Here it is! Chapter Twelve! Also known as the final chapter!
Real Pent: are you serious?
For once, yes.
Real Pent: YES!
Zak: shut up, or I'll make your eyes match!
Real Pent: …-squeak-
Zeke: yeah, that's what I thought! …Okay, Psychotic. On with the review replies.
Cool-Chan: did I really? XD happy belated birthday!
CC: …XD 'sexy beast' is timeless…
Serra's Evil Twin: yeah, I know…unavoidable family emergencies… no matter how hard you try, you can't avoid those things. –shrug- oh, well.
Lord of Swords and Waffles: lol…I'm sorry, I was never good at battle stuff…I like romance better…but that's probably because I'm a girl XD and you're right, 'w00t' has many meanings:D
Zak: Now for the disclaimer before Psychotic goes emo on us!
Real Pent: Oh. Okay…Psychotic has no creativity and therefore couldn't possibly create a hot ass like me in a Nintendo/Intelligent Systems game that totally owns her. So, obviously, she didn't.
Generic Pent: …w00t.
Zak: Tcha. I've never seen anyone more conceited, either.
Chapter Twelve: A Happy Beginning
"AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME I SLEPT IN AGAIN?"
The rest of the night had passed without any major incidents (besides Hyperion eating some of Oswin's armor…he wasn't too happy about that), but, of course, no one had bothered to wake Hector up when morning came…mainly because they weren't awake themselves. They were now, though…you could be sure of that.
"Ugh," Iris groaned groggily, having been awakened by this. "What's his problem now?"
"Shut up, Hector!" Farina snapped from across the camp, obviously agreeing with Iris' point of view. A loud cry of "ow!" from Hector's tent implied that she had thrown her shoe at him again.
"He's an idiot," Raven informed Iris, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.
"I sort of knew that…" Iris replied. A few seconds later, she finally realized what she was doing. "Wait a second…where are we?"
"Um…in a tent, maybe?" Raven said, quirking an eyebrow.
"Your tent?"
"No, Iris…Hector's tent." Raven responded, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Oh. All right then. Just making sure."
"I'm hungry. Let's go find some food." Of course, this was just a little cover-up story Raven was using to prevent Iris from discovering his true purpose: to find Erk and strangle him. No, that's what I usually want to do…there was something else, Raven thought to himself, then remembered. Oh, yeah…now I remember.
"Food sounds good," Iris consented. After all, she didn't know his real plan. "What kind? Nuts or berries? …Unless you're one of those people who eat roots. Yuk."
"Wha—?" Raven started blankly. "Iris, we have real food here. We don't have to eat nuts and berries to survive."
"Oh…well, I usually do. It gets kind of boring after a while."
"Small wonder you're so skinny, then…I think you'll like our food better…well, you never know if Lowen got himself eaten by Heath's wyvern in the night, so I guess we won't have real food if that happens."
"You're so strange!" Iris laughed as he helped her to stand up and dragged her along. "So, I guess you people are going to make me stay in your little army, right?" she clarified after a little bit of walking.
"Yes, of course…and if you try to leave, we'll tie you up and administer the Tickle Torture upon you." Raven added menacingly.
"I suppose it'd be in my best interest to stay, then," Iris giggled, taking his hand in hers. "That's all right…I could never leave my baby brother now that I've found him, anyway."
"You make it sound as though that's the only reason you're staying," Raven pouted, sounding hurt. "What, do you love that little dork more than you love me?"
"Hi, guys!" Iris called out cheerfully to Erk and Priscilla, ignoring Raven's question completely and running over to them. Raven sighed exasperatedly as Guy looked around, wondering where the other Guys were (last he checked, there was only one of them).
"Nice…" Raven said under his breath. "First the sword, now the kid…when's my turn?"
"There's only one 'Guy' here," Guy informed Iris as she raced past him. "…Damn, she's hot…"
"You'd better stay away from her if you know what's good for you," Raven snarled at him, having heard this.
