Goldilocks and the three bears - sarcasto style
Papa bear,Mama bear,and baby bear sat down to their usual bowls of porridge. " It's too hot!" whined baby bear.
"Let's go for a walk while we wait for it to cool, " said Mama Bear, always one for logic.
While they were out, a little girl named Goldilocks was wandering pointlessly around the forest ( she wasn't too bright, you see) when she came upon their cottage. She knocked on the door.
"Hello?" she called ," is anyone home?" When there was no answer, Goldilocks, being the nosy person she was, opened the door ( do you ever wonder why the three bears don't lock up?) and stepped inside for a look. There she saw , on a plain wooden table, three bowls of porridge (obviously). She was hungry, so she treated herself to a bit of Porridge from the first bowl. Too hot. She tried a bit from the second. Too cold. She tried some from the third bowl, being determined to eat somebody else's food. "It's perfect!" Goldilocks squealed.
After eating every last bit (wow, nosey, and a huge pig - quite an accomplishment, if you ask me) she went into the living room, and found three chairs. Of course, this tale, like all other children's ones , is annoyingly repetitive , and Goldilocks, after trying each one, found that the first was too hard, the second too soft (how can a chair be too soft, I ask you) ,and the third - " It's perfect!" She rocked back and forth on the little chair,and after a few minutes, it broke under her weight (hmm... probably all the porridge).
Much dismayed and exhausted, for being nosey is very hard work, I'm sure, she went upstairs and tried each of the beds ( she never quits, does she?). Once again, She found that one was too hard, one too soft, and the last (I'm sure you can guess)- " It's perfect!" she plopped right onto the bed and fell strait to sleep.
Later, the three bears ( huh must've been a shortage of names when this story was written) came home to eaten porrige, broken chairs, and a little blond girl lying in Baby Bear's bed . Wanna know how they felt?
Yeah, they were pissed.
Goldilocks woke up, and feined innocence. " Who are you? " she asked ( as if she had any right to be questioning them!).
" Who are you? " inquired Papa Bear. Goldilocks, not being the most brave person in the world, ran home.
