"Is That How It's Gonna End"

by TeeJay


Rating: PG-13, just to be safe
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters or situations... :-( I'm not sure who actually does but it's either the WB or FOX or recently UPN or who-the-heck-do-I-know. The song 'Leave' is (c) by Matchbox Twenty. So, don't sue me, I don't have any money anyway... And you're not taking my TV or VCR from me, no way!
Summary: This is a sequel to my first Roswell fan fiction "Something's Gone" (so I recommend you read that one first). Max and Liz both reflect on what happened in the episode "The End Of The World" and Isabel, Michael and Maria try to come to terms with what happened recently with the Skin attacks and the immediate threats.
Category: mainly Max/Liz, a little Michael/Maria as well
Author's Notes:
Have you ever been angry at the writers or producers of a TV show you watch regularly because they just didn't address any of the issues that seemed to scream at you from your television screen? Have you ever felt frustrated at the way a situation was resolved on the show because it just didn't feel right? Yeah, well, I have. Especially after the episode "The End Of The World". It inspired me to fill the forgotten gaps and write the unspoken dialogues. I hope to some more satisfying extent... Last but not least, a huge THANK YOU to my beta-readers Steff and Joan, you're the best!
WARNING:
Contains spoilers for the episodes "The End Of The World", "Harvest" and "Wipeout!"
TIMEFRAME:
The story takes place after the episode "Wipeout!" and before "Meet The Dupes". A few scenes were taken from "Max In The City" with the intention of the dialogue happening before the actual episode.

...----...----...--

It's amazing
how you make your face just like a wall
how you take your heart and turn it off
how I turn my head and lose it all

It's unnerving
how just one move puts me by myself
there you go just trusting someone else
now I know I put us both trough hell

Tell me, is that how it's gonna end
when you know you've been depending on
the one you're leaving now
and the one you're leaving out

© Matchbox Twenty - Leave

...----...----...--

Max awoke with a start. He unlocked his interlaced fingers and flexed them. He had drifted off into a light slumber with his hands locked under his head. Now his fingers itched and tickled from the lack of blood supply. He looked at his alarm clock, it was half past eleven on a Saturday morning.

The events of this morning came back to him. Liz had asked him to drive her to Chisum to get the supply of desperately needed Coke for the Crashdown Café that the wholesaler couldn't deliver himself. Driving in the car, they had finally had the chance to talk about their problems.

Talk? No, they hadn't talked. He had asked, almost begged Liz to tell him what had happened two months ago, not for the first time. They had been very awkward around each other the whole past summer, but then something must have happened that had driven Liz into pushing Max away for good. Out of the blue, she had yelled at him, told him they could never go out again. And then, one night, when he had come to Liz' window to win her back, he had seen her in bed with Kyle. He still couldn't believe she had slept with him, even though she had told Max that to his face. Yet, deep down inside him he knew that was not the truth. He had urged her to finally tell him what had happened, but all she had told him was that she couldn't talk about it.

He remembered the uncanny reference that had slipped from her lips, earlier on their trip to Chisum. She had made a promise not to tell him about what had been going on. A promise to him. That didn't make any sense at all, he couldn't remember Liz having made that promise. So, what did it mean? What was Liz hiding that was so important?

He tried to reflect on the past few weeks again. His life seemed to pass by in a haze these days. All Max could do was to take it one day at a time. That was all he had the strength for right now. God, he felt so empty.

There was a knock on the door and his Mom came in. He moved to a sitting position on his bed and his mother sat down next to him. It seemed the worrying expression never left her face these days. He was painfully aware that he and Isabel were the cause of it.

She put a comforting hand on his thigh. He wasn't sure he could take any more of her concern, and sensitive, but determined, questions right now. She began to speak, "Max, Honey, what is bothering you? You barely speak, always hide in your room. That frown hasn't left your face for weeks. Dad and I worry about you."

He really wanted to explain himself but there was no way his mother would ever understand. She could not know about all the problems that were weighing heavily on his shoulders. And he didn't mean the ones with Liz.

"Mom, I know you are worried," he tried to reassure her. "And I wish I could tell you, but you wouldn't understand." He almost sounded like Liz. He quickly tried to push that realization aside. "Just a lot of things adding up recently."

But his mother wasn't ready to be dismissed just yet. "Is this about Liz? Did anything happen between you and her?"

There, she had hit the most delicate end of the nerve fiber. "Liz and I... We're having some troubles," he finally admitted. Some troubles? That must have been the understatement of the year.

Diane Evans' face took on a look of sympathy. She had been through her share of heart-aches in her life. She gently stroked the locks from Max' forehead. "Honey, it will be all right. Things will work out, you'll see. Time's a great healer. And that's not just a phrase. It's the truth. Take it from your old Mom." What looked like the faintest smile crossed Max' face. He thought it was very sweet how his mother cared about him. Sometimes he wished he could tell her about his true heritage, she surely deserved to know.

Just at that moment, Isabel walked past Max' room. When she saw the two of them sitting there, she stopped in the doorway, leaned against the door frame, and inquired, "What's going on? Family conference?"

"No." Diane stood up. "Just an honest talk between mother and son." She walked past Isabel out of the room and went towards the kitchen.

Isabel entered Max' room. "What was that all about?"

Max looked up at her. "She's just worried, that's all. With all that's been going on, and we can't even talk to our own parents about it." There was a tinge of regret in his voice.

Isabel nodded. She had been through this with Max before and finally had to admit that he was right. There was no telling what would happen if Diane and Phillip Evans found out that their adoptive children were really artificially engineered, alien-human hybrids, whose spacecraft had crashed on Earth in the year 1947.

Isabel also suspected that the Skins' threat was not what was wearing down on Max so heavily. She had stood by and watched how he and Liz had behaved towards each other for the past few weeks. She wasn't sure what exactly had happened, but she knew Max was not taking it lightly. She had hoped they would come around eventually. But they hadn't. If there ever was a time to confront Max, it was now. "Max, what's been going on between you and Liz?"

He snorted, "You're the second person to ask me that today. Do I have a tattoo on my forehead that says 'Ask me about Liz Parker'?" Max had instinctively adopted an offensive tone to not let Isabel tap into his frayed emotions.

Isabel lifted her hands in a gesture of defense. "I'm sorry. It's just that you seem awfully tense whenever she's around. You barely even look at her, let alone talk to her. You haven't laughed for weeks, it seems. Mom is right to worry. We're all worried about you, Max."