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," Guy said hastily as Raven shot him an Evil Scowl of Death. "Aren't I allowed to look?"
"…No." Raven replied simply. "She's mine. Back off."
"Raven, do you have to menace everyone?" Matthew inquired irritably, approaching them just as Guy made a frightened squeaking noise in his throat.
"That's what I live for," Raven pouted. "Besides food…and girls…"
"You just started liking girls a week ago," Matthew snorted. "One girl in particular, I've noticed…" he added, quirking an eyebrow. Raven's scowl became more profound.
"I don't know what you're talking about," he said loftily.
"Please…everyone knows you're head over heels for that girl. It's so obvious, it's not even funny."
"Lies!" Raven declared. "All lies!"
"Tell me about it," Guy remarked. Raven shot him another glare and he fell silent.
"Well, whether or not you choose to admit it, I've got some good news for you, lover boy," Matthew continued as though nothing had happened. "I've talked to her, you know…"
"What?" Raven said blankly before he could continue. "When did you get the chance to do that?"
"I have my ways," Matthew replied enigmatically, making Raven more than a little disturbed. "Anyway…she told me, and I quote, that you're 'a good kisser, a total hot ass, and really funny'…she also said something about wanting to jump your bones…whatever the hell that means."
"Something tells me we don't want to know," Guy commented.
"That's what I was just thinking," Raven said, officially disturbed.
"It's better than what Priscilla was saying about Erk," Matthew observed. "That was pretty…interesting."
"Why? What did she say?" Raven demanded.
"Er…never mind."
"No, seriously. What did she tell you?" Raven persisted. Luckily for Matthew but not so luckily for Raven, Erk ran up to them at that very moment.
"Hey, guys," he said cheerfully. "What's up?"
"There's only one 'Guy' here," Guy said irritably. Erk quirked an eyebrow at him, looked as though he was about to retort, but then thought better of it and turned to Raven instead.
"Can I talk to you for a second?" both of them inquired of each other in perfect unison. Both of them frowned.
"Okay, don't do that again," Raven told him. "That was weird."
"Yeah, it was," Erk agreed. "Well, anyway…"
"Er…yeah."
"…"
"…"
"…This silence is boring me," Matthew remarked after a while. "I'm going to go find something else to do…coming, Guy?" he added pointedly.
"Uhhh…sure," Guy replied, looking back at Erk and Raven curiously as he followed him elsewhere.
"…Okay, then…" Raven said after another awkward silence in which the crickets had a rather lively conversation. "Um…I've got a question for you."
"Yeah?" Erk quirked an eyebrow. "What kind of question?"
"Er…it's a question that um…kind of…relates to your…sister."
"Really?" the other eyebrow disappeared into his hairline with the first. "What'd she do now?"
"…She stole something of mine…but I don't really need it back."
"O…kay…" it struck Erk as very odd that Raven would be acting this nervous. What on earth could he want?
"All right, I'll cut to the chase," Raven decided almost as if he sensed Erk thinking such things, then blurted out his next statement before he could start to get embarrassed. "Can I marry your sister?"
Erk stared at him for a few moments, leaving just enough time for Raven's cheeks to get very red. Hadn't he just met her like, a week ago? Raven could almost hear the crickets laughing at him, as he expected Erk to be doing within the next few seconds.
"…Can I marry your sister?" Erk inquired in response after the uncomfortable pause.
"Crap," Raven muttered under his breath. That had backfired horribly. Unfortunately, he probably wouldn't get the answer he wanted if he didn't give the kid the answer he had wanted for a long time now. So, he had no choice but to say: "All right…fine."
"Okay, then," Erk said cheerfully. "You can marry Iris, then…but—"
"If you break her heart, you're dead!" they both informed each other (once again, in perfect unison). Erk wrinkled his nose in disgust after realizing this.
"Stop eating my words," Raven scowled, obviously feeling the same way that Erk looked. "It's too bizarre."
