Not My Own

Author: EbonyQuill

Summary: Narcissa Black had her life laid before her, she had to read it, memorize it, and follow it. But now she disagrees with one of the rules befallen upon her. "Never fall in love." RL/NB What happens when fire..and ice clash.

Disclaimer: If you think I own Harry Potter, please seek psychiatric help.

Special thanks to ChristyCorr and Electryone for being the bloody best beta's in the world. :)

A/N: Hi! First off, thanks to elvencherry07 (hehe thanks) ChristyCorr (You beta for me, yet you review.. that makes me happyfull. :D) Ivy Crane (Hehe.. I assure you Remus will have a big part in this chapter..) Asian Angel to lazy to log in (Aww! I didn't mean to make you cry! Lol..) Alexia M (Wow. I feel so special now.Ha! Well thank Electryone and Morgane and all the great writers of Narcissa/Remus for introducing it to moi. :D) Jolinar of Malkshur (Thank you! Your words are greatly appreciated!) Next off, I won't be able to update as often.. every other week maybe.. but that's the best I can do.. unless I spend my whole day on the comp. because I have about a million other things to do.. not to mention I have a "B" in math.. but no I have to always get "A's".. blah.

Chapter 4 - Not My Own

Night fell upon the dark halls of Hogwarts, a rustle of feet could be heard throughout the corridors. That was most likely the late prefects, getting their new post assignments. The prefects' room was very cozy indeed: a warm fire, many couches and an announcement board. Not much, but comfortable.

Suddenly, a soft young woman's voice was heard.

"Hello. I - I'm your um, new Head Girl, um, Tatiana Rebbons from, um, Ravenclaw."

The Ravenclaw snobs who somehow got the role of Prefect started snickering, as Narcissa and Remus, simultaneously, gave them a cold glare.

Narcissa raised an eyebrow when she saw Remus in the same position but dismissed it and turned around.

"And I am your Head Boy, Gilderoy Lockhart."

Many girls sighed dreamily; Narcissa nearly puked.

"A - as many of you might know, um, there will be a Halloween ball this year." Narcissa heard a chorus of "Oh my god, James Potter HAS to go with me!" "No, no Sirius Black is waaay cuter." "I prefer the quiet Remus Luuuuuupin." "You know, purple is so not your color." Narcissa rolled her eyes at it all.

"Yes, yes I know all of you want to go with me, but you're only allowed one date." Gilderoy said, shooting one of his brilliant smiles. Narcissa raised her hand.

"Y - yes?" Tatiana asked.

"What are the basics? Fourth years and up? Masquerade? Regular? Boy and girl? Etc.?"

"U - um, yes. I - I suppose. U - um, regular, not masquerade, um, caused many problems in the, um, past. Um, Gilderoy?" Tatiana turned to Gilderoy.

Unfortunately, the Head Boy was admiring himself in a mirror.

"Oh, sorry what was that Tara?"

"Tatiana is her name, you idiot." Narcissa said, clenching her teeth.

"Oh, of course, my ever blossoming Narcissa."

"Oh, go kiss your own ass." Narcissa muttered, so no one would hear. Remus' eyes widened slightly in amusement, hearing the soft-spoken comment.

At the end of the meeting, Narcissa hastily got up and sped her way out. When she was clear from view, she let out a big sigh. For some reason, being in that room suffocated her. Apparently, someone felt the same way.

In one second the two bodies were on the floor, groaning of pain.

"Oh shit, I'm really, really sorry - Narcissa?" A familiar, yet alien voice rang out.

"Don't waste your breath, Lupin." Narcissa said, glaring.

"I really am sorry." Remus said sincerely.

"That's what Sirius said after he pulled his first prank on me... look at us now." Narcissa sputtered, cold as ice.

"Really?"

"Really."

"Weird."

"God, why did I even tell you? Jesus, next thing you know I'll be helping out at the goddamned pound."

Remus tried to conceal his laughter by biting his cheeks, and it worked - for a while. Suddenly Remus burst out laughing.

"And what, may I ask, is so funny?" Narcissa asked, glaring.

"Nothing.. just a random laugh."

"Mmhmm. I don't know why I'm even here. Good night."

And with that Narcissa went to her Prefect Post. Suddenly she heard footsteps behind her.

"Would you look at that," none other than, Remus Lupin said.

Narcissa moaned. "Oh God, don't tell me we're watching the corridors together."

"That's what the Duties Paper says."

"Damn!"

"Well, good to know I'm loved." Remus glared.

Narcissa looked shocked for a moment, then regained her strong composure.

"Ha. Ha. I'm not laughing, Lupin."

"Well neither am I."

"Good."

"Good."

"Fine."

"F - ."

"ALRIGHT! I GET IT!" Narcissa blasted.

Remus slouched. "Fine then," he said softly.

After a few minutes of silence and walking around the corridors, Remus started talking.

"So.. how's life?"

Narcissa gave him a cold glare.

"What? You never said we couldn't talk." Remus replied, smiling slightly.

Cute boyish smile, too bad it's placed on a bastard's face. Maybe if he wasn't friends with Sirius..

"Fine. Life is just grand."

"That's it?"

"What?"

"I mean there has to be more to life, than 'just grand.'"

Narcissa stared blankly at him.

