The Bachelor Party
Chapter 1
A Tales of Phantasia Fanfiction By Cremrock
Disclaimer and Foreword: I don't own the Tales series, nor do I own the characters, they're all copyright of Namco. Fortunately, I'm once again making zilch off of this; please don't sue me.
To anyone who's read my previous chaptered works here on , (And noted the ungodly amount of time between the times I update), I can promise that this sucker is completely done, but there are still some finer details I would prefer to iron out of the latter two chapters and epilogue. I find that humor is usually better in smaller doses anyway.
Finally, I'll mention the usual blurb about spoilers here; I would guess it isn't necessary and this story doesn't contain anything I'd say would be major, but you never know and it only takes a few seconds to type. ;) Enough of my wordiness; enjoy the story; and may it bringyoulaughter. (I hope!)
(Timeline wise, this story takes place in the 'past' portion of the adventure, immediately before the party intends to go to Thor.)
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Cless Alvein was bored out of his mind. It wasn't that he minded taking a rest; the problem was that he had been idle for three days. It was a tough row to hoe for the young fighter, who had become accustomed to cutting down monsters, villains, and the occasional demonic tree. As a result, he found himself staring down at his broadsword for the tenth time that day, wondering what it was doing resting in its sheath, instead of resting in something's guts.
The sword wondered what Cless was doing resting in a Venezzian inn, and why it was resting in its sheath. Unlike Cless, it absolutely hated any kind of rest at all; but that was natural. Who wanted to be stuffed into a sheath all day? Normally it got to participate in a mutually beneficial relationship with its owner. Cless got to practice his skills and experience the satisfaction of a job well done; the sword got the satisfaction of doing the only job it could do and well, do well.
Mint Adnade was reflecting on a similar problem in the room next door. There weren't a whole lot of things she currently had to do other than be a healer, and usually that job entailed healing Cless. Nothing felt better to her in the world than easing the misery of others… but when monsters weren't on the road waylaying them, there wasn't a whole lot of misery to go around. She thought about it further for a moment, and then frowned. Did she want some misfortune to befall them, just so she would have something to do?
A crash came from the floor below theirs; which housed a watered-down type of tavern, and at the sound she firmly shook her head. It was better to have some peace and quiet for a change, and people were accident-prone… She'd have something to do at some point, and then she could feel as if she was performing in accordance to her calling.
Unlike Cless' sword, Cless, and Mint herself, Mint's staff was perfectly happy. Instead of being leaned on and occasionally used to poke nasty things, it was getting a relaxing rest against the bedpost. From its woody perspective, the bedpost was the cutest it had ever seen, and the two had hit it off readily. It leaned on the bedpost, and the bedpost supported it. It was a match made in heaven.
The staff's best friend (Mint's hat) was pissed, but not because Mint hardly ever took it off. The view from atop Mint's head was a welcome one, and though it understandably sucked to be keeping the rain, snow, and other assorted elements away all the time; the hat was as tolerant and placid as its owner, albeit a little more hormonal. The hat was pissed because it wanted to check out Klarth F Lester's hat, which it thought was sexy-looking in an exotic, hat sort of way. Unfortunately, the owner of the hat was out, and as a result, Mint's hat was alone on the inn's hat rack. The hat knew it was a rather stupid reason to be PO'ed, but it thought there might be some real chemistry going there.
There had been heavy storms Venezzia lately, and as a result Klarth was out checking the docks to see when they might be able to leave. (Though Cless had remarked that Klarth must have been up to something; for surely it didn't take an entire day to check the docks!) Mint and Cless hoped it would be soon. The hat didn't really care, but the staff never wanted to leave. And the sword? The sword just wanted to be placed in something's guts, or a solidly built practice dummy. It wasn't a picky sword, just a stubborn one. Having come from decent roots, it was resolved to follow its owner. Its mother was a hunk of iron, its father a smithy hammer. They'd done a fine job raising their boy.
All things considered, there was really only one object that had reason to be pissed there: The broom. The broom was the grumpiest member of the lot. Most objects would have been if they'd had to carry around a hyperactive young witch all day. The broom enjoyed a welcome break while its owner slept, but it knew that soon enough, Arche would awaken and the personal hell would begin again. After all, horses could gallop or enjoy grass, apples, and sugar, and boats didn't much care what they were doing, but how was a broom to recreate? By sweeping? Arche Klaine wasn't apt to do any sweeping anyway, unless it was via some kind of wind-inducing spell.
The broom was resolved in its fate, but it would show her. One of these days Arche's ass was going to be awfully sore, if the broom could just find a way to slide the saddle down the handle… But to the broom's distress the saddle proved uncooperative. It's hard to find a more comfortable place than when something is sitting on top of you. Naturally, it didn't want to move.
Arche was buried under three rows of blankets, numerous pillows, and whatever else she'd borrowed from the other beds, dreaming of handsome men, wine, magic, and whatever else hyperactive half-elven witches dreamed about.
Which meant that Arche was bugging the heck out of the normally tolerant Cless. It wasn't what she was dreaming about; Cless had no idea, and Arche probably didn't even know. It wasn't the fact she was asleep: Cless enjoyed plenty of that too. Normally, Cless was a rock. He resembled Mint; and if he had a problem with the way people acted, he usually didn't say it unless it shocked and appalled him. It wasn't Arche's lumbering snores either. Cless was used to a healthy amount of noise, though he and Mint were forced to acknowledge that Arche had a healthier set of lungs than her petite form would indicate.
The problem had to do with time, or rather, the time. As Cless strode into the central room with a grimace on his normally shining features, Mint had a pretty good idea what it was about. She regarded him with a smile, and a sympathetic nod, just the way she had the previous two days. Cless had been making this complaint every day they'd been stuck in Venezzia.
"Is she still asleep?" Mint asked, the grimace on Cless's face having already tipped her off to the answer.
"Yes… She's still out." He grumbled, rubbing a hand through his straight, orange-colored hair and pushing it out of his eyes. His headband had been washed, but hadn't dried yet.
Mint only smiled wider, trying to snap him out of his bad mood. Lately her disposition hadn't varied much from cheerful, hopeful, and sunny side-up. She was enjoying the break from having to watch everyone else kill things; those kobolds just seemed too cute!
"It's understandable since she's younger than us, Cless… she must be very tired."
It was a reach, and Mint knew it, but she was determined to play peacemaker; hating to see anyone fighting or discontent. Arche was only about a year younger than the two of them were, and Mint began to wonder if she should've played some sort of "Half-elves need more sleep" card. Shrugging it off (After all, she wasn't sure if that would be a lie or not), she decided to remain silent.
Cless's only response was to yawn, rock back in his chair, and stretch his upper body. At that, his eyes widened, and his face fell, and Mint knew another tirade, so normally unlike Cless, was coming.
"She's even making ME tired… it's not right, Mint, I tell you, it's just not right!"
"Cless…" Mint began, holding up a slender, gloved finger for emphasis, "We're not exactly doing anything right now … just sitting around waiting for the weather to clear… It doesn't hurt to get some rest now and again… If Arche wants to sleep in a bit, we have no reason not to let her…"
Mint elected not to point out that, as much as she liked the witch, it was a lot quieter with Arche asleep than with Arche up and about, though as Cless launched into another segment of his rant, Mint realized that it wasn't nearly as quiet as it could've been.
"A bit? A bit? It's 3 PM, Mint! Arche has been asleep for…" Cless paused and began counting on his fingers, the exasperation departing from his voice as he was suddenly set with a new task. Finding he'd run out of fingers, he propped his feet up on the table and began counting on his toes, rocking back even more. "…Eleven, twelve… thirteen… fourteen… fifteen…"
"Cless…" Mint murmured worriedly, noting how the chair the swordsman sat on teetered closer and closer to disaster.
Cless was so intent on his counting that he hardly noticed Mint's observation. Thinking quickly, Mint uncrossed her legs under the table in hopes of giving Cless more room to rock, thinking that If he was about to fall she might be able to get to her feet and catch him. Unfortunately, one of them accidentally struck the chair Cless was rocking on. "…Six-TEEN!" He shouted, before the chair crashed to the floor.
The din was heard from the floor below, amid a shout of warning from the innkeeper on the 1st floor. Mint ran over to him anyway, concern etching her smooth features. "Cless! Are you all right?"
There was an awkward pause, and then Cless smiled, even as Mint raised both eyebrows in concern, thinking he had a concussion. "I'm just fine, Mint… though my head hurts a little bit… I think I just made my wish come true." Mint was wondering what he meant, until she heard a commotion from the room's adjacent to the one they were in. At that, she sighed audibly, closing her eyes for the moment, reflecting on how the afternoon had been so quiet… until now.
