CHAPTER FOUR: THE WORTH OF LIFE

"Mr. Weasley!" Ron jumped at his name being shouted. "If you do that one more time you will walk out of this room incapable of fathering children!"

Ron went violently red as everyone sniggered appreciatively behind their hands. Harry turned away so that Ron would not see him laughing.

They were in Advanced Defense Against the Dark Arts, doing Occlumency and Legilimency. It was the toughest magic they had done yet and everyone was struggling.

Ron, instead of using the incantation of Legilimens, was yelling Legislans which resulted in Blaise Zabini's bladder muscles relaxing - causing him to sprint to the loos every time. Only it was clearly only an accident the first time.

"Alright next couple, Miss Granger and Ernie," Miss Snape said smiling.

It had become common practice in this class to be called by your first name if Miss Snape liked you. For a reason unbeknownst to Hermione, she was not a part of this group – but was doing extra nightly study to join it.

Ron had questioned Miss Snape's professionalism on this and said that it was wrong to have favorites. Miss Snape only laughed and replied with, "It's human nature to favor. I can assure when your parents tell you they love all their children equally - they're lying. There's always one, maybe two, they love more. Doesn't mean they don't love the others..."

Ron - Harry had noticed - had sent a large letter to Mrs. Weasley that night, with a photo of him on his broomstick.

"Legilimens!" Hermione shouted loud and clear.

Ernie froze up as the spell hit him on the forehead. It ended quickly and Ernie shook his head.

"Very good Miss Granger. You're beginning to get the hang of it," Miss Snape said.

"I don't think I'm doing it right," Hermione said frowning slightly. "All I'm getting are little, happy memories."

Miss Snape asked each student whether or not they were getting good or bad memories, in order to find out how powerful the spell was being performed or defended. "Well of course," Miss Snape said. "Only an experienced Legilimens can bring out our most feared memories. But the fact that you can see that much is quite an achievement. Now, Ernie your turn."

Harry looked over to his blonde headed partner. Malfoy wore the face of someone who was clearly in a sulk. He had hexed Harry twice so far this lesson. But when he tried to hex Hermione, "For being a nasty little know-it-all Mudblood" Miss Snape had given him a detention - much to the surprise of the rest of the class. Harry had noticed that in the last two lessons, Miss Snape had been treating Malfoy like everyone else. Harry wondered why.

"Harry? Harry! Mr. Potter when you've finished day dreaming!"

Harry jumped out of his thoughts, "Sorry Miss Snape."

"Mr. Malfoy, you may go first."

It was absolutely pointless for Malfoy to perform the spell on Harry, as Harry was far to experienced at Occlumency to allow Malfoy into his mind. But rather than let him know that - Harry decided to show him a few little memories that he thought Malfoy might like.

"Legilimens!" said Malfoy.

Harry felt that familiar feeling of someone trying to break down the door to his mind. Only this time, it was only like a faint knock at the door as Malfoy was not as powerful as Professor Snape or Dumbledore and Harry, wanting to make Malfoy pay for his earlier comments about Hermione, opened the door for him.

The first memory was Malfoy being turned into a ferret by the imposter Mad-Eye Moody ... Then Harry throwing mud on top of Malfoy's head in front of the Shrieking Shack … Harry stealing the Snitch right under Malfoy's nose … Gryffindor winning the Quidditch Cup in the third year … Harry getting his Nimbus Two Thousand…

Malfoy had evidently had enough; he quickly pulled the spell off. Seething, he threw a murderous look at Harry who looked back innocently.

"Very good Mr. Malfoy. What did you see?"

"What do you mean?" a disgruntled Malfoy spat - still looking daggers at Harry.

"Good memories or bad, Mr. Malfoy?" Miss Snape said patiently.

"Oh yeah, bloody brilliant memories."

Miss Snape rolled her eyes. "Harry, your turn."

Harry smirked, "Legilimens!"

Harry's spell hit Malfoy hard. Harry began pounding on the door to Malfoy's memories, trying to get in, but he could not. He put all his strength into the spell pushing the door. Malfoy was fighting hard. Now this didn't make any sense at all. Harry was surprised. How could Malfoy know how to defend the spell but not know how to do it? He must have more innate power than I thought…

Harry kept pushing, he was stronger than Malfoy and at last the door to Malfoy's mind finally fell open.

Harry was in a large kitchen, there was little blonde headed boy, with bright blue eyes, his face covered in cake mix.

Malfoy.

He could not have been anymore than five years old. The young Malfoy hid in the cupboard under the sink, giggling uncontrollably. A teenage girl with long black hair, who looked familiar to Harry, came running in. "Where's my cake! I swear Draco; if you don't give it back I'll put you in it!" She was trying to sound severe, but she was also laughing excitedly.

Then Harry was in a small bedroom. It was a young Malfoy again, although a little older than the last memory. He was sitting on the same teenage girl's lap, and it appeared she was teaching him to read from a teen girl magazine. She was laughing loudly as he struggled through the long-worded body parts in the sealed section.

