TaraYuki-Uesugi here. I'm so happy. I got this chapter out the day I wanted. Right before Ostara! I couldnt think of an ending that's what took so long. I just want to tell you that this is very conversational.So you'll see alot of "whatcha' doin'" instead of "What are you doing?" and such. It's very Tatsuha in my opinion.It's how i wanted to portray him. there are some more poetic points and some normal convo points. They cross each other.please tell me whatcha think lol Well I hope you enjoy. And to all the pagans out there, have a very Blessed Oatara!
Disclaimer: No,I don't own Gravitation. Boo-Hoo
And now...on with the show...
Thank the Gods for cold showers. I stand under the silver shower head as the freezing cold water beats down on my body. Calming not only nerves but certain parts of my anatomy as well, if you know what I mean. It's a good thing Shuichi didn't see me. I ran past him so fast. I doubt he would have anyway, he was still half asleep. Thirty minutes, that's how long i've have been in the shower. Shuichi has that effect on me. I dry off and dress. With one last run through my hair with the towel, I toss the it in the hamper on my way out.
Something smells great. Aniki must be awake. If Shu were cooking, the house would reek of smoke. He's so cute. Last week I watched him try to cook without him knowing it. He's adorable when he tries to concentrate. Eventually, like always, he cut himself and I had an excuse to tend to his wounds.
"Aniki, whatcha cookin' ?" I ask my brother. Shuichi's not in the kitchen.
"You'll find out when you eat it" he says. I decided not to push the matter. It's not good to annoy Eiri in the morning.
"Yuki!" I hear Shu call from the bedroom. "What!" Eiri calls back. "I need a towel. Can you pass me one?"
Eiri groans but I see the small smirk he has on his face. "Watch this" he says to me, abandoning the miso soup on the stove and leaving the kitchen
"No! Why should I !" he calls to Shuichi.
"YUKI!"
Eiri tries to hide it but I see how he acts when he's around Shuichi. He's head over heels in love. I don't care how much he denies it. That's the only reason why I havn't made a move on Shu. Because of Eiri. Shuichi has brought light back into my brother's world. Something no other could do, not even me.
I remember the day Eiri left for New York. I was about ten. At the airport I cried so hard. I had never been away from him for a long period of time and then all of a sudden he was leaving for two years. See, before the "incident" Eiri and I were real close. We're close now, but it's different. We're not as open as before. Anyway, Eiri used to pick me up after school, we'd play video games for hours on end, he used to tell me stories he made up , it was great. But then everything changed.
I remember the day Eiri came back. Excited didn't even describe how I felt. But my dad and Mika wouldn't let me meet him at the airport. When they brought him home, they took him straight to his bedroom and wouldn't let me see him. I didn't understand why. No one would tell me anything. I asked Tohma and he told me that something bad had happened, that I was too young to understand and that at the moment, Eiri needed to rest.
Everyone believed I was this innocent child that couldn't understand anything. They obviously didn't realize that having a brother six years older than you exposed you to alot of things at a very young age. By eight I knew about sex and rape, by nine I knew about homosexuality, by ten I began fooling around with girls and by thirteen I lost my virginity. I knew a hell of alot for my age. But of course, no one knew this but Eiri.
Anyway, the first night I was determined to find out what had exactly happened to my brother. Lucky for me, that night Tohma went into full detail about what happened with my dad and Mika over tea. My brother was raped by his tutor and some thugs and he killed them.
Words can not describe how angry I was. I was ready to kill Yuki Kitazawa with my bare hands, but then I remembered Eiri had taken care of that already. I was angry at first but then reality set in and I cried. I cried for a long time that night. I cried for Eiri and I cried for myself. I cried becuse this...person...this Yuki Kitazawa permenantly fucked up my brother. He took him away from me.But most of all, I cried because I knew my brother, my only brother, would never again be the Eiri I had grown up with.
I remember Eiri didn't talk for a long time after he came home. Months. He wouldn't talk to dad, Mika, not even me. The only time we ever actually heard his voice was when he would scream in the middle of the night due to nightmares. A blood curdling scream that could freeze hell.