He replied, "I wish I knew what was going on. She's not telling me anything. She..." Max hadn't told anyone except Tess that he had walked in on Liz lying in bed with Kyle. He had almost told Isabel about it right here, but then doubts resurfaced.

How could he trust Isabel with his innermost feelings when she wasn't trusting him with her own? What was the curious reference Nicholas had made, calling her 'Vilandra', that she wasn't willing to talk about? A feeling of disappointment and betrayal started to build in his stomach when he thought about it. He tried to get Isabel off his back. "Look, it's something I have to work out for myself." He stood up and switched on his blue and grey iMac. "And now, if you don't mind, I'd like to do some homework."

Isabel recognized a cue from Max to leave when she heard it. She turned to go and headed for her own room.

...----...----...--

"Do we have to meet here every time?" Max asked Isabel and Michael as they slid into a booth in the Crashdown's dining area.

"Where else should we meet?" Michael asked with a curious frown.

"At your place," Max suggested, looking at Michael.

Isabel and Michael exchanged glances. They had always met at the Crashdown when anything had come up. Why was Max suddenly not comfortable with it anymore? But the reason was clear to both of them - Liz Parker.

Earlier, at school, they had agreed to meet at the Crashdown later, to talk some things over. Now that another alien threat did not seem imminent and things had calmed down considerably, there were a lot of questions left open. Not only about the Skins, but personal issues. That's why they hadn't invited Tess. She was still too much of a newcomer. For years it had been Max, Isabel and Michael only. They knew they could trust each other. Or did they?

Isabel seemed nervous. She fiddled around with the menu even though they had eaten here often enough to know what the Crashdown offered, without having to study the list of meals and beverages. She first looked at Michael, then at Max, who were sitting opposite her. Trying to sound casual, she asked, "So... What's this about?"

...----...----...--

Back in the kitchen, Liz was carefully balancing two plates in one hand, one of them holding an Alien Surprise, the other a Will Smith Burger. She had picked them up from the kitchen counter and was walking towards the dining area, when she caught sight of Max, Michael and Isabel. No, she didn't want to run into Max again, not now.

She stopped dead in her tracks so abruptly, that Maria, who was right behind her, bumped into her, spilling brightly red colored soda all over the back of Liz' turquoise Crashdown uniform.

Maria scolded her, "What the hell do you think you're doing?" Then she spotted the three aliens herself. Liz had acted very awkwardly around Max since the summer, but she had been even more withdrawn from Max for the past few weeks. Maria wondered if something else had passed between them Liz had not told her about.

When Maria, Kyle and Liz had been driving in the car together, to try and reverse the Skin-generated signal, Liz had made a comment about 'not having explained to Max what happened between Kyle and her'. She had confronted Liz about it, but Liz had evaded her, not giving her a satisfying explanation. What had really happened that made Liz freeze at the very sight of Max?

Maria put down the half-empty glass of soda and took Liz' plates. "Table four, right? You just go and clean yourself up, I'll handle the diner."

Liz cast her a relieved glance. "Thanks," she mumbled and left to change into a new uniform.

...----...----...--

Maria approached the table where Max, Isabel and Michael sat. "Hey!" she greeted them. "What's it gonna be today?"

Max ordered Cherry Coke, Isabel a chocolate milk-shake and Michael regular Coke. Maria bustled off to take care of other customers. While she served the other tables, she noticed Max nervously glancing around as if waiting for Liz to appear. When Maria went back towards the counter, she caught a glimpse of Liz pacing the locker room through the diamond shaped windows in the connecting door. Maria entered the locker room, registering Liz' clean uniform. Liz asked Maria, "Is he still there?"

Maria nodded. "Yeah. And it doesn't look as if he's gonna leave any time soon. What the hell happened between you two anyway? You're so on edge; that is so not like you, Liz."

Liz just stuttered. "I... You know... It's complicated," she evaded.

"Yeah, you've told me that like 300 times. I don't want any more stupid excuses. What happened to 'best friends'?"

"Maria... I can't. Not now." 'God,' Liz thought, 'I sound like a broken record.'

From the kitchen they heard someone shout, "Two X-Files Burgers!"

Maria threw her hands up. The two needed to talk. Trouble was, Liz had so far successfully dodged every attempt Maria had made.

Liz looked at her watch. "Look, Maria, Chase is coming on in half an hour, can you cover for me until then? I really don't wanna see Max right now."

Maria saw the desperate look in Liz' eyes and agreed. "Sure. It's not all that busy anyway, I'll handle it. But only if you promise to tell me everything. You and I," she indicated with her index finger, "We have to talk."

Liz bit her lip. She already knew she couldn't keep that promise, best friends or not. She would have to come up with an explanation for Maria later, she decided. Right now she needed to go somewhere where she didn't have to be close to Max. She told Maria, "Yeah, we'll talk. And, thanks, you're a real friend."

"Yeah, yeah," Maria muttered dismissively as she watched Liz walk up the stairs to her room. Then she rushed towards the kitchen to get her X-Files Burgers delivered to the two pudgy men at table ten.

At table three, their usual table, Max, Isabel and Michael were nursing their drinks. Max decided to take the initiative. Looking at Isabel, he asked, "Isabel, is there anything you wanna tell us?"

She looked defiant. "Like what?" she asked as if she didn't know.

"Vilandra?" Max hinted.

Isabel tried to elude his clue. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Max raised his voice angrily, but not loud enough to arouse attention from anyone. "You know damn well what I mean; we all heard it." Realizing that anger wouldn't get him anywhere, his tone softened. "Look, we need to stick together now. We need to be strong. But we can't be if you're hiding something from us."

Michael was keeping quiet. It wasn't right to discuss matters of such importance right here in a public place like the Crashdown. He, too, wanted to know what Nicholas had been implying. But he felt bad for Isabel, with Max pressuring her like that. He came to Isabel's defense.

"We shouldn't have this conversation here, among all these people, Maxwell. This place could be swarming with-" He stopped in mid-sentence as, just at that moment, a man in a dark suit, white shirt and tie walked by their table.

Michael waited until he had left and continued, "That's exactly what we don't need right now. Let's meet at the Pod Chamber, tonight, just the three of us," he suggested.

