."

"But – but." Mattie stuttered. "But so much has changed. I was supposed to go back with my Dad and … and … and … you and Mac –"

Harm squeezed Mac's hand to allow him to respond. "Yeah, Mac and my relationship has changed – I thought you wanted that."

"I do … I did … I mean, I do … I am glad you finally did something about it … I don't want to be in the way."

"Mattie, you and I talked about this." Mac stated. "I wasn't kidding when I said that if it weren't for you, Harm and I never would have gotten together."

"I don't believe that." Mattie stated.

"You should." Mac continued. "Harm of course would never admit it." She smiled at him. "Has to maintain his macho image, but it is true."

Harm rolled his eyes. "Mattie, what is true is that we are a family now … the three of us … there is nothing that Mac and I discussed or planned – even before Tom died – that did not include you … and we need to start acting like that … we need you to be a part of this family. OK?"

"Ok." Mattie nodded. She had hoped that that would be the end of the conversation.

"Why don't you tell us about Josh." Harm said evenly. He was really trying to keep his emotions in check.

"What am I supposed to tell you?" Mattie immediately went on the defensive.

"We know that -."

Mac cut him off. "Mattie, what happed with Josh – why did you two split up?"

"He had all these plans … that at first seemed reasonable … but after a while they didn't."

"Go on." Mac pressed.

"You have to know that Josh's mom is a loon."

Mac turned her face away to hide her smile. Harm looked over at her, but didn't say anything.

"You really dated her, Harm?" Mattie asked. "She's a whack job."

Mac let a little burst of laughter come out. Harm let go of her hand.

"Annie is highly emotional." He explained.

"Yeah, whatever."

"Mattie, you have only met Annie once, and the rest you have heard from Josh … could it be possible he told you only one side of the story."

"I heard that she broke up with you 'cause you took Josh on a cruise – I mean what's up with that?"

Mac could not add anything constructive to this part of the conversation so watched as Harm squirmed on the hook – she could have lost that amused look on her face, Harm thought but that would have been too much to ask.

"There was a little more to it than that." Harm went on. "But it is enough to know that Annie and I had different views on many things. And to be honest, I should have been more sensitive to her …"

"Neuroses?" Mac offered.

"OK … that is enough." Harm looked back and forth between Mac and Mattie. "Annie has issues, but that doesn't excuse Josh – or his behavior – or taking a fifteen-year-old girl out of state!"

Mattie looked down. There was no response to that.

"Tell us about Josh." Mac asked again more seriously.

"He and I just hit it off … it was like we were thinking the same things. We talked everyday since we met, chatted on the internet for hours … he told me things that he never told anyone else, and I did the same."

"Like what?" Harm asked.

"Harm, that is not for us to know." Mac said hoping to give the kids a little privacy. "Why did you keep it a secret? Why didn't you tell either of us that you were staying in contact with him?"

"It wasn't a secret or anything." Mattie defended. "I don't know … it never came up."

Harm didn't want to accept that, but he did. "So it was Josh's idea to take off for California?"

"He said he was going, and I asked if I could go with him." She laughed. "We would never have made it in the hunk of junk he called a car."

"It broke down in Albuquerque." Harm told her.

Mattie nodded. She was thinking about the fight that she and Josh had about his car.

"Why?" Harm was still confused. "Why did you want to go?"

"I don't know … I just … it sounded like it was a good idea … we would get jobs … leave everything else behind." She looked up at Harm. "It was a bad idea … I didn't think it through, alright?" She admitted.

"It was a bad idea." He confirmed.

"I came back on my own, didn't I?" She said defensively.

"Yes, yes you did." He reached his hand out to take hers. "I am glad you did."

"So what is my punishment?" She asked in true teenager form.

"Well, I was thinking I would leave that up to you." Harm said. "Mac?" He looked over at her to see if she had a different idea.

"Actually that is a good idea." Mac agreed. "What do you think should be the consequences of …"

"My crime?" Mattie offered.

"That word is a little harsh." Mac said.

"There were several offenses, Mattie." Harm added. "Skipping school, signing my name to a note excusing you from school, sneaking out after curfew, not calling …"

"Leaving the state." Mattie added.

"Yeah, that one too." Harm was really trying not to scream and ground her until she was 35. "Lying."

"I never actually lied."

"Misrepresenting the truth then."

"I guess …" Mattie shrugged. "I have to be grounded … for a while … probably not allowed to use the Internet … for a while … I don't know … wash your cars for a month."

Harm shook his head. "None of those feel right, Mattie," he said. "It is not so much about punishment for the action as it is trying to understand and fix the cause."

"So what? You want me to see a shrink or something? Go back to AlaTeen?"