Then Harry was in a drawing room. The young Malfoy was opening a large present animatedly as the same teenage girl stood over him, smiling. A little boarder collie puppy popped its head out. Malfoy screamed delightfully as the puppy jumped at him, licking his face. And then Harry saw who the girl was.

Salima Snape.

Harry's spell faltered in shock and it was over. Harry looked at Malfoy in astonishment. Malfoy was clenching his wand tightly, his eyes narrowed, looking at Harry forebodingly.

This explains a lot … Harry thought.

"Well Harry, good or bad?" Miss Snape asked.

Harry looked at Miss Snape, mouth open, unable to formulate words. He looked back at Malfoy, then back at Miss Snape again.

"C'mon Harry!" Ron said breathlessly. "What did you see? What makes the ferret tick?" He added a bit quieter.

Malfoy cracked, "Poena!"

Ron went to the ground squirming in pain.

"Iaedo!" Harry shouted. Malfoy went flying across the room, slamming into the bookcase. Ron stopped squirming.

"Pertrificus Totalus!" Blaise Zabini threw at Harry.

"Decedendi!" Harry pulled up a shield.

"Stupefy!" Neville aimed at Zabini and missed, hitting the other bookcase. A few people began pulling their wands out now.

"Enough! Consto!" Miss Snape screamed. Everyone's wands lined up neatly in front of her. She looked deadly and Harry wondered if maybe she was something to be feared above her brother.

"Everyone but you five boys - out!"

Everyone grabbed their wands and books and quickly left. Hermione however, lingered.

"Miss Granger, out!"

"But-"

"OUT!"

Hermione jumped and ran out of the room. Neville made to get his wand from the last five remaining.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Miss Snape said viciously. "Two weeks worth of detentions for all of you! Except for you Mr. Malfoy … you have four weeks."

"Why!" Malfoy shouted.

"The Poena Curse is second to only the Cruciatus. How dare you perform it on a fellow student!"

"What a bloody joke! You're the one who taught me it!"

Everyone looked at Miss Snape, holding their breaths.

"Not for harmless teenagers!" Miss Snape snapped. "You can stay behind Mr. Malfoy. And you Mr. Potter. The rest of you get your things and just ... just go!"

Harry watched the other three file out. Once they had left Miss Snape threw a Silencing Charm around the room and sat behind her desk taking deep breaths and closing her eyes trying to compose herself. After a few seconds Miss Snape raised her head, "Sit, both of you."

Harry sat down and Malfoy reluctantly did at the desk opposite.

"Now, which one of you is going to tell me what Mr. Potter saw that fired you both up so much?"

"He saw nothing!" Malfoy shouted.

Miss Snape raised her eyebrows at Malfoy. "Mr. Potter?"

Malfoy looked at Harry and wore an expression that clearly said 'if you dare...' Miss Snape noticed.

"Don't worry about him Harry, tell me."

"You told us at the start of the lesson that we shouldn't tell people what we see in each other's minds," Harry said.

"So you're not going to tell Miss Granger or Mr. Weasley?"

Harry faltered. Of course he was going to tell them. Malfoy noticed the falter, "If you dare say a word to those idiots-"

"Fine, I'll guess. Happy or sad Mr. Potter?" Miss Snape interrupted.

"Well ... happy I guess."

Miss Snape looked up at him frowning. She must have thought Harry had seen bad things to make Malfoy so angry.

Harry looked at Miss Snape thoughtfully. And then at Malfoy, and then back again. Trying to make her see. Her face softened in comprehension.

"Harry you can go," Miss Snape said quietly. "And if you must tell your friends, keep it between them please."

Harry felt a bit guilty then, "I won't say anything."

She smiled and nodded. Harry grabbed his wand and books and walked out. As he closed the door he saw that Miss Snape had a tear falling down her cheek, and Malfoy was looking determinedly in the other direction.


"I can't believe I got on the team! It's great isn't it?" Parvati Patil ran to keep up with Harry as he walked down to the Quidditch pitch for practice.

"Yeah ... it's ... um, cool," said Harry.

"Fantastic," said Ginny sarcastically from behind them.

Parvati frowned, "I know you wanted Grace but I was better and it was Katie's choice, so just get over it!" She stormed off to the Quidditch pitch.

"Bitch," Ginny muttered.

"She's alright," said Harry.

"You only like her because she likes you," Ginny said. "She's vain and you know it."

"Yeah she's vain," said Harry. "But that doesn't make her a bitch."

Ginny glared at Harry and ran off to join the beaters.

"What's up with Ginny?" Harry asked.

"I don't know," Ron shrugged. "Problems with Dean?"

"Yeah, probably."

"Hey it's Hermione's birthday this weekend, the 19th of September right?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"What should I get her? I mean I can't get her the normal crap I get her now we're going out."

"I dunno, do you think it's too soon for a night at the Leaky Cauldron?" Harry joked.

Ron went scarlet, "What!"

Harry laughed, "I'm kidding."

"Listen up everybody, this is a special day," Katie said frowning.

"Well don't look so happy about it then," Ginny smiled.

"Well ... let's not beat around the bush, this is going to be our last training session as an in-school sporting team."

