This is the big chapter… you find out what happened between her and Paul :D
Chapter Five
And there was Paul.
I had almost forgotten how hot he was, in the few weeks that I'd been shoving him out of my mind.
"Suze? Come on, the bus…" Cee Cee trailed off when she saw what—or who, rather—I was looking at. "Who is that?"
He was still about a hundred yards away, but I could still see that trademark smirk, and the sun glistening on his hair. I couldn't breathe.
He stood up straighter, and his smirk turned into a smile. Was he waiting for me? Was he sorry?
Did he regret ending… us?
I was about to walk up to him, when I heard someone behind me. "Paul!" I turned around, and saw Kelly flounce towards him. Kelly, Miss Blonde and Popular.
Paul greeted her with his tongue, then they both slid into his car. She put her arm around his shoulder, and I saw his hand rest on her bare thigh where here miniskirt ended.
It was like the knife that he had stabbed in my heart 2 and a half weeks ago had slid out and stabbed me again. My hand gripped Cee Cee's wrist for support, as the air sucked itself out of my lungs.
"Suze, who was that?" she asked. I couldn't speak.
How could I have been so stupid to think he'd come back to me? I quickly wiped my eyes, before Cee Cee saw the few tears that had squeezed themselves out of my eyes.
Too late.
She grabbed my wrist, completely disregarding the bus we had to catch, and sat be down on a bench. "Suze, what wrong?"
"It's nothing… allergies," I said lamely. "Come on, the bus-"
"Screw the bus," she demanded. "Tell me what the hell is going on."
"Nothing," I protested, trying to get up, but she pushed me back down.
"This is not nothing. I'm not stupid, you know. You have weird, unexplained bruises, strange girls come up and bitch you out for no reason, and now this guy comes and you start crying at the sight of him. Now, tell me, Suze, what happened?"
I sighed, and looked down the street.
"Come on, Suze," he moaned in my ear. "It's okay, I won't hurt you."
It wasn't the first time he had gotten me on his bed, underneath him, missing some articles of clothing that I couldn't walk around town without unless I wanted to get arrested. It wasn't the first time I'd gotten second thoughts, either. But this time was different. I took a deep breath.
"I know, Paul… I trust you." And then the rest of our clothes disappeared.
An hour later, we lay there comfortably and quietly. I put my arm on his chest, feeling it rise and fall and the steady beat of his heart. "I love you," I whispered. He didn't say anything back. He must have already fallen asleep, I thought, and drifted off myself.
"That was Paul," I whispered. "He was my boyfriend at RLS." Cee Cee sat down next to me. I paused, but she didn't interrupt. "He asked me out when I moved here, last January, and suddenly everyone loved me. I was popular, I got invited to the parties, other guys were interested me." I laughed humorlessly. "Such a stark contrast to the way things were in Brooklyn… I got sucked into it all." I paused again. "But he kept trying to have sex with me. And I kept saying no. But eventually, I just thought, 'Oh, to hell with it. I love him, that's good enough.' So I slept with him." Cee Cee's eyes widened slightly behind her glasses. "And I told him that I loved him." Embarrassingly, more tears came, and I wiped them away. "And the next morning, when I went down for breakfast, my mom told me he had stopped by, and given her a note for me." Cee Cee obviously figured out where this was going.
"Oh, Suze," she said gently.
"It said that he wasn't ready for a commitment, and that he wanted to see other people. So I, being the stupid love struck idiot that I was, confronted him. And he got mad, and shoved me against the lockers and held me there, and told me to leave him alone." She rubbed my back gently.
"And those were your friends? At Dairy Queen?" she asked quietly, sympathy in her violet eyes.
"They dumped me just like he did. When I called them that night, crying, they just said similar bitchy things, that I was a slut, that I was a stupid, clingy bitch and they're surprised Paul and I had lasted that long before he got fed up with me."
"Oh, Suze…"
"And that's when I told my mom I wanted to transfer… I couldn't face a new school year with no friends and seeing Paul making out with his new blonde bimbo between classes."
"Kelly goes here," Cee Cee said, perplexed.
"I was talking about Laura," I said darkly, "the girl he drove off with after I confronted him at school."
"Oh," she said, at a loss of anything else to say. "Well… that explains a lot." I smiled wryly.
"Just… don't go around telling people, okay? I don't need the entire school to know that poor little Suze got dumped because she had sex." She shook her head vigorously, her white hair sparkling in the sun.
"Of course not."
"Now, come on… the bus will be here any second," I said. I was surprised how good it felt to tell someone what had happened… someone who didn't tell me that I had it coming and that it was all my fault.
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It was Friday, so after we worked on our project, Cee Cee convinced me to come with her to go see a movie. I vetoed the romantic comedy, even though I love those movies, and opted for the suspense thriller.
After the movie and a thorough discussion of the plot, Cee Cee brought up something I had been keeping my mind away from. "None of it really explains why you won't go out with Jesse."
I didn't need anything else to be said; I knew exactly what she was talking about. I looked at her sharply, wondering how she knew about me refusing his multiple offers to get coffee with him, or to go see a movie. He hadn't given up, always asking subtly and politely. However, I couldn't do anything with just him. I just couldn't.
"He told me. He's very confused about it, you know. You should tell him," she said gently. "He'll understand, better than anyone else can."
"No. I can't. And to answer your first question, doesn't it?" I looked at her with raised eyebrows.
"No, it doesn't. What better way to move on, then to go out for coffee with one of the hottest guys in the world, who, by the way, thinks you're pretty hot yourself." She answered the unspoken question in my eyes. "You'd be surprised what he says about you when you're not around. It's always 'Susannah this, Susannah that,'" she said, and I smiled a bit and blushed. "See? I knew you liked him. So tell me, why not?"
