Fallen
Heaven Bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told I've tried
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
But the cost was so much more than I could bear
Though I've tried I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here and
Tell me I told you so
We all begin with good intent
When love is raw and young
We believe that we can change ourselves
That the past can be undone
But we carry on our back the burdens time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
I've held so dear
Heaven Bend to take my hand
I've nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turn their heads embarrassed
Pretend that they don't know me
That it's one wrong step one slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be revealed
Though I've tried I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here and
Tell me I told you so
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here and
Tell me I told you so
Harry awoke sweating with a scream caught in the back of his throat. He sat up in bed, with rain pounding against the walls. He was drenched in sweat and his scar was burning. He wiped his hand across his forehead. He was shaking. Harry looked about the room, trying to clear his head. He had felt everything. All the pain Lupin went through. Harry through his legs over the side of his bed and stood up shakily. He slid on his glasses and looked at the clock. Almost two in the morning. He glanced around the room and noticed that Ron and Smith were still in bed.
He slid his hands over his face and felt like the room was spinning. He felt sick. What he had seen was horrible. He didn't want to trust his gut feeling, he had done that last time and look at where it got him? Sirius is dead. He left the room, quietly, and walked to the washroom. He turned on the water and splashed the cold water over his flushed face. He was still shaking. He looked at himself in the mirror. His scar was a bright red and it was throbbing slightly. He took a towel and lightly patted his face dry.
Once he left the bathroom, he didn't feel like going back to bed very much, he turned and went downstairs. He passed the couch when he noticed someone lying on it. He came closer, cautiously, since he didn't have his wand, and realized that it was the youngest Weasley. Ginny. She was covered in sweat and had tearstains on her cheeks. He was close enough that he could see her eyelashes sticking together. Her eyes flew open and she slapped him. He pulled back, with a stifled moan, and looked at her shocked.
When she realized where she was and who was in front of her she calmed down. She sighed and sat back on her feet.
"Oh Harry, I'm so sorry. I heard someone in the house and I pretended to be asleep. Then I felt your hand brush mine and I freaked. I'm sorry," she said in a quiet voice. He nodded and sat down in the chair across from her.
"It's alright. I startled you. I just didn't know anyone was down here. I- uh… I couldn't sleep," he said cautiously. He didn't want to tell her about the nightmare. He looked at the empty fireplace, wishing it would spring to life. He sat thinking for a few minutes. His gaze flickered back to Ginny, who was sitting with her arms around her knees and she was staring at the coffee table. "Why are you up?" She jumped, not expecting him to speak. Her eyes flew to his and she swallowed. They were wide and full of fear.
"I uh… I couldn't sleep either," she said in a whisper. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back. Harry nodded, although he felt like it was a lie.
"Why not?" he asked her out of curiosity.
"I didn't ask you why you couldn't sleep Potter, so I suggest you don't ask me," she said playfully, even though she did a good imitation of Malfoy. He chuckled slightly. He looked away, but when she moved he looked at her again. He was quite bewildered to see her looking at him with tears in her eyes. "Harry…" she whispered. She let the tears fall, and didn't bother to wipe them away. He kept looking at her, not knowing what to do. "Harry I-I saw Remus. He's a Death Eater." Harry felt like all of the wind had been knocked out of him. She had seen it too. Maybe it wasn't a dream. He stood up and walked over to her. He sat down next to her and brought her to him. He let her cry on his chest and tried to soothe her.
"Shush… it's okay Gin. I'm sure it's not true. There's nothing to worry about," he said quietly. He could say it to her, but convincing himself was an entirely different matter. She pulled away to look at him, and he thought she was the most beautiful person on the world. With her eyes rimmed red and her nose red and her face splotchy with tearstains and her hair plastered to her cheeks, he thought she looked beautiful.
"Did you see it? That's why you came down here." He nodded and her tears spilled over her cheeks again. He wiped them away with the pads of his thumbs and moved her hair off of her cheeks. He longed to kiss her, to make her feel better.
"Ginny, I- don't know what to think, truthfully. I hope to God, it isn't true. Maybe Voldemort is pulling a sick joke again. I had no idea you could see them also," he said softly. She shook her head and laid it on his chest.
"I couldn't. But tonight… tonight I could see it. It hurt. I felt it, did you feel it?" He closed his eyes tightly, holding her against him trying to shut out the memory of the pain. She shouldn't be able to do this, it should be him.
