Title- God, It's me.
Author name- Cajonchik
E-mail- G
Spoilers- Everything up to Season 9- "A Merry Little Christmas" is fair game
Disclaimer- No, I don't own JAG. If I did there would be a wedding being planned right now, one other than the Admiral's
Summary- Harm and Mac talk to someone neither has had contact with in a while, and the both make a plea for the same thing.
Authors Note- umm… if you don't like the idea of Harm or Mac talking to a higher power (God) then you might not want to read.
Feedback- It's all welcome: the good, the bad, and the ugly
11:00 pm local time
Rabb Apartment
Once again Harm couldn't sleep. He had 5,000 things on his mind and his thoughts wouldn't rest long enough to allow he to fall asleep. His head spun with thoughts: Mattie (who for now was on the coach), Mac, Webb, friendship, guardianship, love, hope, and joy.
As he softly padded into the kitchen, careful not to wake Mattie, he cursed himself for not taking a sleeping pill. He pulled the milk out of the frig and took a few sips out of the carton to make sure it was fresh before pouring himself a glass and heading back to bed.
As he lay in bed one thought surfaced above all the rest, someone who he had not talked to in 35 years. Yet at this point it seemed like a good option, for he felt he had no one else to turn to.
'God,
It's me, Harm. I'm sure you probably know that. I'm sorry I have talked to you in a while. Well, make that almost half a lifetime. I know the last time we talked was the night my father's plane went down, but now more than ever I need your help. I just got guardianship of a teenage girl. She reminds me so much of Mac. And come to think of it the reason I'm talking to you is probably because of her, Mac. She's been the object of much of my pain and grief over the past 8 years, but yet so much joy and happiness too. I love her more than anything in this world, and I thought by going to save her in Paraguay, she would realize it. But for Mac, I guess she has to hear the words "I Love You". And from what I know Webb is giving her that. I want Mac to be mine so bad, yet I want to see her happy. I suppose that is a conflict. I just want to see her smile again, to see her laugh. And if Webb is what makes her do that, then I guess I'm OK with it. As much as it kills me to think of her with him, it kills me even more to see her sad. If she's chosen to love someone else, well I guess over time I can deal with that too. I suppose some people would call it unconditional love- loving some one so very much that you able to watch them go to another as long as it makes them happy. God, help me withstand the storm and help Mac to understand that I'll always be there for her, no matter what. And if and when the time comes that she realizes she has feelings for me too, please God send her my way. And give us both the strength to let go and say I love you.'
With that Harm fell back into his bed. And as he fell asleep against his pillow a few small sad tears slide down his cheeks.
Same time
Mackenzie Apartment
As Mac lay awake in bed all she could think of was Harm. 'Why can't he just stay out of my thoughts! He doesn't need me any more and I don't need him. End of story. Game over.' But in truth Mac knew it wasn't that easy. And she then did something that surprised even herself; she directed her attention to someone that she had long given up on. God.
'God,
It's me Mac. Please help me forget Harm, help me move on. Help me enjoy what I have with Webb. Even if it never will be true love, help me to try and feel what Webb feels for me. Help divert me feelings for Harm onto another path, a new direction.'
'Oh God! What am I saying!' she thought.
'On, second thought God, help me to let Webb go. Help me to find the words to say to Harm. Help him understand that I love him and appreciate everything he has done for me. Help me get the strength and courage to someday tell him how I feel, even if he doesn't feel that way. And if by some miracle, some divine intervention, Harm realizes he loves me, please God send a gentle wind to push him my way. And send him some courage to be able to say, "I love you".' She laughed to herself. 'And if that doesn't work send me some pliers so I can crank open his mouth and pull the words out.' 'Some how Harm, even in the worst of situations, you always seem to make me laugh!'
And with that Sarah Mackenzie fell fast asleep with tears flowing down her cheeks and a sad smile on her lips.
As God looked down on Sarah and Harmon, he smiled. "I can't make any promises but some day you two will find each other, some day, some day very soon."
THE END