I sighed. "I'm not getting hurt again, Cee. Simple as that. I'm not opening myself up for that again." Cee Cee stopped walking.
"Suze, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. And I've been hanging out with Adam for almost ten years." I laughed, but then I realized she was insulting me.
"It's not stupid. It's a defense mechanism. I got burned once. I'm not reaching for the pot again."
"That's why you use a pot holder…er, a metaphorical one, of course. I'm not saying to dive into bed with the guy… sorry," she said, seeing my glare.
"I never jumped into bed with him," I protested. "It was only after dating for long time that I finally slept with him."
"I know… sorry. Inappropriate expression," she apologized. "But come on, what will a cup of coffee hurt?"
I didn't say anything back. I walked in silence, mulling over what she had just told me.
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The weekend past fairly uneventfully. I met up with Rachel, Adam, and Cee Cee at Adam's house on Sunday afternoon to hang out, but that was really the only time I got out over the weekend.
Jesse couldn't be there. He was up at his ranch, visiting his family. I was surprised at how disappointed I was that I wouldn't be able to see him. Maybe Cee Cee was right.
On Monday, back at school, I realized that the student council had planned a Back to School dance that Friday. There were posters around the school, and Sister Ernestine made mention of it during the morning announcements. It was at the beach, which was cool. I'd always wanted to do that. Jenna had promised to suggest it to the student council, of which she was Vice President.
Cee Cee must not have mentioned anything about Paul to any of our friends, because they didn't act any different or say anything. I was grateful of this.
However…
That Wednesday was the first day that we got the chance to hang out again. Even if we didn't see each other, I did talk to Jesse on the phone every night. Not always for long, but we talked. We'd all been swamped with homework, but Wednesday we were all relatively homework free. So, I invited them over to my house. No one was home, so I brought them up to my room. It's not like we were going to do anything, seeing as there were, of course, five of us (and I don't think any of us are the sort to initiate an orgy), but my mom still isn't crazy about the idea of boys in my room.
It's too bad the innocence she was trying to protect has already been lost.
However, while I had been straightening my room before they came over, I had found the note.
The note.
That had obviously dampened my spirits a bit, and I wasn't in the mood to just fool around and talk.
Cee Cee noticed, and while Adam and Jesse were downstairs getting some soda, she asked me what was up. I told her, and she clucked sympathetically but couldn't say any more because Adam stampeded through the door.
Jesse followed with a much calmer demeanor.
I excused myself to go to the bathroom. When I came back, I heard Jesse say my name. I froze, and listened.
"Cee, do you know why Susannah seems so upset? She was fine during lunch today." I heard Cee Cee sigh.
"She just… found something earlier. It brought back memories." I heard him sigh.
"Something just doesn't seem right with her. She's always seemed a bit sad."
"Well, she has good reason to," Cee Cee said. I couldn't see them, since the door was closed, but I could picture their faces perfectly. Jesse's intenseness focused on Cee Cee… Cee Cee's sudden realization of what she said. Adam's confusion.
"What do you mean? Did she tell you something?" Jesse asked. "Do you know why she had those bruises?" Cee Cee sighed.
"She told me… but swore me to secrecy," she apologized. "I wish she would tell you guys, but she doesn't want to.
"Cee Cee, please, tell us. I'm worried about her," Adam said.
"So am I," Jesse's voice said, deep and strong. "She… did her ex-boyfriend do something? He didn't… force himself on her, did he?" I could hear anger in his voice.
"No. He…" she let out a frustrated groan, then dropped her voice. "If you tell her I told you, you're dead. Both of you." They both murmured their acquiescence.
"Tell us," Adam urged. I held my breath.
"Suze's ex boyfriend is an ass. When they went out, he kept trying to have sex with her. She didn't want to for a while, but then she finally complied." As much as I wanted to stop Cee Cee from talking about my sex life, I couldn't move. I just sat there, listening, like she was talking about someone else, and I wanted to get the dirt.
"Whoa… so Suze isn't a virgin?" Adam asked. I heard the dull thud of someone hitting him. "Ow!"
"She finally did what he wanted her to do, because she loved him… and she told him. But the next day, he broke up with her. In a note." Jesse said something in Spanish. "She was obviously heartbroken… I mean, he broke up with her after she finally decided she loved him enough to sleep with him. But when she confronted him that day, he shoved her against the wall and held her there and basically told her to fuck off." I heard Jesse get up, and I felt the floor shake ever so gently with his pacing footsteps.
"Bastard," Adam said indignantly. Jesse kept muttering in Spanish. "Wait, what about those girls at DQ? Was that related?"
Cee Cee sighed again. "Yes… when Paul got rid of her, so did they. Apparently she called them up for sympathy, but instead they told her it was all her fault or something, and that she was a bitch and a whore."
"God… I had no idea," Adam said. "What assholes." To my surprise, my cheeks felt wet. Hearing it all from someone else… it was hard.
I finally worked up the strength to open the door. I leaned against the doorframe. "You all must think I'm some pathetic, weak little thing. That I'm too stupid to hold on for a guy a day longer than I held on to my virginity. That I'm an idiot for sleeping with such a jerk."
Adam looked taken aback. "God, Suze, not at all!" Jesse, who still looked very angry, softened his face and came over and held my face, gently wiping away the tears.
"Oh, Querida, I do not think you are an idiot at all. He is the fool, for letting someone was wonderful as you go," he whispered, kissing my cheek and pulling me into a hug.
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Aww… and, review. :D