"What!" Andrew Kirke said. "They're not canceling Quidditch are they?"

"No ... we're not going to be an in-school sporting team anymore, because we're going to be an out-of-school sporting team."

"What?"

"Well, we're still going to play of course, you know, against the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws and Slytherins, but only - well on top of that - there's going to be one school team that plays against other school's teams."

"You mean like other wizarding schools," Ron asked.

"No Ron, we're going to train the muggles," Katie rolled her eyes. "Yes other wizarding schools! Now they're going to have try-outs for all the players from every house, but there's no reason why the Hogwarts team can't be all Gryffindors! And that is why this will be our last training session as only the Gryffindor team, because soon we're going to be the Hogwarts team as well!"

"Wow, this is going to be cool," Harry said.

"Easy for you to say, you're better than everyone! What about the rest of us?" Ron said.

"Be positive Ron, we can all do it! Miss Snape's holding try-outs next Friday, I expect you all to try out, and all to get on."

"All of us? The Ravenclaw beaters are really good," Kirke said.

"It doesn't matter!" Katie said exasperatedly. "You can do it. Now, let's get to training."


Minerva McGonagall paced the headmaster's office, determined not to leave until she got everything cleared up.

"So what you're trying to say Albus," she said. "Is that He Who Must Not be Named, has successfully recruited the Azkaban Dementors, the Giants and now his incarcerated Death Eaters have escaped?"

"Yes," Dumbledore nodded his head.

"And the documents that Flitwick opened," McGonagall continued. "They are plans? A plan of ... attack of some sort?"

Dumbledore nodded his head again, wearily.

"And these plans, they involve the seer?"

"Eventually he will need the child, yes. But I do not know all of it … it is encoded beyond even my skill of breaking."

"And we're to have an Order meeting next Friday to let everyone know?"

"Yes, Minerva. Everyone who can be there must."

"Does that include Potter?"

"Yes he must know his part in this," Dumbledore said. "And also..."

"Do you think that wise? Do you think he'll come?"

"I do not know," Dumbledore said. "But I shall not cease hope, not just yet."


Harry really hated Potions. It was largely due to the fact it was spurting Slytherins, especially one large ugly one at the front who liked deducting points from Harry. But also because it was difficult. And Harry had a nasty habit of not liking things he wasn't good at. Luckily for Harry, Dean Thomas seemed to be a natural.

"Shit Harry, careful!" Dean grabbed Harry's hand before he chucked the newts eyes in his cauldron. "You'll blow yourself up."

"Sorry," Harry mumbled sleepily.

Harry had been having trouble sleeping lately. Something he managed to avoid for two blissful weeks. Thoughts of Sirius and the prophecy ran through his head. As well as the envelope which he still had not heard anything about yet.

Then there was the increasing amount of homework and the constant dread of Potions and ADADA that involved a lot of unnecessary time spent with Malfoy. And then of course, what Harry had seen in Malfoy's memories. Malfoy and Miss Snape had appeared determined to pretend that nothing had happened and Harry took his lead from them and did not mention it in their next class.

But Harry had been thinking about it a lot. In the memories he saw, Malfoy looked happy ... and normal. And not like the Slytherin-Ice-Prince-Son-Of-A-Death-Eater-Don't-Fuck-With-Me asshole he was now. Harry had also considered the fact that Dumbledore had once told him a Legilimens that was weak or being defended well would produce, rather than our worst memories, our most fond. Indicating that Miss Snape had meant a significant amount to Malfoy at sometime. This was a strange thought on it's own as Malfoy didn't appear to care about anybody.

As well as all this, Harry was also having girl troubles. Now that Harry was aware of a few girls' feelings, he noticed a lot more about their behavior towards him. Parvati was all over him like a rash and there had been moments when Harry had been particularly upset about Sirius or his fate when she would show up - offering a distraction. It was beginning to take all his self control to not just say, "What the hell," and trot off to the Room of Requirement with her. After all, at the end of the day, he was a sixteen-year-old male.

And then there was Cho. Harry had thought that they were completely over each other, but she kept throwing him those looks she did all last year. And he had noticed her trying to hunt him down after breakfast and lunch, hitting Michael Corner's (her "boyfriend's") hand away which was trying to direct her away from Harry. And Michael Corner had taken to throwing Harry dirty looks whenever they would come across each other. And on top of this, Parvati had taken to throwing dirty looks at Cho, and then standing in front of Harry and engaging him in conversation - loudly.

But the biggest mystery was Ginny. She blatantly refused to hold a proper conversation with Harry and restricted their talk to, "yes" "no" and "sod off".

Harry didn't understand any of it.

"Dean," Harry asked. "Can I ask you something?"

"Depends," Dean said. "Will it make me cry uncontrollably and run off to the common room with my hands in the air screaming? Cause if it will, perhaps you shouldn't tell me. That'd be embarrassing."

Harry laughed, "Nah, I just wanted to ask you about Ginny."

"What about her?" Dean asked.

"Well have you noticed her ... acting differently?"

"Actually I have," Dean sighed. "But when I brought it up she told me to sod off and stop being a poof."