The commotion came from Arche, who had unceremoniously been thrust out of the middle of a wonderful dream. She strode into the room with squinty daggers for eyes, her long pink hair even more frazzled than usual, for it had not yet been tied into its usual gnarled ponytail. Bright pink pajama pants embroidered with plush looking yellow stars adorned her legs, and a green wool blanket was around her thin shoulders like a cloak. She pulled up a chair and sat down at the table while trying to make as much noise as possible without speaking. With it obvious to Cless and Mint that she was conveying her discontent, they both thought the same thing: even the cheeriest member of their entourage had her "moments".
"Good morning…" Mint began, before grimacing in the remembrance of Cless's argument. "Er… good something, Arche!" She finished cheerfully, while Arche stared warily, bleary-eyed.
The half-elf glanced down at Cless and her features appeared to soften, if only for a second. "Is Cless all right?" She said, in a somewhat kinder voice that either of them had expected. Mint nodded in reply, and a frown reappeared on Arche's face, as if the witch had a switch that went from "Happy" to "Grumpy".
"Good. What's for breakfast?" She grumbled.
"Try lunch, or maybe even an early dinner." Cless retorted, as Mint helped him to his feet. Ever the diplomat, Mint didn't say a word, getting up and meandering over to the food sack, which had been placed in a corner of the room. She rifled through the contents, listing the contents as she viewed them, so that Arche could hear what was on the "menu".
"We have… Steak… Bread… more steak… more bread… some sirloin… more steak…" Mint pulled her head out of the sack, trying her best not to look cross, but looking that way anyway, her eyes narrowed in Cless's direction. Something was fishy, or rather cow-y, if cow-y were actually a descriptive word.
The swordsman had reset his chair and was trying very hard not to snicker at Arche's choice in pajamas. After all, he'd always worn the ones with the horseys. Surveying the contents of the sack again, to make sure she believed what she was seeing, her eyes returned to the table for a second time, focusing on Cless again. Arche caught the look and groaned, knowing what it meant. This wasn't the first time that this had happened to the party.
"Cless… Mint wants you." She thrust her index finger in Mint's direction, addressing Cless in a tone laced with venom.
Cless swiveled around, the thought of the contrasting styles of his and Arche's pajamas entirely off his mind. "Yes Mint?"
The tone of his voice was sweet, and it was clear Cless was unaware of the difficulty. Mint's heart melted, and it suddenly became impossible for her to be angry with Cless, at least over something as simple as mixing up a shopping expedition. But just the same, she had to make sure he knew what he'd done wrong…
"Cless… did you do the shopping yesterday?" Mint asked, doing her best to keep an edge out of her voice, trying to sound gentle.
"Yeah…" His voice went silent, confusion scribbled onto his youthful features.
Mint wanted to hug him like she would a 3-year old; while dutifully explaining to him that a balanced diet consisted of more than steak and bread. If they weren't so similar in age, he'd be the perfect little brother.
Arche wanted to hit him, as the daggers she had originally glared at Cless turned into large, jagged greatswords. She decided not to comment on the food choice; the better to avoid saying something she might regret. After all, there was that time she had filled the food sack… with nothing but butter and cupcakes.
"Steak and bread again, eh Mint? Perhaps I'll just go get something at the pub downstairs. It's not as if we're on the road or anything." The half-elf staggered to her feet and trotted towards the stairwell. Upon reaching them, she took a flying leap, deliberately bouncing down the steps with a series of Ba-BUMP's, until she was out of sight.
The Ba-BUMP's continued, and Mint had to thank the goddess that everyone in the inn was likely awake already. But she got the sense that something wasn't quite right, but Arche had already disappeared down the steps. Trying to recall the last glimpse she had of Arche, she realized that the blanket she'd worn as a cloak had billowed around her with each leap. Arche had that blanket wrapped loosely around herself, but had she been wearing anything underneath? It had been impossible to tell, as large as the blanket was and as skillfully as Arche wore it.
Ba-BUMP, Ba-BUMP, Ba-BUMP. The Inn had roughly twenty steps between floors. (Cless had counted.)
At a loss, and getting the same sense that trouble was up as Mint did, Cless went to Mint for clarification.
"Um… Mint… was Arche wearing a shirt underneath…"
Ba-BUMP. Ba-BUMP. THUD!
The thud had been accompanied by a peculiar sound, not unlike a piece of cloth catching onto an errant nail and being torn away. This sound was followed by a more familiar sound, as Arche's shrill scream reverberated up the steps.
"KYA!"
Cless had his answer, as noise erupted again from the tavern below, with words used to describe public indecency (albeit much raunchier words) standing out the most. And of course, with human nature being what it was, a sound much like a cheer came from some of the more rowdy patrons.
A second after the cheer, an entirely different series of bumps echoed from the steps, getting louder and louder instead of softer and softer, as the Ba-BUMPs had been, as if someone was sprinting up the stairs rather than hopping down them..
In a flash, those star covered pajamas were back in the room, but the blanket was gone, and the sneaky suspicion Mint and Cless had had was confirmed. Mint was about to lunge for Cless, intent on shielding his eyes, when she noticed that Cless had suddenly begun a meticulous observation of the floor. Her heart melted a little more than during her incident with the food sack then, for how many people in her time would have been as pure-hearted as to do that?
"Wake up, DRESS, then go out…" Arche mumbled sheepishly, her features tinged with embarrassment.
"Hmm. Hardwood floor. Did you notice, Mint?" Cless asked, his neck craned down towards the floor, his eyes not catching one bit of Arche.
"Yes Cless, it's lovely! Don't look up!" Mint commanded, before charging out of the room, intent on finding Arche something to wear. She figured the witch would have the same rules about modesty as she did, but as usual, she underestimated Arche. For Arche, inadvertently flashing the public was embarrassment. Goofing around with bashful friends was quite different, as the sounds of Mint rummaging through the dresser reached her sensitive ears. Noting she was alone with Cless, she smirked mischievously. Cless kept his eyes locked on the floor, almost as if he was bowing in submission to her. He wasn't, but he was too gold-hearted to peek, at least not on purpose.
Arche knew it. "Hey Cless! Look this way!" She grinned, raising her arms towards the ceiling, posing. "The… uh… ceiling's interesting too!"
"Can't… Did you know that this floor has approximately 12 oaken boards, running perpendicular to the door? It's amazing!"
"C'mon! I'm wearing something! Really!" Arche said, forsaking her pose and putting her hands on her hips, still determined to embarrass her friend. Cless kept his gaze on the floor, while Arche kept her back to the door. She hadn't bothered to shut it, not with the chance that Cless might look up and forsake his chance at embarrassment while her back was turned.
That was when Klarth F. Lester walked into the room; his eyes narrow pools of mystery… until he was faced with the completely bare back of the woman before him. Then they flew wide open, and all the questions he'd gathered from his walk through the tavern were right in front of him. He'd caught the words "naked woman" on his way up the stairs, and now understood why the lower floor had been in such fervor.
Arche hadn't even heard him come in, and Cless continued to look at the floor. Klarth's sense of self-preservation was high enough that he didn't want to be on the receiving end of an Indignation spell, so he grinned evilly and chose his plan B, putting his hands over Arche's eyes while screaming, "Guess who!" with the force he'd have used to summon Maxwell or Undine.
Arche's skin turned a peculiar shade of bright red, as she screamed and practically flew (a remarkable feat considering she didn't have her broom at hand) into the adjoining room. Unfortunately, Mint was just coming through the door with a shirt for Arche, and the two collided.
To Klarth's private dismay, Arche had somehow managed to snatch the shirt from Mint's grasp and pull it over herself, even as the two were crashing to the ground.
"So, THAT'S what half-elven reflexes are for!" Klarth exclaimed, reflecting on how it all made sense now. He surveyed the situation: Arche and Mint lying on the ground, dazed and in a heap, and Cless meticulously staring at the floorboards, as if admiring the detail. He glanced at Arche and Mint, pictured imaginary stars circling their dizzied heads (Which wasn't too far from the truth) and chuckled again. "You didn't even bother to guess, Arche Klaine!"
"Oooog…" Arche and Mint murmured in unison, and Klarth turned his attention to Cless, unable to resist the jovial urge that drove him.
"Busy afternoon?" He asked.
"You could say that…" Cless muttered. "What was the floor in your house made of, Klarth? Mahogany?" He still hadn't looked up.
"You can look up now, Cless." Klarth reminded him, rolling his eyes. "Seriously. A beautiful woman is standing bare to the waist in front of you, and you stare at the floor? What kind of self-respecting man are you?" He elbowed Cless lightly in the side. Arche had crawled away into the other room and Mint had risen to her feet, dusting herself off.
"The decent kind, Klarth." Mint murmured, too low for either of them to hear, though it was accompanied with as close to an angry look as Mint got. Klarth didn't mind the angry look, as he smiled back at her. It wasn't his intent to be a perfect jerk; but he hadn't been able to resist attempting to bestow his "wisdom" to his young friend. He bowed stiffly, as if in apology, removing his hat and tossing it to the hat rack with a casual flick of the wrist.