The Gods only knew how much I wanted to make Yuki Kitazawa suffer like Eiri was suffering. One bullet to the head is nothing compared to what Eiri had been going through. Nothing. But I learned to control my anger. That was around the same time I started traning to be a monk. I controlled my anger but that didn't mean my feelings changed. I swear, that asshole had better be thanking Eiri that he killed him the way he did. Cuz if he were still alive, I would have hunted him down and tortured him to no end. That is, if I would have even gotten a chance. I'm sure Tohma would want a piece of the action too. But one can only dream.
Eventually Eiri did speak. And the first person he spoke to? Me. He just walked into my room one day and said "Hey". I was shocked at first but I responded. His eyes were cold and his voice ice, but I appreciated it all the same. We never spoke of the "incident" or why he didn't speak for so long, even though I know, he knows that I know what happened. He never told me stories again nor did we ever play video games. But he did pick me up after school everyday. After what happened, for some odd reason Eiri began to fight alot, so of course I followed my big brother and fought alot too. We used to jump people we didn't like together. We were close again, but it was different.
But now that he's with Shuichi, I see traces of the old Eiri coming back. He talks more, his emotions are readable and he even smiles sometimes. I know he says he hates me visiting on weekends but everytime I ask he doesnt say no. Though I think it would be different if he knew the real reason for me staying over.
That's why I can't do anything with Shu. As bad as I want to, I dont want to be another person that hurts him. I dont want to betray him. I dont want to be another Yuki Kitazawa. He's my brother. I want him happy. But at the same time, I dont know how much longer I can hold out either.
"Damn brat" Eiri snaps "Can't you focus?" I look up at him and realize that he's talking to me. He points at the stove. The miso soup is boiling over. "Oops" He rolls his eyes and resumes cooking.
"When are you going to quit annoying me and stop coming every weekend?"
Eiri translation: "Tell me when you're not coming anymore cuz I like when you're around"
"As soon as I find the right college"
"Why don't you stay with Mika and Tohma?"
Eiri Translation: "Tell me how much cooler I am compared to our annoying ass sister and her nosy ass husband"
"Because you're so way cooler"
"Hnn"
Score! That's another weekend I can stay. Maybe even for the week vacation thats coming up.
"Tatsuha can come over anytime he wants. Leave him alone" I love when Shuichi comes to my defence.
"Well I dont actually see you looking for a school to attend" Eiri says to me .
Shit. I'd better start stoping by some colleges or something and picking up some pamphlets. That's been my excuse for visiting the last three weekends. College. Sure I've still got two more years but it's never too early, right?
"Ive spoken to the schools and they're holding some information for me. I'm going to pick it up today" Wow, thats a good lie. Eiri seems satisfied. "Shu, you wanna come? Maybe afterwards we can go hang out somewhere" I say with a shrug.
"Sorry. No can do. I've got work today. We're putting the finishing touches on a few tracks before the album goes to print"
Shit.
"But I'll be on vacation all next week"
Hmmm.
"Can I go with you Shu-chan?"
"What about school, idiot?" Eiri says.
"And miss out on a chance to see Ryuichi? I dont think so . I'll pick it up tomorrow"
My second excuse, Ryuichi Sakuma. Before I fell in love with Shuichi, I "loved" Ryuichi. But now, to me, he doesnt even compare. Shuichi has taken complete control of my heart.
"Tomorrow is sunday moron" My brother reminds me .
"Well then I guess I'll have an excuse to visit next weekend" I smile.
"Go home"
Shu and I laugh. "Yeah, you can come. Ryu should be recording today as well." Shu smiles at me. He looks at his watch. "But we should really get going now. Sorry Yuki but I dont have time for breakfast today"
"So why the hell am I up?" I hear my brother say. He is so trying to be annoyed. It's amusing.
"Oh, I'm sorry Yuki" Shu says as he wraps his arms around my brother's neck. I avert my eyes. I hate it when they get like this. It makes me so jealous. "I promise I'll make it up to you."
"You'd better"
I can hear them kissing. Ugh!
Enough.
"Alright love birds, break it up. Shu, I'm sure you dont want a bullet to the head, right?"