Max looked discontented but agreed. Isabel just stared at the table with an empty gaze. Michael carefully hit her foot under the table. "Isabel?"

She came out of her reverie. "What? Yeah, tonight." As if there wasn't any more reason to stay, she simply got up and left without another word, her milk shake barely even touched.

Max shuffled uneasily in his seat. "I can't stay here either," he admitted. "See ya tonight," he said as he left the café. Michael remained seated on his own. Staring out of the window, his mind started to wander back to the day Nicholas and his army of Skins had come to Roswell. So much had happened that day. He had made several attempts to repress the awful memories - Courtney's new husk failing to thrive, Nicholas mindraping Max, Tess' wall of fire turning the Skins to dust - but they kept creeping back into his thoughts.

...----...----...--

Out of the corner of her eye, Maria had noticed first Isabel, then Max leaving. Seeing a forlorn looking Michael sitting alone, she put down the dirty glasses she had just collected. Since Chase had started her shift early, and there were only a handful of customers, Maria had ten minutes to spare.

She strolled over and sat down opposite Michael. Casually, she greeted him. "Hey."

He greeted back just as casually. "Hey."

"How's it going?" It sounded as if they hadn't seen each other for weeks. And maybe they hadn't. Of course they saw each other more often than that, but there was rarely the time, or the tranquility, to talk about private matters anymore. Usually, it was about the Skins, the conspiracies, the threats and the plots. They hardly laughed or joked anymore. She couldn't remember a time when they had just had a plain fun night out. Everything seemed so subdued, so serious now.

Michael just retorted, "Good. You?"

Instead of bothering with platitudes, she asked, "Michael, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Do you have any idea what's going on between Max and Liz?"

He looked puzzled. "Should I?"

Maria shot him one of her incredulous looks that seemed to say, 'Don't mess with me, Michael Guerin!' Aloud she said, "Come on, you must have noticed it, too. How they both seem to freeze up when they see each other, how they don't exchange more than 'Hello' and 'Goodbye'. I thought maybe Max had told you something."

"He hasn't," Michael replied offhandedly.

Maria's brow furrowed. Michael sometimes was extremely taciturn and brash but this was unusual even for him. Maria studied his face. He was not looking at her but staring past her face, out the window behind Maria, absent-mindedly.

Maria waved her hand in front of his face. "Hello? Earth calling Michael Guerin." She smiled at him.

When he finally noticed and returned her gaze, he wasn't smiling. Maria's face fell. "Michael, why don't you tell me what's wrong?" Something must really be bothering him, she realized. She took his hand that he had placed on the table in a comforting gesture but he recoiled and pulled his back from under hers.

Almost angry he shot at her, "Just leave me alone, okay? Why do you still care anyway?"

Now it was Maria's turn to get angry. "Why do I still care?" she repeated, her voice was raised. "You really wanna know? Because we are friends, because you matter to me, as all my friends do." To herself she added, 'And because I still love you,' but she didn't say that out loud. Instead she continued, "You know, I thought we had something special here. But obviously I was mistaken." Now she looked less angry and more disappointed.

Michael lowered his gaze and quietly told her, "Look, I'm really messed up right now. I... I'm not sure about anything anymore. It'd be better for you if you just left me alone."

That was the most straightforward answer he had given her in a long time, ever since he had told her he loved her too much for them to be together, with all the dangers hanging in the air.

She said, "And what if I don't want to leave you alone? Have you ever asked me what I want? Just because you've been depending on yourself for most of your life, doesn't mean that you have to for the rest of it. I wanna help you, Michael. You know, just talk. Sometimes that helps a lot."

Michael didn't know what to say. He didn't feel ready to talk to Maria right here and now. He stood up, telling her, "I'll think about it." Without another word, he left the Crashdown.

Maria sighed. Why did she still try? Michael was as hopeless a case as they came. She got up from her seat and went back towards the kitchen. She had a shift to finish after all.

...----...----...--

Riding in their military issue, dark green colored jeep, Max and Michael pulled up in front of the Pod Chamber. It was dark outside but, as Max hit the brakes and stopped the jeep, they noticed Isabel's tall figure, illuminated by the jeep's headlights, leaning against the Evans' car.

They all went inside the chamber in silence. An eerie green light shone from the pods and the Granilith Chamber behind them. Once they were inside the cave, Isabel leaned against one of the cool stone walls. Michael and Max grouped themselves around her, facing her. Isabel looked apprehensive, kneading her fingers in front of her. She felt trapped, scrutinized.

She decided to take the offensive to get it over with. She could not take anymore beating around the bush right now. "So, is this it?" she shot at Max and Michael. "Do you intend to give me the third degree? Have you already prepared the thumbscrews? Are those rubber hoses I see behind your backs?"

Max realized they were getting off to a bad start, so he tried to mollify the situation. "Look, Iz, this is not an interrogation. We just thought you had something to tell us."

"And what if I don't?" she shot back defiantly.

Michael still felt Max was pushing her too hard, so he tried to soften the tone. "Okay, okay. This is no time for a power play. But don't you think we deserve to know? This whole Skin-thing, it's not gonna go away, you know. If you're holding back vital information, that's gonna make it hard for us to trust you."

Isabel stared at her feet as they toyed with a few stray pebbles on the dusty ground. Yes, maybe they deserved to know. But what would happen then? If they knew what her other self, her alien self Vilandra had done, it would be even harder for them to trust her. No, she'd rather deal with their disappointment as it was than having Michael, and especially Max, second-guessing her every move. Which would undoubtedly happen, once they knew about Vilandra's past. She gave herself a little shove to move away from the cave wall and stood erect.

Speaking to both of them, she said more calmly, "Look, I don't wanna talk about it, okay? This has nothing to do with you, this is just about me." She knew that wasn't entirely true. She kicked one of the pebbles so it shot across the cave grounds. "Stop hounding me," she demanded.

Max clenched his jaw. It was making him furious that Isabel would not tell him. He knew that anger was getting him nowhere, but that was all he ever felt these days. Angry at Isabel, angry at Liz, angry at not being able to control the situation, angry at the whole world. Not able to contain himself, he burst out, "Fine. Have it your way. You know, all this time I thought you were my sister, someone I could trust completely. But now, suddenly you're keeping secrets." He looked at Michael, then back at Isabel, before he continued, "The three of us were always a family. Go ahead, throw it all away!" Max lifted his arm in a dismissive gesture.