"My apologies, Mint. A joke taken a bit too far… Are you feeling okay?"
"Yes, I'm fine, thank you Klarth… Are you okay, Cless? It's safe for you to look up now… Arche is covered."
A moment of silence, as Cless grimaced, before he started speaking.
"I can't, Mint... I think I screwed my neck up looking at this floor too long."
Mint practically leapt for joy (though she tried hard to conceal it), running over to Cless and placing her hands over his neck.
"All right!" She said happily, any ire towards Klarth gone in her effort to do what her heart told her to. "I'll have this fixed in a jiffy!" She closed her eyes, and mana surged around her as she began to mumble the words to a healing spell.
Klarth glanced at her, his eyes off to the side, and bent down next to Cless, the grin still ever-present on his face. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say she's glad that you're hurt…" He whispered, winking.
Cless had wanted to stab something for days now, so he could understand how Mint felt having no one around to heal. He had briefly considered flinging himself out the window to give her something to do earlier in the day, but had decided against it. It was hard to get the dents out of his armor.
Mint had finished her spell by the time Arche emerged, wearing her usual ensemble. The pink-haired one regarded Klarth coldly, but with a grumble in her stomach, conveniently lost her anger for the moment.
"Please… PLEASE tell me you've brought food." She squeaked hopefully, eyes beaming. Klarth shook his head no, and Arche's face fell. "Guess I'll just go get some bread…" She muttered, the light in her voice having waned as quickly as it had waxed.
However, instead of going straight to the bag of bread, Arche rummaged through the cabinets. Finding a sugar shaker, she grabbed a loaf and sat down at the table, meticulously sprinkling sugar on all portions before cramming it into her mouth. Mint, Cless, and Klarth watched incredulously, their surprised stares boring a hole into her.
"WHAF?" She mumbled, her mouth full of bread, unaware of why the eating habit attracted so much attention.
"It's nothing…" Mint said politely. Klarth wasn't about to let her get off so easy.
"So that's how she does it." Klarth said. "I know I read that girls were made of sugar and spice and all that, but I had no idea they took it so literally."
"SHUF FUP! ITH GUUD!" Arche replied, unwilling to sacrifice the taste of her snack for a clear retort.
"I'll take your word for it." Klarth acquiesced, putting a hand to his stomach with a nauseated look on his face. "We're still stuck here for another day or so, but I do have some good news…"
"Let's hear it." Cless said, eager to have something to say in the conversation, his neck fully healed. Klarth opened his mouth to begin when Arche suddenly started chomping on the bread as loud as she possibly could, in stark contrast to her silent chewing from the moment before. Klarth glared, waiting for her to stop. Thinking there was some trouble, Mint got up to get Arche some water. Arche accepted it from Mint gracefully, bowing her head slightly and murmuring a faint thank you, and Klarth thought that was it.
He turned to address the group again, only to hear the loudest GLUG GLUG sounds he'd ever heard in his life. He twisted back to stare at Arche, and she was sipping her water innocently, not even looking up. Turning away, the GLUG GLUGs continued. Had Klarth had eyes in the back of his head, he'd have noticed Arche taking as many large swallows as she could, but the half-elf was remarkably quick. Unable to catch her in the act, Klarth went on the offensive.
"Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed today?" Klarth asked, knowing Arche's annoyances to be deliberate and tactical. Arche just looked up at him and smiled sweetly, not even bothering to answer Klarth's question. The answer was obvious anyway.
"Anyway, about the news…" Mint said hopefully, trying to let the entire affair blow over. Klarth began again smiling faintly, and even Arche cooperated, her youthful curiosity having gotten the best of her.
"Yes, about that… I was asked to pass a message to Cless. Apparently that Elwyn fellow is finally going to marry Nancy, and we've been invited…"
"To the wedding?" Mint interrupted sweetly, a smile etching its way onto her serene face. "I love weddings… I went to one of them once as a little girl… the bride was so pretty… And it is so good to know that those two are together…"
"…To the Bachelor Party." Klarth finished, without missing a beat. Cless looked confused for the third time that day, while Mint seemed more disappointed. Arche just regarded the three of them, seeming not to pay attention to the casual bystander, but Klarth knew that he'd caught her eye at the mention of the word "party".
Cless felt his confusion needed to be resolved, so he spoke up. "What's a bachelor party? I've never been to one."
"Oh, it's great! There are drinks, and good food, and lots of people! I went to one once, and it was pretty interesting… there were a lot of guys there, but the way they reacted when I came through the door, well… they were pretty excited and happy to see me. I was the life of the party… Except that some of them kept trying to throw gald at me… And said some naughty things… and… Well, I had to leave… Things got a little out of control…"
For the third time that morning, Arche felt herself the victim of several stares, with Klarth's particularly burning, since he was the only one of them that had a clear idea of what a bachelor party was. Arche smiled at them cheerfully in reply, but the stares continued, long enough that she felt agitated.
"What?" She asked, having been the one to answer Cless's question.
"Wellllllll… Let's just say you'll have to tell me all about THAT story sometime…" Klarth began. He didn't even want to open this can of worms, but he was in an educational mood, and his three companions were SO young and naïve…
He began, and the next thirty minutes were quite interesting, had anyone other than the four been around to watch. Mint's eyebrows arched up and down in alternating forms of shock and disbelief. Cless's expression went from confused, to shocked, to interested, to confused again, and Arche just sat there, taking it all in. Her eyes had initially lit up at the mention of the word party, but as Klarth had explained it, (Continually driving home the point that only men could attend) that light had begun to fade.
"…And that's what a Bachelor Party is! Understand?" Klarth finished, smiling. Cless and Mint nodded slowly, trying their best to hide their perturbed feelings about the entire matter. (Klarth had elected to explain the raunchy, drink and female "guest" filled hedonistic version of a Bachelor Party)
A pink-gloved fist pounded on the table, making a surprisingly loud sound, as Arche jumped to her feet shouting, "You mean I'm not allowed to go to this party? That's discrimination! All that food and drink and fun! It's-"
Cless and Mint winced, wanting to avoid another confrontation with the spunky witch, but Klarth met the challenge, confident he could deflect Arche's line of reasoning anyway.
"Will you let me finish, Arche!" The summoner interjected, matching Arche's glare with one of his own. "The bachelorette is allowed to have a party too and only women attend, though I didn't hear if Nancy had thought of anything about that." Arche glared in anger and opened her mouth to reply, before realizing that Klarth had just told her that there just might be a party for her, too.
"Um…" She paused a moment to collect her thoughts, and her mouth slowly turned upward into an ear-splitting grin, overshadowed only by the light that suddenly dawned in her pink eyes. Mint shifted uncomfortably, disliking the look that Arche had her eyes. This was possibly because as it had occurred, Arche had turned to look directly at her, still smiling widely.
Mint liked it even less when Arche suddenly grabbed her arm, chanting,"Really? We have to go find Nancy! C'mon Mint!" She pulled and tried to tug her friend to the door, but Mint held firm, trying to be the voice of reason. "What's wrong?"
"This doesn't sound very fun…" Mint explained. "This whole business of a party… especially with Klarth's… um… debaucher explanation… It sounds rather… well… not right… I always thought the wedding was the part the groom and bride looked forward to…"
"That's funny, I always thought it was AFTER the wedding the groom and bride looked forward to…" Arche muttered, so low that no one could hear her. Her eyes shot back up to Mint, and she continued trying to persuade her. "…C'mon Mint! It'll be fun! Don't you want to celebrate Nancy's happiness with her? You're the one who played matchmaker, right?"
"Well… Yes…" Mint murmured uncertainly, looking to Cless for help.
Klarth jumped into the fray instead, recognizing that Mint would suggest she and Cless just stay home, and determined not to attend the party with at least one friend in tow, and Cless was it.
"Let me be quick to point out that not all of these parties are as bad as I described, Mint…" He began in a matter of fact kind of way, raising a single digit for emphasis. "I just wanted to give you the worst-case scenario."
In the face of Klarth's voice of reason, Mint acquiesced.
"Well… that's true…" Mint turned to look at Arche. "Maybe Nancy will just want some company instead of a party…" She smiled faintly. "Or someone to cook for the party. We should go find her, anyway… She'll probably be lonely while Elwyn is having his fun." She got up and reached for her hat, putting it on over her beautiful blonde hair, and motioned for the door.
"Riiiiiiiiiiiight…" Arche replied, unable to comprehend how someone could NOT want to have a party. There was so much excellent food to be bought in bars and restaurants, so why cook? But she didn't want to hurt Mint's feelings, and so she feigned agreement. Anything to see Nancy, and then the plans could begin.
The two of them exited the room, and after they did, Klarth slapped Cless on the shoulder, a wide grin splitting his face.