"Oh yeah. Lets go" He pecks my brother on the lips and rushes to the door to put on his shoes.
"See ya later, bro" I say as my brother leaves the kitchen. He's making his way to his study to sit in front of that damn laptop for hours on top of hours. That ain't normal. I dont care if it is his profession, it just ain't right.
"Hnnn"
I head to the front door and slip into my shoes. "Ready to go?" I ask. Shu smiles and nods.We leave the apartment. Down the elevator and out the front door.
I love this time with Shuichi. Just the two of us, alone for an hour. Thirty minutes walking there and thirty minutes back. I like being in his company. Around Shuichi I feel as though I can be myself. Since I've been staying over alot lately, we've been getting closer. I feel really comfortable around him. He's so honest and he never judges me even if I do something he doesnt agree with. The more I'm around him, the more things I find to love.
"So the album's almost finished, huh?" I ask trying to make conversation.
"Yeah. After today it's done. I can't wait. I'm so looking forward to the week off"
"Yeah, I'm sure you are. K works you guys like crazy" he nods. "I have this week off too. Holiday break of some sort"
"That's cool. Any plans?"
"No, not really. I'm gonna be bored outta my mind. You?"
"I dunno. I just wanna catch up on some time with Yuki"
There goes me trying to invite myself over. I nod and smile.
"I'm so tired. Last night was fun but I shouldn't have stayed up so late"
"Yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't know you had work today"
"It's ok. Can we play again tonight? I dont have work tomorrow"
"Yeah sure. But this time I pick what game first"
"Aww man. Fine"
Last night we were bored so we went to Toys ' R' Us and bought a bunch of board games to keep us busy. I don't think we went to bed until three in the morning.
"So when are you going to ask Ryuichi out on a date?" he asks me with a smirk.
"Shut up. He doesn't want me" And I don't want him.
"I dunno. You never know, you just might have a chance"
"Nah, I doubt it. Besides, I'm kinda crushin' on someone else now." Shit! How the hell did that slip out! Stupid, stupid. I realize Shuichi isn't walking with me. I look back, he's frozen staring at me in shock. His eyes wide and mouth open.
"What?" I ask.
"Someone other than Ryuichi! I never would have thought the day would come!"
"Shut up" I turn and begin to walk. He jogs and catches up to me.
"So who is it?" he asks, playfully nudging my arm with his elbow. "I'm not telling you" I say, playfully shoving him away. "Come on Tatsuha, I wont tell anyone. Not even Yuki" He's pouting and flashing me with those beautiful, big eyes. The Gods only know how badly I want to tell him. But I won't. I can't. There's no point. It will just make things complicated and it'll hurt him. He doesn't love me, he loves my brother.
"No"
"Please please PLEASE!'
"Fine, I'll tell you" We stop and I beckon him toward me. "But you have to promise not to tell anyone, ok?" I whisper. "Ok" he says softly and nods. He's so gulible. Like a child. Adorable. I lean into his ear and I can smell his shampoo. Cotton Candy. So sweet. I close my eyes and I get lost in his scent. My Gods he smells so good. No wonder Eiri is always pulling him close. His smell is intoxicating.I almost forgot to speak. But I don't want to move. But I have to.
"It's a secret" I whisper and reluctantly pull away.
"Tatsuha!" he yells and slaps my arm. I laugh, the scent of his shampoo still tickling my nose. We continue to walk. I'm still laughing and he's still pouting. I calm down.
"It's probably me" he says with a smirk and I know he's joking. He couldnt lie even if his life depended on it.
"You wish" I say. He stops walking again. I turn to face him.
"What's that supposed to mean? People say I look like Ryuichi all the time. It could very well be me. I made People magazines' 100 most beautiful people last year" He yells looking a little flustered. It kinda bothers me that he thinks I would only be attracted to him because he resembles Ryuichi. To me, they are two completely different people. When I first met Shuichi, I did notice the resemblence. But now, to me, they look nothing alike. To me, Ryuichi doesn't even compare.
He's pouting again. I smile. "Like I said, you wish" I turn and start walking again.
"Shut up!" He runs up and pushes me in my back then takes off running down the street.
