When we lose one we love, our bitterest tears are called forth
by the memory of hours when we loved not enough.
DECEMBER 19, 2021
Match watched Alec from across the room and felt a chill pass through her. He was running through a series of hand-to-hand combat manoeuvres with a group of X6's and his tone, posture and mannerisms reminded her a little too much of the drill sergeants back at Manticore. He expression lacked emotion, his voice was brusque and cold as he reprimanded a soldier for being unable to keep up with the rest of class, and his skin was pale and drawn. Strung out looking. Unwell.
Match couldn't understand the sudden transformation. When he left his apartment, Alec had been so enthusiastic about confronting Max at last, and eager to extend the olive branch. So how did things go so wrong?
She watched her friend across the room as he stood over a young soldier and ordered him to perform press-ups before his group. Three hundred of them. This wasn't Alec. This was the embodiment of pure, unadulterated Manticore. Even 494 had possessed more soul.
Once again she asked herself, how did things go so wrong?
--- flashback ---
There was no awkwardness between them when they awoke tangled within each other's arms. It was as if this was the natural procession of things - or would be, if Alec wasn't so obviously in love with Max.
"Sweet dreams?" Match pulled away from Alec to watch his face. His smile was bittersweet.
"Well, I dreamt about the past, so it was kinda sweet and sour."
She heard a rumble from his stomach and laughed as he purred, "Mmmm.. Starving... I could go some sweet and sour pork right now…"
Springing out of bed as she was about to nestle her head back down, Alec pulled Match to her feet and exclaimed, "Hey, I'll go on a supply run today and see if I can find us something to eat other than rice, and Joshua's infamous mac 'n' cheese. Variety is after all, the spice of life, and both life and our menu are lacking in spice and variety lately."
Without waiting for her reply, he searched the floor for his clothes, eventually realising they were in the dresser beside his bed. Scratching his head in puzzlement, he turned back to Match.
"Hey... Did you tidy my room?"
She followed his eyes around the unusually clean floor. "Couldn't sleep. Besides, didn't they teach you to look after your belongings in Manticore?"
Alec shrugged and winked. "Yeah well, I like to go against the grain."
--- end flashback ---
Aware of Max's presence by the sudden temperature drop in the room, Match snapped out of her thoughts and watched her as she stood in the doorway and gaped at the sight of Alec. She knew it was irrational, but she wanted to blame her for this. If she hadn't loaded Alec with so much guilt over who he was and who he had once been, maybe this wouldn't have happened. She wanted to hate the girl for criticising him so much. But most of all, she wanted to hate her for claiming Alec's heart when there were others out there who would treat it far kinder. Right now, she could barely maintain her rage. Especially when she thought of Alec's blind optimism regarding his little X5.
--- flashback ---
"Max is a difficult girl to get to know." Alec laughed at his own understatement. "It took months of trying to prove myself to her, before she stopped lamenting the day she kept my head from exploding."
Match raised her eyebrows in disbelief, unable to understand why he persevered for so long. "Didn't her relationship with Logan discourage you just a little?"
The corner of Alec's mouth turned up and his eyebrows furrowed together as he considered the question.
"Hey, I never said I loved her on first sight, I just wanted her to realise I wasn't the big bad wolf. Max and Logan were an old married couple - always rubbing against each other like flint and stone, but without enough spark to ignite the wood."
He grinned at his analogy before continuing. "Sometimes it seemed like she wanted to be free of him, but didn't know how. He was the family that'd come to replace her lost siblings. How do ya say goodbye to that?"
Having developed a strong 'family' mentality herself in Manticore, Match could understand. She just wondered if Max would ever be able to let go of Logan for good.
As if reading her mind, Alec added, "Part of her will always love Logan, part of her will never let go. But since being in Terminal City amid her own kind, she's beginning to accept herself at last - in a way she never could with Logan. And it's a part of her that he'll never be able to understand, no matter how much he tries."
Alec stood up from the couch and walked towards the door. Pausing as he reached for the handle, he turned back to look at Match with a smile. "And you know what? Since Max has realised this - she's finally begun to accept me."
"I hope so Alec."
Match gave him a small smile as he walked out the door, but her heart wasn't in it. For his sake, she hoped he was right. But why did she have such a bad feeling?
--- end flashback ---
Feeling the need to redeem her friend for whatever ill deed he had or had not done in Max's eyes, Match strode towards the petite X5, allowing herself to feed off the fires of anger in anticipation of their confrontation.
494 shifted his gaze from the young soldiers before him and briskly wiped a hand across his forehead. His skin felt slightly clammy, and the headache had turned to a consistent and jarring throb. He struggled to compartmentalise the pain - to block it out. X5s did not get sick. He had to concentrate on the task at hand; During the past several months, the soldiers had become sloppy in their training. It was time to put things back in order. It was their duty to themselves if not to each other.