"Did you hear that, buddy? We're going to a party! Finally some REAL relaxation…"
Cless's only response was to groan in a less than celebratory tone. "We should be trying to get back to my time to stop Dhaos… And I wouldn't have minded just sitting here with Mint, really…" He muttered, but Klarth was not to be conquered by Cless's perplexing incidence of wet-blanket syndrome.
"Dhaos can wait… we can't even look for Thor until the storms are gone. Besides, you'll enjoy it! You should be there for the man that you helped unite in… love, or something. Don't worry! I'll show you how to act. Let's go find something decent to wear; we can't have you looking the way you do for a high-class affair such as this.
"Well… It was really more Mint helping those two than me… though I'm glad that they are getting married… I was kind of along for the ride…" Cless stammered, grasping at straws. "Besides, I like my clothes just fine… It's customary for a knight to wear armor, after all…
"No, you were responsible too. I was there, and I helped too! It's only natural that you be there… it'll be fun! And armor is a terrible thing to wear to a party like this… Trust me!"
At the mention of the word 'fun', Cless stiffened. It wasn't that he was adverse to a little relaxation now and again, but there hadn't been a great incidence of 'fun' times since he'd begun his journey. Knowing that almost everyone you ever loved or knew was rotting in the ground and had yet to be avenged had a way of sucking the life out of, well, life. "This is a side of you I don't think I've seen, Klarth." Cless pointed out. "I'm not sure if it's as logical and rational as the rest of you… you're almost acting like Arche!"
At the mention of Arche, Klarth stiffened the way Cless had, though he went so far as to take off his hat, holding it to his chest in mock despair (though he'd considered walloping Cless with it.)
"Me? Act like Arche? Never…" Klarth returned his hat to his head and placed an almost patronizing hand on Cless's back, wondering if he had been this stupid when he was young. "These opportunities to relax don't come along so often... Someday you'll understand…"
Acquiescing as Mint had, Cless relented and allowed Klarth to lead him out the door.
It was funny, but even as Cless had been thinking he might've liked to stay in the room and spend time chatting with Mint, Mint felt the same way as a hyperactive, pink-haired fervor practically dragged her to where Nancy was currently dwelling.
---
Several hours later, Cless remained uneasy about attending the party. It might have been because Klarth had insisted he wear something other than his armor to the affair, having ushered him to the tailor and spending his… their, Cless tried to remind himself, hard earned gald on a fine blue tunic and matching breeches. It might have been because he still wasn't in a 'party party party' sort of mood. It might have been because he felt naked without his trusty sword, especially when, Cless reflected, these kinds of events seemed to star evil monster. After all, even his relaxing boat-ride to Alvanista had met with just such an incident. Whatever it was, he'd have much preferred to sit around and spend the evening chatting with Mint (Arche was something of a night-owl), swapping stories about their childhoods. He liked spending time with Mint.
The rumble of his stomach changed his mind just a bit, however. He realized that after spending three hours at the tailors', he hadn't eaten since then. Maybe the party wouldn't be ALL-bad… And Arche had dragged Mint away anyway. He wondered if he should tell Mint that he felt a little more than just friendly affection for her, but she was painfully shy, and he wasn't much better. Ruining a friendship was the last thing either of them wanted to do; but how to let her know how he felt, without making it seem so forward that he'd dislike her if she didn't feel the same way? He had no experience with women whatsoever. If only he could talk with her in private…
Thinking back to the party, Cless glanced at Klarth, who didn't seem to be having a problem with it all.Backing out on Klarth, who he had come to consider a good friend despite their difference in ages, would have been more trouble than it was worth.
Besides, Klarth had arranged to have his finest clothes picked up from Euclid. Cless wasn't sure how they'd managed to make it to Venezzia so quickly, but the summoner looked simply dapper in a long forest green coat with jeweled cufflinks, a black leather belt, plain white shirt, and matching forest green pants, ending the outfit with a pair of pointed brown shoes, his hat conspicuously absent. With as much skin as Klarth displayed with his normal outfit, Cless was surprised to see that Klarth was dressed so well for the occasion. He'd never thought of Klarth as the "snappy dresser" type.
He'd already asked Klarth about it, but Klarth had coolly replied that his normal outfit "was less restrictive and therefore more adaptive to the summoning arts." It was funny, but Cless thought it had just been so Klarth could wink at ladies, pump out his chest, tip his hat, and flex chicken-wing arms that revealed a mildly surprising amount of muscle underneath their intriguing dark markings. At least, that was how Klarth had behaved in Alvanista. He wondered if Mirald, Klarth's assistant (And Cless suspected she was much more than that!) would approve. The thought of Klarth's relationship with Mirald led Cless to again think of his feelings toward Mint, and he glanced at Klarth, who was whistling as he high-stepped down the street.
"Maybe I should ask Klarth about how he let Mirald know that he feels for her…" Cless thought briefly, before realizing that he might not entirely like the answer, as he remembered some of Klarth's "moments".
"Cless? Why are you wincing?" Klarth asked. "We're just about here, you know.
"Oh, um, no reason, Klarth." Cless lied, less than smoothly. Maybe he would ask Klarth some other time, when Cless felt himself prepared for the variety of answers he might get from the man, whether he'd like them or not. He supposed that for every "And well, I just swept her off her feet and we charged for the bed…" answer he might have gotten, he might also have gotten a more tender "Well, I wrote her a romantic letter, and a poem about the summer blossoms…" Klarth was the scholarly sort, of after all.
Klarth stopped in front of a large, brightly painted building on the north end of Venezzia, having deciphered the directions on the invitation he'd received. Cless thought it was funny how they'd never noticed the building before, but then again, that cheesy man on the gondola had never told them such a club existed in town. Cless wondered if the gondola man had withheld information because he was too busy smoking the pipe. Using his superior reasoning skills, Klarth had figured it was from whatever was IN the pipe. Whatever the case, the two had found the place with a minimum of trouble.
"We're here, Cless. Now all we do is go inside and wait to surprise Elwyn, then we sing, drink, and eat the night away…" Klarth winked, patting Cless on the shoulder, anticipating the embarrassment that Cless would show when he finished his statement. "There might even be some entertainment, if the people who arranged the party think Elwyn goes for that sort of thing." He finished, just to see Cless fidget uncomfortably, as he figured Cless was apt to do so.
Unfortunately for Klarth, Cless had no idea what in the hell his friend was talking about, but as he opened his mouth to ask, he realized he didn't really want to know, did he? After the lecture they'd endured during the morning when Klarth had discovered they didn't know what a bachelor party was, he wasn't eager to endure another one. There was a certain bliss contained within ignorance, and for once in his life, Cless took the easy way out.
"Sounds fun." Cless said, smiling and nodding, and showing no embarrassment whatsoever. Klarth had been banking on Cless knowing what he was referring to, but as Klarth took that moment to wince mysteriously, the way Cless had moments earlier; he realized there was much his young friend did not know. Didn't they teach those kids in the future ANYTHING?
"It is…" Klarth said icily, before his tone warmed and he took a step back. "Shall we go in?"
Taken aback by the sudden change, Cless could only reply, "We… shall."
Klarth beckoned towards the doors with a flourish he normally reserved for nobles. "After you."
"No, I insist, after you." Cless said, having been raised to respect his elders.
Klarth would have nothing of it. "You're younger."
"You're older." Cless explained.
"You're…" Klarth paused, before smiling slyly. "More handsome."
"Really?" Cless said, putting his hand to his face, shocked by the compliment, and even more by who it had come from. He'd always been regarded as kind of good-looking at Totus, but to hear this from someone outside of the village, and Klarth of all people, well…
"No. Get your ass in there."
"Fine, fine…" Cless mumbled. He stepped in and was immediately drenched from head to toe, as a bucketful of water tumbled from atop the entryway.
"Darn it! That was meant for Elwyn! Reset the barrel!" Someone shouted from within the building. Cless turned around and looked at Klarth helplessly, his mouth agape, his hair dripping wet. "How… much did these clothes cost again?"
"Remember, you're here to have FUN." Klarth said, wisely ignoring the question. The truth of the matter was that he'd seen the trap, which was the reason he'd worked so hard to keep from going into the building first.
The two entered, unaware that they were being watched from above…
---
While Cless and Klarth had been getting ready for the party, Arche had hatched her own plan. With Mint, she had tracked down Nancy without any problems, but had discovered that Nancy was unaware of the bachelor party. Arche had tried to convince Nancy that she had to have her own party, but the woman's face had fallen as she explained that she'd left all her friends in Euclid to go after Elwyn.
Arche had tried to console her, understanding that misery all too well, since her "home" had basically constituted a log cabin in the middle of the mountains, and her dad hadn't let her go to the cities until she'd been old enough to cast spells and ride her broom away from danger. But Mint's approach was more effective, as she gave Nancy a hug, told her not to worry about it, and pointed out that there were plenty of other fun things they could do, offering to help her plan the wedding. The two had busied themselves in that for a bit, and Nancy had begun to cheer up.
