Dear Journal
It doesn't seem fair to feel the way I do about my best friend. He has everything, He walks through the halls with such ease, knowing those who hate him are really jealous. It doesn't seem fair that I have to sit back and watch him get noticed. To get praised and watched. To be envied. I sit back and listen to myself complain. the useless pettiness of it all, even when he complains it has a purpose, it has a deep history of concern behind it. Harry Potter, he's so significant and unique. He'd never be ignored. He's not just ordinary... I am, it's all i've ever been. Now however everyone can say I am the fortune-less sidekick of the one and only boy who lived. I don't know when I became so jealous. I don't know when I first looked at him and felt nothing. Last night Harry came to me and told me about his scar starting to hurt again, I remember acting concerned but I can't remember the last time when my concerns were sincere. The more I despise him the angrier I become because now I'm the bad guy, He has unintentionally made me a horrible boy. In closing, I guess I am just searching for something more. I really don't hate him, I just hate myself.
Harry looked over at me as I closed my book. He probably could feel the negative energy.
Ron are you okay? Harry asked, he always ask me. I always lie and it makes me realize how much he doesn't know me, or even care to realize how dead I've become. He hears what he wants and in the end he's the polite one who asked how I was feeling.
I'm fine Harry, how have you been? Has your scar been hurting at all today? Part of me wishes it did, part of me didn't care and part of me hope he'd never feel the pain again.
No, It hasn't bothered me all day. I think I over reacted Harry said while pulling the covers over him to warm himself from the breeze that was seeping in throughout the room.
I gave him an expected satisfying smile. he was lying, it wasn't hard to tell. He didn't want me to worry , he never did. Nice right? I don't by it. He knows I can see right through his terrible lying, he wants me to join him at his pity party and like a good little sidekick I will.
Harry you don't have to lie, it hurt today too didn't it. I just want to help I rolled my eyes at how attentive i came across.
Just a little. I'm scared Ron... don't tell hermione though, she'd suggest all these books to read and plus I don't want her to worry.
I hate it when he says her name, it just reminds me of how she looks at him, how he looks at her and how i am expected not to notice... I hate it that I care, that Hermione may mean more to me than I ever thought, I hate it that Harry has that piece of her. I long for her to look at me, to want me to want her. He's much better for her anyway, he has much more to offer. I lose again.
I won't tell her trust me. I think you need some sleep Harry. We'll talk about this tomorrow. If it starts hurting again then way may have to go to Dumbledore . This could be serious."
Without saying anything he nodded his head and turned over. I found myself hoping he'd be okay. I never want anything bad to happen to Harry, he's the best friend I have. I take comfort in knowing that I am his. I can't help but be jealous, can't help but want what he has. I stayed up until I knew he fell to sleep, like everything else he went to sleep perfectly.
A/N- Yeah I was bored, and just started writing a depressing Ron lol.. so hope someone out there liked it..
