A/N: My first Kay-based Phantom story. This is not a continuation, nor an alteration…it is more of an explanation, if you will. Though mainly centered around Susan Kay's novel, it has some influence from ALW (lyrics, phrases, etc.), so any Phantom phan should be able to enjoy this. Physical descriptions can be from any version you desire…though I do make reference to Erik's golden eyes, which is directly taken from Leroux and Kay. Told from Christine's point of view; takes place after Erik and Christine's narration, during the climax of the novel…just before they kiss.

P.S: Reviews are greatly appreciated!


PROLOGUE: LEAD ME


How many times in my mind had I made love to those wonderfully haunting eyes, wishing desperately the beauty that shown out from the golden irises had been reflected on his entire persona?

More times, I imagine, than I could count.

My God, how this man before me had frightened my inner child. There was no questioning his authority when one looked upon him, dressed wholly in black save the ghostly porcelain mask upon his face. He radiated an awesome power, one even he had trouble controlling.

As he did now.

I had seen him lose him temper… Lord knows he did it quite often. But for the first time in my life since I had first looked upon my Angel, I feared for my physical being. He was quickly, desperately becoming disconnected from reality. I saw a horrifying madness overtake those wonderfully alluring eyes, and although I was sure that while in his right mind he would never hurt me, I began to back away from him, slowly and cautiously.

"I don't want your pity or your fear…" he hissed at me.

Erik…Erik… You know as well as I that you have always had my fear; you have glorified by the submission of my senses whenever you were around. You have relished in that power, taken a noxious, poisonous pride in it…I have seen it in your eyes. But my pity… No, Erik. You deserve so much, but not that. Not such a degrading emotion as pity.

You are too acquainted with the world's cruelties for any sort of feeble pity on my part.

But perhaps there is something else you need.

"I don't want you!"

These words stopped me in my tracks. We met each other's gaze uncertainly, and I saw something in him that I had never seen before. Something that made my breaking heart throb relentlessly against my throat. I tried to hide the despair in my eyes, but Erik was too clever to be fooled by my feeble masquerade. The desperation that crossed my face betrayed me.

"What do you want?" I whispered tentatively. "Erik, please…tell me what you want."

He turned from me, as if my presence before him was unbearable. He steadied himself of the mantle, and I watched his long, sensual fingers caress the wood. My hand trailed over the arm of his leather couch, and I was met by a veil. Curious…I had not seen it lying there before. Almost without my awareness, I picked it up and placed it on my head. My legs drifted towards the shadowy figure before me, carrying me forwards with a lingering apprehension.

He sensed my presence and turned sharply, his eyes burning holes into my skin. I saw a subtle flickering in emotions cross his face, changing from guarded anger to startled sorrow. Perhaps it was then I realized that even if Raoul and I should make it out of here together, I would never be free of those eyes. My breathing became rapid, labored, irregular.

Would my connection with this man be that Hell I had made it out to be? I was no longer so sure.

His gaze was locked on the veil that covered my face, and I understood: He felt guilty.

Oh Erik, do not mourn the loss of my innocence. I am not, nor have I ever been, worthy of your tears. Please, Erik…bask in my new found revelation. I believe now I am ready.

With dawning expectation, I drew back the lace. I hesitated before reaching up to his mask, feeling the immense coldness of the porcelain beneath my fingers, and let it fall onto the carpet between us. His face was no longer horrible; in its strange existence, it was almost sublime, as if it were too beautiful for my meager human mind to ever hope to understand.

Our eyes met, his disbelieving, mine in suspense, and I trailed my hands over his shoulders. For a moment we did not move, as my mind barraged my heart with piercing questions of logic.

But I had thrown logic to the wind.

"Take me…" I murmured into his ear, my voice unusually low and pleading. "Teach me…"

I pushed myself up onto my toes and pressed my lips to his. In those first few instants, I felt the utter shock pulsate through him. Then, as I deepened the kiss, he realized.

I chose him.

And it was not because of Raoul.

It was so unlike anything I had experienced before…this sudden wave of passion and desire. My tongue met his, and somewhere in the back of my mind, I heard his delicious, glorious music. For the first time, I was not the innocent student of my all-knowing tutor. I was teaching this master of the arts the beauty of physical, undeniable tenderness, I was showing him that he could be loved.

But in those moments, it was he who bound himself to me, and I knew my heart would never again truly be my own.


Cruel fate, why do you mock me? Have I angered you in my decision with my readiness to obey the callings of my soul? Yes, surely that must be it…to abandon the purity of young romance for the beautiful paradox of my union with darkness is to abandon the ageless fairytale ending. And this must contradict all understandings of black and white.

Erik and I.

This must be why you had me leave with Raoul…

Well, my dear Fate, it seems you have been bested a power outside your control…the power of a heart-driven promise.

They had been so quick, those moments after time stopped. I remember seeing Raoul stumble from the hidden room and hearing Erik's melodious voice. My senses were intoxicated by the bittersweet seduction of his dexterous fingers as they entwined themselves with mine, slowly and carefully. "I would like you to marry her as soon as possible."

Wait…it was Erik who spoke such words. I stared at him…perhaps I had misheard. When I tried to question him, he placed one long, pale finger to my mouth, and I savored his skin as it once again touched my lips. "There's nothing more to say," he said simply.

Taking Raoul's perfectly sculpted hand gently by the wrist, he placed it over my own, joining us together in a symbol of unceremonious matrimony. I looked up at him in shock, and I watched as, for the first time, Erik cried in my presence. He was silent, but I understood.

And I loathed it with all my being.

He did not speak directly to me again, instead turning to Raoul and asking him to bring me back the day before our wedding, as to bid farewell before I am married. Marriage… How pathetic and worthless the word sounded to my ears. He dropped our hands and turned back to the darkening shadows that were slowly encompassing us. I flew towards him desperately, my voice suddenly unable to work. Raoul caught me by the arms, pulling me to him. I watched in dawning horror as he left me, no backward glances.

Fate denied me the strength to surrender all I had worked so hard for…this man who held me protectively to his chest. Erik had relinquished me, and I did not have the courage to confront him and receive the sacrificial rejection that he would assuredly give me.

Then the tears began to flow.


A/N: This is a fairly short prologue...I'm not sure how long the chapters will be. Bear with me here.