Isabel's voice wavered. There was a hint of disappointment, but irritation was predominating as she looked at Max, "That is so you, Max, the guilty-conscience thing. But it's not gonna work on me. Your problem is, you're a control-freak. But you can't control everything, like it or not." She paused before she went on, "Least of all me." With those words, she walked through the gap between Michael and Max and left the cave. They could hear her start the car, hear the gravel moving under the tires as she hit the accelerator.

Michael wasn't sure what to say. Was there anything else to say? This was something Max and Isabel had to work out between themselves, he didn't feel like being a part of this. He had to admit there was truth to Isabel's words. Max was something of a control freak. It irritated him when he did not have control over a situation. Michael hoped Isabel's words would make Max come to his senses.

"Way to go, Maxwell! We really learned a lot," Michael said sarcastically, before he too left the cave and headed for the jeep. He sat down on the jeep's passenger seat, wishing that he had brought his motorcycle so he would not have to ride back to Roswell with Max. Idly, he opened the glove compartment and roamed around inside.

Feeling abandoned, Max continued to stare at the pod chamber wall, where Isabel had stood just moments before. He couldn't believe they had all deserted him. First Liz, then Isabel and now Michael, too. No one seemed to trust him anymore. Except... Tess. Tess was the only person who would still talk to him. But maybe she just hadn't known him long enough. Maybe Isabel was right, he was a control freak. In an attempt to release his rage, he furiously kicked the dirt under him so that it sent a cloud of dust up in the air. He turned on his heel and walked back to the jeep. Without a word, he got in and drove back to Roswell, he and Michael not exchanging a single word the whole way.

...----...----...--

After the last customer had left, Maria was cleaning up the dining area of the Crashdown Café. Liz was sitting at one of the tables, tallying receipts. Maria walked up to Liz. "Girlfriend, we need to have a talk. You got a serious problem."

Liz looked up from her paperwork, surprised. "What?" she asked.

"A... very vicious rumor is going around about you in school, and I shouldn't make a bigger deal about it than it is, because I know we can take care of it, but it's just that, like, everybody's talking about it..." Maria was rambling, like she always did when she was confused or unsure about something.

Liz interrupted her, "Maria."

Maria shot her one of her Okay-Here-We-Go looks. Liz smiled at her knowingly. She knew Maria well enough to interpret her facial expressions. Maria went on, "OK. The word is that you and Kyle slept together. I know. It's so humiliating." Liz was still smiling, nodding at the same time. Maria continued, "I know. I just can't imagine who made it up."

Liz shrugged as she told Maria with a yet bigger smile on her face, "Um... it's true."

Maria was dumbfounded for a split second. Liz stood up and took her paperwork. Maria followed her through the dining area. "What? No, Liz, the rumor is that you and Kyle Valenti slept together as in, like, sexually."

Liz stopped walking and turned around, facing her best friend. "I know. And... it's true." She once again confirmed the rumor Maria had such a very hard time grasping was true.

Maria couldn't believe it. She exhaled in utter disbelief. Anger crept into her voice. "OK, you lost your virginity to Kyle. I mean, that is a revelation, and I don't know what that's about, but why didn't you tell me?" she shot at Liz.

Liz' eyes widened. She tried to come up with something that wouldn't sound phony. "I was embarrassed," she told Maria.

Maria was still angry that Liz had kept such vital information from her. They were best friends! She scolded Liz, "That is such a completely unacceptable answer for you to give to me, your best friend in the entire world..."

Liz now also raised her tone, emphasizing every word, "I didn't want to talk about it."

But there was no stopping Maria when she was angry. "Why? Why didn't you want to talk about it? Why, did he hurt you or something? Was this like a date rape?"

"No!" Liz interrupted, now basically screaming at Maria. "No, it was nothing like that, OK? I was just upset about Max, and Kyle was there for me, and we were close at one point, and one thing just led to another, and we..." Liz paused.

Maria looked at her with an accusing look and disappointedly said to Liz, "And you didn't tell me."

Exasperated, Liz gathered the paperwork in her arms and walked away without another word. Maria watched her go, not sure what to make of the whole thing. Why did she still have the feeling Liz had not told her the truth?

...----...----...--

Back in Roswell, Max had dropped Michael off at his apartment. Michael had gone in, eaten some cereal for dinner and sat down on sofa. He had tried to watch something on TV but he couldn't concentrate on the sitcom that was playing.

Suddenly feeling trapped inside his own home, he hit the pavement, hoping a walk in the cool night air would abate this claustrophobic sensation. He had no particular destination in mind, he just needed room to breathe and some time to think.

...----...----...--

Liz couldn't sleep. She was lying in bed, studying her alarm clock. Ten minutes to 1 AM. She had thought about her conversation with Maria the whole night. It was gnawing at her that she had told an outright lie to Maria, face to face. Just like that. A great best friend she had turned out to be, Liz told herself. No, this didn't feel right. Maria needed to know. She deserved to know the truth, even after all this time. She picked up the phone and pressed the speed-dial for Maria's home number.

A very sleepy voice at the other end greeted her. "Hello?" Maria said as she picked up the phone on her bedside table.

Without preamble, Liz told her, "Look, we need to talk in person."

Maria's voice was whiny. "It's 1:00 in the morning."

"Please, Maria," Liz begged.

Maria was already persuaded. "Where?" she asked.

"The place by the thing that we went that time with what's-her-name," Liz answered.

Maria shifted her position, already moving out of bed. To Liz she said, "I'm there. Bye."

...----...----...--

Walking through the dark, Michael didn't really care where he was going. He felt like being on auto-pilot. Realizing that, he looked up to see where his feet had guided him. At first all the buildings looked strangely unfamiliar in the dark, but after a while he recognized the surroundings. It was just two blocks from Maria's house.

He stopped walking and thought back to his conversation with Maria - the one they had had in the Crashdown earlier - and how she had offered to listen. And maybe he should talk to someone. He had not talked to anyone about anything ever since the Skin invasion. He hadn't felt the need to, he was fine on his own. But somehow he suddenly felt a strong urge for someone to listen to his problems other than himself. It couldn't have been a coincidence that his feet had taken him so close to Maria. He knew that if there was someone he wanted to share his thoughts with right at that moment, it was her. More determinedly, he walked in the direction of Maria's home.

