NOTE: This was written in the stream consciousness. I wrote it as I thought it without any care for grammar or anything. It drew from a scene in Luke's during the Gilmore Girls episode entitled "Face-Off". During the scene, Kirk was just drinking coffee in the background. So I wonder why he didn't speak during that time. Amy Sherman-Palladino, Dorothy Parker Drank Here Productions, Warner Bros., those folks own the rights to GG so hope that's info in for you.
What a waste of Kirk's many talents in that scene at Luke's. Wait! What if that wasn't Kirk? Maybe it was his twin brother named Twirk! Get it? TwinKirk condensed? Anyway, maybe Twirk was a long-lost brother who's deaf and mute. But he's not a total Helen Keller because he can see. And read. So somehow he came to find Kirk was his brother. Maybe his parents died and it was revealed in the will. So he set out to find his long-lost twin. All he knew was that his brother was adopted by this weird family who lived in a small Connecticut town about a half hour away from where he lived with the sweet and loving parents in Hartford. The will made it clear that Twirk and Kirk's parents could only keep one child. But it tore their hearts to choose. So they ended up deciding to give both of them away since they couldn't choose. They were awfully poor, you see. So Twirk was adopted too. But like I said earlier, he got lucky with having such loving and wealthy parents. They sent Twirk to the best schools for the impaired. But they never completely fulfilled the void in Twirk's life. They suspected he didn't talk because of this void in his life. So anyway Twirk's adoptive parents died in that tragic car accident somewhere along the icy highway between New York and New Jersey. (It was the same one that killed the wife of the famous neurosurgeon Doctor Andrew Brown.) Then this happened, they left him everything to him, saying he was adopted and he had a twin brother, Kirk. But Kirk was already spoken for at the agency so Twirk's adoptive parents couldn't take them both. Twirk spoke his first words that day. He said, "I must find my brother Kirk." He figured if he hadn't talked during his life, Kirk must have a mighty big void in his life too. So he started with The Search. It lasted a couple years this search. He worked many jobs in many towns in the 30-minute radius of Hartford. Sometimes he even changed his name so he could slip in and out without much notice because, after all, Twirk was a pretty unusual name. One of his fake names was Mitch and he worked with the DSL company when he used this name. Things began to look better after this. When Twirk had tried to install the DSL at the Gilmore house in Stars Hollow, he got this energy that he was narrowing in on his long-lost brother. But he wasn't definitely positive. He soon came back to Stars Hollow. This time he helped deliver swans to the Independence Inn because of a wedding that was gonna be there in a few days. Once again, Twirk got that strong feeling like he was near Kirk. But luckily when he delivered the swans to the Inn, Ms. Gilmore didn't recognize him as Mitch the DSL guy. That would have blown his cover. So anyway, after that appearance as the Swan Guy, he went undercover. He snooped in and out of town, trying to zero in where Kirk lived. Well he found out all right. Twirk found out that his brother still lived with his adoptive mother. At first Twirk thought that was nice but he soon found out otherwise. He was in Luke's, in disguise of course, when he started to hear of the awful (adoptive) mum Kirk had. She wouldn't let him have a car. For Pete's sake, he's an adult. He had heard of other awful things too. Like from a guy in Stars Hollow (Twirk heard the man's then-girlfriend/fiancée and now wife call the man Jackson at one time), Twirk heard that Kirk had 12 (adoptive) brothers and sisters and all of them got baskets. Except Kirk. Twirk felt sorry for his brother right now. Even more when he heard about the "Kick Me" sign from Kirk himself telling the Girls in Luke's. But not as much as the story about his brother's cat Kirk. Twirk suspected that this CatKirk was his brother's way of trying to fill the void but it didn't work because Kirk had to end up sleeping in the gazebo. So anyway, Twirk had strict orders not to go converse with and comfort Kirk. This would have been too big of a shock. You see, everything I just told you about Twirk is a lie. Twirk is not Kirk's twin brother. Twirk is Kirk. From the future! That was the real reason behind Mitch the DSL guy and Swan