I'd been living with Heero and WuFei for about a month and life couldn't have been better. No one dared to pick on me 'cause I was such good friends with Heero and WuFei, our school's resident martial artists. Relena had retreated to lick her wounds after she had found out that I was living with 'her boyfriend'. I was slowly earning enough money to be able to own a motorbike and in the meantime, Heero and WuFei let me use theirs when ever I wanted, I'd just have to tell them. I was working to get a scholarship to college – there'd be no way I would've been able to pay for it – so my grades were better than ever. Yep, life was good, except for one small detail. Heero. I still hadn't told him how I felt and I didn't think I ever would. If I had told him how I felt and he didn't feel the same way, not only would I have been facing rejection but our friendship would've gotten awkward. I would have been analysing everything I said/did to him to make sure that it wasn't too touchy-feely or over-stepping the bounds of friendship. We would never be able to go back to the carefree, relaxed friendship we had before. And I needed that friendship. Heero was my best-friend and if we couldn't be a couple then I would take every bit of friendship he threw my way.
One Friday evening, all of us – that is Quatre, Trowa, Meiran, Heero, WuFei and I, we we're watching a movie on the TV at our place. I left my place on the couch next to Heero and Quatre to go and get some more popcorn. The movie must have finished while I was in the kitchen because when I got back the news was on. I don't usually watch the news – I find it as boring as Relena – but one headline grabbed my attention:
"Scientists have made a new breakthrough! Scientists have just created a way to cure most forms of cancer. This, in turn will end up saving many lives and…" I stopped listening after that. I was too angry and upset and pissed off and close to tears to listen anymore.
"Change the channel."
"What?"
"I said 'change the channel'."
"What? Duo, what's wrong?"
"I said to change the FUCKING CHANNEL!"
"Duo calm down, what's –" I decided that if they weren't going to change the channel then I wouldn't stay in that room any longer. I turned on my heel and ran to the stairs, taking the steps in 2's and 3's ignoring the cries from my friends.
"Duo!"
"Duo wait!"
"Come back!" If I had looked behind me I would have seen one of my friends as he leapt over the sofa back and followed me upstairs. I ran into my room and threw myself onto my bed with my back to the door. I was crying so hard that I didn't hear the footsteps in my room. I didn't know someone was there until there was a hand on my shoulder. I flinched away from the touch and the hand removed itself.
"Duo what's wrong?" I knew who it was as soon as they had spoken.
"Why are you here, Heero?"
"When my best-friend who hardly ever cries, runs from the room in tears, it's my duty as best-friend to find out what's wrong."
"Duty, huh? Just leave me alone Heero and stop acting like you actually care."
"No Duo I didn't mean it like – never mind." And he left my room and shut the door behind him, plunging me into total darkness.
There was one song that always reminded me of my father. I came across it one day funnily enough, when Relena was playing it in her room. I don't usually listen to that type of music but that struck a chord deep inside me. So at times like those when I missed my dad so damn much I'd play it. So I took the CD out, put it in my CD player and pressed play as I got undressed down to my boxers and climbed into bed.
-X-
For all the times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful for you
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through, through it all
-x-
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cause you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
-x-
You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith; you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you
-x-
You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you
-x-
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cause you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
More tears came forth as the song neared it's end, so I buried my head in my pillow and cried in earnest.
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
xXx
I got a fitful night of sleep that night because it was plagued with nightmares. Well actually there was only one that kept on playing over and over again, like some twisted movie.
I was in the hospital, in the room where my dad was dying. I took his pale, frail hand in my small, child's one, as I watched him lie there. He looked so weak laying there. Nothing like the strong dad who used to pick me up and swing me onto his shoulders, or swing me around when I did well in school. He groaned and I peered at his face anxiously. He cracked his eyes lids open and his eyes roamed around the room before they landed on me. He gave a small, weak smile and I smiled back. His lifted his hand up towards my face but it was too strenuous for his deteriorating muscles, so I caught the hand and held it to my cheek.
"Hey son," he croaked out, "I'm g-gonna have to go away for a w-while, but I don't want you to be sad." Ironic, because as soon as he said that, the tears that were welling up in my eyes finally spilled over onto my cheeks and trickled down. Dad used his thumb to wipe them away.