"Yes," he said.
"I had no idea you went through this. It's awful. But Remus? He would never do something like this," she said softly. She still couldn't get over it. Not Remus Lupin, he's good, through and through.
"I have no idea. I just-I just want to forget about it." She nodded her head in agreement. After a few minutes of silence Harry looked down to see Ginny fast asleep, curled next to him. He didn't want to move. He closed his eyes and in a few minutes he too was asleep, with no dreams.
His head was on her chest and she had one of her hands in his hair. The other resting on his shoulder. He had one of his hands on her hips and the other underneath her. He was lying between her legs and one was draped over his waist and the other bent at the knee. He could have told them that he was very comfortable and didn't want to be bothered, but he remembered that her boyfriend was in the house, somewhere. Harry pushed himself up and had his hands by her shoulders when she opened her eyes. She saw him and smiled sleepily.
"Hi Harry." He smiled and blushed. He leaned down and whispered in her ear.
"We have company and I don't want to get beat up today." She turned her head and when she saw Ron and Hermione she blushed and yelped. She sat up and when she did, Harry fell off of her and onto the floor. By this time, Ron was in hysterics. He was laughing so hard Harry thought he would explode. Harry's face was burning in embarrassment.
"Ron, it's not that funny," Hermione said in a tone that said that she thought it was funny too, but didn't want to admit it. Harry looked up and rolled his eyes. After Ron finally quite laughing, he sobered up slightly and looked at Harry.
"So… what were you doing sleeping on the couch with my baby sister, huh Potter?" Harry glanced at Ginny, who was as red as he felt. She had a hand on her forehead and her hair fell around her face.
"It was an accident. We didn't mean to fall asleep. We couldn't sleep and we came downstairs, not together, but we ended up talking. End of story," Harry said somewhat fast. Hermione perked up when he said they couldn't sleep.
"You couldn't sleep?" Ginny shot Harry a look. Should he tell them? Ron seemed to be listening now. "What happened?" Harry sighed. He didn't want to have to go through all of the questions.
"Is Smith up?" When Ron shook his head, Harry wrinkled his brow. "Maybe we should wait then. I don't want him waking up and hearing. We'll talk about it later. Yeah?" Ron and Hermione looked at each other, which was getting on Harry's nerves, but they sighed and nodded.
"Later then," Ron said resigned. "What do we talk about until then?" Harry shrugged.
"Do you know when you are getting your O.W.L.S.?" Ginny asked more to Hermione then to anyone else.
"We're getting them when we get our Hogwarts letters. I am curious as to how you did Harry and Ron," she added thoughtfully.
"Probably not half as good as you. Are you going to laugh at me when I get mine?" Ron said with a hint of venom. She looked taken aback.
"Why would I laugh at you?" Ginny and Harry looked at each other. Another fight, they thought silently.
"Oh come now, Hermione. You know you are going to get all 12. How many do you think I will get? 5… no… I know. Maybe 7. That's it right?" Hermione narrowed her eyes at him, as an angry flush crept into her face. Ron's ears were red and his face was getting there.
"You know I don't think that about you Ronald. I know you did well. I was going to say 12, but now I'm rethinking it," she spat.
"Oh you hear that? She's rethinking it," he said towards Harry and Ginny. "Oh, do tell, Hermione just what you're rethinking."
"Maybe you'll be lucky enough to get 8. I highly doubt that you could get 12. You insufferable prat!" she said. Ron raised his eyebrows.
"I'm an insufferable prat? At least I'm not an over-bossy-know-it-all-think-I'm-better-then-Ron Weasley-witch," he said angrily. Her eyes widen and Ginny could see she was holding back the tears.
"You know I don't think that! I am not over bossy. How can you say that? I have never thought that I'm better than you," she said, her voice raising.
"Oh please! You think that I believe that? Tell me, love, were you happy when you found out I was Prefect and not Harry? Hmm? No, you weren't. You thought I couldn't do it. It was written all over you. You just assumed that because Harry is The-Boy-Who-Lived, he is better than his sidekick, Ronald Weasley is. And you know what? You were right. He is better than me. I haven't saved anyone and I haven't put my life on the line for people I love. You and everyone were right that I shouldn't be made Prefect and that I'll make less O.W.L.S. then you and Harry. But, I can't change that. I can't change who I am. And I'm sorry if that's not good enough for you, but it's the truth," he said angrily and with that he ran up the stairs, two at a time and they could hear the bedroom door slam.
