Not My Own

Author: EbonyQuill

Summary: Narcissa Black had her life laid before her, she had to read it, memorize it, and follow it. But now she disagrees with one of the rules befallen upon her. "Never fall in love." RL/NB What happens when fire.. and ice clash.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters.. and all that good stuff. They all belong to J.K. Rowling.

A/N: I'd like to thank EVERYONE who reviewed.. I'm amazed by the response for this story.. (Ivy Crane) I really appreciate it! I finally updated.. heh. Brownie points for reviewing twice! (Electryone) You know.. you're just the best.. you really are.. I'm so glad you're my beta.. you're writing is simply beautiful.. you must must must update Frozen Dreams soon! Cake and Ice Cream points to you for being an awesome writer, my beta, and reviewing twice..lol. (Morgane) Remus/Narcissa is the next big thing.. just watch.. all the original writers will be run down by new ones.. one of the new ones being me..:D! (SDRockGirl) Hehe.. ya do? The Pinky People thank you..lol. (ChristyCorr) Thanks to you to for being my other beta..:D! Much happiness. Too many people love this.. hehe.. it's scaring me really.. it is.. I'm not a good writer, nor will I ever be.. so..haha. Cake and Ice Cream points to you too! You could get Smoothie points if you updated Reason.. lol just a thought. (ElvenCherry07) Actually, I replaced that last Author's Note on Internet Chat with chapter 5.. so.. go and check it out! Slytherins are fun to play with..lol. Brownie points to you too!

Whew.. done with that.. please review!!

~*~ On With The Story

Turning around, Narcissa wasn't ready for what her eyes placed themselves upon. 'Twas Remus Lupin of Pureblood folk. Why of all people, did it have to be him? Suddenly, he said something. The soft words, like a lullaby, were poison to her ears. She didn't entirely catch it; her eyes were filling with unshed tears and she felt a lump in her throat. She turned around again and walked away quickly, not wanting to hear his soothing voice again. It would give people rumors to spread, and rumors never lead to good things.

Oh how wrong she was.

Narcissa sat down in her assigned seat, right next to Severus, Lucius behind her. When class began, she felt somebody concentrating on her back. She found it very uncomfortable, and didn't dare to turn around. She highly doubted that it was Severus, and assumed it was Sirius. The asshole. It was like that for the rest of the day. Sitting down at her seat, only to be violated by eyes. The violation made her feel naked, though fully clothed in her Hogwarts uniform.

During lunch, nothing happened, but a few glares were shared and still that feeling that she was being closely watched wouldn't go away. So, very carefully she looked around to see if anyone staring at her. She saw no one in particular burning into her clothes, but of course she might have not looked around fast enough to look around and the intruder might have turned away. Narcissa sighed, dismissing it. When she went to the Slytherin Common Room, the feeling left her. But once she got to Transfiguration the feeling came again.

It wasn't until classes were over and she was safe in the Common Room that she felt relaxed. She sighed, thinking she was just paranoid. Resting on the cold hard green and silver couch she was surprised to see a tawny owl actually come to her. She looked at the addressor's name and messily opened the letter.

Narcissa,

Dear sister of mine, how is your sixth year? Best of the best I hope. I hope you are well. This letter shall be short and discreet, you never know when Mother is tracing our letters. She did it with me once. A letter to Ted, dire consequences.

My precious little sister, you are growing up so fast. I had seen the pictures Mother always sends me. -Narcissa remembered the pictures of herself Mother would always send Andromeda once a year, just to spite Andie and make her despair that she wouldn't be able to see Narcissa.- Seeing the beautiful young lady you're coming out to be makes me regret ever having left you.