When he approached her bedroom window, it was dark inside her room. He cupped his hands on the window pane to peer inside. Her bedding was rumpled, but there was no one inside. He sneaked around the house but didn't see lights on in any of the rooms. Wherever Maria was, she was not home.

He wasn't sure what to do now. Maybe she would come home in a few minutes. He decided to wait near the back door, since it was nearest to her room, and he could also see her window from there, in case he missed her coming in. He sat down on the one wooden step and leaned his back and head against the door, wrapping his arms around himself.

It was a cool night with a clear sky. Michael's gaze wandered skywards, to the stars above him. He tried to imagine what it would be like on his home world. What was happening up there? Was there still a war raging? Were his parents still alive? He slowly closed his eyes, trying to get a better mental image of what he thought things would look like up there.

--...----...----...--

By the fountain near the park, Liz and Maria met, both clad in warm clothes to shield themselves from the chilly night air. Liz apologized to Maria about having dragged her out of bed, but Maria just gave her a reassuring smile, telling her, that was what friends were for. They sat down on the concrete ledge of the fountain, cross-legged and facing each other. Liz started telling Maria about the night the future version of Max had come to visit her.

As Liz narrated, she realized how strange it must all sound to someone who hadn't been there herself. Just like something out of a science fiction movie. In an almost apologetic tone, she said to Maria, "I'm sorry. I know this all sounds really crazy..."

But Maria urged her on, "No, please. Crazy is sleeping with Kyle Valenti, so, please get to that part."

Cheerfully, and relieved that she could finally tell someone, she went on, using her arms to gesticulate, "OK. So, um... right, Max... Future Max... tells me that the reason that the world comes to an end is because..." Liz chuckled as though it was one of the most preposterous things in the world. "Get this... he and Tess weren't together when their enemies came to Earth. And the reason they weren't together was because Max and I got married."

"Oh," Maria muttered, trying to take it all in.

Liz saw the mild confusion on Maria's face. "I know it's really confusing."

Maria shook her head, "No, no, no. I'm with you. Keep going."

Liz went on, sounding a little like an overexcited child, telling her Mom about her latest discovery. "Future Max tells me that I have to find a way to get present day Max to fall out of love with me."

"So you slept with Kyle," Maria concluded, sounding understanding.

But Liz denied it. "No, no. Not really. I arranged it so Max saw Kyle and I in bed together, but nothing really happened."

Maria nodded. "So Max thinks that you and Kyle..." She left the sentence hanging in the air.

Liz looked at Maria regretfully. "I'm sorry I lied to you," she said with an earnest expression on her face.

Maria wouldn't hear any of it. "No. I'm so sorry that I got so mad. I should have known that it was, you know, an alien thing." Maria sighed deeply, then, after a short pause asked, "Are you still a virgin?"

Liz laughed, "Yeah."

Maria was overjoyed to hear it. "OK."

"OK," Liz confirmed.

Maria laughed as well, "Yeah. So am I!"

They both cheered as they gave each other a high five. Liz shouted, "Frigid!" when their palms met. After a few minutes of laughter, Liz grew very quiet and Maria noticed there was a tear coursing down her cheek.

"What is it?" she inquired, concerned at the sudden change in Liz' demeanor.

Her voice quivering, Liz forced out the words that were eating her up inside. "It's just... Max... you know. I said all those things to him… I said I didn't want to die for him… I never meant it, any of it. God, I hurt him so bad, Maria. I've wanted to tell him the truth, so many times. But I can't."

Maria gathered her up in a bear hug and rocked her gently, trying to ease her pain.

Then a light went on in Maria's eyes. Holding Liz at arms length she looked at her with determination and said, "Who says you can't? Did Future Max ever tell you present day Max can't know? The way I see it, there is no reason he isn't allowed to know the truth. I think you should tell him."

Liz shook her head and with an assured tone to her voice said, "No, you see, I know that, if I tell him, things will change. He will realize that I still love him. He will push Tess away, things will go right back to the way they were, and fourteen years from now, the world will end… again."

Maria thought back and remembered a particular talk between Max and her. "Did you know that Max came to me that night? Boy, he was so messed up. I told him to give you up." Liz looked at Maria, her eyes wide. "But he can't. He is so in love with you that it hurts, Liz. He is a hopeless case. And I still think he deserves to know."

Liz slowly nodded, biting her lip. That was exactly what she had told herself over and over for the past few weeks. And maybe she should tell him. Maybe there was a way.

Suddenly, she felt tired beyond belief as she watched Maria stifle a yawn. She smiled at Maria. "Look at us, it's almost 2 AM. We should get back to bed."

"No objections from me," Maria answered.

After they had hugged each other goodbye, Liz told Maria "Thank you."

Maria waved her hand dismissively. "No problem. I'm glad we had this talk. See ya at school."

"Yeah," Liz replied. She walked off towards her home. Maria turned in the other direction, cutting through the park. Normally thoughts of raped teenagers would have made her take the long way home, but now the only thoughts she had were curling up in bed, under warm covers, and this route would get her there ten minutes quicker.

...----...----...--

Maria's step quickened as she turned the corner of the street her home was in. She hoped her mother would already be asleep. If not, she would be in for another I-told-you-to-not-come-home-so-late speeches. Better use the back door, it was much easier to sneak in undetected that way.

She kept her gaze on the ground to watch her step in the dark. She was almost by the door when she looked up. She let out a little surprised shriek as she noticed there was someone sitting on their doorstep.

After a split second, she recognized Michael. He seemed to be sleeping. She studied him for a few seconds, wondering how long he had been sitting there. He looked so innocent and vulnerable, almost child-like. A warm feeling washed over her and she suddenly remembered why she still cared about him. She crouched down to be level with him and softly shook his shoulder.

"Michael," she said, as she tried to wake him up.

"Hunh," he grunted. Involuntarily, a smile crept up Maria's face.

It took two seconds of looking straight into Maria's face for Michael to realize where he was. All he could reply was a somewhat dazed, "Maria..."

Surprised, she asked, "What the hell are you doing here? It's two in the morning!"

He ran a hand through his sand-colored hair. "Yeah, what am I doing here," he repeated. Getting up, he didn't know what to say. "I... You know... It was a stupid idea. I'll better go." He wanted to walk off but Maria took hold of his arm, holding him back.

