Author's Note: For Drakena the Destroyer. This is an extremely late Christmas present. I'm very sorry… d'oh…
Turning the coin in the light, blue eyes watched it shimmer, the reflections catching and dancing over the interior of her cabin. It played across the mirror and shone back towards her. She turned her gaze to it, and after a moment of studying her expression, she looked back to the coin. It came to her attention that it was a silver dollar; one that their resident American had given her out of the blue. The reason was lost on the woman, and at the time, she hadn't thought to ask.
Wilhelmina 'Mina' Harker studied the two sides of the coin; the 'head' and the 'tail'. Both were attractive and eye-catching in their own ways, but she couldn't keep it still; she kept turning it over and over.
In her mind played a different turmoil, and she supposed her toying with the coin was a representation of her inner indecisiveness.
During her time with the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, she had not been blind to the attentions of two of her companions; two of her team mates. She had acted ignorant, certainly, but it had not gone unnoticed. Often, when she was alone, did she let her mind run over the differences between them, almost as if she was subconsciously trying to decide which one to favour… or perhaps indulge.
On the one hand, she had the reserved but selfless Doctor Henry Jekyll, who, like her, shared his body and mind with that of another; with that of a beast. He had his own inner demon that could manifest physically in the form of Edward Hyde. While Hyde was rude, abrasive and wicked, Jekyll was polite, considerate and rather charming in a tender kind of way. Never had he offended Mina, nor asked of her what she could not give. He would only have her best interests at heart, and ask her assistance when matters of chemistry and second opinion came around. She appreciated his honesty, and was grateful for his unique friendship.
And on the other hand was Special Agent Thomas 'Tom' Sawyer, the resident optimistic and courageous American. Young though he was, he had a kind of intelligence and cunning about him that suited a man older than he physically was, as though someone more mature and developed resided within, advising him. He could be reckless, certainly, even to the point of seriously endangering himself, but he always meant well; had good intentions in his heart and mind. He watched out for the others in the League, despite being the youngest. With a boyish charm, he was cocky, but in an amusing kind of way; one that Mina had not seen for some time… and Tom Sawyer reminded her of dear Quincey Morris, whom she sometimes missed terribly.
Sighing, her light eyes focused on the bright coin once again, and a wan smile touched her full lips. The coin was her turmoil… two sides; two faces. Jekyll was one side; Sawyer the other. Both attractive and endearing… but seemingly so very different. Mina was at a loss… what was she to do? There was the option of simply ignoring the problem in the hopes that it would go away, but from experience, she knew this rarely worked. Problems only grew and escalated if allowed to go on unsolved. If she ignored it, it would only get worse, and that was something she did not want. She wanted it resolved… she wanted it to go away and stop tormenting her.
Mina didn't know what she wanted. Or more to the point, Mina did not know who she wanted. In a way, she was pulled to both men, for their qualities and their faults. It was in the character of a man to have both, and she admired them for each and every flaw and strength in them; both Jekyll and Sawyer – Henry and Tom. Of course, that was what made the choice so difficult… not that anyone was really pressuring her to make a choice. Other than herself… inside, she felt she had to, and if she didn't, this would haunt her for some time, and she could never truly rest. Not completely. It wouldn't be fair.
But… it was difficult. So very difficult. They had their strengths, and they had their weaknesses. They both had their flaws, and their redeeming qualities. That was what made it a true challenge. She eyed the coin in her hand. Sighing, she tore her gaze from it, looking to the mirror across the room, seeing her reflection in it. She thought back on their biggest mission to date. Their first.
She remembered how Tom Sawyer had introduced himself to the League, by jumping into – possibly starting – a gunfight unannounced, and helping them, when they had been outnumbered. She remembered in Venice, when he had acted brave and reckless in that automobile, to try and shoot at the snipers up on the rooftops, before Mina herself had seen fit to take care of them. She remembered how he had volunteered to fight Gray; of course, that had always been her battle, but he had offered, at least… perhaps too keen, but it was the thought that counted.
She remembered their first glimpse of Henry Jekyll, after he had transformed from Edward Hyde; he had seemed frail in his own way, but strong in the manner that he had pulled himself to his feet, and introduced himself; offered his services. He had wanted redemption, and to return home. She remembered how he had risked everything to save them from sinking after the bombs had gone off… while it was true they all would have died anyway, it was still quite a gesture, and quite an effort. She remembered how he had used his medical expertise to help the men injured in the explosions, working vehemently to keep them comfortable and return them to health.