A movement across the warehouse caught 494's eye and for a brief moment he watched 479 approach 452. Something reached out at him from the edge of his awareness, a feeling that he should…
494 frowned, unable to finish the thought. The pain in his head tripled at the effort and for a brief moment he swayed on his feet. Struggling to force away the pain, he returned his attention to the double row of soldiers who stood before him in perfect formation. The ache lessened, and he continued his lecture on the importance of knowing your enemy. 479 and 452 forgotten.
From her peripheral vision, Max noticed a person come to stand beside her with a head of flaming red hair. She felt her body involuntarily stiffen and she drew herself taller.
"What the hell did you say to him Max?"
Match's voice seethed with rage as she fought to contain her emotions.
Max had almost expected a confrontation from Alec's girlfriend at some point. She'd noticed the way Alec was acting across the room, but couldn't see how it could be her fault. The girl was obviously just looking for an argument, and Max had no intention of biting the bait.
"I've got ten years of training on you, so don't play games!" Match grabbed Max and swung her round. "Now tell me. What. Did. You. Say."
Flinging Max backwards, Match felt her fury grow at the sight of the expressionless face before her.
"Why should he care what I have to say anyway? He's got you now!" Max hissed her reply through clenched teeth, trying to keep her voice down so as not to draw attention.
"Alec and I are just friends. He's too blinded by you to even see anyone else." Match's efforts hold back her fists were growing dim, how oblivious was this girl?
"If that's so true, why have you been shoving your ass in his face like a cat in heat?"
"I think your perception's somewhat distorted by your blind jealousy. I won't even try explaining the definition of friendship. You're obviously incapable of understanding."
Their voices were raising higher now, as they argued in oblivion to those in the hall who were turning their attention away from the current tasks, and to the conflict unfolding between the two girls.
The X6's were ignoring him. 494 couldn't believe it. Had they spent so much time out of Manticore, that they'd forgotten the consequences of such ignorance?
He followed the direction of their stares. The two X5 females he had observed earlier, 479 and 452, were arguing openly now.
Growing impatient by the scene before him, 494 strode towards the two girls. They'd interrupted his training enough.
Max turned towards Alec as he approached, but as she opened her mouth to speak her words promptly died in her throat. Alec looked unwell, feverish even. But what struck her most of all was the hazel eyes which radiated a detachment so chilling, it caused an involuntary shudder to run down her spine. In that instant, she couldn't help but compare him to the embodiment of his twin, Ben.
Stepping forward, her eyes flickering cautiously between Match and the man who had come to a half before her, Max posed the question she figured all in the room were wondering. "Alec, what the hell's wrong with you? You look like you woke up on the wrong side of a cliff ledge!"
Glancing at her without a trace of emotion, Alec turned to fix Match with the same void stare. "You two are going to be spending some time in isolation for this little stunt."
Match turned towards Max with eyes pleading for her to do something - say something. Snap him out of this madness.
"What the hell are you on about?" Max all but laughed aloud, thinking his behavious some kind of joke. "This isn't you! This isn't even 494! Alec, what's happening to you?"
Alec's hand snaked out and grabbed her by the throat. Ignoring the other girl who had run forward to try and break the deadly hold, his face remained unmoving as he slowly squeezed Max's windpipe.
Somewhere in his mind, he heard commotion, but he didn't register where it was coming from or why. Nor did he care. The pain in his head was nearly blinding him now, crushing down upon him until he was unaware that he squeezed the girl's throat all the harder, just in effort to hold in a scream.
And then suddenly Alec's mind exploded in pain so sharp and clear, his entire world faded into black. The darkness took away everything, and he knew nothing else.
December 20, 2021
"Is he going to wake up?"
All eyes turned to Match at OC's question.
She looked towards Max who stared at her with such concern in her eyes, she couldn't help but feel empathy for the girl.
"I don't know. Without the right medical equipment, I can't be sure how much damage has been done."
He'd been out cold all night and was yet to so much as twitch a muscle. The rise and fall of his chest, and steady pulse were the only indications he was even alive.
"But his heartbeat is strong. I guess the boy just needs a break from it all."
"But he did break. And it's all my fault. I should've noticed something was wrong" Max softly whispered the words as she stroked his forehead, willing him to open his eyes and be Alec again.
"No no, it's mine… my fault. I didn't mean to hit him so hard! I'm sorry!" Joshua paused in his dog-like whimpers to utter the apology before sinking his chin deep towards his chest in sorrow once more.
