I reached over for another Guinness, very close to toppling over, in fact, except for Remus's firm, solid body in the way. I didn't miss the look of warning that passed between him and James in the slight pause between Sirius' joke and Cerulina's declaration, "Beers all round!" She grabbed the box of beers right before I could get to them. I

"Amen," I blurted, though I had the distinct impression that it sounded nothing short of nonsense coming out of my mouth. James looked at Cerulina. She mouthed 'sorry', and I wondered if there was still something between them. I felt my head whirring pleasantly, and the alcohol warm in my stomach.

"There still something between you two? Siri, babe better watch out for her, eh!" I informed Sirius. I hoped he would take my words to heart, though I was drunk out of my mind. Someone had to say it, after all, and this way, there were no hard feelings. Well, me and Cerulina, but no hard feelings where there weren't any before.

"Lily, get a hold of yourself, will you?" Remus whispered in my ear. I began to laugh, and despite the fact that I didn't seem to be making any noise, I covered my mouth, and clutched my stomach in pain.

"Lily, you wanna head off to bed?" Sirius asked. I looked up to see that he had his hand stretched out to help me up. I stopped laughing. I did not want to go up to bed. It was the last thing I wanted to do.

"I'm sorry, I won't say things li' that, can I just have 'nother beer, if youdplease?" I managed quite clearly in my opinion.

"I don't think so, Lils," said Sirius.

"But…why not?" I knew why not. But they were mistaken, I wasn't in fact all that drunk, and who would know it but me? It frustrated me. They frustrated me. "James, tell Sirius to hand me 'nother, you've seen me plastered, and it takes more, right?" James had experience spiking my drinks. I couldn't believe I was here, getting 'plastered' with the Marauders and their silly girlfriends, and I was pleading for more alcohol from James, of all people. A laugh bubbled up within me, but upon trying to hold it in and failing, I discovered that it was only a hiccup. James looked up from the cards he was holding.

"Come here," he said, and held out his hand. I crawled toward him, mumbling my apologies as I trampled over the cards strewn over the floor. I managed a comfortable spot in his lap, and plopped my heavy head on his shoulder. His friends all looked at me with mouths agape, but I couldn't move enough to retort. Atleast James didn't make a big deal, only looping his hand behind my back so that I didn't fall backward, and around to hold his cards, a mere pair of pocket queens…a club and diamond, compared to the flush draw of hearts in the flop and turn card. If someone had a heart, they had him beat even without the river card.

James told me about the whole Remus and Sirius tension thing, and I was quite at a loss for any advice. I suggested that we all get trashed, and they would have no choice but to communicate, and we'd all have a good time in the process. We'd settled on the Prefect's Lounge, and a five-sickle buy-in Texas-Hold 'Em Game. So far, they hadn't said a single negative word to the other…or a positive one for that matter. The boys and James had all been surprised that I drank, but I guess afraid to say that they were in case I flipped out because they thought I was a prude. I wasn't quite sure I wouldn't. The only reason I did drink was because of my muggle friends, and going out clubbing with them over the summers.

"Baby, I think you'd better fold this one," I suggested.

"I agree, Lily darling," James said, throwing down his cards and pinching my nose. I smiled at his pretty grey eyes, imagining the looks of shock on everyone's face. James turned back, and from the corner of my eye I saw that the river was a Queen of spades.

"Trip fours," Cerulina sighed. Farrah, Peter's girlfriend smirked.

"A flush!" she declared happily. I think she's with Peter hoping she can upgrade to James. I feel sort of bad that I've taken him away. She can totally have him, I haven't the slightest feeling in my heart for him. I hope she wins the hand and it makes her night a little better. Everyone played this hand but James, so the pot is kind of big. I told James this.

He waited until Sirius showed his Straight, and Remus his Straight Flush to reply.

"I think that I'd rather spend the night with you, even if you 'haven't the slightest feeling' in your heart for me and from where I'm sitting, I could care less if she wins the pot or dates the Giant Squid." I couldn't help a surge of affection, and taking a swig of his Guinness, I put my other arm around his neck and kissed his lips with all of the feeling I could muster. I thought I heard someone give a low whistle in the background, but I was a little too preoccupied to pay attention.

I broke off, suddenly, hearing Remus give a curse and saw that everyone had folded but he and Cerulina who were both all in. It was clear that Cerulina'd won, she was pulling in all of his coins, and the Three Broomsticks coupons someone had thrown into the pot.