But while they had done that, Arche had enacted her Plan B. She always had a Plan B. In this case, the B stood for "Broom", and as a result, she was high in the sky watching Cless and Klarth enter the building in which, she assumed, the party was to be held. Giggling at Cless's predicament, and secure in the knowledge that she'd figured out where the party was being held, she soared back to the to report the news to Nancy and Mint, her pink hair whipping around, a bizarre extension of the woman's spirit.
She flew through the 2nd floor window, not even bothering to dismount her broomstick and climb the steps, only to find Mint and Nancy at the table continuing their planning, and generally just chatting; Nancy about how wonderful it was to be in love, Mint about her adventures on the road. They hadn't even looked up yet.
Arche cleared her throat noisily, prompting Nancy to turn and smile cheerfully at her through her long, strawberry blond hair. Mint smiled too, but Arche was used to that, so she focused on Nancy before looking at Mint, making sure she had their attention.
For several seconds, during which the smiles waned a bit and there was a moderately painful silence.
"Yes, Arche?" Nancy asked pointedly.
"I found out where Elwyn's Bachelor Party is at… Think we should go check it out?" She said quietly, innocently, trying to beat around the bush. Naturally, Mint wasn't fooled, knowing how Arche had an amazing ability to hide the excitement that, at times, threatened to burst through every fiber of her being.
An uncertain look crossed Nancy's hazel eyes, as she considered her relationship with Elwyn carefully before answering. "I don't know about that, maybe we should let Elwyn have his fun. I always thought the best part of everything was the wedding, anyway."
Arche stared deeply at Nancy, before turning to Mint and doing the same thing. Nancy blinked once or twice, but Mint stared back, wondering if Arche had taken a blow to the head lately and wanting to check her pupils to be sure. After all, Arche was acting even weirder than she usually did… And the confounded stares the witch was making proved it.
"Are you feeling all right, Arche?" Mint asked, wondering if she should grab Arche by the arm and lead her to a chair.
"Couldn't be better… Are you sure the two of you aren't related?" Arche joked, putting her hands behind her head and stretching, while recalling the comment she'd made earlier, when Mint had said something similar regarding the "best part" of a relationship being a wedding.
The thought of blood relation had never crossed Mint's mind, and she glanced worriedly at Nancy. She never had asked Nancy or Elwyn for their last names… what if they were Adnades? Could she be setting up her own great grandparents, or cause irrevocable damage to time? She pondered this turn of events, grimacing. Arche had bought Mint's story that she was from the future, but they had never told Nancy, for obvious reasons…
"Mint? What's wrong?" Nancy asked, with a hint of concern.
"Matchmaker matchmaker…" Arche hummed knowingly, before removing a dipper from the room's drinking bucket and taking a long swallow as Mint turned away, not wanting Nancy to see the quandary she was in.
"Are you all right, Mint?" Nancy pressed.
Mint turned back, the worry replaced by a falsified smile, and nodded. "Couldn't be better. What was your last name again?"
"Klaine." Nancy said simply. She recoiled in horror as Arche soaked her with a mouthful of water, having spit it out in shock as soon as the name had reached her sensitive ears.
"What?!" Arche shrieked, slamming her palms down on the table. "But that's… my last name… Er… Not that it matters, since it wouldn't matter if… we were, you know, related… not like if you were related to Mint or something."
Mint slapped herself on the forehead while thinking that Arche wasn't exactly as smooth as silk in her deliberations.
"What are you talking about?" Nancy said, even more confused than before with the way her friends were acting.
"It's nothing…" Mint stammered, while Arche nodded her agreement. "…A common last name, really. Arche, maybe you should ask your father sometime if there are more people with that last name around."
"That wouldn't help… my parents changed our family name when we were very little… it was to escape the tax collector or something." Nancy explained, and Arche breathed a sigh of relief, as Nancy walked over to the closet and removed a cloth, using it to dry the portion of her hair that Arche had spit all over. Remembering something off-handedly, she spoke it aloud as she rubbed the towel over her forehead, effectively blocking Arche and Mint from her line of sight.
"While we're at it, what's Elwyn's last name?" Arche asked.
"Oh… Elwyn's last name is very uncommon… it's… mmm… Alvein. It's a beautiful name, isn't it?" She smiled, her vision still obstructed, as two gasps reached her ears. She assumed that the gasps had meant that Arche and Mint found the name to be just as lovely; before realizing that the gasps had gone on for a VERY long time.
She whipped off the towel just in time to watch Mint and Arche faint dead away, their faces contorted in shock, their breath stolen away at the mention of Elwyn's last name; one that he apparently shared with their favorite swordsman; Cless Alvein.
A worry line etched itself onto Nancy's brow, as she misperceived why Mint and Arche had swooned. "It's not… THAT beautiful…" She murmured, before racing over to ready the water bucket for a throw on Arche and Mint, the way she'd done for her sister once.
---
Merriment ensued. Apparently whoever had funded Elwyn's Bachelor Party had stopped at no expense; there was live piano music, trays filled with choice meats, breads, and other delicacies, and bunches of people. Not to mention the sheer number of libations that existed for the casual and serious drinker, as it was a bachelor party, after all.
Cless couldn't remember having seen so many people in his life! He might have even enjoyed it a little bit, if he hadn't remained soaked to the bone, to say nothing of how hungry he was. He'd shied away from the drinks, remembering that he didn't feel himself old enough for that sort of thing (To say nothing of how he thought Mint would feel about it), but he was getting hungry. Complimentary to the way his day had been going, ten to twenty other men blocked the path to the trays of food, though the alcohol had been vacated. It made sense, as everyone already seemed to have a drink at hand. Klarth himself had gone to get something to drink a second ago, but he was now nowhere to be found. Cless was just about to get that sneaky feeling that he should look for his friend, when he saw his other friend; quite possibly the only other one he knew at the party, for Elwyn had apparently arrived and was walking around exchanging handshakes and back slaps with guests.
Elwyn was clad in a red vest, black pants, and a fine white shirt with a pair of shiny, star shaped cufflinks at the end of each sleeve, but he didn't look happy. It didn't look bad at all, until Cless realized that Elwyn had been drenched in a fashion similar to the way he had been. Whatever the case, Cless soon realized that Elwyn was keeping an eye out for him; as the instant Cless felt himself "spotted", Elwyn's face had lit up, and the man had practically hurtled his way through a trio of other guests to walk over to Cless.
"Cless! Welcome to the party!" Elwyn exclaimed, as he grabbed the swordsman's hand and pumped enthusiastically, before grimacing and taking his hand away, wringing it to shake off the damp chill of Cless's hand.
"My friends always were practical jokers… I'm sorry about your clothes, Cless. That prank was meant for me, though they got me too…"
Cless shrugged and smiled, glad to finally be talking to someone he knew, even if it was just passably well.
"No biggie, Elwyn; me and Klarth thank you for the invitation. Is your father here? I'm kind of looking for people to talk to, and I've at least met him before."
Elwyn shook his head, grimacing slightly. "No, he had to go across the ocean at the last minute… something about some shipping he had to inspect. Normally he'd have sent me, but… well… I kinda have to be here." His voice dropped to a low whisper. "This wasn't really my idea… I don't mind a good time as much as the next person, but I kinda figured I'd think about what it'd be like to be married and the good times Nancy and me would share… I know it sounds boring, but the party was all dad's idea." The seriousness dropped from his voice, and he chuckled. "I'm a bit glad that I'm the only one in charge of the party now… my dad had a few things I'm not sure I'd approve of in the itinerary, so I went ahead and cancelled them."
His curiosity piqued, Cless couldn't help but inquire. "Things? What kind of things?"
"Well…" Elwyn looked around, eager to make sure that none of his rowdier friends would hear, before dropping his voice to a whisper. "The entertainment, if you catch my drift. Some of my friends might go for that kind of thing, but Nancy's the only girl for me, you know?"
Naturally, Cless didn't know, not comprehending Elwyn's emphasis on entertainment. (Elwyn didn't explain things quite as clearly as Klarth did, out of a sense for what was proper to discuss.) Bewildered by what Elwyn meant, Cless decided he would try to be helpful. "Well… At least you still have the piano person… though I wonder what this place would have been like with more live music. It's still very nice though!"
"Um… Huh?" Elwyn asked, Cless's comment catching him off-guard.
"You know, music! Entertainment!" Cless explained.
Elwyn blinked for a second, before turning slightly red. "Oh… OH!" He wondered if he should be the one to shatter Cless's innocent viewpoints forever. "Well… not quite that kind of entertainment, Cless… the… um… the female kind." He stammered, hoping Cless would understand the point, as he wasn't really willing to discuss the matter any further.
Not surprisingly, given his somewhat backward (Or downright naïve) ways, Cless didn't get it in the least.