"You are so gonna pay for that, you little brat!" I call after him with a smile and I take off after him. We run all the way to N-G. Outside the tall office building, we're panting, trying to catch our breath. "Tell me" Shu says breathlessly.
"Over my...dead body" I reply. We look at each other for a second and then we laugh.
"I ...can't...breathe" Shu says still laughing. He lays his head on my shoulder. Ok, Now I can't breathe! I turn my head the slightest to the left and for the second time in thirty minutes, my nose is filled with the scent of his hair. I close my eyes. Sweet. He removes his head and I snap back to reality."C'mon" he says. "I'd better deal with K's wrath while I'm in a good mood." He rushes through the revolving doors and into N-G productions. I take a deep breath to regain my composure, trying to calm down my now growing erection, and follow suit.
We take the elevator to the fifteenth floor and enter the room labeled "Bad Luck". We're immediately greeted with gunfire.I'm used to this by now so it doesn't bother me anymore. Shuichi should be used to it, seeing as he comes even more than I do, but he still runs around like a maniac everytime K shoots at him.
"I'm sorry K! I woke up late because yesterday Tatsuha was like "I'm bored" and I said "What should we do?" and he said "Let's buy some games" , so we went to Toys 'R' Us and..." I step in front of Shuichi to shield him from K's gun fire. "We were up all night playing games so he woke up late" I explain. Shu is so long winded.
K lowered his gun. "Thanks Tat-kun for shutting him up" Suguru says. I take a seat on the couch near the wall "No prob"
"Idiot" Hiro says as he lightly hits Shuichi on the head."You know we have lots to get done today" Shuichi's so cute. He holds his head as though he is in a severe amount of pain. "Sorry Hiro" he says softly. Hiro smiles and pulls him into a one armed hug. "Lets just get back to work, ok?" Shu nods, apparently back to normal and runs off into the recording booth.
I know Hiro had or still has a thing for Shuichi. I can tell by the way he looks at him. I don't care if he is with Ayaka, he loves Shuichi. But I'm not jealous of Hiro because I know no matter how much he loves Shu, he'll never make a move on him. Thats just the type of guy he is.He wouldn't want to ruin their friendship.Hiro's a good guy. I'm so glad Shu has him as a best friend. He always takes care of him and puts Shuichi's happiness first.
As a matter of fact, the first time I met Hiro he was trying to make Shuichi happy, as usual. That's when he wanted me to dress up as Eiri for some show they were doing, to motivate him. All for Ryuichi's cell phone number. Ahhh the things I did for Ryuichi back then...Anyway, when I saw him at the door, I was totally attracted to him. He's so damn pretty. At first I thought he was a chick. I so woulda did him, but whatever.My point is Hiro is a great guy. I like him alot.
At the moment I'm glad Ryuichi isn't here. When he's around, I have to act as though I'm obsessed with him. It gets tiring. I'd rather sit back, relax and watch Shu-chan record. His voices always make me feel calm. The door opens.
I spoke too soon.
"HELLO!"
Well, here we go...
"Sakuma-san!" I squeel as I stand.
Ryuichi gasps. "Tat-chan!"
Please someone shoot me.
Three seconds later, I'm on the floor and going deaf.
"Tat-chan!" he yells at the top of his lungs again. "I havn't seen you in forever! Me and Kumagoro have missed you" Is it me or was I not just here last weekend?
"I missed you and Kuma-chan too, Sakuma-san!" I yell. He climbs off of me -I can now breathe- and he starts glomping everyone else in the damn room.
Now don't get me wrong, I love Ryuichi. He's a great person. We've had some really good conversations when he loses the child act and ditches the damn bunny, but sometimes his personality can be a little hard to take. He can be so intense and sometimes I don't feel like dealing with it. Like now.
"I'm going to head to the bathroom" I say to the room over my shoulder as I make my way to the door. I see them all look at me bewildered at the fact that I would leave the room while Ryuichi is there. " I'll be right back" I walk to the bathroom down the hall and enter. Might as well piss while I'm here. After I'm done I walk over to the sink and as I wash my hands I look at myself in the mirror. I look like shit. I didn't sleep at all last night. After Shuichi went to bed, I couldnt sleep. I love seeing him happy and smiling. While we were playing the games, it took all of my power to pay attention and not stare at him. "My Gods, Shuichi, what are you doing to me?" I say aloud to my reflection.I splash some water on my face.
