Title: Miracles

Author: LVB

Summary: Scully thinks about miracles.

Timeline: Post Requiem but pre-This Isn't Happening

Spoilers: A few episodes, Pilot, Duane Barry/Ascension, All Things, Per Manum, Requiem

Status: 1/1

Disclaimer: I don't own the X Files. Chris Carter is the god of the X. Don't sue!


I often ask myself how our little miracle came to be. Was it the divine hand of God I have struggled to believe in since I opened my eyes to the world? Or was it something less divine – a cruel hand trying to fix the mess they left behind all those years ago.

I've often sat up at night, scared out of my wits thinking about the possibility that our child isn't human. Mulder, I'm scared. I am scared. We both knew that there was a slim chance that my ova were viable. I don't think I'm ready to accept the fact that our child could be a miracle. You know me. I live by science. It's how I've lived all these years. It's been what made me doubt my faith. It's the reason they assigned me to the X-Files in the first place.

I've poked holes in your theories for years using the very science that's scaring me right now. I know through science that there was no chance I could be pregnant. They told me that it just wasn't possible. That we'd waited too long. So I'd resigned myself yet again to my fate.

But something did happen, Mulder, between us that night. And although we never really said it out loud, we were officially Mulder and Scully. It wasn't just the one time either. Once we opened up that can of worms, it wasn't easily closed. No matter what, our silent relationship was our rock. When we were together, for however short a time, the X Files or our bigger problems never seemed to matter.

That was until we went back to Oregon. That was until I felt that familiar dread in the pit of my stomach now I'm sure was the moment you were abducted by them. And I was sure you felt the exact same way when they got me. And that's how I felt…and still feel without you here. Dead. Lost. Alone. Terrified.

And pregnant with a child that was never supposed to be. Was it the hand of God, Mulder? Was it the result of an intervention by the very people that have stolen you from me?

Is it science that I can use to explain this? The failed IVF attempt? Or maybe, somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind I'm hoping it was because of those times when we finally let ourselves go.

With you gone, I realise it doesn't matter anymore. I don't care. All I know is that I love you, Mulder. And even though you're gone, I have to have faith you'll return to me. And I know you will because I do believe in miracles.