Hermione sat on the chair, stunned. She brushed away the tears on her face and bit her lip. Harry looked at Ginny who sighed and closed her eyes.
"Does he really believe that?" Harry asked to no one in particular. Hermione looked relieved that he had asked that. "He's not my sidekick. He's so much more."
"Ron, he just… he feels like no one looks at him. It's always about you, Harry. Everyone knows him as Harry Potter's best friend," Ginny said quietly. Hermione looked at her and Ginny stood and walked over to her. "Hermione, he… I don't think he truly believes that about you. I know he does feel like he isn't as good as you. He's said that you always do good and you're the brightest witch Hogwarts has ever seen, and he'll always add, "But I can never be like her. She has the brains I don't." He thinks you're wonderful, Hermione. But, since… since the Department he hasn't been the same," she said quietly.
Harry listened to all of this silently, not saying a word. Yes, since Sirius died, he hasn't been the same. He's more adult then he used to be. He knew Ron must have gone through something, but he was afraid to ask. Now, he should ask Ginny.
"He's not the same Ron he used to be. He's-he's more mature. Not saying that he was immature," he added, seeing the look on Hermione's face, "but, he's more adult. I don't know, he's just different. What happened to him?" he asked quietly. For a moment Ginny looked scared, but when she opened her mouth to speak, her boyfriend walked in. She gave Harry a look and he nodded.
"What's up with Ron? He comes running into the room and slams it shut. Then he notices me there and he tells me to get out. I wasn't going to argue, not when he looked like that," he said with a hint of humor.
"He and Hermione got into a fight. Nothing big," Ginny said as he sat next to her and put his hand on her leg. "Harry, why uh… why don't you go and talk to him. I'm sure he'll want breakfast. Hermione, want to help me?" With that, Harry walked upstairs and let Ginny, Hermione and Smith do what they wanted. He needed to talk to Ron. What if he doesn't want to talk? He thought. Then I'll force him. He answered. Is that fair? You never talk to him. Why should he pour his heart out to you? Harry brushed the thought away and made his way to their room.
He opened the door to find Ron lying on his back staring at the ceiling. He had his arms crossed behind his head.
"Whoever it is go away. I don't want to talk," he said without looking at the door. Harry ignored him and walked in and shut the door behind him. Ron glanced at Harry and sighed. "I said go away. Did you hear me?"
"Yeah I heard. I'm not leaving though. What was with you down there? You just blew up at Hermione for no reason. She never said anything to you," Harry said. Ron closed his eyes and tugged his shirt down. He opened them and the brightness of his eyes startled Harry. They had never been that blue before.
"It's none of your business Harry. You know that it's true. She looks down on me, but not you. She thinks you're everything. Tell me Harry, have you made a move yet?" he said angrily. Harry was taken aback. Did he seriously think that he fancied Hermione? Harry shuddered at the thought.
"Ron you know I only think of Hermione as a friend. She thinks you're brave," he said quietly. Ron's head snapped up to look at him. Harry looked at the wall and shifted uncomfortably. This wasn't his strong point; he didn't know what to say to Ron.
"She does?" he asked, then he groaned and buried his face in his hands. "This wasn't supposed to happen. Why couldn't we just stay 11 forever?" Harry sighed and sat down on his bed.
"I dunno. I suppose that we just have to grow up, but I know what you mean," he said in a low voice. Ron sighed and blew upwards.
"Oh well. I s'pose I have to apologize. Remus, Moody, and Tonks should be here today. We won't see Dumbledore till school," Ron said absently as he got up. Harry knitted his brows at hearing that Remus was coming today.
"Lupin's a Death Eater Ron," Harry said quietly, looking down at the floor, anger bubbling in him. Harry glanced up to see Ron frozen with a look of disbelief on his face, his hand on the doorknob.
"What? Are you off your rocker?" Ron asked, as if he had gone nutters.
"No. My dream, our dream, Ginny's and mine, he had his inauguration last night," he said, looking out the window. He felt Ron sit next him slowly. "I know you probably don't believe me, but it's what Ginny and I saw."
"I can't say that I don't believe you Harry. Especially hearing that Ginny saw it too. What I can't understand is, why would he do it?" Ron said all of this slowly, as if he had a play that he was trying to figure out. "Was that in your dream?"