"So?"

"Well, life can't be grand; it has to be filled with hope, tears, and blood."

Narcissa shivered at the last word. She knew blood.

"Not if the person interrogated does not want to answer." Narcissa replied, glaring.

"Fine." Remus answered, pouting a bit.

Silence swallowed the room after that, and neither felt like breaking it with awkward, pointless small talk.

Finally, at ten pm, the shift was over and they walked to their respective common rooms.

One, with the confusion of cracking a complicated puzzle; the other, reminiscing on the conversation that had just occurred.

The Next Morning

Dimmed orange light made their way through the dark curtains that covered the grand windows of the Slytherin Girls' Dormitory. Two grey eyes revealed themselves to the brightness of the room.

Narcissa thought for moment.

'We're in the dungeon.. how can there be - '

The light flickered. Click. It was the sound of a Muggle camera.

"BLACK!" Narcissa shouted with rage. Four scurrying figures ran out of the room, leaving the occupants blinking in shock. Narcissa growled, putting on her respected Slytherin robe, combing her hair quickly, putting on her shoes and running to the Common Room. She swore as she bumped into someone.

"Narcissa?" Regulus Black questioned his cousin.

"Out of my way, Regulus." Narcissa's temper flared for some reason as she ran out the door and to the Great Hall, listening to the fast footsteps.

She heard a loud voice as she neared the Great Hall.

"And ladies and gentlemen I present to you, the ugliest piece of morning sunshine man has ever let eyes on .. " Narcissa froze as she saw the pictures from the Dormitory bombard the room. Pictures were plastered all over the walls, even blocking the gloomy morning sky on the ceiling. Explosions of laughter filled the room, echoing and echoing. Narcissa covered her ears, then fell to the floor. Somehow the laughter made her dizzy and feel faint... no explainable cause had been discovered to this day. It was as if she had noise claustrophobia; and, when she tried to lean on the door for support, it opened and she was knocked out. She could only hear the laughter and a faint, "Narcissa? Narcissa? Wake up!" before she saw black.

"I'm not sure what happened, Ma'am... she just fell and some idiot opened the door right in front of her."

"Well, get the poor dear here." Narcissa's limp body occupied a hospital bed.

"Will she be al - ?"

"She'll be fine, dear. Why don't you run along, you'll be late for classes, won't you?"

"They can wait."

"Go anyway, I assure you, she'll be fine. And I'll be sure to tell her who her Prince Charming is."

Remus' eyes widened in horror. "Oh, please don't! If you did, I wouldn't hear the end of it!"

Madame Pomfrey raised an eyebrow suspicously, but nodded her head slightly in consent.

"Run along then."

In reality, Remus fled to Transfiguration… but his mind remained with Narcissa.

A Few Hours Later

"What do you MEAN I was knocked out the whole morning?!"

"I mean, you were out cold all morning, Miss Black. Now if you would lower your voice."

"Oh I am so dead. I had a DEFENSE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS test today! God knows that's my worst subject!"

A very hassled Madame Pomfrey sighed at the exploding girl in front of her, a very annoyed Narcissa Black was shouting for all it was worth, and the rest of the inhabitants were frightened.

"Please, lower your voice. You will be able to make everything up later on."

"But still - .

"

"Hush, now! You will rest until I say otherwise."

"But - ."

"Pfft, no buts. Lay down.. or else!"

Narcissa crossed her arms in protest and huffed, admitting to be defeated.

Pomfrey walked away muttering something about 'obscene, overreacting drama queens.'

'How dare she keep me here like an animal? How dare they let me miss Defense Against The Dark Arts.. I probably have what, an 89 now...'

Narcissa winced at the thought. She wasn't a perfectionist, but that's what she was expected to be. Filling with emotion, she let her heart and mind take place of her private diary.

'Why? Why must I live in a life of perfection? Of scorn? Of hate? Is there no justice that in a young mind of mine is to be filled with dark thoughts and feeling? Am I not destined to be saved? Am I to be swept away in the crying river of scorn into the ocean of broken hearts? Shall I flow as my authorities tell me to? Or shall I paddle the rough river to become my own self. I am haunted by my elders and the conscience outside my own. My elders haunt my reality. Myself haunts my heart and my mind. Which lie is worst to live? To never be myself? Or to be haunted by whom I truly am? Am I the fallen angel with the broken wing and missing halo? Am I the missing spawn of Satan being the evil seductress I've been taught to be? This is my own life, isn't it? Do I really have the right to call myself, my own? I don't belong to myself. I don't think my own thoughts. I don't do my own actions. I don't say my own words. I am not my own.'

A/N: I am sooo sorry for the long long wait. I could give you a list of explanations including I was grounded but I wish not to bore you. Please review! It's greatly appreciated. Oh yes.. I have some very special thanks to go out.

ChristyCorr - Thank you for being my beta.. and I'm especially sorry for the suspense and patience you had to go through and get a sucky chapter like this!

Electryone - You're help is greatly appreciated, I'm really really sorry for the delay of this chapter and getting a stupid chapter like this one.. really really sorry! And for that one comment you had about Narcissa being popular and being intimidating, her roommates were also in that picture so it wasn't entirely aimed on her.. hope that makes sense. Oh and this is 6th year, just to remind you.. heh.