Thank you so much for all of your reviews! You guys are so great!

Chapter 8 - reflection of a stranger

The punishment was not what I had expected. I thought that I would just get a detention, or maybe even suspended, but this, this is just cruel and unusual. Not only do I have to mop floors and clean bathrooms for a week, but I have to do it with Brittany. That's right, I am a janitor for a week. Tree Hill High is a place where normal punishment is simply not an option. So, now I get to clean up other people's messes, next to my archrival. What worse is everyone is going to ask why we got into a fight and I don't want to have to face that yet. I managed to avoid them, mainly Brooke and Nathan for that rest of the day, and now I am safely inside my house. This was possibly the worst day of my life. I guess that's what lead me here, to the bathroom, the thought of a pain that I can control and that I can cause whenever I want to. It was calling to me; the razor just looks so perfect, and right sitting there on the sink. Without even a second of hesitation I start to slice, not once, not twice, but many times, over and over again. I bring the razor up my arm, and I pull it down in one swift motion, the blood dripping into the sink, but there is no shooting pain up my arm, no comforting agony. For I am numb and all that I feel is emptiness. I drop the razor as I fall to the floor, a crumbled mess of who I used to be; yet I don't cry. Not even one single tear falls. My eyes are dry, and my heart is empty and hollow. I realize now that I don't have control, I don't have anything. I stand up, although weakly, and grab a hold of the sink to support me. And as I look in the mirror, I wonder who that person is that is looking back at me, because it isn't me. I finally feel the pain that I wanted, but not in my arm, and it isn't from a razor, its in my heart, I feel as my concrete walls turn to mush, and I realize that even though the pain is hard to handle, it is better than the numbness that I felt before, and soon my face is wet, and I taste salt in my mouth, so I just sit here, on my bathroom floor, and cry until I fall asleep.

I woke up to a loud knocking on my front door. I really hope that it isn't Brooke, she cant see me like this, Its Nathan, thank god. I really need to talk to someone and I just feel like he will be that right person to talk to. As I open the door, he gives me a once over before he pulls me into a hug. Being in his arms just sets my tears off again, and as I cry my tears are caught on his shoulder. But when I pull my head a way I realize that I stained his perfect white shirt with my dark eye makeup and black tears. Without a word between us I pull him up the stairs into my room, where we both sit on my bed. He looks at my arms and looks at me with really sad eyes.

"So, you're still cutting?" He asked it like a question, but we both already knew the answer.

"Yeah, I hadn't been, not for awhile anyway, but, I don't know it just kind of happened." I wanted to explain it to him, but I just didn't know how too.

"It just kind of happened Haley how could it just happen?" He sounded angry and his voice just kept getting louder and louder. I didn't need him to yell at me right now. How could he just stand there and yell, anyway, does he even care. Because it doesn't seem like he does, maybe it was all just an act.

"Haley did you just felt like purposely hurting yourself over and ov-?" I cut him off, what right does he have to be this angry?

"Shut-up Nathan! I am not proud right now, okay. But I cant talk to you when your like this and I think that you should just go." His face softened and he looked sorry, but it doesn't matter, he already proved that he really doesn't care.

"Haley, I only freaked out because I care about you." I want to believe him, I really do, but cant and I don't feel like I can trust him anymore, I showed him my soul and my heart, and he bashed them, so why should I let him in further? I shouldn't and I wont.

"I don't care Nathan, and you have to leave, now!"

"Haley, I-"

"Nathan, Please, just go, I can't deal with you right now."

"Fine I'll go. I just don't like seeing you hurt."

" Well, you won't have to anymore, because I cant see you anymore."

He left and looked hurt but I don't care, because with him gone I have no one, so I'm hurt too, but it's my own fault. The numbness slowly creeps up and overtakes me. It's time that I have some fun. I pick up the phone.

" Brooke, its Hales, lets go clubbing tonight."

Sorry to kind of just leave you hanging, but I will try and post again later tonight!