The Threads of Life: Chapter 14

I Can't

A/N: I'm SOOO sorry that it's been so long, but like I said on my other fic, I just started school and it's been really hectic. I haven't had time to write at all. And yes, I did get Kel out of Mindelan very quickly: that wasn't the usual "capture" scene where she's tortured and stuff. I wanted it to be different, and also, I didn't need for her to be captured for months at this point in the story. Thanks a bunch for everyone else who reviewed, and keep it up!


Kel woke up to sun streaming through her half open tent flap and a too-cheery Owen standing next to her.

"Wake up, sleepyhead! We've got a big day today. We're going to get that big mean Burchard! Or at least, if you say so, Sir." Kel rolled her eyes at Owen.

"For the last time, Owen, don't call me sir," she paused, seeing the glint in Owen's eyes. "Or Mother, or Protector or M'lady." She almost grinned at his crestfallen look.

"Yes, m'lady." Kel rolled her eyes, but then sat up, horrified.

"What time is it? Where is everyone?" She asked the second question meaning Dom, because she had remembered what had happened the night before.

"Three hours before noon and Dom is gone." Kel sighed. Dom must have told Owen what he did, and knowing Owen, the rest of their squad would know too.

"Owen, for your own good, don't say that name for the rest of your life." She nodded her dismissal and Owen went out of the tent. She sat down on her bedroll and relaxed her tense muscles. What was she going to do about Dom? She had had a crush on him years ago, and she had tried to drown those feelings out when with Cleon. It was just that for every person she had ever had a crush on, her feelings had faded after a while. She didn't want to hurt Dom like that, if her feelings did fade. She laughed at that – she had just admitted to herself that she still DID have feelings for the handsome blue-eyed sergeant. And that kiss...she had felt like she was melting inside when he had kissed her. Even though it was short, he had put so much feeling in it. But what had he meant by it? Was it just some stupid bet that he had made? With these thoughts and many others, she went outside.

"Morning men," she said. They turned around, and Kel could have sworn she saw Owen smirk.

"Morning lady Kel," said Jerrold cheekily. She mock frowned at him.

"What are we doing this morning, sir?" Kel sighed. Were they ALL in on this name-calling business?

"First of all, we will be scouting until lunchtime. We regroup back here and report. Jerrold will take notes. After we need to hunt for dinner – anything you can find, it's sparse this time of year. We will scout for a few more hours after that, and then regroup and have dinner. I will need Kaven to report to Sergeant Dom in the other camp at that time. Take Jerrold's notes with you. The Sergeant should be sending someone to report here too." The men all nodded, and Kel was relieved that none of them had decided to call her by yet another of her embarrassing nicknames. Owen looked disappointed that she didn't tell him to go kill Burchard at Mindelan. She had decided to stay away from that place for a while until she had a plan. And that plan probably involved help from the other camp, which she wasn't keen to interact with just yet.


They split up, and Kel reveled in the silence that surrounded her once she left the nice, but somewhat rowdy men. The forest around her was beautiful: the snow hadn't melted and was resting on the treetops like in paintings she had seen at Corus. It was all so majestic and magical that for a few moments, she forgot where she was and what she was doing. She went back to her task, but her mind wandered to a pair of blue eyes and soft lips...


It was now afternoon and Kel was hunting for some dinner. She deviated from her normal scouting area so she was now more easterly. She told herself that it was because this was a less hunted area, but if it was really because it was closer to Dom's camp, she ignored it.

She turned when she heard a branch snap loudly behind her and a male voice cursing loudly. She looked up into a pair of mischievous green eyes.

"Neal!" she said, trying not to laugh. She ran up and hugged him, but then drew back and looked at him mock-annoyed. "You would have gotten weeks of stable duty for that as a page, and I'm surprised Alanna didn't scare that kind of thing out of you." He scowled at her, pretending to be hurt.

"And here I was rushing over to give my best friend a nice long hug. It seems that you weren't her. I say, have you seen any other tall female knights around here?" Kel kicked him playfully.

"How have you been, Nealan? I haven't seen you once! I even saw Merric and those other two, but not you!"

"Oh well, you know, I was busy..."

"Too busy to see your best friend?" she asked, pretending to be shocked. Neal turned red and mumbled something. "What was that?" she asked, "I didn't hear that."

"I was writing to Yuki," he said, embarrassed. Kel laughed.

"Yes, how are her eyebrows these days?" Neal had to laugh and they fell into conversation, Kel giving up on finding her dinner. The first twig snap would have scared away all of the game anyway. After about fifteen minutes, Kel found herself in sight of a camp. At first she thought it was hers, but she saw Merric and stopped dead.

"Neal," she said softly, "Why are we at your camp?" For the second time that afternoon, Neal turned red.

"We-ell, I thought—," he began, but then saw Kel's face. Why hadn't she thought of this? Of course Dom would have told Neal what he had done. They were cousins – CLOSE cousins at that.

"Neal, I can't," and she turned around and fled. In retrospect, Kel realized that it was probably a very stupid thing to run off. Dom would know that something was wrong, decide not to like her, and she would never be able to sort things out with him. She calmed down when she got within a mile of her camp. She was very late and they hadn't even gotten to their second round of scouting, but she decided that she'd had enough for tonight. It was getting dark and they wouldn't get anything done. Near the camp, Jump came towards her with a squirrel in his mouth. He offered it to her, and she petted him in thanks. At least she would have dinner.

When she arrived, she was pelted with questions from her concerned charges, and she felt her insides go warm when she realized how much they cared. 'But why would they care so much about me?' she wondered, but then shrugged it off.

While the dinner was cooking, another twig snapped. She looked up but couldn't make out the figure dismounting from the horse in the darkness.

"Who goes there?" she asked, and took a sharp breath when she heard who answered.

"It's just me Kel – reporting." It was Dom. She stood up and looked around, noticing that the rest of the camp had conveniently made themselves scarce when Dom had arrived.

"Oh," she said, not feeling comforted at all. He walked over to her, and she could see his handsome face, the firelight flickering around it, making patterns of dark and light.

"Kel? I need to report," Kel started, but then nodded. She had been so lost in his face that she had forgotten his need to report.

"Well, we found nothing of interest today, save two traps obviously meant for large mammals. Since most of those are not around, we speculated that they might be for humans, seeing as you escaped yesterday." Kel sighed. She had forgotten that she was mad at Dom for rescuing her.

"Look, Dom," she started, but was interrupted by Dom.

"Kel, uh, about yesterday." Kel winced, knowing what she had to say.

"Um...about that. Look Dom, we're in a professional situation here. We don't have time to go about making the emotional attachments that could get us killed." Her throat caught and she couldn't continue. She felt tears burning at her eyes, but she knew it was the right thing to do. She finally plucked up the courage to look up at Dom, and nearly ran from the torrent of pain she saw pouring from those beautiful eyes. He swallowed and responded.

"I understand," he said, and left. She sat down on the rock by the fire, and in a rare show of emotion, cried.


AN: First of all, I apologize in advance for any spelling or grammatical errors that might have occurred while writing this chapter. I couldn't spell or right grammatically today. Also, I noticed that some readers think that Kel is totally devoid of emotion, or of showing it, which isn't true. If you had to break someone's heart that you truly loved, you would be crying too. And I know some of you are mad that they didn't get together this chapter. They will! I just don't want it to be all la-di-da happily ever after the end. I want it to be more like real life. Anyway, please please please review!!! I would love that so much. And I'll update soon, I promise!

Crystaltambaia