"No it wasn't. I don't know why. I hope we're wrong," he said. "Anyway, we'll talk about this later. Don't tell Hermione yet." Ron nodded and together they went downstairs.
When they reached the landing they heard laughter coming from the kitchen. They opened the door and Smith had Ginny over his shoulder and threatening to drop her headfirst if she didn't quit throwing eggs at him. Hermione was leaning against the sink laughing so hard her face was turning red. Smith playfully smacked Ginny's bum and she squealed. Harry noticed Ron's face and smiled. He looked like he wanted to take away all of Smith's manhood.
"Smith I would appreciate it if you wouldn't sexually harass my sister in our house, ok?" They all looked towards the door and Smith blushed. He set Ginny down and she gave Harry a look. He smirked. "Hermione, could we uh… what I mean is, I need to um… talk to you,"Ron said, while rubbing the back of his neck.
"Whatever you have to say can be said here," she snapped. She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him. He looked down at his shoes, blushing, then looked back at her with a look of determination.
"'Mione, I need to talk to you privately. But if you feel the need for me to say it to you in front of everyone, then I'll do it," he watched her and she seemed to consider it. She looked like she wanted to go privately with Ron, but she wanted to keep her resolve.
"I'm not going anywhere with you Ronald," she said. He sighed then he cocked his head to the right and lifted a red eyebrow.
"What I said earlier was out of line. I know that you don't think that. But I do feel that I can't compare to you, like I'm not smart enough for you. It sounds stupid, but it's the truth. I am only Ron Weasley. Being a Weasley is not easy. I have expectations and competition. I have four older brothers, all of whom have made something of themselves. So far I haven't made anything of myself, but a mess. I made Prefect, but somehow I think it was only to keep Harry out of danger. I'm not a Prefect kind of person, you are. You're the brightest witch I've ever met!" As he said this he had moved forward to Hermione who looked as if she wanted to kiss him right then and there. "The only thing I'm good at is chess. That's not an accomplishment. That's a talent. I can't charm coins, make things do it by themselves, and I can't read ancient ruins," he said with a chuckle. Hermione laughed a little, but it sounded wet, as if she was holding back the tears. "But most importantly, you're my best friend. You're… everything I would ever wish for. You're perfect and I couldn't ask for a better friend." Harry glanced at Ginny who had her hand over her mouth and looked like she might burst into tears.
"Oh Ron!" Hermione said as she threw herself at him. He hugged her tight and Harry shook his head. Those two must be the blindest people I've ever met, he thought. Hermione pulled away, but still had her arms around his neck. She looked at him and tears brimmed her eyes. "I don't care if you can't do perfect magic. You're great at Quidditch, you forgot that one. I think you're a great Prefect, even though you don't deduct points. You're everything I… everything I love. You're the perfect person. The greatest best friend," she said quietly. Harry was shocked. She had told him that she loved him. Ron smiled and hugged her.
Mrs. Weasley came bustling in the room and noticed that the places had been set on the table and smiled and Ginny and Hermione when she noticed that they had made breakfast.
"Oh you girls, you didn't have to make breakfast," she said kindly. "Why don't you lot sit down, while I set this stuff out. Your father should be down here any moment." With that she turned around and did whatever she had to do. Harry took the seat next to Ginny and Smith sat on the other side. Ron and Hermione took seats across from them.
"Are Fred and George going to be by here today?" Harry asked. Ron shrugged.
"No, probably not. They're busy making some other new thing," Ginny answered. Ron looked at her.
"How'd you know that?" Ron asked, looking a bit hurt.
"They owled me. I mean, I am their sister," she said. "Oh Ron, quit looking like that. From what I hear, it's supposed to be for you.Merlin only knows what it is." Harry laughed. Mr. Weasley walked into the kitchen and sat down.
"Ah… just what I need, a good healthy breakfast before work. Good morning children," he added when he looked down the table. "I do have to hurry. Obviously we've had someone who has charmed a Muggle's toilet to talk every time they sit on it, making very inappropriate sayings. Then the toaster calls them names when they make toast," Mr. Weasley said looking delighted.
"Oh Arthur, that's nothing to be happy about. People these days," Mrs. Weasley said shaking her head as she placed food on everybody's plate.
"Yes, yes Molly. You're very right, but… it is a little funny, you have to admit. I mean, if my toilet did that I'd laugh outright," he said chuckling. Mrs. Weasley shook her head, but Harry could tell that she was hiding a smile. After breakfast was over Mr. Weasley left and Hermione persuaded everyone to start or finish their summer homework.