"Oh. You mean a singer? Or maybe a cute magician… I remember one day Arche made fireworks for us when we were bored…" Cless's voice trailed off again, and letting out a sigh that was one part agitation and one part relief, Elwyn clapped him on the shoulder.
"Forget about it, buddy, it's not a problem now, anyway... I had a request to ask you of you, if you have the time, and I'd be kind of honored if you'd accept… I need a partner for a sporting event, and you strike me as the athletic type. Think you could help me out?" Elwyn smiled.
Given the spontaneity of the request, Cless got the sense that Elwyn was hiding something; though Cless doubted it was because of ill intent. It was the kind of smile they always got from people who needed help, or wanted something.
Cless pondered the request for a moment. Normally he'd have jumped up immediately to help someone in need… but Klarth had been trying to convince him to haggle a bit, to play up his expertise and point out that he had skills few people did. Convince them that you're an asset, Klarth had explained.
Well…" Cless began, smiling matter-of-factly, "I DO kill things for a living… so I've been involved in athletic things all my life!"
Unsure of how to take his friend's response, Elwyn resorted to humor. He was glad that Cless was here to lighten the dark cloud that had come over his mood; and hopefully help him out of it. "There won't be any killing involved, you big jokester! I just need you to be my partner in a little race… It's my favorite game, and there's a prize involved, a prize that I really, REALLY need, because, well…"
Elwyn's face drooped, his shoulders slumped, and it looked as if a great burden had suddenly been thrust upon him. He whispered, unwilling to say the damning words with a voiced inflection. "I lost the wedding rings, and…"
"You lost the rings?!" Cless shouted, more because he thought Elwyn hadn't been able to hear him over the din of the crowd than in surprise. The shout hit a nerve, as Elwyn grabbed his friend a little too urgently with anxiety sharply evident in his normally gentle eyes.
"Not so loud! Not so loud! Please… Some of my guests are the materialistic sorts, and they might use that to try and break up the wedding… and neither Nancy nor me want that… But still… I don't know how she will take this news at all, since we picked them out together… I don't have any more money to get new rings, it's all invested in the company."
"Sorry…" Cless muttered, wondering how he could help his friend; but he'd spent all of his available gald on the outfit Klarth had picked out. "Where do I come into this?"
Elwyn smiled; the thinnest smile of hope he had left. "Well, the contest is a race that I need a partner for… it's my favorite game, the event of the party really… and the prize for having the best time is a substantial amount of gald, maybe enough to replace the rings before the ceremony. Problem is, I've never won the contest before, except with Nancy, and she's out… I was wondering if you could be my partner."
Cless paused for a second, saw the pleading look in Elwyn's eyes, and smiled. "Elwyn, I would be happy to help you with this sort of thing. It's my specialty… When do you need me to run this race with you?"
"Later in the evening; I'd say around… ten?" Elwyn explained, pulling a pocket watch out of his breast pocket. "It's about nine thirty now, and it's held at those tables…" Elwyn indicated the breadth of the room, pointing to a spot that had been roped off on the west wall of the building, "Over there. People are running it all day, and they're just recording times, so there's no specific time you have to be there… though everything closes at eleven when we have a ceremony and announce the winners. Thanks a ton, I really appreciate this…"
The growl in Cless's stomach reminded him that he might have faltered a bit too long, so he nodded to Elwyn, and politely excused himself, meandering off to the food line, which had somehow become even LARGER than before. Elwyn walked off in the other direction, the look of sadness replaced with gladness in his eyes, as he went to greet more guests.
"It's to help a friend, so it'll be all right… my hunger can wait…" Cless figured, though he knew he needed to be well fed so he could do his best in the race, unwilling to let Elwyn down. He was about to wander over to the foods when he inadvertently collided with a waiter offering a tray filled with what he perceived as gummies in little cups. His hunger was the first thing on his mind, so he didn't take notice that the cups smelled a little funny, taking the proffered one and gulping it down before consuming two or three more, savoring the sweet taste.
Cless didn't even notice the waiter look at him oddly as he sauntered away, though the look was a combination of disbelief, surprise, and respect: or disgust.
"Wow…" The waiter muttered. "That kid must hold his liquor better than anyone I've ever seen…"
As a result of his consumption, it only took Cless a few minutes before he began to feel good. Really good, or perhaps weird, though his mind couldn't perceive the difference. He noticed that the straight line of people in front of him had abruptly become rather blurred and curvaceous, but that was about the only change that registered enough to affect his judgment, and he was still hungry.
Klarth walked up behind Cless, holding a drink in one hand. He'd been walking up behind a lot of people lately, but it hadn't hurt him yet today. He'd have recognized Cless immediately even if he hadn't been looking for the guy wearing the wet clothes, which was a good thing because Cless's clothes had dried.
Klarth walked behind Cless because for one thing he was hungry, and for another he realized just how few people he knew in Venezzia; so he figured he'd take Cless under his wing and show him the ropes. Being at the party had made him realize just how few people he knew in Venezzia. It was a much more happening place than Euclid, but in Euclid he'd had his books and Mirald to bury himself in.
Klarth noticed how loose Cless seemed, and made light of it. "Cless, are you enjoying yourself? How are you holding up through all this revelry? I can't find anyone to talk to, so I figure I'll just hound you the entire time…" He smirked. "As if I don't spend enough time around you while we're on the road, this friendless old man has to do it while we're relaxing... What do you think? Well?" He tapped Cless on the shoulder, wondering if perhaps he'd found someone who just LOOKED like Cless.
Focusing on the word "well", (He'd heard little else.) Cless turned around to glare at Klarth, and it was only then that Klarth noticed how red Cless's eyes had become over the past few minutes. The two orbs stared ahead, blinked once, and then bounded up his face a bit, as their owner opened his mouth to speak.
"You're mean! Everyone was mean… It's not my fault I trained harder than all the others… sweat a little more… It's not… my fault… I smell…"
Whatever response Klarth had been expecting, it hadn't been this.
"Smell? Cless, what the hell are you talking about?" Klarth was about to continue his line of questioning, but stopped abruptly as the familiar scent of alcohol assaulted his senses; and it wasn't coming from the drink he held in his hand. His eyebrows shot up in surprise as he realized just whose breath he smelled. "Uh…" At a loss for words, his thoughts jumped to how in the hell he was going to explain this to Mint.
It wasn't something he wished on his young friend; especially with the purest, most righteous girl Klarth had ever known normally eyeing Cless's every move. It wasn't any philosophical problem with Cless's current state of inebriation: He'd sunk into that sort of thing before. But there was a difference between being willing to be drunk, and not so, and he strongly guessed Cless was the latter.
Taking a deep breath, and putting a hand to his temple as if he had a migraine, Klarth decided not to jump to conclusions and to just ask the damn question. After all, Cless was remarkably hardheaded. Maybe he'd just fallen and given himself a concussion… before tripping and falling into a barrel of wine. Yeah, right.
"Cless, did you have anything to drink?"
"No… I just had… umm… some gummies as a snack… Mmm…. I could go for some more of those… burp… right now…" Cless slurred, not even noticing Klarth wince at the word gummies. He'd had one of those… but he knew what them for what they were, and the large amounts of alcohol they contained. Cless obviously didn't, and he scrambled to find a way to translate their description into Cless-speak. He doubted Cless was up for big, complicated words and gestures at the moment.
"Did those gummies come in little cups like… this?" Klarth made a loop with two fingers, displaying the circumference of a coin. "And did they taste… well… really sweet?"
"Yeah… At least I think… so… I had about five of them… Why do I feel so…"
"Five? Hoo boy…" Klarth muttered. "No wonder you look like hell…" If he didn't miss his guess, Cless had just stumbled across what looked like gummies, but were made with shots of booze. He grabbed Cless by the shoulder and attempted to lead him away from the line.
"Let's come over here, sit down, and get the waiter to serve us, Cless. You shouldn't be on your feet." They started towards a nearby table when Cless suddenly grabbed Klarth.
"L-l-l-l-l-look out, Klarth! The world's s-s-s-spinning! It must be black magic! Run, people run!"
Klarth groaned, glanced around to see if anyone was paying attention to Cless. They weren't, so he continued on his way, grasped Cless firmly by the shoulders, and eased him into the chair, wondering if he should tie Cless down for good measure. Figuring the kid had been obedient so far, he saw no need, and besides, he didn't have anything to tie his friend down with. "Stay here, and don't move." He commanded. "I'm going to go get you something yummy to eat, okay?"
Cless nodded obediently, but a small dribble of drool oozed out of the corner of his mouth. He was clearly in another world. "Yes daddy." He said sweetly, before dropping his head back over the chair and going to sleep.
