A/N: MegZ- hey new fic! lauren "dared" me 2 do it, wit her as a co-author. hope it doesnt sound stupid but itz rly juss 4 funn so dont hurt me! o and lauren wrote half/edited it so creditz 2 her.
Lauren: hey this is lauren aka dramionerox and i hope that you guys enjoy this fic! dont forget to check out my fics too! and especially HM18's! oh yeah, this fic was made just for fun, so please dont flame it saying that its stupid and all ((even though its NOT))
CHAPTER ONE:Potions Book XXVI
What is wrong with girls this week? Must be that time of month, Draco Malfoy thought. Three girls blew him off in two days, which is definitely a first. He walked towards the Slytherin common room and through the portrait hole.
"Hey, mate," Blaise Zabini called from the sofa. "What's going on? Pansy after you again?"
"Thank Merlin, no. It's just that…" he gave a frustrated sigh. "I just don't get girls! One day they're begging to be with you, the next they're spazzing out and slapping you!"
Blaise shook his head sadly, "If I met a guy who understands girls, they'd be gay. So it's basically impossible. I mean, look at Potter and Weasel! They don't really understand that Granger, even though she's like their best friend. Or maybe they do…hell maybe they're gay!"
"Whatever, Zabini," Draco said and left his friend pondering the thought.
He walked to his room to get out a good book to read since he was too frustrated to bug the hell out of the Golden Trio. Granger would probably slap him too.
He found a Potions book on his shelf in his dark room and threw himself on the bed to read. He flipped through the pages, skipping all the inside topics. Finally he turned to a page that had a short paragraph, ingredients, and instructions to make a potion: the Polyjuice Potion.
"Hmm…looks interesting enough," Draco muttered to himself. He read the description:
WARNING: The Polyjuice Potion is a highly difficult potion that only experts should attempt to brew. If it is brewed wrong, the results may be irreversible…
"Blah, blah…not important…okay here it is."
This Potion enables the brewer to change their form to another person's body for a maximum of one hour.
"Hmm…" Crazy thoughts went in his head including blackmail, humiliation, and… "This is going to be brilliant!" he immediately ran over to his closet to find his Invisibility Cloak and rushed out of the room.
Draco sat in his room with a cauldron and all the ingredients for the potion, including a hair from some random person he happened to see at Hogsmeade. He was almost done with the potion…
"Okay, finally, put the hair of the person you wish to blah blah blah okay already," Draco lazily put in the hair and stirred the potion. "This is probably worse than it looks," he muttered as he poured some of the green, disgusting contents into a cup and gulped before taking a sip.
If you were outside his room, you would think there was some crazy wild animal in there tearing the life out of Draco's room. But there wasn't—unless you call Draco a crazy wild animal. He was thrashing around the room at the unbearable taste. It was the sickest thing he's ever tasted. He felt like spitting it out but forced himself to gulp it down. Finally as he felt the mushy substance slither down his throat, he sat down and waited for the mutation.
It didn't take long. He felt his precious hair get longer and his eyes and nose change their shape slightly. But some of the major changes were definitely on his chest and in between his legs. It was a very…awkward experience. Before long he looked in the mirror and nearly screamed at what he saw. He was a girl.
"Mission accomplished! Whoa, if I weren't me I would date myself…" Draco admired himself in the mirror. "Okay, I have an hour…"
One and a half hour later…
"Why am I not changing back!" Draco paced around his room.
He had spent his afternoon walking around like a new student at Hogwarts and hanging around girls to see how they act. Believe me, it was not an easy task.
"Hey girls!" Draco had said in his new, high-pitched voice.
"Hey. Are you new here?" asked Pansy.
"Um…yeah! Yeah I am. Haven't even been sorted yet," he lied.
"Oh great! You're probably a Slytherin. No other house has hot girls like me," Parkinson bragged.
Yeah right, thought Draco.
"So what are you and your friends up to?" he asked.
"Oh just the basic stuff y'know?" Draco gave her a confused look.
"GUYS!" Pansy said and all the girls around her started to sigh and shriek and all that girly stuff.
"Oh…who do you think is the hottest guy at Hogwarts?" he asked, knowing the answer.
"Duh! Harry Potter!" one girl said. They all practically fainted. Draco gawked.
"Yeah that scar is so sexy," said another girl.
"Too bad he's in Gryffindor," Pansy pointed out.
"Yeah and he's friends with Mudblood and Weasel. I mean seriously, they have no taste!"
"Um…what about Draco Malfoy; I heard he was pretty hot," Draco butted in; checking to see if he was on the "hottie" list
"Back off…what's your name?" Parkinson glared at him.
"D—Dana. Yeah, Dana Marcy," Draco lied again.
"Okay, Dana, better back off my guy!" Parkinson looked like she was ready to pounce and kill.
"I'm not your—" Draco started. "I mean, of course! I would never dream of stealing him away from you. Well, gotta go. Tootles!" and he rushed as far as he could from the giggling group.
"Bad memories," Draco thought. He still had learned nothing about girls except that Potter was on the hottie list!
"Okay this potion is not working! I was supposed to go back to my wonderful self twenty minutes ago!" Furious, he took out the potions book and turned to the page. He gasped at what he saw.
WARNING: The Polyjuice Potion is a highly difficult potion that only experts should attempt to brew. If it is brewed wrong, the results may be irreversible. The brewer may stay in that form for a minimum one hour to a maximum one and a half hours.