"That's better than I got."

"What did you get?"

"Candle wax on my glasses," Harry said casually.

Dean laughed, "Sweet tempered thing, isn't she?"

"Yeah," Harry laughed.

"So how much do you know about this Quidditch against other schools business?"

"Not much."

"Who do you think will be selected?"

"I dunno, but Katie's got her heart set on all the Gryffindors. It might happen. They pick one more for every position."

"What do you mean?"

"They're going to take two seekers, four chasers, two keepers, and etcetera."

"I heard all the other seekers are going to try for chaser instead of seeker. They know they haven't got a thing on you."

"Good luck to them," Harry said indifferently.

Dean laughed, "Its okay to be cocky sometimes you know. Just not like that git." Dean said motioning towards Malfoy.

"You're right about that."

"About what? Malfoy being a git or you being allowed to be cocky?"

"Bit a column A, bit a column B."


Harry had received the news from Professor McGonagall that he was to attend an Order meeting on Friday after Quidditch try-outs. He was very happy about this as it meant answers at last. Another good reason was that Harry was exempted from the Advanced Defense Against the Dark Arts detention for the meeting.

Ron and Hermione were a little abashed at not receiving an invite as well, but Harry quickly hushed them; "What?" he said. "Do you think I won't tell you everything?" They beamed in unison.

Harry was eager to get involved in the Order more actively. Sirius' tragic death never left him. His shadow hang over him as a constant reminder of who he was, what he had done, and what he was still to do. Harry had been, for a couple of months now, avoiding the pain of this shadow by keeping himself busy. And with the new training that was to take place at Godric's Hollow, the normal and no doubt soon to be additional Quidditch, homework, and now work for the Order; he was kept well occupied.

However, busy as he might be - the hole inside of him would not be subsided as easily as the shadow. The hole that had been Sirius would never go. And Harry constantly ached from the loss of him and was constantly being tormented at the thought of losing more. He was becoming almost possessively protective of his remaining loved ones. And while he knew that they would eventually snap at his constant twenty questions and anxious orders; it settled his mind a little to have some control.

The only person who didn't seem to care about Harry's constant pestering was Ron; who was Harry's most prized possession. Ron new this and inwardly gloated while Harry kept an eye over their backs. Daring someone to have a go. They never did, of course.

The lead up to the try-outs for the Hogwarts Quidditch Team went much the way the lead up to a Gryffindor/Slytherin encounter usually went. Snide comments, icy glares, a few death threats and one actual homicidal attempt. Harry thought this behavior was a bit ironic, as the idea of a Hogwarts team was no doubt to unite the houses. When he pointed this out to Dean in Potions, however, he got a fistful of frog spawn in the hair from Blaise Zabini (the new Slytherin Keeper). "United enough for you, Potter?"

So with all this on his mind, it was a slightly worn Harry that went down to the pitch on Friday afternoon with the rest of the Gryffindor Quidditch team.

"I'm not gonna get on," Ron said dejectedly. "Even if I was good enough, Miss Snape hates me. She'll never put me on the team."

"Don't think like that Ron," Ginny said encouragingly.

Harry looked around him. Miss Snape was in the centre of an absent-mindedly made circle. The Slytherins were standing together in between the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws, the Gryffindors on the opposite side. Harry unintentionally met Cho Chang's eye, she smiled broadly at him. Parvati Patil noticed and frowned.

"Alright everyone," Miss Snape said. "We've got four hours to trial and make a team. We'll be taking eleven players. If you'll write your name on this list, the position you wish to play and your house. We'll get started. Any questions?"

"Yeah," Zacharias Smith said. "Have you coached a team before? Have you selected before?"

"Never fear Mr. Smith," Miss Snape said brightly. "I've sorted out many men in my life." The girls laughed appreciatively.

"Miss Snape! Miss Snape!" Andrew Kirke jumped up and down on the spot. "How many games will we play and when?"

"We go to a district round robin. We'll play, probably, four teams. And if we win, we'll go on to the next level, and so on."

"Miss Snape?" Cho had her hand in the air.

"Yes, Miss Chang."

"Are we allowed to try out for a different position to the one we play normally?"

"If you want to. Is that all? Good, let's get started then."

The trials had been going for an hour and a half, when Harry's sixteen year old brain began to lose interest. It had become evident that Harry would be selected after thirty minutes. And as Malfoy, the best seeker after him, was trying out for chaser instead - the competition for the other seeker was down to Cho and Zacharias. Harry thought Zacharias was better than Cho, but Miss Snape, like every other living mammal, was not very fond of him.

The beaters were definitely going to be the Ravenclaw boys, who had about three times more talent than the others. And the third position looked like going to Andrew Kirke.

Harry watched Ron in front of the goals and was happy to see him doing well. He was looking like the second keeper, with Nathan Frost, a third year from Hufflepuff looking the goods to take the first position.

The real fight was the four chaser positions. Katie was the only certainty. The other three positions were up for a fierce fight. Whilst Malfoy and Ginny were the best flyers, the Hufflepuff chasers were better with the quaffle and the Ravenclaws; better at tackling. The Slytherins and Parvati were not really in the contest.