"Great…" Klarth muttered, rubbing his head and blinking in surprise when he touched only hair, and a little bit of scalp, since his hat wasn't a part of his current outfit. Was he going bald? Just how long had he been wearing his hat lately? He shrugged away the thought and returned to thinking about Cless. If he could get Cless some food, he figured that he might mellow out a bit, since he was stumbling, bumbling, falling on his ass drunk right now. Sighing, he got back in the food line, which was longer than ever. He thrust his hands into his pocket grumpily and wondered when he'd gone from a first-class summoner to a babysitter. What was it Cless called him? Daddy? "Kids…" He grumbled. "He'd better REALLY be drunk…"
Unfortunately for Klarth, Cless most certainly was. He woke up about twenty minutes later, dazed and confused. He staggered to his feet, wondered why the world was spinning, but nonetheless had the wherewithal to ask a guest what time it was, as a faint thought about Elwyn kept popping up in his mind. At the mention of the time, one thought that kept beating over and over again through his drunken mind: Elwyn's contest. He staggered through the crowd, not sure what Elwyn's contest was or exactly what he was doing in it, but determined to keep his promise despite the fact that he wasn't entirely sure what was going on, or why the room kept spinning. It was a shame that however skilled he might be, it would be of no help in a racing contest, at least as uncoordinated and dazzled as he was.
---
When Arche and Mint came to, they found Nancy standing over them with a worried look on her face and a bucket of water in her hands. They were both drenched, but that was the least of their concerns.
"What… was Elwyn's…" Arche began weakly
"…Last name again?" Mint finished.
"Malvein… not Alvein… I'm sorry… I was very little, and couldn't produce my M's so well at the time. Mom thought it was cute... So I kind of kept the habit with names."
Mint cast a look of relief Arche's way, one the half-elf returned. "It's okay." They replied in unison.
Nancy extended her hands, and Mint and Arche each clasped one as she helped them to their feet effortlessly. Both the girls eyes widened in surprise as they realized Nancy had pulled them to their feet as if it was nothing, but Arche was the first one to react.
"Strong girl!" Arche exclaimed, dusting herself off and playfully squeezing one of Nancy's arms.
"When I was little, I had to do a lot of work in the field, I guess." Nancy explained good-naturedly. Arche nodded in reply, though she'd never had to do work of that nature before. Magic made it possible.
"Right… so… How 'bout that party?"
"You certainly have a one track mind." Mint observed.
Nancy added, "You must really want to check up on it…"
Arche smiled back, even though she knew that wasn't the reason at all for wanting to go. She was in the mood for a party, and a party just wasn't a party with only three people… Particularly if all they were doing was planning a wedding.
"Well, no…" That wasn't it at all, Arche knew; she was in it for the fun. But as she considered what might motivate her friends, she realized she'd have to change her tune. "...I don't think they need checking up on… but then again, with Cless getting drenched by the… um… booze and all…"
Arche paused, hoping for a certain reaction from Mint, and that the little white lie would be enough to change Mint's mind. Naturally, she had no idea that what her lie implied had actually happened, and that Cless was in a state of inebriation a few Venezzian blocks away.
"WHAT?!" Mint shrieked, in sudden distress. It had been a rather stressful night for her thus far, but that news had definitely made its mark, as she replayed the words over and over in her head… "Cless getting drenched by the booze and all…"
"Oops." Arche squeaked, pretending she wasn't trying to let that little fact slip out.
Mint suddenly looked more pissed, more determined, and more concerned than Arche could ever remember seeing her, that quiet smile fading into a haughty frown as the woman exploded into action, going for the door.
"Let's go to that party, Nancy! I don't know how old Elwyn is, but Cless isn't old enough to be drinking! I certainly can't let my Cless be doing things like… like…" Mint hesitated for a second, and her fire waned as she tried to search for the proper way to express herself.
Arche and Nancy continued to exchange surprised looks. This was a side of Mint they'd never seen before, though Arche thought she'd seen it coming out back in the tower the moon spirit, Luna had resided in… And what was it about the word "my" that had Arche so perturbed?
Arche knew that Cless had only been drenched in water, and figured he wouldn't drink, but she decided not to say anything. Mint would've been the hardest to persuade to go to the party, but now it was looking like she might be the ringleader. All she might need would be a little push, and Mint provided the opening.
"…Getting…" Mint continued awkwardly. It wasn't that she didn't know what to say, but it was the meaning she intended to convey. She figured that as the oldest of the group, she should be setting an example of purity for her two friends.
"Getting drunk off his ass?" Arche suggested, trying to be helpful. She would've gotten a kick out of it if she'd been able to get Mint to swear.
"…Getting drunk off his… NO!" Mint shrieked, catching herself. "…Getting… too inebriated… while… not… really… mature… enough!"
"Raspberries." Arche muttered, looking away.
"What's inebriated mean?" Nancy asked matter-of-factly. She hadn't been able to attend as much schooling as she would've liked in Euclid, and she wasn't a drinker herself, though she'd had some wine once at a romantic dinner Elwyn had treated her to. It was the one he'd proposed at…
"Getting drunk off his ass." Arche clarified. "I'm an expert." The brief look on Nancy's face hinted that she wanted more information on exactly how Arche was an "Expert", but the witch only smiled whimsically.
"It means… uh…" Mint said, and Arche's smile turned into a grin as Mint pointed to her with a resigned sigh. "…What Arche said? Only not quite as bad… I think…"
They let the matter drop, as Mint took up her staff, perfect for bopping people, and started for the door. In a flash, Nancy was in her way.
"Please get out of my way, Nancy, I've got to go get Cless." She said politely.
"Mint… Have you forgotten women aren't allowed in there? What'll you do, barge right in?" Nancy said. She dearly wanted to see what Elwyn was up to at this point too, but she knew that her face would be engrained into the memory of everyone there… there was no way she'd be able to just waltz in, and she wanted to go too.
Surprising to herself, Arche came to Nancy's aid. "To be honest, Cless might've just been drenched by water or something… Either way, whatever's happened, we can't just charge in and crash the party." Arche pointed out. After playing with Mint's emotions so strongly, Arche figured that she should at least give her friend a faint ray of hope; as the witch reminded herself that she didn't really want to get Cless in any kind of trouble, nor cause any real pain to Mint. It helped to resolve any residual guilt Arche might have felt; and Arche Klaine just didn't allow herself the opportunity to be guilty..
Of course, Arche was completely unaware that, at the party, Cless really was "drunk off his ass". (Author's Note: There. Three times is enough to overuse any phrase for one story.)
Mint put her hands on her hips and glared, determination settling in. Regardless of Arche's words, she had to be sure Cless was okay, now. It was a rare gesture of defiance for the normally placid, peaceful woman, and Nancy shrunk away a bit. But Mint seemed to relax a bit, and said she would listen to alternatives other than barging right in; even if it was what she desperately wanted to do to make sure Cless was okay. Nancy motioned for the table and the three of them sat down to discuss, but after five minutes of brainstorming, the three of them hadn't thought of any workable ideas.
At the sixth minute, as silence reigned, Arche decided that some noise was better than no noise. "I'm fresh out of ideas… What a drag! We have to get into that party somehow…" She'd wished she had something meaningful to contribute, especially after she'd come up with the ideas to get her "party party party" scheme this far.
Nancy's eyes lit up, and she turned to look at Arche again, smiling widely.
"What'd you say, Arche?" She said, and the excitement in her voice caught both Arche and Mint off guard.
"…I'm fresh out of ideas?" Arche repeated, unsure of where Nancy was coming from. Nancy chuckled jovially, as if Arche's idea was so great, she had to be fooling them for the sake of humor.
"No, no… the other part!"
Arche was clearly lost at that point, but she repeated the words that had apparently excited Nancy so readily. "What a drag?"
"Exactly! It's such a great idea, don't you see it, you two?" Nancy's excitement was contagious, and Mint was surprised to note that her smile, absent during the five minutes of deliberations, had returned. Besides that, anger and excitement gave way to curiosity.
"What's your idea, Nancy?" Mint asked. Nancy ran past Arche and immediately began rummaging through a nearby dresser before responding.
"What Arche said! DRAG!" She'd brought some of Elwyn's clothes with her when they'd decided to plan for the wedding, since those plans had included what they thought Elwyn should wear. She produced a large white shirt, a black coat, and smooth, black silk pants.
Mint caught on quickly. "Oh… I see! This could be fun… Good idea Nancy! I bet some of Cless's stuff would fit me!" She immediately ran to the dresser Cless had been storing his clothes in and was shocked to find that it only contained… black tights... the kind of tights that looked great in battle but would have done nothing to conceal the female form, unless she got awfully creative…
Undaunted, Mint spotted Cless's battered red cloak and reached for it. But a slender, pink-gloved hand reached for it in the same instant, and as Mint grasped her end she found Arche staring at her from the other end with burning determination in her eyes. All in all, it gave their pink hue a curious shade of red. In the excitement, as Nancy had claimed Elwyn's clothes and Mint had checked Cless's, a horrible thought had come across Arche, and she explained her outrage.