How is Sirius? I hear one more "dishonorable hoax" and he's burned off the Noble House Of Black Family Tree. I hope he does, it would make me proud. And please don't tell me you two are still disputing over House differences. -Narcissa cringed, caused by her guilt.-

Sweetheart, I love you and don't forget that. Follow your heart with an open mind. What is laid on your platter isn't always what you must eat. And give Sirius a hug for me!! -Like Narcissa would ever touch that bastard.-

Love forever and a day,

Andromeda Tonks

Narcissa missed her sister dearly, knowing that they may never meet ever again. One tear found its way out and across her pale cheek. Quickly brushing it off, Narcissa ran up to her dorm, mad at the world.

I hate my stupid, repulsive life. It seems to want to torture me and tease me. I did nothing to it. Except plague it. I wish to send my pain through these words. I wish to send my pain through my fists. Argh!! Narcissa thought, hating life. She heard the door creak open and close. She turned around glaring at the intruder.

"What do you want?!" Narcissa practically screeched. Her face softened at the look on the young first year's face.

"I-I thought this was the Girls' First Year Dormitory. I'm terribly sorry." And before Narcissa could apologize to the young one, the girl ran out, close to sobs. Narcissa fell to the floor, the wooden desk as her foundation. Looking blankly ahead, she looked to be in deep thought. Her eyes glazed over, with a color of icy blue edged at the outer rim.

The sun was blazing orange through the dormitory window as Narcissa awoke. She was leaning on the leg of a wooden table and thus had a stiff neck. Grateful that it was Friday she walked clumsily to her bed to lie down. Somehow she had picked up a horrid headache, not to mention she had slept on the leg of a table the whole afternoon. She groaned, the events before she fell into a deep sleep were coming back to her. And suddenly she realized.. she was the Ice Queen. All the thoughts in her head exhausted Narcissa, so she fell into a slumber once more.

~*~

Remus was quite hurt and appalled by Narcissa's sudden departure, he only asked if she was alright. But however, he did understand that she was full of great sadness. He had seen the red eyes and tearsstains on her pure porcelain cheeks. He walked to Potions thinking to himself and when about to attempt to talk to Narcissa, he saw she had company. Malfoy and Snape. So he simply headed to the back of the room, scolding the two male Slytherins silently. He closed his eyes, then one eye opened after another as he chose it as his role to make sure nothing happened to Narcissa in her what seemed to be weakened state.

He made sure to be Narcissa's silent guardian, but at times his mind would drift off to thoughts of her silky blonde loosely curled hair and her milky pure porcelain skin. He quickly pulled those thoughts out of his mind, thinking it disgusting the way he thought of a Slytherin, his Slytherin..

NO!! was what Remus would scream at his thoughts, although no one could hear him. Like water, when it speaks no one hears, but when actions begin all is seen.

Remus sighed at the frustration going on with himself and his thoughts.

~*~ The Next Day..

Narcissa looked up at the clear blue sky, curse Care Of Magical Creatures. Their teacher, Mr. Kettleburn was a complete moron. He didn't have a clue of how to handle a pixy correctly. The imbecile.

"Ms. Black, what is the florablink's weakest point?" A scratchy voice belonging to the Professor asked.

"Its eyes." Narcissa answered dully.

"Good good. And why?"

"Because, it's blind during the night, making it vulnerable. And it's very hard to breed florablinks, since they only find mates during the night." Narcissa answered, very close to yawning.

"Just like some Slytherins, eh Narcissa?" Someone rudely interrupted. All the Gryffindors snickered. Narcissa's eyes widened and squinted in a glaring position.

"Shut your mouth Black."

"Make me Black." Sirius replied mockingly. Professor Kettleburn's eyes widened in shock.

"Now, now children settle down. We don't want to start a fight now, do we?"

Like one already hasn't begun. Narcissa thought to herself. She remembered how Sirius was so kind to her, and so caring, like her own personal bodyguard, until that one faithful day, when they were separated by family and choices.

"Of course not Sir." Narcissa answered shortly after, scowling at her "dear" cousin's false accusations.