As 7.30pm approached Miss Snape finally pulled everyone down. "Alright everyone, that was great. I've picked the teams as fairly as possible, but if you still want to cry to your parents about it - I'll be out this weekend so hold your owls off 'till Monday."

Everyone laughed nervously. Miss Snape noticed, "Look at you guys... really, it's not that important is it? It is? Oh well, moving on. Seekers, congratulations Harry Potter and Zacharias Smith."

Harry had the modesty to make a little fake smile of relief. Zacharias did a little "whoo-hoo". Cho looked highly disconcerted.

"Beaters, Andrew Kirke-"

"WHAT? OH MY GOD! YES! YES! HE HE!" Andrew Kirke continued this high pitched squealing and dancing for a full minute before Miss Snape told him to go to the change rooms and calm down.

As Miss Snape predictably read out the Ravenclaws name's as the other beaters Ron looked panicky. "I mean," he said. "What if that sodding fool Kirke got on and I don't?"

"Keepers, Nathan Frost and Ron Weasley."

Ron let out a sigh and Harry patted his back, "See nothing to worry about."

"Okay, chasers. This was a tough one. Katie Bell, Draco Malfoy, Terry Boot and Ginny Weasley."

Ginny and Katie hugged and Malfoy smirked broadly. Ron groaned, "We were this close! This close to being Slytherin free and we end up with the worst one!"

"Alright everyone," Miss Snape said. "Congratulations to those who did make the team, condolences to those who didn't - nothing personal - we start training Thursday. See you all then."

With that she left, leaving the players to themselves. Harry did not think this wise. Especially with the way Parvati was glaring at Malfoy wand in her hand and the way Blaise Zabini was currently looking at Ron and Nathan Frost.

"Two Weasley's, huh?" Zabini growled. "Sounds a bit like favoritism to me!"

"I reckon!" Parvati added, looking at Malfoy. "Why didn't you try out for Seeker? Miss Snape totally favors you, you would've got on! Why take other people's positions?"

"Parvati, it's doesn't matter. You can still play for Gryffindor remember?" Katie said, trying to ward off a fight.

"That's not the point!" Parvati insisted. "Why didn't you try out for Seeker, Malfoy?"

"And play second fiddle to that idiot," Malfoy said calmly, nodding his head in Harry's direction.

"Aha!" Ron exclaimed. "So you admit he's better than you?"

"I don't admit anything Weasel," Malfoy said - eyebrows raised. "Bye-bye now," he drawled, and walked away.

"Git," Ron said loudly.

Malfoy raised his middle finger pointedly behind his back at Ron.

"It doesn't matter what we do," Ron said exasperatedly. "We just can't escape him."

Harry laughed and nodded his head, "Very true, Ron. Very true."


Harry said goodbye to Ron at the Great Hall. He was going to be late for the meeting. He hadn't actually been told where to go to get to Grimmauld Place, and so he did the only thing that made sense and headed for Professor McGonagall's office.

Half way there, however, Harry was called into Miss Snape's office.

"Harry, come in here please."

"But, I have to go ... um ... Professor McGonagall ... you know I can't go to detention, right?"

"I know Harry," she smiled. "Mr. Filch is taking detention at eight, as I cannot be there either. Please, come in."

Harry reluctantly went into her office, hoping Professor McGonagall wouldn't leave without him.

Miss Snape sat behind her desk and Harry sat on the chair opposite the desk. He looked around the room, to see how different it looked to its previous occupants. It looked rather plain. Nothing odd, or dark about it at all. There was a West Gregfly Battle-Bees poster on the wall, a painting of a lake with black swans gliding over it, and a large grandfather clock that appeared to have been made for a foreign wizard, as Harry couldn't understand the inscriptions.

Harry twiddled his thumbs, he needed to get going.

"Don't worry Harry; they do not want us there just yet."

"What?" said Harry.

"At the meeting. They don't want us just yet. Remus said he'll pop his head in when it's time."

"You're in the Order?" Harry was a little annoyed at being deprived of this information.

"Not really," Miss Snape smiled. "They don't trust me enough yet. Only enough to let me know they exist."

Harry thought it odd that Snape was trusted over his sister to who most preferred immensely. "Well, if they don't trust you enough, why do they want you to join?"

"Numbers, Harry. Numbers are against them. They need to enlist as many people as they can. Besides, they need my help. For you especially."

"Will you join if they ask you too?" Harry asked eagerly.

"Perhaps," Miss Snape said truthfully. "If they can make it worth my while."

Harry frowned. That didn't seem very moral to him, "And would you join Voldemort if he made it worth your while?"

"Well he hasn't been able to sway me yet," she said. "So I'll say, no."

"Has Voldemort tried to get you to fight for him!" Harry asked in shock.

Miss Snape looked at him thoughtfully, and not taking her eyes off him replied with, "It's a beautiful night. I've always preferred night to day. Similarly cold to hot. Winter to summer. Does that seem strange?"