Sighing, she tore her eyes from the mirror, and sat on the edge of her bed, her gaze dropping to the dollar in her hand again; identical to the silver coin in the side of Sawyer's Winchester stock, she now realised. Not that it mattered.
She had made no progress. If anything, she was more conflicted now than when she had started, and that was deeply frustrating to her; so much so that she dropped back gracefully on her bed, and lay there in turmoil for some time, refusing to think on the matter for at least a few moments. Perhaps she needed a fresh start; a fresh perspective.
When she permitted herself to once again start thinking on the issue, she pictured both men in her minds, clearly; one on one side, and one on the other. Two sides of the coin… a faint smile touched her face with the analogy before it was banished, and she focused once more. Their physical attributes interested her less than what made them the men they really were.
Some people would have made the decision on looks, but that was where Mina was conflicted once again; both Jekyll and Sawyer were attractive, and therefore, no solution could be derived from such an analysis. Rolling her eyes, she went back to the start. It was on the inside, the true attraction… or at least, it should have been. That had to be what made her decision for her; who was more appealing that way.
It took Mina some time, laying there on her bed, before she sat up again, ensuring her auburn hair did not fall in her face. Her blue eyes were filled with deep contemplation, and her face was a mask of consideration. She was deep in thought; the very picture of pensive. But no amount of thought could solve her problem, she was quickly realising, and that was infuriating to her. Her hand closed around the coin for a moment or two, and she calmed herself. It would not do to get angry over such a matter, no matter how deep and important it probably was.
Of course, there was a third option she had given very little thought since allowing herself to consider the matter. While the third option would seem less rewarding, perhaps – while it was the easiest, and therefore a means of 'escape' – it was truly the best choice.
Neither.
Perhaps Mina should choose neither. Perhaps Mina should have neither, and continue on with that in her mind, through the days that followed. While both men would be disappointed, and perhaps equally as pursuing as they were now, Mina realised that sometimes an intimacy with a man did not always end happily. Her husband was dead, and Dorian Gray had betrayed her, in more ways than one. Perhaps her heart could take no more, and she was best off leaving it as it was. It was possible she may not be as satisfied without either, but perhaps… just perhaps, it was the best choice.
What she had with Jekyll, and what she had with Sawyer… she was quickly realising at that moment, that she did not want to lose that connection with both men. It was special; something to be treasured. They were both very dear to her; friends and more… perhaps family. A family she had never really had… at least not for a long time.
Her eyes lifted, and they seemed just that little bit clearer. While they were not absolutely clear yet, her mind still settling, she was starting to realise that the third option was indeed the best. She had been faced with a fork in the road… she had chosen a path of her own. A smile touched her red lips, and she spun the coin in her hand, standing and walking to the mantelpiece under her grand mirror on the wall, where she sometimes displayed vials and beakers. For now, there were only personal items that she had seen fit to bring with her to the League. Items that belonged only to her, and each told a tale that only she knew. She toyed with the coin in her hand for some time longer, considering each face at length.
Jekyll was one side.
Sawyer was the other.
Reaching up, she placed the coin on the mantelpiece, displayed in the centre, amidst other sentimental objects and treasures. The dollar would mean very little to any visitors to her room, but to her, it was something else entirely. While it had been a gift from the resident American, it was also a symbol of the turmoil she had been facing; a turmoil that she was now starting to think she had stemmed. It would no doubt arise again in the future, and she would have no choice but to face it again, but for now, she was content to leave it at what she had decided.
For all their strengths and endearing qualities, she had come to the conclusion that she was better off as she had been for some time now; how she had been since her relationship with Dorian Gray had failed. She was better off alone. Not alone, in the literal sense, but she was already blessed with both men. There was a way for her to have both without harming either.
It just meant that neither man would have her… at least not in the sense they seemed to want.
Maybe some day, Mina would have the information she would need to come to one solid decision; to choose between the two. But for now, she lacked that, and as a result, had no other choice; if she was going to please herself… she had to be happy, somehow. If this was the only way, then there was nothing else to be done about it.
In her mind, she pictured that day, if only fleetingly. The man, oddly, had no real, definite identity… briefly, she found herself wishing there was a way to have both; to combine the men. She smiled, laughing quietly to herself as she sat at her desk. There was no way to have both. It was as simple as that, sadly.
Taking up her pencil, she settled back into her work, letting her mind focus on other things as the decision became set, as if in stone – at least for now – in her head. Neither… she would keep what she had with both, and ask for no more.
One day, yes, she would have to make a definite choice; one or the other.
But not today.