Guy. Future Kirk couldn't let anyone know it was really him. And he wanted to be near his future wife despite it all. That's also part of the reason why Future Kirk didn't speak at the diner in last week's episode. But here's some more reasoning behind it: It took all of Future Kirk's energy not speak to his future wife and stepdaughter. That stepdaughter is pretty smart, wouldn't you say? She predicted (per se) way back when (well, the week after the "Kick Me" sign incident which, despite pretty strong evidence to the contrary, is not funny. He has asthma, you know.) that Kirk would be her daddy. Anyway, it took all of his might to just drink his coffee, and not talk or even look at them. See in the future, Twirk (er, Kirk) is a major Hollywood filmmaker. It all started when he and Miss Patty made up after that horrible incident with his not wanting to make Miss Patty's memoirs in the one-woman show the way she wanted them. Not to mention the horrible incident where he told her that she could not eat fruit in Doose's Market when he was the new assistant manager back in September of 2000 and she later called him Kirk the Jerk which is so lame. 'Cause I mean, yuk! It rhymes. And everybody knows that poetry is pants. So as a make-up present (since it was already all over town that the one-woman show was "not affiliated by Kirk" and the other incident had been brought up during that other fight), Miss Patty introduced him to his idol, the person who directed all those "The Facts of Life" films. She still does have her connections, you know. Being a once-famous person herself. Though I personally think that Miss Patty once dated the fellow and she left him horribly for one of those three guys she married. One of them she married twice if you recall. But the fellow never got over losing the love of his life so he was thrilled to do anything for his former love when he heard she was available. So when Kirk talked to the director, he showed the guy (it is a guy, right? 'Cause I never pegged Miss Patty as a lesbian or whatever so my story about a torrid love affair between the guy and Miss Patty wouldn't make sense 'cause if it was a woman, then just forget about the love affair bit. The two women were just friends.) his "a film by kirk", which premiered at Stars Hollow's fourth annual Movie in the Square night. The guy loved it! In fact, he loved it so much that he showed it to all his friends which in turn showed the film to their friends. And so on and so on until it got to Steven Speilberg who loved it so much that he always put it in the beginning of all his films. That got Kirk into the "in" circle. You see, he did end up being just fine even after being such a loner in high school. So of course, after that every girl in America wanted to have him. Including Lorelai Victoria Gilmore. When she heard how famous he was, she immediately left her fiancée Alex (she blamed it on her "commitment" problems) and went to Hollywood to find her blossoming-by-the-day crush. He took her back. Everyone knew he had a crush on a girl back home. So Kirk wasn't the sk8er boi in that now-ancient Avril Lavigne song, meaning he did take back the girl who dissed him when he wasn't famous. So they got married (strangely enough the prettiest girl he had ever seen outside a really dirty magazine and she still was the prettiest he'd ever seen even after Kirk becoming famous and all that because he didn't even care for the girls' looks for he was homesick for that unnamed "special hometown girl" as it was spread throughout all the nation's papers, both the respectable and the non-respectable didn't have commitment problems then). But Kirk still wouldn't let his wife touch his trophy. No matter what. Oh, and Kirk had left his ungrateful family when he became famous. He had them sued for not treating him right and all that stuff. Kinda like Matilda. But not really. Also, by this time, the wealthy Emily and Richard Gilmore had forgiven their daughter seeing as she finally became member of proper society once again. Well sort of. Kind of. And the lovely stepdaughter, well she went on become the next Christiane Amanpour to achieve her life-long dream but she remained close to her mom and they chatted incessantly whenever they got the chance. But no word on the guy in the stepdaughter's life. It was quite the mystery who the guy was. The last it was heard that she hooked up with some guy she met at college. But she went back to former lovers all the time so it was quite hard to say.
THE END (might continue, might not)