"I wonder what those boys are talking about over there…" Iris mused aloud, looking curiously over at Erk and Raven, who were still discussing random things.
"Probably random boy stuff," Priscilla said off-handedly, fiddling with her feathery hairpiece thingy. "You know…food…girls…"
"Well, if they're talking about girls, they had better be us!" Iris exclaimed. "Otherwise I'll go over there and kick their butts."
"They could be talking about video games, too…you know, like that one Fire Emblem game? I hear there's a lot of girls in there."
"…What?" Iris said, freaked out, after staring at her for quite a while. "I have no idea what you're talking about. What's a video game?"
"A what?" Priscilla said blankly. "I've never heard of anything like that."
"You just said it!" Iris said, getting more and more perplexed by the second.
"…Well, whatever. Want to go tell them off for talking about different girls?"
"Yeah…that sounds like fun."
So, off they went to go do what had been proposed. As they approached, it became very clear that they weren't talking about other girls. In fact, Erk was rattling off a lot of scientific-sounding stuff that Raven and Guy obviously didn't understand.
"…And that's how the universe was created, Guy." Erk concluded after a series of very long words. "…Or at least that's what Lord Athos told me."
"…Ouch." Guy remarked weakly. "I think my brain just exploded."
"No, it probably imploded," Raven contradicted. "So, where do you think those girls went to? They were right over there like, two seconds a—aaaaaaaghhhhhhhh!" he ended in a cry of surprise as Iris pounced on him, something that was very ladylike indeed. "Okay, never mind," he said feebly, finding himself pinned to the ground. "I found them."
"You boys had better not be talking about other girls over here," Priscilla warned, stepping a little more subtly into their midst. "Otherwise we'll have to kick your butts."
"…Interesting greeting," Erk remarked. "Do I get a hug now?"
"Wha—? Oh…yeah, definitely." Priscilla replied, stepping into his embrace. "Hey, I've got an idea…why don't we take this somewhere a little more…secluded?" wink, wink.
"…Ew." Guy commented simply as Priscilla, without waiting for a reply, seized Erk's wrist and dragged him off.
"Er…yeah. Iris?" Raven ventured cautiously. "Can we talk?"
"You just did, and if I couldn't talk, I probably wouldn't be talking right now," Iris remarked, quirking an eyebrow.
"No, no, no…can we go talk somewhere in private?"
"What, you can't say it in front of me?" Guy said, sounding offended.
"Um…no." Raven replied.
"Fine, then…I'll just leave…" Guy sulked, then stalked off to go find something else to do.
"…" Raven said.
"…" Iris replied. More silence.
"…Could you get off of me now?" Raven inquired hopefully.
Meanwhile, Priscilla had taken Erk to a 'more secluded' spot in the woods. No, they weren't 'doing anything'…they were just talking. About random stuff. Would you care to listen in? Of course you would. That's what you're here for.
"So, what's up?" Erk inquired of Priscilla, sitting down on a random rock. "Any reason why we need to be in an isolated place to talk?"
"Well…not really. I was thinking that we might not be just talking later on, so I decided to spare everyone else from having to see such things. You know how they are."
"…Ah. I see."
"So, what do you want to talk about?"
"Um…I don't know…maybe…you?"
"We always talk about me. Why don't we talk about you?"
"…You know, you're really pretty."
"Aww…thanks."
"And…um…there was actually something I wanted to talk to you about. Something involving…well, both of us."
"Really?" Priscilla said, seeming intrigued as she turned to face him. "What sort of thing?"
"…Something important…you know, something that will probably affect the rest of our lives…"
"Umm…okay…so, what is it?"
"Uhhh…" Erk hesitated, feeling around for her hand. When he found it, he grasped it tightly in his own, continuing to search for words. "Well, I was just wondering…stuff…"
"Emmanuel Roshaun…" Priscilla sighed, starting to get very exasperated with him and sounding just like a mother that was irritated at her child. "Just spit it out, will you? …Why are you so nervous?"
