A Parody of Love and Redemption in Five Parts
Part I: Wherein Our Two Protagonists Wish to Tear Out Their Respective Throats
HARRY: Hiss, Draco, you're evil!
DRACO: Hiss, Harry, you're evil!
HARRY: I'll hate you forever, you spoiled pureblood bastard!
DRACO: I'll hate you forever, you smarmy Mudbloods' saint!
HARRY: sticks out tongue But I'm better at Quidditch than you.
Part II: Wherein a Remarkable Transformation Occurs
LUCIUS: Idiot son. Get the Dark Mark!
DRACO: But – but – Father! I think…I think I may be having a change of heart.
LUCIUS: waggles eyebrows You're having a…what? Son, must I spank you with my pimp cane?
DRACO: A change of heart! Voldemort is an evil, evil wizard.
LUCIUS: headdesk That's it. We're taking you to His Dark Lordship whether or not you want to go.
DRACO: throws a fit Mummy, save me!
NARCISSA: cradles Draco's limp form Oh, darling, don't force Draco baby to do this.
LUCIUS: …and something's going to stop me?
NARCISSA: puts Lucius in a headlock Do you still want to hear me scream your name out every night?
LUCIUS: sulks away
Part III: Wherein Our Protagonists Learn To Accept Each Other
DRACO: skips Harry, I'm back!
HARRY: You're what?
DRACO: hugs Harry I'm not getting the Dark Mark, and I'm at last in touch with my maverick independent self! I hate Father!
HARRY: Bullshit.
DRACO: Harry, watch out! Scary Death Eater is coming your way!
HARRY: AHH, I'M TOTALLY HELPLESS AND UNABLE TO DEFEND MYSELF!
DRACO: does nifty wand work
DEATH EATER: dies
HARRY: tears streaming down face Draco, you saved my life! You have changed!
DRACO: sobs Yes, I have! Now let's go and save the wizarding world together!
Part IV: Wherein Our Protagonists Save the Wizarding World Together
HARRY: battle cry I avenge my parents' death!
DRACO: more nifty wand work I look sexy in my leather pants as I kill off Death Eaters!
LUCIUS: gapes Is that you!
DRACO: Yes, it's me, Father, and –
LUCIUS: YOU STOLE MY LEATHER PANTS!
Part V: Wherein We Finally Arrive at the Juicy Part of the Fic
HARRY: wipes sweat from face Well, Draco, we've done it. Voldemort is dead…hell, everyone's dead, but we're still alive.
DRACO: sniffles Harry, I've really bonded with you through all of this bloodshed and gore.
HARRY: Okay! Let's fuck!
DRACO: fucks