"Don't worry, babe!" I said, "My stacks all yours!" Remus eyed me weirdly, then looked at James.

"You are so going to regret this in the morning," he said. I wasn't sure which part he meant I was going to regret, but I was pretty sure he was right.

A couple of hands later, James and I had finished a few more bottles. The Muggle Night thing, everyone agreed, was a great idea. Cerulina was remarkably tolerant, but Farrah had passed out. Peter lost all his money and was watching the others play with droopy eyes, sprawled lazily over the Lounge couch. Sirius was into the game, he was really close to catching up with Lina, judging from the coin pouches in front of them. Remus had doubled up what I gave him, but it was small fish compared to the stakes they were playing by.

James folded most hands, not getting very lucky, but I thought that he could've managed a couple of hands and pointed it out, despite the fact that he didn't listen. He was waiting for a good hand and a good pot.

I admired James so much for his patience. He was so kind, good, moral, and he hadn't tried a single thing though vaguely I wished he had. I kissed his ear sloppily for what must've been the thirtieth time that night as he folded an Ace-King offsuit.

"That was a good hand," I said.

"Hmm." I kissed his lips again, I couldn't help myself they were so soft. He deepened the kiss, and I must've moaned. I heard Sirius say, "Damn, Lily, who knew you were so repressed!" He made me sound like some kind of deprived closet freak! I couldn't help the quiet sobs that escaped my throat. I wanted to leave, but couldn't get up, I was so dizzy.

"Lily, calm down," James said.

"I wanna go!" I yelled at him.

"Damn it, Sirius, look what you've done. She was perfectly quiet before now, eh?" James said, unaffected by my futile efforts at prying his hands from my back.

"I'm not some damn child, James Potter! It figures that's why you were being so nice! You wanted me quiet so you and your friends could play your game in peace!

"I'm sorry, Lils, I didn't mean you were a prude or anything," I heard Sirius say, but I was on a roll. I had a new reason to be upset now.

"Well, its not peace and quiet now, is it?" said James.

"Well fine! Lemme go then, and it will be!"

"Not in this condition you're not!"

"Worried that I'll expose you lot to some teacher walking back to the Tower?"

"No! Worried that you'll break your neck falling down stairs or something, Lily, please control yourself!" They'd all stopped playing poker to stare at me. I looked around at them and then buried my head in his chest.

"James, I'm sorry I ruined your night…"

"It's alright, Lils, you definitely didn't ruin my night, made it amazing, on the contrary," he patted my back. I sniffled and used the handkerchief I'd dug out from my cloak pocket.

"I have ruined your night. Farrah spent hours to look all pretty just for you, and I totally stole you 'way from her," he put his hand on my mouth and shook his head, smiling, but I figure its because he thinks Peter will wake up or something, "And now you guys aren't playing because I'm throwing a tantrum, and," I looked at Sirius and Remus then back at James, "James, I want you to have the best time ever, ok?" My voice had gone hoarse, and the last sentence I barely had out. I noticed that Cerulina was picking up things and tidying up.

"I am, Lily, are you calm now?" he asked, holding my hands.

"No, listen Potpot," Sirius giggled at the name, and even I smiled a little, "I want you to have the best time ever because I like to see you happy, eh? And I like to see you happy because I love you very much. I've loved you and all you are for ages now, yes?" James looked pain stricken. I hadn't said anything bad, but I wanted to make it better. "I mean it, I'm sorry if you don't feel the same…"

He shook his head, looking down at both our hands.

"Shouldn't it make you happy that someone cares for you, even if you care for them back?" I asked him, hoping that he'd realize it was true, and that I didn't expect for him to reciprocate any of my feelings as long as he knew I felt them. I was too much of a coward to say it when I was sober, but atleast they were out.

"James?" I asked. I sighed and looked at the others to see if they'd heard. Remus had now taken over the cleaning up role because Cerulina had frozen with about eight beer bottles in her hand, and her mouth was slightly open. Sirius looked much the same except the beer bottles were the two cards he held as he stared at me. "What are you people looking at? Am I not allowed to express my heartfelt admiration of an individual without being prone to disbelief? What am I, a heartless robot or something?" I looked back at James, "…and now I'm yelling at your friends," I laughed. "I've ruined your night completely, haven't I? I'm just going to go, then." I took advantage of having shocked James and pulled away from him and even got all the way up in the direction of the exit.

"No, Lils wait!" said James, also standing up before I could take a step. "Sorry I couldn't help clean up," he said to the others before walking out with me.

