THank you so much for the replies and for reading my story. Sorry that I didnt update sooner, but i hope it was worth the wait!

Chapter 16 - War of the head and heart

"Haley, I am sorry, but your right, I was never there, and honestly don't think that it is going to change, so you should go with Nathan." She was crying. It was the first time I had ever seen that, and it made me think that maybe she isn't the ice queen that I thought she was. I guess I can give her the benefit of the doubt, at least this once.

My dad is sitting quietly, not making a noise and Nathan looks just as shocked as I feel, I can't believe that my mother just said I could go. Before I realize what I am doing I hug her. She is stiff at first, but then she hugs me back. We let go quickly, because it is awkward, and even though she is being a good mother at the moment it doesn't erase all that she has done. It doesn't change all of the pain that I have gone through, but maybe, not that we go tit out in the open things can change. It will take a long time, and may only be a small difference. I just hope one day when she says she loves me I'll believe it.

I go over and hug my dad briefly and he returns the gesture almost mechanically. I feel the distance between my dad and me now more then ever. I don't think that things will ever change between us, but that doesn't bother me as much as it should. I know that Nathan will do whatever is necessary to make sure that I have as much love in my life as I need.

I walk to Nathan next and he slips his arm around my waist and smiles down at me.

"Haley, you need to finish packing, so you should probably go and do that, Nathan can help you." My mom speaks those final words before exiting the room. I look at Nathan and grab his hand and pull him up the stairs to my room.

We get up there and both collapse on my bed.

"Well, Hales, we did it. We got your parents to let us be together." He smiles at me and I try to return the gesture, but end up in tears instead. Nathan pulls me into a hug, but I push him away.

"Nathan, what if we are making a mistake? Maybe I should just go with them, we are so young."

"Haley, what are you taking about, this is what you wanted, remember? We just had to ask your parents, and we did. They said yes Haley, it's going to be okay I promise." He tries to hug me again but I push him away harder this time. I can't handle it all right now.

"You promise, Nathan? You can't promise me something like that, things happen. When I was little my parents would always make promises. They would promise that they would always be their, didn't they Nathan? But they weren't. They left, just like you will, and I can't take that." At this point I am bawling and Nathan is standing there shocked.

"Haley, what are you talking about, I m not going to lease you!"

"No, Nathan, you just don't think that you will, but you will in the end. That is just not a chance I am willing to take."

"That doesn't make sense, if we end it here you still lose me."

"I know Nathan, but I would rather lose you now then become completely dependent on you and lose you later. If you just think about it it makes sense."

"Don't think Haley, Feel, it doesn't matter what your head says, tell me what your heart is saying." I slip the beautiful diamond ring that he gave me off of my finger and hand it back to him. I see a tear slip down his cheek, and know I have to stay strong. I have to remember that it is better to lose him now then later.

"I cant Nathan, I'm sorry, but I cant." He closes his hand around the ring and then storms out of the house. I shut my door and lock it, not wanting to deal with anyone but myself.

I go back to packing but stop when I come to a picture of Nathan and me. We look so happy. I realize that I just made a huge mistake, but I don't have the courage to fix it. I don't want to put my heart on the line, so it can be ripen to shreds. So I sit in my room, all alone telling myself that I made the right choice. I cant help but notice though, that I am silently wishing that Nathan will walk back through my door and take me in his arms. To silence my thoughts I put on my headphones and put in a random CD, and sing along as a familiar song comes on.

Once again I just can't get it straight
Wondering if wandering is my fate
But don't lose hope in me quite yet
'cause help must be on the way, any day

As I hear the lyrics I jump to my feet, I walk towards the door but then change my mind and sit back down, I can't give in, I have to stay strong.


From my head to my heart
Can't seem to find a way they're so far apart
It's not you, it's not your fault
You've got everything I could ever want
And you've always understood my intentions are good
And we've been so close from the start
But the furthest distance I've ever known is
From my head to my heart

By this time I am bawling and decide that I want to have Nathan now and not worry about what could happen, I sprint out of my room and into the hall. I still have my CD player with me and the song is blaring in my ears.

I feel the distance standing here next to you
I don't want to keep you waiting, but I've been waiting too
Some day if I get there and you still want me too
We can see it through

I am running down the street and it is poring rain, but it doesn't matter to me, I have to get to Nathan, I need to be with him.

From my head to my heart
Can't seem to find a way they're so far apart
It's not you, it's not your fault
You've got everything I could ever want
And you've always understood my intentions are good
And we've been so close from the start
But the furthest distance I've ever known is
From my head to my heart

I hope that he gives me another chance. I need him, I cant run away scared.


From my head to my heart
can't seem to find a way they're so far apart

Its not you, you've got everything I could ever want

The song plays and I get to Nathan's building. I start to knock on his door waiting for him to answer. He opens the door, and sees me. When I open my mouth to speak he slams the door in my face. I don't try to knock again, it wouldn't do anything. IN stead I just walk out into the poring rain and let it come down on me. I need it, it makes me feel good. My tears blend with the rain, and I fall to the ground. I sit on the ground and sob as I finally realize that I just lost my one true love. I feel my heartbreak and then shatter, knowing that I just made the hugest mistake of my life.

From my head to my heart
Can't seem to find a way they're so far apart
It's not you, it's not your fault
You've got everything I could ever want
And you've always understood my intentions are good
And we've been so close from the start
But the furthest distance I've ever known is
From my head to my heart

I cant remember who that song is by, but I know its not me!

Thanks for reading and please reply!