"It's mine Mint! There's no way in HELL I'm wearing Klarth's stuff! He dresses like an exotic dancer! It won't work!"
"Arche… can I have the cloak, please? I can't just wear these tights… I need that cloak!" Mint tugged on it a bit, hoping that Arche would see her point of view and let go. Predictably, she didn't.
"But I don't want to wear Klarth's stuff!" Arche retorted, pulling back on the cloak. "He hasn't bathed in months, and those markings on his skin AREN'T permanent tattoos…"
Mint giggled, unaware that Arche was telling what she perceived as the truth. "Be reasonable, Arche! I always thought Klarth's clothes looked perfectly fine, and…" The fabric started to tear once the two were tugging on opposite sides of the room, and worry lines creased Mint's face, interrupting her attempts to find a peaceful way out. "Let go, please? You're ripping it!"
"No I'm not, YOU are!" Arche fired back.
While the impromptu tug of war continued, Nancy emerged, clad in Elwyn's clothes. She'd tucked her radiant hair down the back of her shirt, rather pleased that she'd completed the disguise. Spying the disaster waiting to happen, she flailed her arms uselessly and ran in between the two, noting the cloak's length.
"You two are acting like kids! The cloak's plenty big enough for both of you…" She shrieked, and that got both Mint and Arche's attention, as they stopped tugging.
"It is pretty big…" Mint mumbled. She didn't think it had been so big when Cless had been wearing it, but in fact he tucked it all the way down the back of his armor instead of just around the neck.
"Yeah…" Arche said, her eyes widening. She thought she'd reached the end of it three feet ago, and she tapered it through her fingers, Mint feeding it to her.
Nancy had another solution that would keep both of them happy, as she lifted the cloak up for the two of them and threw it over Arche's head, figuring they didn't have any more time for discussion.
"I think that if you wear it Mint, Arche can fit under it and sneak behind with no problems!" Nancy exclaimed brightly, glad that she'd found a solution to their bickering.
"Hey!" Arche complained, trying to find her way to daylight, nothing more than a flailing mass under the red cape now.
Mint looked unconvinced, so Nancy expanded her plan, unsure why the fuss was all about Klarth's clothes, since she didn't know the man all that well but he had seemed a clean sort.
"That cloak'll disguise Arche, but that'll be tricky…" Nancy turned to Arche. "Maybe you should put Klarth's clothes on anyway? Just in case you want to walk around on your own, or we get separated?"
Arche found her way out and looked around, hurriedly wrapping the cloak up. "Fine, fine…" She acquiesced, continuing. "But I hope no one sees me… Wait a minute! Why can't I lead, Mint put on Klarth's clothes, and go under the cape?"
Mint shifted uncomfortably, not wanting to be impolite. "Well…" She began.
"Don't take this the wrong way Arche, but you're kind of vertically challenged. It's just easier for you to fit under the cape than Mint." Nancy interrupted. For once in her life, Arche looked stunned, and didn't even have a retort.
"Yes… I guess so…" Arche sighed. "I'll go… I'll go get his clothes."
While Arche was changing into Klarth's clothes, Nancy and Mint eyed each other, checking the disguises. Silence reigned for a moment, before Nancy looked towards the room Arche had occupied and sighed as if in apology.
"I didn't think she was sensitive about her height…" Nancy explained. "I was the big sister, so I never really thought about what it was like to be short."
Mint was glad to see that Nancy seemed like-minded in the way she refused to expend someone's feeling as the cost of a joke. "It's okay, she knows you didn't mean anything by it… I guess that's why she's always on her broom... Other than the flying and all."
"I HEARD THAT!" Arche shouted from the other room, and both Mint and Nancy cracked a smile despite the awkwardness, glad that Arche was back to normal.
"Uh oh…" Nancy suddenly murmured, having thoroughly inspected Mint's look. "Mint, what are you going to do about your hair?"
Mint thought about it for a moment and rummaged around the dresser, coming up with a pair of scissors. Nancy's eyes widened, as she thought of the implications of the instrument Mint held.
"You're going to cut it? But… but… That seems a little extreme just for a disguise…"
To Nancy's relief Mint's plan wasn't the temporary mutilation of hair; only clothe. The healer cut a hole in the back of Cless's cloak and neatly tucked her hair down it, figuring that the disguise would hold up unless it was under intense scrutiny. Nancy breathed a sigh of relief.
"Good, good… I'm glad you've thought this through instead of just running after Cless… you must really be worried about him; do you think you should tell him how you feel?"
"What?" Mint asked, blushing, but Nancy could only grin and turn away, and the healer could only murmur, "Don't be silly…" Was it obvious to everyone but Cless?
A minute later Arche emerged from the other room in Klarth's outfit, with her full two or so feet of hair wedged into a massive bun crammed under Klarth's hat. It was clearly the worst of the three disguises.
"No fashion sense whatsoever…" Arche muttered, realizing how much she missed her usual outfit already. It was loose, comfortable, and attractive, she thought. In comparison, this was stiff, too loose, and her hair already felt different. But, eager to find a silver lining, she realized that victory was within her grasp. "Let's go party!"
Though Mint and Nancy had their alternative reasons for attending the party, the three of them nodded agreement, and they exited down the atairs, trying their best to look like men. Of the three, Arche looked the worst but acted the best, belting out a rather loud, not so feminine belch as the three of them walked by the innkeeper's counter. Both Mint and Nancy gasped in surprise and stared at Arche once they got outside.
"Where'd you learn to do that?" Nancy asked.
"I was bored one day…"
Mint and Nancy exchanged glances, before turning and eyeing Arche warily.
"REALLY!" She exclaimed, and the three continued on their way. Arche was the only one who knew where the place was at, so she led until she found it, before lifting up Mint's cloak and crawling under.
"Will you be okay under there, Arche?" Mint asked, not wanting to inconvenience her friend any more than necessary. Nancy checked the disguise, and though it looked as if Mint had acquired a rather auspicious hump on her back, she gave it a thumb up. It would do.
Arche's only response was to sneeze.
"I think so… But your hair! It keeps tickling my nose!"
"Sorry about that… I've always kept it that way."
"I'll live." Arche replied, before her voice suddenly dropped to a more serious tone. "But… If you do anything exceptionally un-ladylike under here, I'm getting out."
"What does she mean by that?" Mint asked Nancy, who clarified.
"I think she's saying that if you have to fart, she's out."
"Nancy! Language!" Mint admonished, as Nancy blushed and smiled cheerfully in apology. Sometimes Mint was a little TOO pure, she thought, but she was a good friend and she'd helped her meet the man of her dreams. That counted for a lot.
Under the cloak, Arche rolled her eyes, but she couldn't help grinning at what was to come. It was going to be a heck of a party. But at that thought, worry cropped into the half-elf's mind, shoving out blissful thoughts of good food, alcohol, and whatever or whoever else she could get her hands on…
Arche voiced her concerns as quickly as she could, explaining that she couldn't see anything from her standpoint, before adding, "Your caboose doesn't exactly make a good window."
Unsure about what Arche was referring to by the word caboose, Mint took the diplomatic way out. "Relax Arche, I'll walk slowly… And we'll be your eyes, don't worry."
The answer satisfied Arche, and she remained silent as Nancy led the way into the building. Mint and Nancy elected to smile their way in, but Arche could only wince, as a tiny growl in her stomach reminded her what her first priority was going to be. To Arche, there weren't any pains that bugged her more than nagging hunger; but she was to be in for a rude awakening…
---
"Oh no." Klarth muttered, returning to the place he'd put Cless with two dishes full of food, only to find the swordsman long gone. "Where'd he go off to now?"
Hearing excited cheers and jeers; he turned to see the strangest sight he'd ever seen. On the other end of the room, he made out what appeared to be two figures tied together at a leg, hopping and scrambling towards a line about forty feet away… or at least, one of them was. The other one was tripping, stumbling, and, in a particularly high point, rolling, dragging his partner with him. About a minute had passed, and the two still hadn't crossed the finish line yet.
Wishing he had a better view, Klarth asked one of the guests what was going on.
"Elwyn and some young kid are running the three-legged race, and Elwyn absolutely looks horrible right now… whoever his partner is has absolutely no rhythm… It's kind of weird too; I thought he looked pretty coordinated… They already have the worst time in this three-legged race contest by far…"
"Young kid? Three-legged race? Great…" Klarth murmured, throwing up his hands. "Please, please, tell me that this "young kid" has black hair. I'm having trouble seeing that far through the crowd, and you're a good deal taller."
"Nope. Looks to be around light brownish-blond from here."
"Thanks…" Klarth muttered, setting out to push his way through the crowd, and wondering why Cless was running a three-legged race in his current physical state. As he walked, he tried to disrupt the wry grin that threatened to spread across his face. This sounded entertaining, which would more than make up for the annoyance of having to drag Cless back to the table.
