…Kai's POV…

It's dark… or I'm just surrounded by nothingness. Am I dead? Sadly I don't think so… I think I still feel alive. I hear whispering, soft whispering coming from some distant place but I ignore it… what use would listening get me… I'm supposed to be dead... no,I want to be dead. I look around though there's nothing to see when you're surrounded by nothingness and for some reason it doesn't seem to bother me.

I walk with no destination, scarcely remembering how I came to be in this state... All I can remember is the ambulance staff… they were trying to stop me, to keep me tied to the reality I was trying so hard to escape from, they didn't understand. Someone must have told them… someone must have found me to soon… but who's up that early in the morning? The only one besides Tala would be Kenny... but he should know not to disturb me… but what does it matter… he's attempts to save me wont work… I'm not going to wake up from this… whatever this is I don't care… it's the closest thing to escaping I can find when I'm not even allowed to take my own life.

I don't know why I wasn't just allowed to die, it's not as if I had any special purpose, I was just there. I've always been just there. I was an outcast, someone who just didn't fit the mould of the always-cheerful people around me. They're better off without me. I didn't belong there; I was an outsider, out of place among their happy activities. I was different, I didn't belong and I remember feeling as though I was an intruder who always seemed to cast a dark shadow on things. They'll be better off without me… it shouldn't be too long, they'll allow me to die sooner or later; they cant stop the inevitable no matter how hard they try to delay it. There's just nothing left for me there.

The darkness is fading and landscape appears, it looks familiar, even more so when I see Tala… and the whispering returns, slightly louder and the voice sounds familiar... I guess it's a memory I'm viewing… Tala looks much more younger, more glad to see me… I smile… can you smile when you're in coma? I guess it doesn't matter… this is just a memory after all, Tala's probably still at his apartment… still mad at me… wherever he is, whatever he's doing… I guess it doesn't matter anymore… he didn't understand. I guess he couldn't see… see how much he really meant to me… he couldn't see how deep my love for him was. Unrequited loves a bitch and I'd die sooner or later…

I keep walking as the nothingness returns until another memory appears. It's of Tala and I again, we're at the beach, just relaxing in the shade of the trees doing nothing in particular just being there. I wonder if he would remember what I told him… if he saw me how I am now would he be able to link it to that memory. The time where I let him in on how much I was enjoying just being here with him… how if I could, I would've stayed there with him for the rest of eternity… to fall into unconsciousness just to be able to constantly recall the times when everything was good… when everything was working out for me… a place where nothing could ruin that. Sadly I doubt he would… I doubt he would even be able to recall that time even if I did remind him. There's a voice in the background of the nothingness… a familiar voice calling out to me… I walk faster.

Kai?... Kai please... you have to snap out of this...

I wont wake up, I wont snap out of this because there's nothing left in the land of the living for me to return to… nothing… the only thing… the only one I wanted to be with has left me… Tala… he wants nothing to do with me… I guess I may have done this for him and not just myself… maybe… after all 'out of sight isout of mind' if I were to die he would forget about me, the hurt he felt when I left… I said I was sorry; I guess he doesn't care. Unrequited love is something I don't want to live with, something I don't think I could handle living with… so I chose not to live… tried to at least… the voice is back… it sounds as if its pleading, begging even… I shake my head; pathetic that someone would reduce themselves to that for me. Probably Kenny trying to do the impossible, though it doesn't sound like him… so who is it? Why amI so special to them that they'd beg for me to wake up?

Kai... please dont let it end like this... just wake up so i can talk to you...

I sigh in frustration, I don't understand why they just cant let me die, why people are so keen to play with peoples lives… do they think they're gods! That they can just come and choose whether I should live or die! I make my own choices; this one will be no different. They can try all they want… it will all end in failure, there's nothing left for me back there… he probably wont even notice… wont even care… he didn't on the phone… he wasn't there for me like he promised who would be… but that seems so long ago. I wont wake up… there would be no point… it would defeat the purpose of taking my own life in the first place, I'm sorry but all your efforts are to go to waste.

The voice is back… it's clearer but still distant… I guess curiosity is getting the better of me, making me want to listen… who would care if I lived or died?… it's pleading with me, asking me to please wake up. Why wake up? Why keep myself alive when what I've lived for has… has… it doesn't matter; they have to let me die, sooner or later they'll have to let me die. Sooner or later this voice will go… will stop apologising… why it's doing that I don't know… I don't understand…

Kai... i love you...

Why... why would someone say something like that... to me of all people...

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..Tada! 3rd chapter! what do you think? should he die or wake up? opinions are welcomed: ) take care!