My mother that night had been bawling her eyes out; her mascara dripping down towards her bright rosy cheeks that were now flushed pale. Her smile had faded, bringing out the side I've never seen of her before. She had been preparing dinner when she had realized he had taken all his clothes, and belongings and just ran off, no word said. No note written. No phone call. Nothing that kept her posting, and answered the question 'why'? That still after all these years has been unanswered. He had made a break for it, when he said he was due to work. She called work, cell, everything place imaginable. She going to call the police when she had realized all his stuff was gone.
I had walked home from school with Sango, who was proud to hear, basically ecstatic when she realized Kagome, Higurashi made the soccer team. She swung her bright yellow backpack with the black lining, placing her arms around me with the most sincere smile on her face that I never yet forgot.
" Kagome, your so lucky! A lot of people don't make the soccer team. Infact, took me awhile before I was even admitted into boxing, and baseball. It's tough work."
She had been proud of me, knowing I was clearly nervous trying out but still she made me keep a stiff upper lip and at least attempt. I listened to her words and swallowed all the pride I had, ready to show off the skills I thought I never really had. It had been pretty hard. We had worked on shots, goalies, every position and every move on the field. They made a list for people who would be cut, and that made my heart raced like crazy. Each time we were told to sit down, we were all scared we'd be the ones to get cut. Surpringly, my coach Ms. Berry winked, and basically told me I was really good player. No wonder I had made it further than the rest of them had.
" Ya I know. I'm happy, but I never thought I'd be on there! I can't wait to tell my dad, he'll be so happy!"
Sango nodded trying not to interrupt my rambling. She nudged me and smiled sincerely, and pointed towards her house that were situated in front of.
" Ya well, Kagome I'm gonna go. Call me later, bye!"
Sango was always the friend I cherished, and always there to lend me a hand, and always there just incase I was falling underneath the pressures of life. I knew she never would let me down, I was pretty sure my father would never, because he was my father right? Wrong.. way wrong. I smiled brightly with the signs of sunburn finally fading, and the bruises on my arms and knees were turning black and fading to a purple. We walked home admiring the birds that danced from afar, never really taking life all that serious. We were kids, and you'd need to wake up sometime to what the world really is. Then again I had to, when I discovered my father disappeared.
Everything looked the same. The house stood beautifully, with the all the arrays of flowers finally in bloom, yellow, pink and white that stood right in front of the basement window. Nothing seemed quite out of the ordinary. The tree was already blooming white and pink flower buds, and the tire swing was always dancing around in the wind.
Swiftly I threw my bag down on the porch, and dashed into the door ready to hunt down my father and fall into his arms while he'd scoop me up and gently kiss me on the forehead asking how my day went. It was like a routine. I'd tell about my day, and he'd cook up some food usually stir fry, and flip on the tv with the sports channel on. He'd etll about his rough days at work, and after we'd kick around the ball in the backyard as always. I flew in, whipping the screen door until it smacked against the outside of the house, running with my messy shoes on through the house screaming ' daddy!' until I heard his voice, or until I could find him. Instead I found more than I expected; my mother crying curled up on the floor.
" Mom?"
I didn't want to disturb her, I could see her hands held over her face defensively, with her head buried clearly in them. She had her body half way on there bed, with her knees against the rough hard wood floor. She whimpered heavier and heavier, and stopped when she heard my calm, concerned voice while I stood by the doorway. She didn't respond but she was suddenly sprung back to life when she heard my whispering voice, that was so soft barely anyone could hear it.
" You ok? Are you crying? Mom?"
Finally, she gotten up with her green apron still hanging from her neck, with grease stains and bleach stains all over it. Her brown wavy hair was now a complete mess, and her eyes were stained with salty tears. She slowly approached me, and stretching her arms out as fast as she could and in the embrace threw me harshly into her chest for comfort. I could feel her tears soaking into my jersey, realizing she was torn apart. She placed her hands softly on my head, and tightened the embrace while she sobbed harder than ever before.
" Honey, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. You don't deserve this, none of us do."
My eyes widened noticing she was at her weakest, basically losing all hope and everything she ever had to make her smile once more. She held onto me like I was her own lifeline, without it she'd surely drown. Before I even questioned her about what happened, she answered it, and that's when I also thrown into the world of depression, and frankly I've never came out of it since. My whole world, my surroundings everything just disappeared and my father knowing now he was the cause for our tears, our sufferings. To us we didn't understand why, everything seemed too perfect for things to slip away from our fingertips. We never expected that our father, who loved us and me dearly would run away. I'd suspect him to be the last person to hurt me.. but he did, and that pain will never subside ever.
I had almost gave up on playing soccer. It wasn't worth playing without him. It was like a rift that he torn through my heart, and a feeling that never subsided, never ending. I'd find myself drained and worthless, pitiful child grabbing the ball after school and kick it around and looking straight in front of me almost like I'd expect my father to be there, laughing, beaming and saying how great a daughter I was. For the longest time I blamed myself for his disappearance. I didn't blame my mother, his friends, his family..no I couldn't see them making him run away but for some reason I saw like I did it, like I committed a crime.