"No, no, no. There is no way I'm going to let you go like this." She felt him shiver through the fabric of his jacket-sleeve. "God, you must be half frozen."

She unlocked the back door, tugging at Michael's arm to invite him in. He didn't offer any resistance. She put her finger to her lips to indicate that they needed to be quiet. They both remembered what had happened when Amy DeLuca, Maria's Mom, had found Michael and Maria in bed together almost a year ago. Silently, they entered Maria's room.

Maria indicated for Michael to sit in the armchair opposite her bed. She opened her closet to look for the lambswool blanket. She took it out and told Michael to take off his jacket, then handed him the blanket. "Here, wrap that around your shoulders. You'll get warm in no time."

Michael felt a little stupid but was thankful for the warm blanket. He had been sitting out in the cold night air for quite some time. How had he dozed off in the first place?

Maria took off her own jacket, and her shoes, then sat down on the foot of her bed, looking at Michael. "So, why did you come here?" she asked softly.

He looked up, his brow creasing the way it always did when he had trouble getting something out in the open. He had come here to talk. It was now or never. He cleared his throat before he began, "You remember what you said at the Crashdown today? That it sometimes helps to talk?"

She nodded, realizing what had happened. "You wanted to talk to me and I wasn't home." She paused, then continued, "But I'm here now. So, whatever it is, I'm listening." She shifted into a more comfortable sitting position on her bed, crossing her legs.

He was still having difficulty finding a way to start. After a short silence, he finally said, "It's this whole Skin-thing. Max, Isabel and I met at the Pod Chamber tonight. And Max... he and Isabel had a fight. Things have gotten so complicated. Suddenly everything we say or do has to be double-checked, questioned and debated. It's all so messed up." Michael stopped talking.

Maria nodded. "I know. So many incredible things have happened. Sometimes I don't think I can take any more of this. I can't even imagine what it must be like for you."

Michael leaned back in the armchair. Maria had been right, it felt good to talk to someone. He felt more at ease and the words came more easily now, "You know, I've been thinking a lot about what Courtney had said. About our world and who we were. I wonder what it's like. And if we're ever gonna see it."

A question formed in Maria's mind, so she asked Michael, "Tell me, if you had the chance to leave here today and see your world, would you go?"

Michael considered the question a moment before he replied. "Last year, I wouldn't have hesitated one second. But now…" He rubbed his forehead with his hand. "Now I'm not sure. I used to imagine it was this perfect place up there." He looked out of the window at the dark sky. "Now I know it's nothing like that. It's a war zone. There will be destruction and corruption everywhere. And all this 'Royal Four' stuff, it creeps me out. Suddenly I'm supposed to be the second in command to some fallen king, whom I've known to be my best friend for years. And then Courtney comes along and tells me I'm supposed to be the real ruler, the salvation of our planet. Is that who I really am?"

Maria looked Michael in the eyes. "Is that who you think you are?"

He slowly shook his head. "No. No, I don't think that's who I am. I've been Michael Guerin for as long as I can remember; and no alien woman or Skin can tell me who I am supposed to be."

Maria was biting her lip, there was something on her mind she had wanted to talk to Michael about for a long time. She gave herself a mental push and got it out in the open. "Michael, can I ask you something?"

He looked at her, mildly surprised. Usually Maria didn't hesitate to speak her mind. "Sure," he told her.

"It's about Courtney. I just..." she stuttered a little. "I have to know where we stand. If she hadn't, you know..." She couldn't bring herself to say 'killed herself'. Maria already saw from the look on Michael's face that he wasn't comfortable being reminded of it, but she had to know. She went on, "If she hadn't died, what would have happened between you and her?"

Michael was taken aback. There was a short silence. "I don't know. Why is that important now, she's dead, okay?" he said with clear irritation in his voice.

Maria lowered her gaze. "I guess you're right, it doesn't matter now." She realized that, no matter if Courtney had just been a friend to him or something more, her death must have hit him hard. Even though Michael rarely showed his feelings, she knew he had emotions just like everyone else. Quietly, she asked him, "Do you miss her?"

He looked down and studied the checked pattern on the blanket in his lap. Silently, he admitted, "Yeah."

Maria waited, not sure if Michael wanted to talk about it. After a minute's silence, he said, "You know, I keep thinking it's my fault. If I hadn't told her about the Granilith..." He stopped in mid-sentence.

"Michael," Maria told him in a determined voice. "It is not your fault. Sometimes horrible things happen, for no reason at all. And even though she wasn't my favorite person, she deserved better. There is nothing we can do about it now, no matter how hard we might wish we could. You can't blame yourself for her death."

He had lifted his head to look at Maria while she had been speaking to him. "That's what I try to tell myself all the time," he admitted. "Most of the time, it doesn't work."

"When I was 12, I had a puppy," Maria suddenly remembered. "I adored him," she said, smiling. "Then, one day, I took him with me to see a friend, even though Mom had told me not to. On the way, he somehow managed to rid himself of the leash and ran into the street. There was this huge truck approaching, and..." Maria paused, the memory bringing back painful images. Her eyes glistened with tears but she blinked them away. "And even though the driver hit the brakes full force, it was too late. He died in my arms. I was devastated. I cried for days, thinking that if I had listened to Mom and left him at home, he would still be alive. And, each day, my Mom would fix me a hot chocolate, take me in her arms and tell me that some things are destined to happen. She'd say that, you know, it wouldn't help tearing myself apart with doubts and what-ifs, because that would not change anything. And she was right. Of course, that didn't make the pain go away."

Before she continued, she put a comforting hand on Michael's knee. "I won't tell you that the guilt will go away, because it won't. Not for a very long time. As ironic as it might sound, you should be thankful for the guilt you're feeling. It makes you aware of your actions, and it might help you make decisions in the future. Just don't let it eat you up." Maria finished her little speech, drawing back her hand from Michael's knee. She studied him; he stared at the floor, not saying anything.

After a few moments of silence, she softly addressed him. "Michael. Are you okay?"

He looked up, rubbing his eyebrow thoughtfully. "Yeah," he almost whispered. "I just... I'm not sure what to say."

"Then don't," Maria said.