Harm actually hadn't thought of that, but it was a good idea. "What do you think about that? You have been through a lot in the past couple of years, having someone who knows how to help you make sense of it might not be a bad idea." He thought for a moment. "You know that I am here and that Mac is here to help you … but maybe we are all too close … maybe you need someone who is not part of this --."

"Family?" Mattie shook her head. "I don't want to talk to a stranger."

"Well, they wouldn't be a stranger for long."

"How long would I have to go for?" Mattie asked.

"That would be up to you and whoever you were talking to."

"Can I think about it?" Mattie asked.

"Sure." He said gently. "I am sure we will talk about this more than one more time."

"Terrific." Mattie was getting more comfortable being a teenager again. She was home.

"Until then, you are grounded and can't use the Internet." Harm stated in true father form. "In fact, you need to give up your lap top – you can only use it in my – or Mac's presence."

Mattie nodded though she was not very happy.

"And one of us will drive you to school and pick you up … everyday."

"Ok."

"Is there anything else you would like to tell us?" Mac asked.

Mattie looked uncomfortable. "No." She said weakly.

Harm decided the direct approach was needed. "Mattie we have reason to believe that you and Josh have had … sex." Harm nearly choked on the words.

Mattie's eyes got as big as saucers. That was one thing that she didn't want them to know about from the last several of days. She was really hoping she could have avoided that whole subject.

"We didn't." She said defensively.

"Can we talk about this?" Mac asked.

"Sure … if you want to … but nothing happened." Again she was a little over the top in her defense.

Mac continued. "We will assume that you know how it works …technically … from health class and from TV and movies … I am sure you have gotten a pretty good handle on the mechanics."

Mattie looked down and away, she SO much didn't want to talk about this.

Harm continued. "Can we also assume that you know about protection? … Not only to prevent pregnancy … something that should be planned by adults and not accidental … but also about the spread of sexually transmitted diseases."

"YES!" Mattie yelp. This was getting too hard.

"HIV and AIDS."

"Yes, I know about condoms."

The word condom used by his daughter - his fifteen-year-old daughter – made Harm very tense.

Mac went on. "Mattie, the physical relationship between two people can be very … fulfilling … it can feel like the most important thing in the world … but those feelings can be very confusing particularly to someone so young."

"We didn't do anything." She protested.

Harm and Mac were not willing to believe that, but they also did not want to challenge her on it at the moment.

It was Harm's turn. "Mattie, what we are suggesting is that you wait … wait until you are older."

"Until you are more comfortable in your own skin." Mac helped. "The consequences of having sex are too great and too life altering to enter into that kind of relationship so young."

"Ok." She shifted her seat. "Can I go now? I am really tired."

"Mattie, know that you can come talk to us." Harm said with a gentle fatherly tone. "Either together or separately … there is nothing that you can tell us that will make us not love you or support you – even if we disagree with you choice."

"Ok."

Harm continued. "Know that you can come to us with anything that you need to … call us anytime – day or night – and no matter where you are or how you got there, we will come get you."

"Yeah, Ok."

"You also need to know that I will shoot to kill anyone that tries anything with you." Harm said flatly.

Both Mattie and Mac looked over at him.

"Well, I will." He didn't see anything wrong with that statement.

"Harm that is hardly helpful." Mac looked a little disappointed.

"Just wanted her to know all the consequences."

"Can I go?" Mattie asked again.

"Sure, honey. Go get some sleep."

They all stood up. Harm reached out for her. She was going to give just the standard quick hug that teenagers give their parents when they are forced to, but Harm held on tight. She returned it.

"I love you, Mattie." His voice cracking. "I am very glad you are home safe and sound."

"I love you too." She squeezed him tightly again and waited for him to release her. She almost hoped that he would never let go. She felt the tears welling up again.

Mac came around the coffee table and hugged her too. Mattie held on to Mac's hand as the three of them walked to the door. Mattie looked up into Mac's face and Mac knew that she had something she needed to talk to her about.

"I'm gonna walk Mattie home. Ok?"

Harm looked back and forth between them. "Sure."

An Hour Later

Mac came back to the apartment. Harm was still up, but he was shutting it down for the night. Mac went immediately to the bathroom and did her routine. When she came back to the bedroom, she had changed into a large t-shirt and shorts. She pulled her hair loose from the ponytail and shook it out. She walked around the bed to her side and slid in.

Harm watched every movement from the doorway. He was waiting for her to say something. She wasn't going to.

He took a deep breath, turned out the remaining lights and slid into bed next to her.

"I think we handled that … well." Mac said as she curled into his embrace.

"Time will tell."

"Yeah." She kissed his cheek and settled back down. "'Night."

"You are not going to tell me what you and Mattie talked about?"

"She wanted to know if she could talk to Gates."

"You mean as her 'shrink'?"