"'Mione… we don't have school for a month," Ron complained and he sat down with an armload of books.
"Exactly why you should start. It's not so bad. Once you've finished you'll feel loads better," she said in a motherly tone.
"I'll feel better if she'd quit pestering us," Ron said quietly to Harry. Harry snorted with laughter and both looked at Hermione who was talking quietly with Ginny. "What'd you think they're talking about? They've been very close this summer," Ron asked. Harry looked at him and Harry could have laughed at the look on his face. While Ron watched Hermione his eyes were bright and he had a small smile. Harry felt like punching him.
Just then they heard three load pops and Harry's back stiffened. He felt the cold hand of dread grip him. Ginny jumped, visibly and glanced at Harry, paling. Smith noticed the exchange and tried to comfort Ginny, but she continued to stare at Harry. Harry broke eye contact and stood when the door to the living room opened. Tonks and Moody walked in first, followed by Remus.
"Hi guys! My, aren't you lot looking peeky," Tonks said laughing. She hugged Hermione and Ginny first. When Remus went to hugged Ginny, she stiffened and didn't hug him back. He looked hurt when he pulled back and looked at her, but she wouldn't meet his eyes.
"Hi Ginny. You don't look at all happy to see me," he said quietly. He looked at Harry and Ron for an explanation. Neither looked at him. "What's going on? None of you look happy except Hermione," he said, his voice raising.
"Remus… maybe something happened this morning. Hey, kid… come with me I want to show you something," Tonks said, talking to Smith. He looked reluctant to go, but went anyway. Once the door was shut Ginny whirled away from Remus and went to stand next to Harry.
"Spill it," Remus said looking at Harry. "What's going on? What did I do?" The funny thing about this question was that he looked truly hurt and confused. Although Harry knew all of this was an act.
"You really want to know?" Harry asked, stepping closer to Remus. He nodded. "Let me see, how did it go again? Oh yes… are you willing to give up my friendship? Are you will to betray me? Do you want me to hate you? You said yes. Now what I want to know is why?" Remus narrowed his eyes at him.
"What are you talking about Harry?" Harry opened his mouth to speak, but Ginny beat him to it.
"You're a Death Eater! How could you!" Ginny screamed at him. She ran toward him and ripped his sleeve. And showed the mark to the whole room. Remus' face took on a deadly look and he flung Ginny off of him. She hit the wall with tears streaming down her face.
"That's enough Remus!" Moody bellowed. Harry ran towards Ginny and looked at her.
"You don't know the first thing about Voldemort or me. Yes I agreed to become a Death Eater. I betrayed you all. I don't have to explain myself to you lot," and with that he disapparated. Moody looked torn and he too followed.
The door opened and Mrs. Weasley, Tonks and Smith came running in.
"What happened?" All three of them chorused.
"Remus… is a Death Eater. He left after he threw Ginny against the wall," Ron said. Tonks cursed and apparated on the spot. Mrs. Weasley and Smith rushed over to Ginny. After they got her up they moved her into the living room and gave her a bag of ice. Harry, Ron and Hermione stood watching as Smith talked gently with her and softly kiss her on the lips.
"I can't believe it," Hermione said. Ron nodded along with Harry. "He's never been violent before, except when he's changing."
"He's a Death Eater now, what do you expect?" Harry asked, vehemently.
"Yes, he is. I can't believe it," Hermione said again. Ron placed his arm around her as she pillowed her head on his shoulder.
"Me either, 'Mione. It's bad. Maybe he did it for a reason and he has to do this. Maybe Dumbledore told him to for some reason," he said quietly, thoughtfully.
"Maybe. But for what reason? What can he do to help?" Hermione asked. Both Ron and Harry shook their heads.
"I don't know. I just don't know," Harry said and turned around again to watch Ginny. "I don't want to think about it."
"Me too. We can't say anything around Ginny. At least not for a while," Ron said. They all nodded.
A/N: Well… it's finally finished. It took forever. Lol. I hope you enjoyed it though! I know you don't like Remus being a Death Eater, but I had to do it. You will see my reasoning later. Unless you're smart enough to figure it out. winks Honestly... I have an intention of making Remus a DE...
Thank you to all of my reviewers! You keep me writing.
And many thanks to me beta, she rocks. Thank Krissi! hugs