"I'm not nervous," Erk lied, his cheeks starting to get very red. "I just wanted to ask you if…um…well, after all this crap with Nergal is over and everything…" he paused again, and the suspense was obviously driving Priscilla insane.
"Yes?" she prompted when he didn't go on. "You wanted to ask me if...?"
"Er…Priscilla?" Erk started, his cheeks turning redder as he squeezed her hand gently. "Do you want to…get married? You know, later? If your parents let us, of course," he added hastily.
"…" Priscilla said, shocked.
"…" Erk said uncomfortably as she gawked at him.
"Are you serious?" she asked softly after the small silence, her bright green eyes shining with delight.
"Uhhh…yes?"
"…"
"…"
"Aww, Erk!" Priscilla finally exclaimed, throwing her arms around him and giving him a big kiss before continuing. "I'd love to!" she giggled.
"Okay…that's good, then," Erk said in relief, patting her back uncertainly. "Wow…I wasn't expecting that to be so hard…"
"Does Raven know you were planning on asking?" Priscilla inquired concernedly. "I don't want to him to kill you or anything…"
"Yeah, he does…I asked him about it…well, actually, we made a sort of agreement."
"Really? What did he want from you?"
"Oh…nothing major," Erk replied off-handedly. "He just wanted to marry Iris, that's all…"
"Iris…I like you a lot. Let's get married," Raven said to his friend the rock. He scowled at how stupid that sounded. "No, that's too childish…" he racked his brains for something to say. "Ah…hey, Iris…we're getting married. Have a ring. …No, that definitely won't do…I don't want to order her to marry me…"
"Talking to rocks again, Raven?" Hector inquired dryly as he walked past. "They don't talk back, you know…"
"Yes, I know," Raven said impatiently under his breath. "Wait…Hector, what would you say to a girl if you wanted to marry her?" Hector made a face as he stopped and looked back at him.
"Who said I wanted to marry anyone?" he spluttered. "For the last time, I don't like Farina! She's a slut! Leave me alone!" he then ran off before Raven could say anything more.
"…That was random," Iris, who had just erratically shown up out of nowhere, remarked.
"Yeah, it was," Raven agreed. "I didn't know he liked Farina." Iris shrugged and sat down next to him.
"So…how's the rock today?" she inquired. "I saw you talking to it again."
"Wha—? Oh…er…it's fine, I suppose…"
"…Does it answer you when you talk to it?"
"No, it doesn't."
"Then why do you talk to it?" Iris asked him, a little weirded out.
"Ah…I don't know…"
"…"
"Hey…Iris."
"Yes?"
"We're getting married. Have a ring," Raven told her, thrusting a simple golden ring he had with him from some random place towards her. After a few seconds, he realized what he had said. "Damn! I wasn't supposed to say that!" he said in aggravation. Iris laughed.
"All right, Raven…if you insist, I suppose we could get married sometime," she grinned, then kissed him briefly on the cheek. "In fact, I think I would like that."
"Oh…okay, then. Why don't we do that when we've gotten all of this straightened out?" Raven suggested.
"That sounds nice," Iris smiled. "…Is that what you were talking to the rock about?"
"All right, lovebirds, pack up your crap; we're leaving," Hector ordered, walking past them again with Erk and Priscilla following close behind him, hand-in-hand. "I want to be in Badon by tonight! And no wrong turns this time; we'll have someone who can actually read a map read the map!" Erk rolled his eyes expressively at Raven as they walked past, seemingly following Hector's orders.
"Of course we will," he said under his breath as Priscilla giggled. "Because it takes six days to get there from here,"
"Oh, well," Iris said cheerfully. "You got the girl, didn't you? And I'm sure you feel better about telling everyone the truth…we can go find those bandits later…"
Five Years Later…
"Crap…someone's here…and he looks like he wants to kill something," the new right-hand bandit person informed the bandit leader person. "Uh oh…there's a girl with him, too…she's got a sword…"
"Um, hello?" the man who had been approaching them shouted, pounding on the door. "What the hell, people?"