"Now what have I told you, big boys don't cry." He smiled again as his eyes were drifting shut, "I love you…son." That heart monitor flat lined and emitted that high-pitched sound that everyone knew meant death. His hand completely relaxed in mine so I was holding it up completely. But I didn't believe in my young mind that my dad could be dead. My big, strong dad couldn't be dead. He just couldn't be. So I let go of the hand at my cheek and with one, small hand I shook his shoulder; the other one was still holding his hand.
"Dad, wake up. Come on dad, wake up." I croaked out, but he didn't move. So I shook harder. "No dad don't go away, I need you dad. Please come back." I choked out as more and more tears came and my throat closed up. I just wouldn't believe it.
"No dad, no I need you dad. I love you, please come back. I don't want you to go away.
No dad, DAD!!!!!" I broke down sobbing on his chest and I clutched his hand tighter. I guess somebody must have heard my shout because all of a sudden nurses and doctors were swarming around the room. Then one nurse grabbed hold of me and tried to take me out of the room but I just shrugged her hand off. She then grabbed me with two hands and pulled me away from my dad, but I was still clutching his hand.
"NO!" I screamed as they tried to undo my grasp, I tried to clutch tighter but they were stronger and they yanked my hand free the same time as the nurse pulled me away. "NO! I CAN'T LEAVE HIM! HE'S MY DAD, I NEED HIM! Please…please…no…" My voice was a whisper at the end as I slowly got further and further away from my dad.
Then it stops there and starts all over again.
Very slowly a voice began to penetrate the fog that was around my mind.
"Duo…wake…dream." I was slowly resurfacing from my nightmare and as I did I heard the words more clearly.
"Duo, wake up. You're having a bad dream." And there was a gentle shaking at my shoulder. I opened my eyes slowly and sat up, to come face to face with Heero.
"What are you doing here, Heero?"
"You were having a bad dream. I was trying to wake you up"
"Oh I'm sorry. Did I disturb your precious sleep?" So I was being spiteful, sue me. I was pissed at the whole world. If those fucking scientists had discovered that cure sooner then I wouldn't be father-less.
"Iie Duo. I wasn't even asleep. I heard you talking so I wondered what was going on. I came in to see you tossing and struggling while tears ran down your cheeks. I didn't like seeing you sad so I tried to wake you up."
"Why should you care Heero?"
"Damn it Duo! I care of course I care! If I didn't care then we wouldn't be best-friends! If I didn't care then I wouldn't be here right now! If I didn't care then I wouldn't have offered to have you stay with us! If I didn't care Duo, then I wouldn't have looked after you when you were sick. If I didn't care then I would have let that bully beat you up. If I didn't care then I would have gone with Relena on that first day! God Duo, I care so much about you." He was pacing while he said that. He looked just like a caged animal.
"But why?! Why would you care about a nobody like me? My own mother, for God's sake doesn't care about me! All of my friends left me when they found out I was gay! Christ! They were only friends with because I was Relena's step-brother! By all rights you should have left me too. All of you should. I have nothing to give any of you! Why would you like me and stay friends with me?
If my own mother couldn't love me then why should anyone else care about me?"
"I love you, Duo."
"What the hell are you talking about, Yuy?"
"I love you, Duo Maxwell. I am in love with you." My eyes widened and my heartbeat sped up. That little spark of hope that had been snuffed out began to glow again. But I wouldn't let it grow because it would just hurt too much when – if it got crushed.
"Don't fuck with me, Heero. I don't know how much more of this playing-with-my-feelings crap I can take."
"I'm not lying. I really do love you."
"Why? Why would you love me?"
"God, I don't know. Some things just are. When I first saw you I wanted to be your friend so I could be close to you. When that boy threatened you I just wanted to hurt him and protect you. When you were sad I wanted to kill everyone who made it happen and make sure you were never sad again. When you were sick I just wanted to look after you and let no one else near you. When they kicked you out I was more than happy to take you in because it would give me chance to get to know you better. It would give me a chance to just be near you. If that isn't love then I don't know what is. It scares me sometimes that I feel so strongly for you and that if anything were to happen to you and take you away from me I would just drop everything and go after you." I was shocked that that was what Heero felt about me and I was stunned from the depth of his feelings. But when Heero cupped my cheek I leaned into immediately and closed my eyes, relishing in the comfort it gave me.
"It's not possible."
"What isn't?"
"The prince isn't supposed to love the pauper."
"I'm no prince and you're no pauper, Duo. Sometimes I think that you're the prince. You're so out of my league. And there are days when I can't believe that you are my friend."