They sat in silence for a while, each of them not feeling the necessity to speak. Maria had to stifle a yawn, hoping Michael hadn't seen it. She did not want him to think he had the obligation to leave. But the sharp breath Maria had taken in, had betrayed her; Michael had noticed. He got up, letting the blanket fall carelessly from his shoulders onto the chair, from where it slid to the floor. Turning to go, he told her matter-of-factly, "I should leave."

"You don't have to," Maria replied. "You can stay here tonight."

Michael shook his head. "We both know how your mother feels about that."

In spite of herself, Maria had to smile. She remembered the time she and Michael had slept in the same bed in her bedroom - just slept - and had been awakened by the shrieks of her mom, when she had unexpectedly discovered them the next morning. She had made enough of a fuss to have Michael flee the scene in shock, without a word.

Although she felt she should be there for Michael now, she didn't want to push him. It had to come from him. Michael Guerin had to be touched with velvet gloves sometimes, despite his tough exterior. She would ask one more time, then leave him alone. "No, really, I have a sleeping bag. And besides, I don't think Mom would freak out like that again." Then she added with a knowing smile, "Really, deep down inside, she likes you."

The corners of Michael's mouth moved up. The thought of Amy DeLuca liking him was just too absurd, especially in the wee hours of the morning. But he still declined Maria's offer. "No, I'd better go."

He tried not to make too much noise as he opened the window and climbed out. Maria remained standing at the open window as he turned to walk away, his breath producing small clouds of steam in front of his mouth. After one step, he turned back. "Maria. I..." he started to say, then stopped.

She just smiled at him and said, "You're welcome."

He nodded and walked off into the dark.

Maria watched him walk away, then, shivering from the cold, she closed the window. She quickly threw on the old and baggy T-shirt with the long worn-off Native American art symbol on the chest, that she wore in bed, and snuggled up under her warm covers. She was so tired that it took her less than five minutes to fall asleep, thinking about Michael just before she drifted off.

...----...----...--

The next day went by just like any other. At school, Liz had run into Maria by the lockers before classes started. Maria had deep, dark rings under her eyes. Liz told her, "Wow, you look like a zombie." Maria answered, "Look who's talking." They both laughed, thinking about last night's meeting at the fountain. Lessons had dragged on endlessly, Liz and Maria both had to struggle, not to fall asleep.

During breaks, Liz watched Maria and Michael talking to each other. They seemed more at ease with each other than they had been for weeks. It was nice to at least see the both of them smiling. When Max suddenly rounded the corner, a glum look on his face, she hurried away, afraid of confrontation. Later, when she had run into Maria again, she asked her about Michael. Maria smiled and told her that they had a long talk last night.

"Before or after we met?" Liz asked.

"After," Maria told her. Liz put on a knowing smile. "That explains the zombie look," she commented.

Maria pretended to slap her on the upper arm, telling her, "God, I so need to sleep. I think I'll go to bed right after school."

"Yeah, you can do that. I have the afternoon shift at the Crashdown," Liz complained with a sigh.

...----...----...--

Isabel and Max had been avoiding each other at school altogether. Whenever one saw the other, they had both turned in different directions. When they had classes together, they hadn't looked at each other at all.

After school, Max went home, shut the door to his room, and tried to bury himself in homework. Most of his homework assignments over the last few weeks had been meticulous; homework was a great way of getting your mind off your problems. And he was thankful for any minute that he did not have to think of either Liz or the Skins. When he had finished his homework, he had gone to the UFO Center to ask Brody if he needed help with anything.

He wanted to avoid running into Isabel at any cost. Breakfast had already been awkward and he had tried to dodge the family dinner, having told his Mom he would eat out tonight. Brody had given him all sorts of little tasks that had kept him busy for a few hours before it was time to head back home.

...----...----...--

Now it was twenty to ten at night, and Max was sitting in front of his iMac, doing research for something his mother had asked him about on the Internet. He caught himself staring at the computer screen without noticing the website's content. Unable to focus on this particular issue, he switched off the computer.

He pondered going to bed, but he wasn't tired yet. He turned around on his desk chair and stared at the posters on the wall above his bed. He couldn't stand the confines of his room any longer. It felt as if the walls were caving in on him. He looked at his watch - a quarter to ten. He knew if he didn't actively do something now, his thoughts would drift off again to issues he was trying to push aside at any cost.

He stood up, threw on a sweater and went outside. He didn't much care about where he was going, his feet just automatically moved, one in front of the other. The cool night air felt refreshing, a sudden breeze ruffling his dark hair.

As he walked, his thoughts inevitably returned to Liz. It had been more than two months since he had found her in bed with Kyle, even longer before they had done anything together, anything that had felt as though they were still friends. And the pain just kept coming. Would it ever wear off? He couldn't imagine not loving Liz, much less loving anyone else.

When he lifted his gaze, he realized his feet had taken him straight to her, to the Crashdown. He went around the back, to the fire escape to her bedroom window. He hesitated a moment, then climbed up, trying not to make any sounds. It was now or never, he thought. He would ask Liz one last time about what had really happened.

Silently climbing over the ledge of the wall at the end of the ladder, he went over to her half-open window. As he looked through, he noted that the last time he had stood here, he had seen Liz in bed with Kyle. Relief flooded through him when he saw she was lying on her bed, alone, her back turned towards him, reading something. She had one leg bent at the knee, sticking up in the air, the other was extended, with her foot hanging down the end of the bed. He rapped softly on her window.

...----...----...--

Liz heard a sound coming from her window as if someone had just knocked on it. When she turned around, she was shocked to see it was Max. She sat up from her lying position but didn't get up. She hated it when he just turned up unexpected, it left her vulnerable and unprepared.

She heard his voice, and she couldn't help noticing the depressed tint it bore these days. "Liz? Can I come in?"

When she didn't say anything, he urged on, "I have to talk to you. Please."

She didn't think she could deal with seeing him, his sad eyes, his sorrowful expression, right here and now, so she said, "Max, everything I have to say to you, I have already told you. Please leave me alone." Her stomach constricted, it hurt herself to push him away like that. Why couldn't he just accept that she could not tell him what he wanted to hear?

"Okay, I won't come in. But I want you to listen to me. Just listen." He slid down with his back to the wall, sitting down on the concrete floor next to her window. He raised his voice slightly, so she could hear him through the open window, then continued, "I... I just want you to know what it's been like, Liz. It's been two months now. Two months I've wallowed in self-pity, two months I've been running around with my heart on my sleeve, hoping you would come around. I don't know what happened, but if this has to do with the Skins or Tess or our destiny..."