"Yeah, we know…" one of the sentries sighed.
"No, seriously! What the hell?" 'the girl' demanded of them.
"How about you let us in?" the man said impatiently. "You've got something of mine, and I really want it back."
"Who, us?" the bandit leader called down innocently. "I fear you must be mistaken; we are defenders of peace and the light!"
"Oh. Well, if you're defenders of peace and the light…then why the hell did you kidnap my son!" the man (who I hope most of you have identified as Erk) snapped.
"Who, this kid?" the second-in-command bandit said as a tiny little boy with a mess of curly purple hair upon his head looked over the battlements.
"Daddy, I want to go home!" he whined. "And these guys smell funny!"
"We found this kid a few hours ago…he's um…our little friend." The bandit leader said.
"Oh, yeah? What's his name, then?" Erk inquired irritably.
"Uhhh…we don't know his name…but we didn't kidnap your son! It's all in your imagination."
"Why would he address me like that if he wasn't my child?"
"…The mind games aren't working; what do we do?" the right-hand bandit personasked his leader in an undertone.
"Um…okay, we'll give you your son back…are you going to kill us now?" the bandit leader asked fearfully, ignoring his right-hand man.
"Of course not," Iris said sarcastically. "Just give us the kid…idiots," she added under her breath.
"Tell me about it," Erk muttered. "Priscilla's probably having a fit…" as he was saying this, the large wooden door to the establishment opened slightly and someone gently ushered the little boy out with a small push in his back. "Hey, Luke…are you okay? Did they hurt you?"
"No, they're too dumb," Luke replied. "I kicked them and they cried."
"They did, eh?" Erk laughed. "Well, how about this…let's play hide and seek. Gobehind that tree over there, close your eyes, and count to one hundred. And no peeking!"
"Okay, daddy!" Luke said sweetly, then ran off to do just that. However, Erk and Iris had no intention of hiding.
"I hope you're in the mood to kick some serious bandit ass," Erk said to Iris as soon as he saw that his two-year-old son was safely behind the tree, taking out a book of Excalibur that he had 'borrowed' from Pent as he said this.
"I definitely am," Iris grinned, drawing her sword. "Let's put an end to this, shall we?"
"Ninety-four…ninety-five…ninety-six…ninety-seven…ninety-eight…ninety-nine…one hundred! Ready or not, here I come!" Luke called out innocently, oblivious to all that had just happened. "Hey! You aren't hiding!" he pouted, seeing his father and his aunt step out of the building and shut the door behind them, completely unscathed.
"Yes we were; you just found us really easily," Iris contradicted.
"Come on, Luke," Erk said, scooping him up. "Let's go back to the castle and see your mum."
"Okay!" Luke said blissfully. "Bye, stupid bandit people!" he cried cheerfully as they started to leave.
"Oh, they can't hear you, sweetheart," Iris informed him, patting his curly head affectionately. "They're too stupid."
Real Pent: Yes! Finally! It's over!
Yep…he's right…but before I finish this up for good, I'd like to give you all a bit of insight into my next story.
Real Pent: O.o …your next story?
Well, it's interesting, really…I was looking at the profile of one of my faithful reviewers one day, being bored and a procrastinator, and a statement she made caught my interest. Actually, Pent, it involved you…
Generic Pent: w00t?
…You and Louise.
Real Pent: Oh, no…
What was it that she said about you two? Oh, yes… "Only a crazy person would put them with someone else."
Zeke: …
Well, guess what?
PsychoticFunction: Noun
: a person judged to be legally or medically insane—see LUNATIC
…muh hahahahahahahahaha…
Real Pent: -squeak- save me!
Well, hope to see you all then! –smiles sweetly-
Psychotic-