"What the…?" Draco muttered. Draco scrunched up his nose in confusion. "It said that the maximum is one and a half hours, but…" Draco muttered. Draco looked at the cover of the book that he was reading.
Potions Book XXVI
Version of Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle
"What! AHHH!" Draco screamed. Crabbe and Goyle made the Potions book that was reading! Sure, they have wanted to prove that they weren't as stupid as they looked, but this has gone too far!
"Damn their stupidity."
He was very pale now. "Okay…Dumbledore! The old man knows everything he'll be able to fix this…no. I don't trust him; he's too close to Potter. Madame Pomfrey we'll definitely lecture me…Blaise!" with that he rushed out of his room to the common room.
Blaise noticed him right away.
"Hey, babe. What're you doing out here by yourself?" Blaise flirted, eyeing Draco up and down. Draco shuddered in disgust.
"Blaise—" Draco said, trying to get to the point.
"Hey, you know my name already; must have heard from all the girls that I'm the hottest guy around. Why don't you come with me to—?"
"BLAISE!" Draco yelled and grabbed him by the collar to his room. Sometimes, Blaise was just…wrong. Although Draco didn't really blame him, because he didn't know it was him yet.
"Whoa, there! We just met! I think you're going a bit too fast," Blaise kept saying.
"Blaise, it's me! Draco! Draco Malfoy!"
"…Sure…" Blaise looked at him like he was just kidding around.
"Seriously!" Draco couldn't believe Blaise could be so thick.
"Prove it."
"Fine! Um…we met when we were three!" Blaise didn't look convinced. "Okay…I was turned into a ferret in fourth year!" Blaise still didn't look convinced. "Okay fine. I…I was slapped by Granger in third year." Draco scowled at the memory. He knew that only Blaise, Crabbe, and he had witnessed that.
"…" Blaise still wasn't convinced. Draco scowled, remembering that one memory he swore that he would never remember again.
"We both used to wear pink dresses when we were four, because Pansy used to get all of the attention," Draco said through gritted teeth. Blaise widened his eyes in shock.
"Draco? Draco Malfoy? Why in the hell are you a girl?" Blaise asked. Blaise around to make sure that no one was around him, and then he whispered quietly,
"Did you have a sex change?"
"Shut up!" Draco said and hit him on the back of the head.
"Bloody hell! What was that for?" Blaise said rubbing his head.
"For being such a perverted git! Now you need to help me…" he told his friend all about the Polyjuice Potion and not being able to change back, but left the bit about Crabbe and Goyle "creating the wonderful" book.
"What do I do?"
"You're asking me what to do?" Blaise looked at him like he was crazy. "Since when do I know anything about Potions? Just go to Dumbledore."
"NO! I'm not going to go to the old man! He's bonkers!" Draco was pacing again.
"Well either that…or go to Snape," Blaise paused dramatically. Draco knew if he went to Snape he would not only get detentions but a harsh punishment from his father when he found out.
"Fine. But you're coming with me." Draco dragged Blaise to go to Dumbledore's office.
They were right outside of Dumbledore's office. They hesitated for a moment, and then knocked. The door opened by itself and they slowly walked in. They had seen the office many times before but they didn't have a problem with Draco's body then.
"Mr. Zabini, how may I help you and your friend?" Dumbledore asked from behind his desk without even looking up.
"Um…well we have a bit of a problem…" Blaise stuttered.
Dumbledore looked at them for a moment from under his half-moon spectacles. "Normally your personal life is none of my business but…she's not pregnant is she?"
Very startled by this question, Draco was forced to cut to the chase.
"NO! It's me! Draco Malfoy! I was sort of… experimenting with the Polyjuice Potion and… it sort of messed up as you can see."
"Ah, I do see. Well did you add the three cups of flobberworm mucus?" Draco nodded. "How about bloomslang skin?" Draco nodded again. "You didn't happen to put more than 2 teaspoons of dragon blood, did you?" Draco looked unsure.
"Um…I may have but…"
"I see. Now we have a problem. I see that you have read Mr. Crabbe and Mr. Goyle's 'book,' I presume. They showed the book to me, and sadly, I tested one of their potions to see if their… information is correct. So, I ended up having a few bananas sprouting out of my beard for a week." Dumbledore said his little confession. Blaise tried to keep from laughing; because Draco and Dumbledore reading Crabbe and Goyle's book? Man, this is some year.
"If you read the warnings you would know that you could possibly have made permanent damage if you happened to brew this potion wrong."
"Um…about that, I was just skimming through and skipping the boring part you know…" Draco stuttered. This was so embarrassing.
"WAIT! Permanent damage? You mean that I'm going to be stuck like this forever?" This was definitely a problem. Draco paled.
"Possibly. For now, you are probably going to be in this body for more than two weeks so I suggest—"
"HOLD UP! I am not going to be a girl for more than one more hour! I want my beautiful self back!" He looked like a toddler complaining to his nanny. Soon, Draco was on the ground rocking back and forth muttering to him---herself.
"I'm sorry; Mr. Malfoy, but I cannot do anything for now. I will ask Professor Snape for a counter-potion—I'll tell him it's for personal reasons—but in the meantime you will have to act like a normal teenage girl that is new at Hogwarts. We will also be sorting you this evening. Now, I must go and I'm sure you don't want to be late for the feast." With that he stood up slowly, gave a small bow of his head, and left the two boys.
"Bloody hell, Malfoy," Blaise breathed out.
"Shut up," Draco hissed.
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