Sango was so close of a friend, she could touch me and basically feel my pain, my sorrow. She had witnessed me kicking the ball staring straight at it, imaging my father a couple feet across from me hearing his voice now so far away. She had attempted to take me to the movies, the park, trying to play the part of a great friend. My mother looked at Sango with tears while they both saw me from the screen door, so lost and so empty.
" Sango I know your trying to help Kagome, I understand that. But I'll make sure to tell her you came by, and I'll make sure I'll give her this."
Sango head hung low, nodding taking one last glance at me before she headed out the door and trailed back home empty handed. She had stopped by so many times, but I just didn't care anymore, life for me was just in shambles since then.
I had a lot of support on hand, and I didn't like the fact everybody knew about my father's disappearance. It wanted it to stay a secret, I didn't want it to be everybody's business, but now a days everything is. I made myself believe a lie, like he was off on vacation or he was just gone for the moment; when I finally believed that I found teachers coming towards my desk as I worked away apologizing on the behalf of my father leaving. I'd smile, and beamed at Ms. Berry who had been the last teacher to mention to that. It was like a broken record, I hear it so many times before.
" Thanks."
Was my response as she nodded clearly, with the papers all thrown in her hands and headed back to her desk. I could feel myself ready to snap, feeling my throat feel so dry and burn, the feeling my eyes water to the point where they'd become sore as I tried to hold them back. I hated the fact they knew, I hated the fact they were so knowing about my life inside out especially my father.
When my soccer finals came, I didn't feel to happy, and my spirits weren't lifted. My mother dropped me off while I was in the change room with the rest of the girls on the team throwing on the long white socks, and throwing out long hair back in a ponytail.
Rachel had long bouncy blond hair, always the smell of strawberries and had good luck bracelets always on her wrist or ankle. She was a great player, and she knew how to ran fast as the wind. A lot of the girls admired her, and she was basically my friend that I met through this whole thing. She was a very supportive, sweet girl, that could never have a mad, or jealous bone in her body.
" Aw, come on, not him! Tell me you don't like him?'
Maria screamed high pitch with a disgusted look on her face that made her face wrinkle abit, and her freckles still out alittle bit more. Her hazel eyes beamed around June, who's face had signs of blushing while she twirled her long brown curly hair while she drowned in the swarm of girls that surrounding her. She looked up at them shyly, wishing she could be anywhere but here right now, exactly my thoughts.
" Who, Jay?"
One girl added in, while I sat by beside throwing on my socks wishing I could disappear.
" Eww him? His hair is so long and curly, and he's so mean to us. You've got to be kidding me!"
They gossiped in the corner of the lockers, all hyped about her liking this guy as they were barely even changed to go out into the field. We had been training for almost four months straight and Rachel was upset about the fact she would be switching to the team, that we were going against in the next two weeks. She looked at me clearly, trying to figure me out while I attempted to rush out into the crowd like the girls did.
" Kagome, something is wrong isn't it?"
I couldn't lie to her, nor was I really able to answer her. I just slumped back down on the bench while they were already outside near the bleachers into the crowds of people cheering of support, hearing the cheerleaders making a loud cheer while I hadn't even budged at all. All the passion for soccer was lost, when my father ran out of my life.
" Hey, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I understand. I'm mad that I'm going to move to the other team in two weeks. Nobody else knows really. But, are you coming out to play at all?"
She placed her hand on my back, and threw a concerned look on her brightly tanned face, with a frilly looking ponytail holder. She waited by the door, while I lifted my head and smiled at her as I grabbed the bag beside me ready to bail for it.
" Nah. I think I'll go home. I mean, I'm just not ready to play."
She rested herself against the door, knowing I could trust her that she wouldn't tell on me or anything like the rest of the girls would pull off. She lingered around abit longer as I placed my jacket over my shoulders and threw my ebony black hair back to my sides.
" I'll take your place don't worry. Besides we have too many on the team anyways. But you've been doing this a lot you know that? You'll likely get kicked off the team."
She had her one foot out the door, as the cheerleaders stopped their cheers and dances while she knew she had to get roaring out there before she got in big in trouble since she was there greatest player.
" Ya well, it doesn't matter that much."
She didn't say another word, she gave her biggest smile and waved off apologetically as she rushed down the field out of mind, and out of fit.
I just went straight home, knowing my mother was home while she realized I came a lot earlier than expected. She looked at me sadly, with food for me already laid out on the table like she had been expecting me this whole entire time.
" Kagome, your home, early. I thought-"
I threw myself against the chair, and looked at the soup playing with it, and then looked back at her.
" I don't want to anymore, it's not the same. I might as well quit."
Those words stunned her, while she placed her hand on my shoulder while I managed to get some of the food into me.
" Kagome, you sure? You worked very hard for the past couple of months and you can't change your mind after that. I mean I know your father would be happy to know that your on a team."
She whispered to me, hoping it didn't sound too harsh, almost scared of the fact to bring the subject up. I didn't even bother, but blankly I stared at the bowl and shook my head.
" Ya well, I guess. But it's his fault for leaving us. He never stuck around long enough to watch me do this. If he really loved us, then why did he leave? Why did abandon the greatest things he ever had? Does he even care that were bawling our eyes out, does he even think what it's like to not have a father anymore? I doubt it. He's gone, and it's for good….."
