Title: Not Enough
Author: Waxie
Rating: PG13 may go up
Pairing: S/YY
Spoilers: none
Warnings: angsty m-pregnancy, Yaoi!
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-gi-oh.
Summary: Fatherhood can be a rather shocking ordeal. More so if it's unplanned. Seto will have to understand that there's more to fatherhood beyond the wallet and simultaneously keep a shaky marriage from sinking right from under him.
Status: 2?
Author's Notes: More story. More plot. More angst. Enjoy.
Chapter 2 of Closing My Eyes and Pretending
I told him.
I TOLD him.
I sit up in bed. The delayed realization is finally seeping in, reaching my very veins and now circulating throughout my whole body, keeping tempo with my raging heartbeat. The chill air hits my warm skin, causing me to shiver. I glance at the window; its open...again. I glance at the clock next to me before slipping out from under the covers and heading over to the open window.
5:37 A.M. It's early. It's dark outside. And I'm late.
Closing the window, I turn to survey the room. My eyes scan over the blue carpet, the walls, the furniture, the bed, and lastly he himself who has been the reason of my misery for the past year.
I stoop down and pick up my button-up shirt from where it had been strewn aside last night. It's ripped…again. Seto, in his animalistic desperation to relieve his need, to feel his skin upon mine, had ripped off each button with his teeth until finally flinging it away over his shoulder. I walk over to his dresser and take out a clean shirt from the bottom drawer. I slip it on, tossing the ruined shirt in the waste basket as I retrieve my pants from the foot of the bed. As I slip on my pants, I see Seto, in his slumber, roll onto his back.
Seto.
Fiddling with the collar of the shirt I just borrowed, I watch him. I follow the slow rhythmic rise and fall of his chest as he breathes evenly and deeply. His hair is mussed and loose locks of soft, short brown hair adorn his sleeping face in random directions. It compliments him nicely, the messy, tumultuous look. He has no idea how much he reminds me of his former past self.
High Priest Seto. My High Priest Seto. Long gone are the days I had with him. I sacrificed my life for Egypt, we swore to meet again, and this is what the gods gave me. This pathetic excuse for what my Seto used to be. This Seto…this Kaiba in all his secular glory he holds so dearly…he could never match his predecessor. No, this Kaiba, this man asleep in his bed is a mockery of my dead lover.
Cruel are the gods, for it is unfortunate I met him. He carries all the physical attributes my lover once did. Cerulean eyes, chestnut brown hair, a strong lithe build – all of these does he possess and for what? He is nothing like the man he resembles; he is nothing like the reincarnation I could have ever fathomed him to be.
My High Priest is dead.
But perhaps, what hurts more than his departure from this world, more than knowing I that I am doomed to live out this pathetic existence by myself, is having a look-alike walk around and pretend to be him. And while I know this isn't Seto, can never be Seto, I cling to him like an anchor to my sanity.
I'm using him. He doesn't know who it really is I am thinking about when I kiss him, when I let him have his way with me. It is his luck he bears my deceased lover's name. For it is not his name I call out every night, but that of an Egyptian Seto, a Seto only alive in my memories.
But this Seto…this Kaiba is as close as I can get to the real thing…These hands, this chest, this hair, these eyes, these lips…
"Seto…" I whisper huskily in his ear. "Seto wake up…"
His eyes slowly open to the call of my lover's name. I rub my face into his cheek, much like a cat. I need to feel him… I need to make myself pretend he's with me…"Seto…"
"Haven't had enough?" He's smirking. I know he's smirking; I don't need to see it to know it's there. He flips us over and I find myself sandwiched between the bed and him. I close my eyes as he begins his assault. Pretend…pretend its Seto…
But I'm lying to myself.
This man now on top of me is only Seto skin deep…
He kisses the juncture between my neck and shoulder…skin deep is deep enough…
No, it's not.
I can make it…
No, I can't…
I'm going to have to…he's the father to my baby…
Everything catches up to me, too hard, too fast. I push him off of me and I scramble off the bed.
I explain as I slip on my jacket harshly all the while avoiding his questioning gaze. "It's late. Mokuba will be up soon to watch his morning cartoons. I doubt you'd want him to walk in on us?" I zip up my jacket and finally look up at him. "Besides, I have to get back home to Yugi."
"Yes, of course." He replies, devoid of any emotion. I leave before he can say much more.