I start fooling around with my hair, stalling so I wont have to see Ryuichi. After about fifteen minutes, I make my way back to the studio. I open the door. Yes, no Ryu. "Ryuichi's left" Shuichi informs me. Thank the Gods. "He said he'll stop by a little later" Shit. I smile. "Ok" I take a seat on the couch and watch as Shuichi sings his heart out into the mic.
It's quite late when we leave the studio. Like 9 o'clock or something.We say goodbye to everyone and start heading home. Today was a good day. Ryuichi only came to visit Bad Luck's studio two more times. Then I was left alone to watch Shuichi perform. We're walking home now. Shu looks a little lost in thought. "What are you thinking about?" I ask him . He looks at me as though he's just noticing that i'm there. He shrugs.
"I dunno. You know, I love Yuki so much, but I always wonder if we'll always be together."
"What do you mean ?" I ask.
"Well, I've never had anyone other than Yuki but Yuki has had many lovers."
"And?"
"Well, what if Yuki decides he wants to go to back to someone he's dated before?"
I smile. He is completely worried about nothing. "I'm pretty sure that's not gonna happen." Apparently Shuichi doesn't see how crazy my brother is about him.
"Yeah, well you dont know that for sure" He says looking at me with those beauitiful eyes.
"Yes, I do"
He shugs and lowers his gaze to the pavement. "But what about me?" This seems interesting. "What do you mean?" I ask.
"I mean, I've never been with anyone other than Yuki. What if someone comes and swifts me off my feet? What if I fall in love with someone else? I mean, I love Eiri more than anything in the world but, you never know."
I'm shocked. I totally wasn't expecting that.I play it cool. "Is there someone you've got your eye on or something?" I ask.
"Well, no, but..." I knew it was too good to be true.
"Then what do you have to worry about? You love Eiri, and although Eiri is as cold as ice, we know he loves you too. So why dwell on something that isn't effecting you at the moment? I doubt you and Eiri will ever be apart so stop stressing, ok?" My Gods that was hard. If he were anyone else I would have hit on him, but I can't bring myself to do it. Not when I know it would hurt him...and my brother. I just can't.
He looks at me and smiles." You're right. I love Eiri and I know I will never love another" My heart drops but I continue to smile "I have nothing to worry about" A confirmation of what I already knew. Now it's my turn to look upset. Luckily Shu doesn't notice.
"So what game are you picking to play first?" I light up a bit.
"You'll see" I say with a smile and he smiles back at me.
"Alright, Twister!" Shu says with a smile. Alright so I was thinking about myself, but hey. "Ready?" I ask as I lay out the mat. "Yeah!"
"Alright Shu, Left foot red!" I say as I spin the spinner. Can you think of a better excuse to get real close to someone you love? I dont think so.
"Right hand yellow"
"Oh shit this is hard!"
" Ahh Shu I can't reach the spinner you're gonna have to do it."
"Ok, uh, right foot blue. Ah Tatsuha i'm about to fall !"
"Alright go ahead and fall. If you do, I win"
"No way! I'm never gonna fall!"
"Alright, alright spin again!"
"Left hand green"
"Oh shit!"
"Ahhhhh!"
We topple over and Shuichi lands on top of me right between my legs. We're both completely red and out of breath. Panting heavy, we look at each other and start laughing.That was so much fun. But as they say, "all good things must come to an end".
"For fucks sake, will you two shut the hell up!" There's my brother. Always the party pooper "It's two in the fucking morning !"
"Sorry Yuki" Shu says still smiling from our laughing fit. He climbs off of me " We didn't know what time it was. We were having so much fun, we didn't mean..."
"I don't care what you didn't mean. I've got work to do Shuichi!" Eiri retaliates and whatever bit of smile that was left on Shu's face, is now completely gone."Since you didn't mean it, you can sleep on the couch while I finish" he says and Shu's face completely falls. I can't let him do this.