"The person that you've always longed for isn't supposed to love you back."
"So you've always longed for me?" I flushed. It made me look like a love-sick schoolgirl.
"Yeah, how could I not? You're so gorgeous strong and just perfect. You're everything I'm not. And then unlike the other rich people in our school, you're so kind and caring and have a great sense of humour and you're just so real that I feel that you're just too good for me. I mean what have I got to offer you? You could do so much better than me. You don't deserve leftovers."
"How could I do better than you if you are all that I want? You are not leftovers, you are at the top of the ladder and I'm lucky to have found you. You're so full of life and you feel your emotions fully. But they don't make you weak, they make you strong. So much stronger than me ithat I gain strength just from being near you." And then he swooped down and kissed me.
It was the single sweetest moment of my life.
His lips were so soft and smooth. They quested gently across mine, almost shyly. His hand were resting on my waist and his thumbs were softly stroking my stomach, making that kiss so much more intimate. I reached up and threaded my fingers in his hair while my other hand fisted in his shirt to pull him closer to me, deepening the kiss. We broke apart simultaneously, breathing deeply. It probably wasn't the greatest kiss in the world and we didn't use any tongue, but it was the sole fact that it was Heero kissing me that made it so special.
He sat down next to me on the bed. Then he put his arm around my shoulders and began to stroke my arm, my hair and my cheek alternatively. It was surprisingly relaxing so I just leaned against him and shut my eyes.
"Duo love," A little shiver went through me when he said that. I was still having a hard time believing that he loved me.
"Mmm?"
"What made you so upset when you saw the TV?"
"They said that they had found a cure for cancer. My dad died of cancer. If they had just found that cure earlier then my dad would be alive. And I wouldn't be so alone."
"I'll make sure you'll never be alone again." he whispered in my ear with passion. The conviction in which he had said those words made me believe in him. Then Heero untangled himself from me and got up. Thinking he was about to leave the room, I grabbed onto his arm and tugged on it.
"Please, don't leave me." I knew I sounded pathetic but I couldn't have stood being alone after all that had transpired that night.
"Baka," he said affectionately as he took my hand slowly stroked it. I got such a delicious tingle from that. "I was getting underneath the covers." He then let go of my hand and climbed into the bed. He pulled the covers up to our chins and then got himself comfortable. Then his arms were wrapped around pulled me back against his chest and he tangled his legs with mine. I rested my hands over his. It's hard to describe the feeling that that action invoked in me. I no longer felt so alone and isolated from the rest of the world. I felt as if all that Heero had said to me was true. I felt stronger, like his strength was flowing into me. I felt…happy for the first time in ages. And when I fell asleep again, no nightmares plagued me, no feelings of loneliness swamped me, just the warm feeling that someone finally loved me.
xXx
I woke up the next morning to a strong and steady heart beat in my ear and a loving caress on my arm, my face, my hair and my torso. It had turned out that we had moved about during the night. Heero was lying on his back and I had my head on his chest and was laying half on him and half off. I smiled lazily and looked up at him, but he was still asleep. My smile fell because I had realised that he was only doing it in his sleep he didn't actually mean to do it. I carried on watching his face because he looked utterly ethereal while he was sleeping. Soon though, his breathing changed and his lids fluttered before opening and revealing two, blue abysses. He looked down at me and smiled, making his eyes glow supernaturally. And he carried on doing that loving caress. I smiled back at him.
"Good morning."
"Ohayo. Do you feel better than you did yesterday?" His arm tightened around my waist briefly.
"Yeah, all thanks to you. You know, when I woke up this morning I was scared that it was all a dream that you loved me. I knew that if it was, I wouldn't be able to be just best-friends with you. I'm so glad it wasn't."
"Me too koi, me too."
xXx
I bet you're all just squealing and saying 'about time too!' Well was it worth the wait?
The song was Because you loved me by Celine Dion. I had just heard the song on the radio and I thought that it fit how Duo felt about his dad well.
I was crying as I was writing Duo's nightmare. I thought it was so sad, did anyone else think so?
I actually wrote this chapter before I wrote chapter 10 coz the idea I had might've disappeared. And my stupid computer kept on messing me around. Twice it exited out of Microsoft word and I almost hyperventilated when I thought I'd lost all of my work.
Oh and don't worry the story hasn't finished yet, they still have to tell Relena about their relationship!