"To the tower?" I said, pointing in the direction I thought the Tower was in. I'd just told him that I felt the total opposite of what I'd been conveying, and I hadn't had the reaction…or any of the reactions that I'd expected.

"Lily, did you mean what you said?" asked James, stopping in the middle of the corridor. By now, I felt quite sleepy…and as he'd roused the prospect of a warm bed in my mind, delaying it did not make me happy.

"No, I was just being a drunkard," I snapped.

"Oh."

"'Course I meant it, you Potpot," I said, and kissed his cheek for reassurance. "Now come on, before the Fat Lady falls asleep again."

We went to the Fat Lady and he said the password. I couldn't even remembered what I was supposed to do, or why in hell a damn portrait was talking. It was damn freaky.

"Thanks ma'am, you're the best portrait ever," I said, and James closed my mouth hurriedly. I couldn't see what was so wrong with that, but I supposed later when I remembered the night's events that he didn't want me striking up a conversation with her and risk anyone's finding out about all the underage gambling, and drinking and reefer (Farrah)…

James's dorm looked very much like ours I think, I can't remember the details. I plopped down on his bed. James sat down in a chair beside us (the bed and I), and I, very much drunk as I was couldn't help but feel rejected.

"You can't lie down in the same bed as Lily Evans?"

"Lily, really," James began.

"James, I love you when I'm drunk, I love you when I'm sober, I love you always. Can't we atleast pretend that things are the way I want them to be in the absence of pride, or circumstance, or your personal attraction to me?"

"I've always been attracted to you, I don't know what the hell you're talking about!" James said, taking off his shoes and socks.

"Sure, Potpot." I don't know what possessed me (It may have been the Guinness) but I'd also begun stripping down. Off went my jeans, my heavy cloak, my Wasps Jersey…

"Lily what the hell?" James asked, covering his eyes. I snorted. "Lily, no! I'm a virgin, I wouldn't even know what to do!"

"Well, thas perfect then isn't it?" I had a sudden urge to use the bathroom, "Hol'on, gotta go!" I found some bathroom down the hall, and realizing I had sprinted down there in my underwear, couldn't help but giggle. I stepped out, my hands wet, and sprinkled it on James's plum red face. "Needed some cooling down."

"Lily would you please put your clothes back on?"

"Hah! I've wanted to do this for years, Potpot…I'm not stopping because we're virgins, or because the only thing that would give me courage is alcohol!"

I stumbled to the boys' Dorm. "This is you guys, righ'?" James nodded. I went back under the covers of James's bed, feeling cold. I closed my eyes, and smiled at the clean smell of the linens. James wormed his way in too, and his Quidditch toned chest proved a warm place for my head. I pushed my hand in his boxers, hearing him emit a soft curse above me. He reached around to undo my bra, and his cold hands blasted all coherent thought out of my head. I touched the tip of his erection, and his hands tightened around me. He pulled me up with surprising strength and kissed me.

His fingers had slipped between my legs, and I could feel him under my right knee. Who should suddenly make a grand entrance but Sirius and Remus, slamming open the door, giggling about something or other. I hurriedly pulled the covers up around my chest.

"Fucking hell!" I screamed, "you and your goddamn friends."

"Calm down, its their dorm too," James said pulling up the blankets the right way.

"Er…we'll umm…just…" Sirius began.

"Sleep in the Room of Requirement," said Lupin.

"Yes, do, please!" I agreed, "Just tonight, and I'll be bloody gone, it'll never bloody happen again." James pulled the curtains around and rummaged around for some of "Carminthia's Contraceptive Contraptions" in Sirius's drawer. Finding a "Caramel-Apple flavored" one he got back into bed. He spent an awful lot of time squinting at the directions.

"James, it's just a condom, how difficult can it be?" I grabbed the thing out of his hands, and soon we were both squinting at the directions.

"I think I can manage," I said, "take those boxers off, eh?"

"Lils you sure you want to do this?" he asked again.

"Congratulations Mr. Potter you've asked me that question so many times that you succeeded in getting rid of my hard-on. I hope you're happy now." I somehow managed to slip the thing over Potpot's hideous genitalia, and reached up to kiss him again as he patiently ran his hands all over my body. I was ready to scream.

"I love you too, Lils," I heard him whisper in my ear, and I wasn't sure if it was his words or his hot breath which thrilled me more. I was quite sure, although, that that was all I could remember having happened.