"Eiri come on, we said we're sorry. We'll just..."
"You shut up" he turns on his heel, walks into his bedroom and slams the door shut. Shu turns to me and smiles a weak smile.I don't know what to say. His smile is full of sadness. He gets up and walks to the bedroom door . He knocks and then enters, closing the door behind him.
I love my broher. I really do. And i'm glad that he has Shuichi to make him happy, but when he talks to Shuichi like that, it seriously pisses me the fuck off. Eiri speaks to him sometimes like he's his child, not his lover. Sometimes I don't think Eiri knows how much he hurts him. Shuichi right now is completely hurt. It's times like these that I think my brother doesn't deserve Shuichi. It's times like these that I have to control myself and not jump all over Shu. I want to make him happy. I want to be the one that keeps that beautiful smile on his face. Me, not Eiri. Eiri just erases it. Completely breaks him down. I want to be the one to rebuild him and keep him up. I want to be the reason he smiles constantly !
But then I snap back to reality. It's not gonna happen. He's not mine. He doesn't love me. Damnit, now i'm depressed. I get up, pack away the game and head off to the guest room, affectionately called my room. I look at myself in the dresser mirror. My Gods, I still look like shit. Whatever, I dont care. As I pull my shirt over my head, I hear a knock at the door. It's opens and Shu pops his head in.
"Hey" he says faking a smile. "Hey" I reply. He makes his way in and stops a few feet from the door. He stands there playing with the hem of his shirt. "Um, thanks for taking up for me. Yuki can... you know, i'm sorry he yelled at you"
"Why are you apologizing for his actions? It's no big deal" Shu nods.
"Well yeah, goodnight" He starts to leave and I know where he's going.
"Where ya going?" I ask as he starts to close the door. His face falls.
"Uh, I think i'm going to go watch some t.v. " he says with a smile. Liar. I sigh.
"Look why don't you just stay in here with me. This way you wont be lonely" I can't let him sleep on the couch. Damn you Eiri.
"Uh...no... I dont think..."
"Come on. We can even play a quiet game. Do you know how to play chess?" He lifts his head and his face has that glow that it normally has. He smiles and shakes his head 'no'. "Well then i'll teach you. It's a quiet game so we won't be disturbing Eiri." Shuichi smiles and jumps onto my bed. "And you can sleep in here with me tonight" he looks up at me and blushes. He knows I knew he was going to sleep on the couch . "Thanks " he says softly. "Yeah, yeah . Turn your head pervert.I need to change into my pj's " Shuichi laughs and covers his eyes. Maybe my brother being an asshole worked out for the better in the end anyway.
End of Chapter 2
End of Chapter two. And I got it out on the day I planned lol YAY!I do hope you enjoy. I'm liking the direction this is going in. I actually finished the last chapter. It's completely done. AllI have to do is type it up. Now all i have to do is think of what happens in the middle. I've even come up with a sequel and a Thrid part! Isnt that hilarious! It would be a Trinity! lol but i'm not sure if I'm going to actually write them. i'll ask you guys once this one is done. Look at me, making more work for myself before i can even finish what i have lol.
Now I hope I portrayed how much Ryuichi is in Tatsuha's past. I dont want it to seem as though he like completely hates him but I want you to see that he doesnt love him anymore. And the whole thing with Tatsuah dressing up as Eiri happened in the manga. Book6 i think. If you havn't read it, try to cuz it's hilarious! And thats the real reason why Eiri tells the media they are dating.Not like how it happened in the anime. I also wanted to paint a picture of Eiri and Tatsuha's past together. I hopeI did an ok job. If i'm not mistaken Yuki WAS NOT raped by Kitazawa(atleast thats what they say in the manga. Eiri says "The attack wasn't that bad. He didn't get that far.It's in book 7 after their date) but i think he was raped by those guys he hired. He was fucked up mostfrom Yuki's betrayal.I hope I portrayed Tatsuha's hatred for Kitazawa too. As you can see this is loosely based on the manga. i do use certain scenes but i don't think i will anymore.
Next Chapter Tatsuha and Shu are together for the week they both have off.
Well See you soon and Happy Ostara!
Until Next time...
Zaijian