"Hey doggy-dog, it's okay" OC moved to draw him into a hug, holding in the tears herself as she absorbed her transhuman friend's grief. "You saved Max's life."
He didn't answer her, and OC looked over his shoulder at Max, her eyebrows raised in concern.
Numbly, Max looked down at Alec laid out so peacefully on Joshua's mattress. He appeared so content, she could almost convince herself the past few days had never happened. If only it weren't for the huge swollen bruise on the side of his head and the growing panic as the hours stretched on and on and he still wouldn't awaken.
She looked to Match who sat on his other side and gave her a small smile. After the briefest hesitation, the girl returned the smile and reached forward to pick up one of Alec's limp hands, her face turning expressionless as she tried to shut out her concern.
Max stood and walked over to Joshua, placing a hand on his shoulder and causing him to look up at her. He released OC and stepped back, hanging his head in shame. "I'm sorry…"
Feeling herself crack beneath Joshua's guilt - guilt that was hers to bear, not his, Max wrapped her arms around him and soothed back his long unruly mane of hair as he began to silently sob into her shoulder. The poor boy loved Alec and truly believed he had killed him. For hours now, no one had been able to convince him otherwise. Max gave up on words, she realised by now that words only got her into trouble. Instead, she held him and hoped that by doing so, she could sooth away his pain - and her own.
Joshua's whimpering finally began to subside and she closed her eyes against his shoulder, allowing herself to fall into her own grief. Facing away from the others, Max felt tears slip down her face as the fear of Alec's condition closed in on her.
How could she allow things to escalate to this? While she'd been busy trying to make him jealous and indulging in her own jealousy over his friendship with Match, she'd failed to realise something else was bothering him. Something seriously wrong.
Max felt Joshua's arms tighten around her, and reminded herself she was meant to be comforting him, not vice versa. She pulled away and forced a smile. She wanted nothing more then to return to Alec's side, but she needed to draw her friend out of his pain, she couldn't bear to see him suffer any longer.
"Hey Josh, how bout you show me some of your latest artwork huh?"
Joshua smiled back uncertainly, his eyes still haunted much the way they had been after Annie's death.
"It's not your fault. Honestly. And Alec will be bouncing to his feet in no time!"
Joshua thought of the sculpture he had been designing for his two favourite X5's for the past week now. Looking towards Alec's still form once more, he hesitated a moment, unsure of what to do.
"Okay, well…"
Max pushed a bit further, seeing him slowly begin to give in. "Come on. Whatcha got for me?"
" I'll show you."
Joshua led her out of the room and into his 'studio' overlooking Terminal City. He turned to his friend and ushered her over to the table where a small sculpture was perched in the middle of it. It was certainly something. Max just wasn't sure what.
"It's um… it's great Joshua."
He grinned like a proud child, "Do you know what it is?"
Max sighed with a smile. "I have no idea."
His grin widened as he continued to wait expectantly. She took a closer look. It was like a twisting mass of… wax. Colours melded together before drifting apart, and she found that if she stared hard enough, she could begin to recognise a shape - a pattern - a thought process. Initially, the sculpture seemed as if it were some kind of joke, but the closer she looked the more she realised it wasn't a joke, but in fact a complex riddle. A contradiction of itself. The twisted object had a lonely feeling to it, as if it were some how incomplete. Max frowned a little more, realising there was much more to Joshua's art then would meet the eye, but just as she thought she understood what lay before her; the feeling shifted. And realisation was lost once more.
Curious now by this illusion, Max stepped even closer, turning her head at different angles, trying to catch a glimpse of it's meaning once again. Sighing finally in impatience and defeat, she stepped back and shook her head. And then it came to her.
"Is it Alec?"
"Bingo!" Joshua jumped on the spot and laughed with unadulterated delight. "And now - this."
He took hold of her shoulders and led her to another sculpture similar to the last. Max crinkled her brow in thought. Once she recovered from the apparently random crevices and smears, the wax began to weave a tale within its twists and turns. It evoked within her feelings she longed to run from, but could never escape. Anger and fear, hostility and loneliness, all churned within her.
"Oh god. It's me…"
Joshua nodded and then placed the two sculptures together on the table, side by side. Max didn't understand until he inched them closer to each other until they met. And then she realised the artistic skill of his creations. When placed together, these two seemingly erratic halves fitted exactly, making the perfect whole.
"See Max. Apart equals alone. Sad. Incomplete. But together equals happy and complete. Understand? Max and Alec have to be together."
Max nodded slowly, almost in disbelief. "But I ju- "
"Hey."
A voice interrupted her reply from the doorway. She turned sharply to find OC leaning against the frame with a broad smile on her face.
"Your boy's woken up."
