Not My Own

Author: EbonyQuill

Summary: Narcissa Black had her life laid before her, she had to read it, memorize it, and follow it. But now she disagrees with one of the rules befallen upon her. "Never fall in love." RL/NB What happens when fire..and ice clash.

Disclaimer: I do not own any thing, situation, character, etc. etc. They all belong to Joann Kathleen Rowling.

A/N: My first Remus Lupin and Narcissa Black, I was inspired by Electryone's Frozen Dreams. I hope to live up to most expectations..onwards with my new love..

Disturbed waters were flowing violently, shaking to and fro, taking no mercy. Raging in the moonlight, mad at all its disrupters. Splash. Raindrops fell onto the water, causing more confused anger to the ice-cold liquid. Moving in an unorganized way, it headed southwards, towards the enchanted warm castle. All the castle's inhabitants asleep.. except for one.

I watched the terrible winds pick up and saw the first few raindrops fall. It was beautiful in my own eyes, never mind the hazardous conditions. I envied how the water was so free to do whatever it wanted, to go wherever it wanted, to be whoever it wanted. Wanted. I never got what I wanted..unless money could pay for it. But love couldn't be paid for. I watched as the old wax candle flickered, why did I use such a "muggle" contraption? Because, it showed more work, and more work shows more love. At least..that's how I always thought of it. Love was something I despised, yet yearned for. I was taught to never love, to never fall in love. But everytime I saw a hug exchanged or an adoring glance shared, I felt envy, a feeling of "want."

My own family showed no love. They followed the motto "Only the fittest survive." You showed emotion, you were weak. That's why I am called the "Ice Queen" between my fellow classmates. A harsh term, but I can't help but agree. I was instructed to show no emotion, unless it was hate or scorn. My father Dorian, showed no love to my mother, just a few careless glances. I doubt his dark gray eyes ever showed love, but I did see it flicker once. But I won't go into details. My mother, Jedia, showed no compassion at all, except to my Grandmother, or it was just respect. Respect and love are not the same. I learned that a long time ago. My oldest sister, Bellatrix, showed no emotion, she was this quiet storm. Once hit by the storm, the ruins stay with you forever. After her is Andromeda. Oh dearest Andie, how I long to see you once again. I have a great love and respect for her. She stood up to my mother and father, defying their rules and marrying a Muggle Born. But of course Mother will never allow me to visit her as long as I'm under her roof. Andromeda is now pregnant with first child. Nymphadora. I had suggested her that name when I was quite young, I adored all fairy tale things, nymphs my favorite, we were discussing how our lives would be in the far future. I was five at the time, Andromeda nine and Bellatrix eleven, away at Hogwarts. Andromeda was going to name her first daughter Nymphadora to remind me to never loose hope and fairy tales do exist. Mother flushed those thoughts away from my mind. And I'm still returning the favor.

I watched the candle flicker again. It flickered continuously, just like my heart. My heart and all its feeling was dying away, rotting away. As the candle finally flickered out, I saw lightning. It reminded me of what Andromeda would always say. When all lights are out, another match is lit. She had a weird sense of philosophy, but I adored her for that. I couldn't help thinking of how I was a lost soul, as I've read in many books. A lost soul, with nothing to hold on to. Those words hit me with a full force blast. I had nothing to hold onto. And all I ever loved was a lie. Except Nymphadora. Most people would think I was "snobby, too good to hang around some people, a bitch with the perfect life," but I just think with my eyes closed, 'They have no idea.'

I finally went to my green and silver bed, pulling the material over me. Silk. I was covered by silk. I could relate to silk. I was fawned over, if I was ripped I was ruined. If I was soiled, I was disowned. If I was disregardful, I would be thrown away. And I drifted off to the dreams of love.

A/N: Very short chapter. I'm sorry, but I wanted to get a few encouraging reviews before I wrote again..maybe..five? Thanks a lot. Review please!