He paused, then carried on, "Tess has been supportive, she's a good listener. But she will never be you. I will never love her, and you know that. She's the only person I have talked to about what happened that night. I don't even know why I told her. Guess it was because she simply was there. But you used to be the person I talked to about everything that bothered me. It didn't feel right to tell Tess. She can never replace you, not even close. If you're hoping that by keeping me away from you, I will fall in love with Tess... It doesn't work like that, Liz.

"And all this time I'm asking myself, is that how it's gonna end? I don't want it to end this way. I wish you would tell me what is making you act like this. I could deal with that, if I just knew why. I know, you've told me time and again that you can't talk about it. And I will ask you one last time. There will be no more questions after tonight. What really happened, Liz?" Max finished.

Tears had shot into Liz' eyes, she quickly blinked them away. What Max had just told her had increased the lump in her throat by a thousand-fold. And it pained her to tears, that she could not share the truth about Future Max' visit with him. She realized that this might be her last chance to put things right. Or as right as they were allowed to be.

She stood up and went to the window, opening it fully. She sat down on the window sill, with her legs still inside her room. She turned her head sideways to look at Max before she spoke. "You can't imagine how often I have wanted to tell you, so you could at least understand. And you can't imagine how bad I want to tell you right now." Liz bit her lower lip.

"You know what hurts most?" Max asked her. "That, whatever it is, you can't trust me with it. Don't you think that we could try to find a way to work out our problems together? We were friends, we always believed in helping each other through difficult times. Why not now, Liz, why can't you let me in?"

He looked at her with incredibly sad and soulful brown eyes. She realized that he was taking a huge leap of faith; that he hadn't put that much trust in her ever since that night in her room, that night with Kyle in her bed. And it hurt that she wasn't able to give any of it back. Wasn't there a way she could let him understand without telling him the whole truth? Just tell him a speck of the truth?

She sat in silence for a minute, trying to find a way to explain to Max. She sighed before she spoke. "That night when you sang to me with the Mariachi band..." The memory brought a smile to her lips. "That night someone approached me and urged me to..." She was looking for the right word. "... to get the both of us separated. If we didn't, the outcome would be fatal."

Max' expression was one of curiosity, but also of doubt. She could see there were a million questions forming in his mind. He asked, "And that someone, who was he? How could you trust him, how did you know there was any merit to his claims?"

"That's what I can't tell you. But I had every reason to trust him. Even though you might not understand that right now."

"So, you didn't really sleep with Kyle? That was all just to drive me away from you?"

Liz wasn't sure she should admit the truth to Max. But it was too late now to keep the pretense up anyway. She looked down and slowly nodded. "Yeah."

Max wasn't certain how to feel. Should he be relieved Liz had not betrayed him with another man, or should he be hurt because it had taken her such a long time to come clean about it? Another question formed, "And the set-up with Tess, was that also a part of the plan?"

Liz nodded again. "Tess is a key-player in this. Max, we can't be together. You have to fulfill your destiny, I can't stand between you and Tess."

"But I don't love her. I love you. I will never love Tess, no matter how often you try to force me away."

"You see, that was what I was afraid of, if I told you. God, I should have kept quiet," Liz sighed. She sounded desperate. "Things are going to change now. I'm not sure what that means."

Max' eyes met Liz'. "If this is so important, tell me what to do." Max saw the irony in this statement. Usually, he was the person everyone turned to for guidance or advice. Usually, he was the one issuing orders.

Liz looked at Max in mild surprise. She had expected him to act at will, drawing Tess away because he now knew Liz had not acted completely on her own. There was only one thing she could reply to Max' question, so that things could be set right again. "We can't be together, Max, no matter what. You have to be with Tess. Whatever you do, don't drive her away."

Max took Liz' hand in his. It was the first time they had deliberately touched since the future Max' visit, and - boy - had she missed his lean but strong fingers touching her skin. She felt his warmth flow into her. He told her, "If this is what you want, I will do it. For you." He added in a whisper, "I love you."

"No, Max, this is not only for me. This is for all of us." As badly as she wanted to reply that she loved him too, she couldn't. That would make it harder on Max. She added, "And it is not what I want, it is what must be." She silently added, 'If it were for me, we'd live happily ever after.'

The image of Max appearing at her window when she had been in bed with Kyle suddenly sneaked its way in again, and it hit her like a jolt how badly she had hurt Max. Even more amazing was, that he had come back here to give her a last chance.

All her own pain and grief that she had felt when she had apparently betrayed Max, washed over her in waves. She tried to stifle the sob that came out of her mouth, but Max noticed it nevertheless. It didn't help that he was looking straight into her eyes now. Tears ran down her cheeks. All she wanted to do was to throw herself into his arms and kiss his soft lips.

There was so much left to say between the two of them. And she didn't know how she could ever apologize for hurting him the way she had. No, she was sure there was no way she ever could. But she had to say something. Swallowing to control the sobs, she wiped at her cheeks with her palms before she spoke to Max, "Oh Max, I hurt you so bad. You hated me, it was breaking my heart just as much to see yours being ripped apart by what I did, what I said. Sorry will just never be enough. But I had no choice." She repeated softly, "I had no choice."

He stared down onto his drawn-up knees, unsure how to reply. In a low voice he said, "I could never hate you, Liz. I was angry and I was confused. I was hurt. I was devastated. But deep down inside I felt you had not meant what you had said and done. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking on my part. But I was right, wasn't I?"

He locked gazes with Liz again. "I'm not sure I can forgive you just yet. But I do love you and that will never change." Before he stood up, he gently moved a few stray hairs from out of her face. He whispered, "Goodbye, Liz," before he climbed down the fire escape.

...----...----...--

Liz sat on her window sill a while longer. Now she knew why she loved Max Evans, more than anything in the world. And now more than ever. He was willing to make this big personal sacrifice for her. And she had finally been able to tell Max what had been eating her up for the past two months.

She felt happier than she had expected to ever feel again. Maybe there was hope for a better future yet, a better future than the 14-year-older Max had experienced, a better future than she had envisioned for herself. She stood up. For the first time in weeks, she took her journal out of its hiding place and started writing: I'm Liz Parker and today I feel like I was brought back to life for a second time...

--...----...----...--

THE END.