"Yeah.." mumbled Sirius. Narcissa completely loathed her cousin. Most people hated her, but it was only because of him. He had started the rumors, he had made the comments, he had said that she gave up on him. If they only knew...

~*~ Memory

It had been a cold day in June, cooler than expected, the frozen air kept your breath scarce and your eyes blurred. It was very unnatural for that time of the year. Blonde curls were covered by a silk frame, hiding the angelic face within. Light blue material, similar to Beauxbatons' natural color, was well identified against the setting fiery sun and harsh winds. Dark, ashened lashes blinked, revealing icy grey eyes, quite similar to blue. And pale, cold, cracked lips opened slightly, not used to the harsh weather in such a humid time of the summer.

"N-N, Alora what is that girl's name again?"

"Narcissa, Jedia." The girl's aunt answered.

"Oh yes. Narcissa darling!! Come here and greet Cousin Sirius! Heaven knows you haven't seen him since the end of First Year." Jedia shouted out to her daughter with a fake sugary tone.

"Yes mother." The one in light blue answered loud enough.

"N - N - What is it oh yes, Narcissa, you will speak more clearly and diligently or I shall ban you from certain privileges again."

"Yes, mother." Narcissa practically shrieked, her soft voice wasn't meant to be scratched upon through the fierce winds.

"You little brat, you will not use that tone with your Mother!" Alora, a Black by marriage, shouted at the young eleven-going-on-twelve year old.

"Sorry, Ma'am." Narcissa apologized in her soft tone.

"Well, come child. Rosetta, you piece of filth, bring Narcissa to her cousin." Jedia Black shouted at her child's nurse from birth. Rosetta Clarence flinched at her employer's tone, but took Narcissa gently by the arm anyway. Once inside Rosetta started swearing.

"Damn that bitch, thinks she's the bloody Queen Of England just because she's married to one of the richest men in the bloody world." Narcissa giggled lightly at her nurse's dark words, though used to hearing them.

"Careful Rose, if Mother heard that - ."

"She'd hang me by my fingers and make me scream, 'I'm a bloody nurse, world! Hear me roar!'" Rosetta interrupted, saying the last quote mockingly.

"Oh come now, she's not that bad."

"You're lucky you're related to her, kiddo. Try working for her," Rosetta said, before letting out a long sigh slash groan. Narcissa and her nurse were very close, Rosetta had known Narcissa since she was a wee thing and that was the only reason Rosetta still worked there.

"I suppose that would be horrid, but don't you think that's a bit harsh?"

"Sweetheart, harsh is what I get every day. Now darling, your cheeks are red with cold, get into your room and change into that nice gray dress of yours that your mother has so nicely ordered me to bitch to you to wear." Rosetta commanded, in her usual sarcastic tone.

"But of course, Miss Most Dominating Nurse Of the Year." Narcissa muttered, quite annoyed.

"And don't you forget it, sugar."

Narcissa found on her pink plush canopy bed the dull gray dress that Rosetta had mentioned. It had no sleeves and it complimented Narcissa's curves, yet it had no life. She left her loosely curled hair down, giving her a simple touch. And finishing her ensemble with a gray pair of sandals, similar to the style of ballet slippers, yet with a longer lace, and a dash of lip gloss she practically skipped downstairs to the cousin she adored, but had shunned her after first year.

Two heads of black hair turned around. One, shaggy, the other, a very untidy do.

"Hello Narcissa." The untidy haired one said.

"Hello - ." Narcissa had lost all knowledge of the young man's name.

"It's James, James Potter." The unfamiliar boy answered.

"Oh. Yes. Of course. James!"

"Hello Cousin." Narcissa flinched at her beloved cousin's cold tone.

"Why, hello Sirius! You stranger!" Narcissa joked, dismissing the unpleasant welcome she was given.

"Cousin, if you don't mind James and I have some discussing to do." Narcissa blinked.