Harry didn't answer. And as he met Miss Snape's gaze, he realised that she was a very dangerous person. Yet, he did not fear her as he felt he should.

Harry started twiddling his thumbs again … there was a question that he had been dying to ask for a couple of days.

"Go on," she said. "Ask away."

Harry looked at her uncertainly, "How ... I mean to say, when – no – um ... how long you have known-"

"I was his nanny."

"Oh," Harry said. He had expected as much.

"A respectable job for a fourteen year old drop out."

"You dropped out of Hogwarts?"

"Well, not really. Was expelled more like. First Ravenclaw in a hundred years."

"What were you expelled for?"

"You are a curious little blight, aren't you?"

Harry blushed, "Well, how did you end up baby sitting Malfoy?"

She sighed as if to ready herself for a long explanation, "Severus got me the job. I was going to travel, go up to Scandinavia or something - he didn't want that. I'm the only person in the world he likes, I think. Well except for ... yes well anyway, Lucius Malfoy was far to busy to look after his son. All that ass kissing is hard work, you know. And Narcissa didn't know the first thing about being a mother. God knows what she thought she'd learn from a fourteen year old insurgent."

"I would've told your brother to stick it," Harry said his face screwed up. "Rather that than all that unnecessary time with bloody Malfoy."

She smiled in a sort of patient way at him, as if wishing he could understand. "I was tempted to ah - tell him to "stick it". But then I met Draco, and I thought it might not be so bad."

"You're joking, right? He's the biggest, arrogant, toe rag that ever lived!"

"Children aren't born arrogant toe rags, Harry. That is a learned characteristic."

"Meaning he learnt to be an arrogant toe rag?"

Miss Snape laughed, "Yes, I suppose so."

She stopped smiling and looked down solemnly.

"You like, actually care about him, don't you?" Harry asked quietly. "I mean, you don't really show any emotion towards anything or anyone else."

"You're an observant young man … then, you always were," she whispered. She stood up and opened the window to let some cool air in, before popping herself on the window sill.

"When I first saw Draco," Miss Snape began. "He was three years old and running through the back garden with a Fizzing Whizbee in his hand, trying to collect all the spiders so they wouldn't be killed when the fertilizer came in. Hardly sin worthy, don't you agree?"

Miss Snape looked up at the lake painting reminiscently, "He had burnished blonde hair and the brightest, most piercing blue eyes. He was very petite too. In short, the most beautiful little boy you'd ever see. I couldn't believe he belonged to Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy ... I took the job straight away. But eh, he was a little more than I bargained for."

"A pain in the ass you mean?"

"Yep," she laughed. "He didn't think much of me at first. But he seemed to think even less of his mother, so eventually, he came around. After a year I was his hero, he followed me everywhere. I loved it, people would come up to us in Hogsmeade and try and pinch his cheeks (which he of course, he hated), and he'd hide behind me, gripping my leg for dear life - which just made him look more delightful to them. We became best friends, a bit sad on my behalf ... but I loved that little boy more than life itself."

"What changed?" Harry asked.

"Lucius. His son, according to him, wasn't up to scratch. He started spending more time at home, getting in Draco's impressionable ear. Voldemort, like every other family, was a frightening name in the Malfoy household. Just a little differently ... he was glorified at the same time. I held Draco off for as long as I could, but Lucius began to see."

"See what?" Harry asked, on the edge of his seat now. He never thought Malfoy's story would be anything interesting.

"See that I was far too ... neutral to be a governess in the Malfoy household. Lucius would've got rid of me, only Narcissa wouldn't let him."

"Why not?"

"I kept him safe," she said. "Although I didn't know it at the time … and I didn't know why he needed protecting."

"What do you mean?"

"She knew what I was before I did. But she never told my secret, otherwise – I'd tell hers."

"Why did Malfoy need prot?"

"Anyway, Lucius began playing dirty; he began striking fear in Draco. God knows how many times the Unforgivable Curses were used on us. Draco was so audacious; he didn't have to take it.

"Lucius would threaten to use the curse on me, Draco would try to stop him - so instead of me being punished Draco would be. And then I'd try to stop that and I'd be punished as well. I wasn't as strong then as I am now - I could not win a duel with him ... At the time, I couldn't see how this cruelty could aid Lucius cause. But I was naïve, and Lucius was clever," Miss Snape shook her head.

"Draco never had a chance. In the end, he began to resent me as much as he loved me. A few months before he left for Hogwarts, Lucius told me if I didn't leave, he would kill Draco. I didn't dare test him - I left straight away. That was the end of our relationship in Draco's eyes. I could hurt him, I could hate him, but I could never leave him. He'd said that since he was eight years old."

"Why didn't Lucius threaten to kill Malfoy before then?" Harry asked.

"Because Draco loved me, and Lucius knew it. In Draco's eyes I was his mother, his father, his brother, his sister and his best friend. If Lucius had me leave with our relationship that strong, Draco would resent him instead of me. He had to ruin our bond. Plus, once Draco was in Hogwarts, Narcissa didn't need me," she sighed. "And now it's too late, he's gone for good."

"He's a Death Eater?"