"Yeah."

"What did you say?"

"I told her that we would have to discuss it with Gates. I also pointed out to her that Gates was a friend of mine – but that she would never break a confidence with Mattie – for me or you."

"Gates … she wants to talk to Gates?" He was at a loss.

"Harm, you know, I think that Gates would be good for her. She is honest and direct and won't pussy foot around with Mattie. She will talk to her like an adult and she will help her make better decisions in the future."

"Gates will?"

"Yeah, Gates will."

Harm shook his head. He was not as convinced of that as Mac was.

Mac was quiet for a moment. "Harm … do you remember the first time … I mean YOUR first time?"

"First time what?"

"The first time you … yah know … you did it."

"What?" He sat up and turned toward her. "Are you really asking me that?"

"Yeah."

"I don't think this is a very good topic of conversation."

"I told you about mine."

"Yeah … well that was different." He realized where this topic came from and looked to the door. "So … what? She and Josh."

Mac nodded.

"I am going to kill him." He said between clenched teeth.

Mac put her hand on his shoulder to pull him back down onto the bed. "She didn't like it … said she didn't know what the big deal was all about."

That seemed to settle him down a little.

"She is not anxious to do it again." Mac laughed. "She said 'all that pawing and groping' … she wondered why women liked it. She thinks it is embarrassing."

"I hope you impressed upon her that she shouldn't try it again."

"How do you expect me to respond? … I like sex."

"MAC."

"I do. I like all that pawing and groping"

"SARAH MACKENZIE."

"I told her that when she is older and with someone who really loves her and respects her … it will be different."

"Are you saying Josh didn't respect her?" He again looked to the door. "I am going to kill him."

"Harm."

"Teach him that NO means NO … and how to treat a woman … a girl … a female."

"Harm, would you stop." She sat up. "He knows what NO means."

"What happened?"

"She said NO … he was not happy about it … but didn't press her … the next day she got on a bus back to Washington."

"She said NO?"

Mac nodded.

"Well, good. Good." Harm settled back down. "Why did she deny it?"

"She was embarrassed."

"Does she know that you were going to tell me or do I have to act like I don't know?"

"She knows … she asked me not to tell you, but she understood when I explained to her that you already knew. She thinks you won't like her any more – respect her."

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Poor kid."

"Yeah. Poor kid. She got in way over her head." She sighed. "But she will be OK."

"You told her that …"

"I told her that in a couple of days, when emotions have settled that you two really needed to have a conversation about it."

"She was OK with that?"

"Yeah. She won't be looking forward to it, but I think she understands that it is important."

"OK … Ok … good. … Fine." Harm was now worried about what he would say to her.

Mac got a twinkle in her eye. "So, come on tell me about your first encounter."

"No."

"Come on tell me."

"Mac, I don't think we should be talking about this."

"Why not … was it bad … did you embarrass yourself?" Her smile could not be contained.

"NO … jeez Mac … if you must know … I was 18 … and I rather enjoyed it."

"I'll bet. Who was she? Prom queen … cheer leader … one of your band groupies?"

"I don't want to discuss this."

"Hey … I told you."

"Actually you didn't tell me … you kind of dropped the subject."

"Oh yeah, guess I did."

"Yeah."

"OK … I am not embarrassed to say that the first time was … awful … painful, uncomfortable, weird and I felt really dirty afterward … I thought everyone would know … like there was a sign on my back … I hated it." She got a far away look in her eye. "I wonder if it is like that for all woman … girls?"

"I hope not."

"Well, if the first time is in the back of a VW Bug … it can't be a good experience." She got a far away look in her eye. "Ah to go back and do things differently. Next time." She looked back up at him with no shame. "So … who was she?"

Harm shook his head. "It is in the past … let's leave it there."

"Tell me."

He looked over at her. "Actually … she was older than I was … she was 23."

"An older woman, huh?"

"I was already at the academy … I was almost 19."

"Is that your defense?"

"I don't need a defense … it was her idea."

"I'll bet you flashed her that flyboy smile of yours … and she just couldn't help herself."

"I flashed that smile at you a time or two and you told me that it wasn't going to work on you."

"It didn't."

"What finally did?"

"Honestly?"

"Yeah – tell me how I finally won you over." He turned toward her and brushed a few strands away from her face.

"It was your eyes … rather the light in your eyes … there were times when you looked at me that I thought I couldn't breath." Mac immediate flashed onto him looking at her in Sydney Harbor, or his look on the porch at the admiral's house, or the other night when he came home and slipped into her bed.

He pulled her close to him. "Do I still have that affect on you?"

"Yes." She said easily.

He kissed her and they folded into each other … all the first times forgotten, thinking only about the next time.

X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X – X

End Chapter Fifteen