"O-of course." Narcissa swiftly walked away, blinking back tears. Sitting against the cold tree trunk, not caring about her ruined dress or the cold temperature. Damnit, no weaknesses. Narcissa thought to herself, silently cursing the ever flowing tears betraying her state of mind. She heard footsteps behind her and quickly brushed away the forbidden tears.

"Cousin." A cold voice drawled behind her.

"Yes?" Narcissa answered, using the same tone cursed upon her own ears.

"We must talk."

"Of what?" Narcissa asked, her tone rising.

"Of our.. connections and relations."

"Meaning..?" She was confused by her cousin's words.

"Meaning, we cannot talk to each other or converse of our free will."

"Why not?"

"Because, it wouldn't look good for a Gryffindor and a Slytherin. People would talk. Narcissa, I'm doing this to protect you from the discrimination you'd get from other Slytherins." Sirius said, plainly. Too plainly for this kind of situation.

When no response came, Sirius silently walked to the Manor.

"You don't want to protect me. You just want to protect your own bloody reputation." Sirius was surprised by his quiet cousin's harsh, but true words.

"You know that's not true!" Sirius shouted.

"Do I?"

A few silent moments followed.

"Apparently you don't. Therefore, I don't need to waste my time on someone who has no faith in me. And I just won't care about my baby cousin." Sirius softly said.

"So be it. Like you weren't going to do that before. Just state the obvious, Black." Narcissa glared.

"Don't be like this Narcissa please! You know I only want to protect you!"

"No! No, you don't! If you want to sever ties with me forever walk away! But if you want to continue to work on a compromise, stay! You're choice, Black! I'm tired of listening! It's your turn to listen! I'm tired of House Fights! I'm tired of the pranks you pull! I'm tired of you!" Narcissa said the last part, as if spitting out venom. Sirius stood there, shocked and slowly backed away.

He had made his choice.

And that day Narcissa learned to shout.

~*~ In The Slytherin Common Room In The Present

Narcissa lay on the couch, her feet on the arm of the chair. Classes had passed without much incident, fortunately enough. Sighing, moments ago finishing her load of homework, she walked upstairs to her bed. Sitting on the green alien silk her fingers lingered to the pictures that lay on her bedside table. Her index finger traced the frame of a picture when she was young.

It was of herself, Andromeda, Bellatrix, Sirius, Regulus and Rosetta. Rosetta was considered family back then, that is until she pissed off Jedia Black to the greatest extremes one day. Anyway, they were all bright and smiling, thoughts of house differences the last thing on their minds. They were all waving and smiling brilliantly back at her, and for a moment she smiled back and went back to her original scowl.

Andromeda was now gone, fulfilling her wildest dreams. They scarcely kept in contact, just to see if the other was alive.

Bellatrix was married to the biggest git in the world and in debt to the Dark Lord. Bellatrix no longer cared.

Sirius was a bastard. Enough said.

Regulus was also a bastard, but they still kept in contact.

And Rosetta.. it had been a cold October day last year when she had received the news Rosetta was killed, most likely by Jedia, but evidence had never showed up. Narcissa had been greatly distressed, but the hard glass exterior never showed it.

Narcissa was betrayed when a few number of tears rolled down her cheeks, and a lump fell into her throat. She felt a pang at her heart, but dismissed it as fast as herself would allow her to.

Standing tall and elegant she walked to the door, taking one more glance at the picture and made her way to the Common Room where she held her cold exterior once more.

~*~ End

A/N: Please review my lovely people! After some grueling and "painful" editing I finally have this out.. much thanks goes out to ChristyCorr and Electryone for being my beta's.. and - and from now on every chapter will be at least 1500 words.. promise. Don't forget to press the beautiful purplish type colored button that says "Submit Review".. Flames are accepted, yet not very welcome.. always willing to take suggestions though.. oh and I promise there will be more Remus/Narcissa interaction in later chapters as my beta's have oh so pushed me into doing. Love ya!