"Yes."

"Does Dumbledore know?"

"Probably, nothing much escapes that man's attention where his students are concerned."

"What does he do for them?"

"I can't be entirely sure, but I daresay he plays the part of an informant - nothing more."

"Will he ever come over to our side?"

"Our side? I'm on my own side Harry. And as for Draco, he won't fight for you; he won't for Dumbledore, or even for his friends. Dumbledore knows this."

"What will he fight for?"

Miss Snape raised her eyebrows, "Well ... I thought that was obvious Harry. It's what - aside from training you - I'm required for."

"He'll fight for you?"

"That's what your lot hopes."

There were a few minutes of silence where Harry took in everything that had just been said. He'd never thought it possible, but he felt sorry Malfoy. And he wondered if that was Miss Snape's intent in telling him all this.

"Why did you tell me this?"

"Dumbledore would've told you anyway. I wanted you to understand the way it really was, and not the over-exaggerated, romanticized story you'll get from him."

"Do you want me to be friends with Malfoy or something?"

"I doubt that Draco would willingly be your friend for one hundred million Galleons and a swig of the Elixir of Life. I would've thought the same for you."

"You're right! I'm not saying that I want to be his friend! I just thought that's what you were getting at."

"No Harry," Miss Snape said. "Not all of us go through life holding ulterior motives. You could never be friends with Draco while you are both the way you are now. But ... you could respect each other ... Harry, you won't tell anyone all this, will you?"

"No, of course not!"

"Good," Miss Snape smiled. "You're a good kid."

Harry smiled back at her, "Would you fight if I asked you to?"

"For you... maybe."

Harry beamed. "Thank you ... Miss Snape?"

"Yes?"

"Can I ask you one more question?"

"Just one?" Harry laughed, Dumbledore had said the same thing to him once before.

"Was it worth it?"

"Was what worth it?"

"Staying with the Malfoy's for so long, putting up with everything, was it worth it?"

"Draco was worth it. I'd give anything to see the blue go back to his grey eyes, the shine go back in his smile. But you must understand that an oath to the Order will not bring it back. There's so much more to life than just good and evil," she smiled a little acrimoniously. "Everyone has a fatal flaw Harry. Draco's mine - he'll be the end of me. In my mind, you couldn't put a price on that boy's life."


After a few minutes of silence where Harry wanted to ask Miss Snape another million questions and she sat their looking at him, smiling shrewdly; Remus Lupin's head popped into the fire.

"Sorry Harry, Salima. It took me a while to get here. They're ready for you now. Quickly, come on. Otherwise you won't get back until past midnight."

Harry quickly stood up and headed for the fire. He looked up at Miss Snape - beckoning her forward.

"No, no, Harry. After you."

Harry stepped into the fire and felt the familiar warm, sooty, swirl that was traveling via Floo Powder. He stepped out of the fire and found himself in a dilapidated house.

"Is this where we are having the meeting?" Harry asked.

"Of course not Harry," Lupin said as Miss Snape walked out of the fire after Harry. "God knows who's watching the Floo Networks - we can't go directly to your place."

It felt weird for Harry, to have Grimmauld Place be called his.

Lupin glanced at Miss Snape suspiciously, as if to check that she wasn't pulling her wand out on them. Lupin doesn't trust her, Harry thought. He wondered why as they walked out of the house and onto the street.

Judging by the buildings, and the amount of people on the streets, Harry guessed they were in the heart of London.

"How far are we going to walk?" Harry asked. He was tired after a long week and Quidditch try-outs that night. Plus, he hadn't eaten since lunch.

"We're not walking all the way, just down one of these alleys."

Miss Snape said nothing but walked a little behind them with an unreadable expression on her face.

After a few more minutes of walking (which involved Lupin checking every alley and Harry bumping into male muggles who had stopped suddenly in their tracks at the sight of Miss Snape - Harry was reminded of Fleur Delacour), they finally reached the desired alley.

"Quickly now," Lupin said.

They walked deep into the lane. It was pitch black, all Harry could see was Lupin's shining grey eyes.

"One hand to this you two."

Lupin held something shiny in his hand. Harry put a finger on it tentatively. They waited less than a minute before Harry felt the sensation of being lifted cleanly out of the air. The experience didn't last long. Harry fell on two feet in front of Grimmauld Place.

"Salima take this," Lupin said, holding a little piece of parchment in his hand. Harry guessed that it was a note from Dumbledore telling the address of the Order of the Phoenix Headquarters. But Miss Snape wasn't watching Lupin. She had her hands on her hips and was looking at Grimmauld Place (that she should not have been able to see) with acuity.

"I should've known..." she said shaking her head. "It's been a while since I've been to this place."

Harry looked at her in shock. "You can see it?"

She looked at him, eyebrows raised, "Am I not meant to?"

Lupin was frowning, "No you're not. Let's go."

Lupin grabbed Harry's arm lightly and walked towards the front door. Miss Snape shrugged and followed.

Lupin knocked on the door with the big brass door handle and waited for an answer. Harry was still staring at Miss Snape in surprise whilst Lupin looked highly perturbed. Miss Snape simply whistled and looked at the door intently.

Mrs. Weasley opened the door. "HARRY! Oh, how are you BEAUTIFUL boy!"

"I'm alright Mrs. Weasley," said Harry as Mrs. Weasley took him in a big bear hug. She ignored Miss Snape. "Quickly now Remus, we've been waiting a while."

They walked quickly through the drawing room and into the large dining room as Mrs. Weasley fussed over Harry's attire asking him if he was hungry. Harry gasped as he entered the dining room. It was pact with people. Not all of whom Harry recognised.

"Welcome Harry," came the crisp voice of Albus Dumbledore. "And you too Salima." She nodded her head in acknowledgement and walked over to Snape who was standing by the fire looking particularly displeased.

Harry went and sat with the twins at the table, who had evidently saved him a spot.

"How're you doing old boy?" asked Fred.

"I'm fine," said Harry smiling at them.

"Alright, now that everyone is here," began Dumbledore. "I can begin first, with some explanations."

"Yes, please do," said Lupin who eyed Miss Snape icily. Harry thought this strange as Lupin made a habit of being kind to everyone.

"What is your moral dilemma, Lupin?" Professor Snape asked. "You have no problem with her teaching your golden boy her magic."

"This is a little different Severus," Mrs. Weasley added. "We can keep an eye on her when she's doing that. And why should we trust her after ... just tell me why?"

"You trust me," said Snape.

"Yes well her circumstances are just a little different, wouldn't you agree?" Mrs. Weasley said.

"But she-"

"Yes - let's do talk about me as if I were not here," Miss Snape said calmly.

Harry glanced at Dumbledore; he looked worn out and in need of a serious holiday. "Will you please desist? We are not here to quarrel about the past."

Lupin turned away but was looking very perturbed again. Professor Snape was staring daggers in his back. Miss Snape yawned behind her hand, an indifferent look on her face.

"Now," Dumbledore continued - Harry had a sneaking suspicion that they had been arguing all night. "As you all know, not too long ago Harry came across some plans. Plans of Lord Voldemort's. They were meant for Lucius Malfoy; however, as he was incarcerated before Lord Voldemort could call back the owl - they were intercepted by a young woman and given to Harry."

"Who's the young woman?" Nymphadora Tonks asked.

"That is not important," said Dumbledore.

"O' course it is! She'd 'ave to be a powerful little witch to pull down one o' You-Know-Oo's owls," added Mundungus Fletcher.

"It is not import-"

"Was it the seer?" Miss Snape asked, studying her fingernails.

"Yes, incidentally it was."

Miss Snape smiled, "She's making a prophecy?"

Dumbledore looked at his hands, clearly not wanting this much information revealed at one time.

"She is, isn't she? Oh, we are in trouble," Miss Snape said smiling a little maliciously. "And these plans of Voldemort's-" a collective shudder went through the room - "they are connected to her prophecy?"

"We do not know," Dumbledore said. "The plans are coded; all we have established is the sender and the intended recipient."

"Isn't it a little careless of You-Know-Who to just send an owl, full of these important documents?" Fred asked.

"You've never seen his owls," said Professor McGonagall tartly.

Harry was staring at Dumbledore again, who was staring at Miss Snape, who was staring at Lupin, who was staring at Harry. This would've been very amusing if it weren't such a serious situation.

"Professor Flitwick, would you be so kind as to give the plans to Miss Snape," Dumbledore said. "What do you make of them, Salima?"

Tiny Professor Flitwick quickly trotted off to Miss Snape by the fire. She pulled her eyes away from Lupin and looked down at the documents.

Everyone in the room was silent, staring expectantly at Miss Snape, their hearts in their throats. What diabolical plan was Voldemort plotting? Harry thought.

Miss Snape's eyebrows began to rise, and then she began to go white. And whiter ... Harry's heart was racing. It had been ten minutes of silence, all eyes on Miss Snape who was looking more and more fearful. Then suddenly:

"Headmaster, have the Death Eaters escaped Azkaban yet?" she asked hurriedly.

"Yes," Dumbledore said.

There was a communal gasp around the room, and Harry felt a cold wave flow over him very quickly. Mrs. Weasley grabbed Mr. Weasley's hand and Fred and George wore angry expressions while Tonks and Kingsley Shacklebolt hung their heads. But no one looked as worried as Miss Snape who threw down the documents and disappeared with a resounding pop.

Everyone stood up quickly and began talking frantically.

"What's going on? What did the papers say?" said Tonks.

"I thought this place had anti-apparating charms on it?" said George.

"She could see the house too, without being told by Dumbledore!" said Harry.

"We should never have trusted her!" said Mrs. Weasley heatedly.

"Where'd she go?" asked Mundungus Fletcher.

Lupin looked solemnly at Mundungus, "We know where she's gone, Dung. She only cares about him Albus … you're risking a lot."

"We all are Remus."


A/N: Thank you to MinorMistake99, Nattles, fake-truth86 and Fluery for reviewing chapters two and/or three. Spread the love and press the button in the left hand corner!

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