……….If you're gonna flame me for taking so long, do it now! Ok, this will be really good, but I'm writing it at 10:00 at night, so if it's sorta confuzzling, gomen!

Disclaimer: Only in my soda and caffeine induced dreams will Sailor Moon ever be mine.

"MARS FIRE SURROUND!"

Beryl had pulled away her energy and focused it on Venus and Sailor Moon, and Mars had felt it. The shackles holding her and the others melted off, although Jupiter did quite a bit of hopping when the hot metal touched her wrists.

"My generals, come to me!" Beryl had cried out. The dark lords had appeared, and glared at all of them.

Tuxedo Kamen, the farthest up the wall, fell last, and landed on top of Kunzite. The two men struggled wildly, as the generals and senshi watched, fascinated.

"EEEEEEWWWWWWWWW! Tuxedo Kamen, you're gay?" There was complete and total silence.

Sailor Moon turned to face Sailor Venus, and frowned.

"V-babe, I worry constantly."

"I'm not gay!" Tuxedo Kamen, who was undoubtedly sick of all these people making fun of him, called out.

"So why do you wear the tux?" Zoicite smirked. "I mean, you shrug off all the girls, so it can't be for them!"

Sailor Moon paused then nodded.

"It's true you know. You never give them a second glance." Then her eyes filled up with tears, and she walked over to him, ignoring Kunzite.

"How could you lead me on like that? I thought you loved me!"

Tuxedo Kamen blinked, at a loss for words. Sailor Moon continued.

"And all those times Mars and me would try and follow you, you always found out, and when we asked why you didn't want us to know, you said it would jeopardize your safety! Is it because you're gay (A/N: I have no issues with gays, MichiHaru are one of my favorite couples, it just seemed to fit into the plot.)?"

"It's not that bad, being gay and all." Zoicite said thoughtfully.

"I knew it!" Jadeite pointed an accusatory finger at him. "You are gay! And you and Kunzite are together!"

"What are you talking about?" Kunzite barked from his position. "I had a girlfriend!"

"Had is past tense, Kunz." Nephrite said calmly.

"Stop that!" Jadeite turned to him.

"Stop what?" Nephrite didn't flinch.

"You're always so calm, Damnit! Scream for once, cry!"

With all seriousness, Nephrite turned to Jadeite, and his eyes glistened. Jadeite smiled smugly, until Nephrite spoke.

"Do you cry at night, poor baby? D'you wanna tissue for your issue?"

"AARGH!" Jadeite flung himself against the offending general, who took a step to the side, causing Jadeite to hit Mars. She shrieked, and punched him.

"Hey! By node!" he held the bleeding appendage delicately. (His nose!) Upset, he threw a bolt of dark energy at Mars, who dodged it. Jupiter, also rather mad at Nephrite, aimed a bolt of lightning at him. He dodged it, and calmly began to attack her.

Kunzite and Tuxedo Kamen resumed their fight.

Mercury watched Zoicite as he stood before her, twirling a delicate pink rose in his hand. "So, Zoicite. Should we not fight?"

Zoicite sniffed. "And ruin this great hair of mine? Please!" he peered closely at Mercury. "You, my dear girl, look like you could use a makeover. That blue color is the most awful thing I've seen since Michael Jackson forgot to get his hair permed!"

Mercury's face grew red. "Mercury Bubbles Blast!" Zoicite shrieked as half his hair froze, then fell off and burst upon contact with the floor.

"You'll pay for that!" And he ran for her.


"Pass the popcorn, would you V-babe?"

"Certainly, Sailor Moon. This is just like Jerry Springer, isn't it?"

"Yeah." Moon sighed. "D'you think we should be the bodyguards, to make sure they don't kill each other?"

Venus replied carefully. "Well, we do want the generals dead. And the girls are really strong, and it looks like Tuxedo Kamen's got Kunzite down pat. Beryl seems preoccupied cheering them on. We can wait."

Moon stretched lazily and took a handful of popcorn from the bowl in between her and Venus.

"Too bad he's gay. I really liked him."

"You could always go with Mamorou-san?"

"You think? Wait! V-babe, you know how he doesn't have a girlfriend?"

Venus nodded. "Yah."

"And although girls practically worship him, he ignores them!"

Venus' eyes lit up. "So he must be gay too!"

Moon could hardly contain her excitement. "Which means Mamorou-san is Tuxedo Kamen! They not only look alike, they both act the same too!"

Venus sighed. "All the good guys are usually taken or gay…"

Moon nodded. "Makes you wonder, don't it?"

"Maybe we should get in there."

"Yeah…look at that! Mars is really flaming Jadeite!" Both girls smiled, and said, in unison:

"She so likes him."

With a reluctant moan, they slid off the chunk of stone they had been sitting on and prepared to join the fray.

Wow. I never knew I could be that crazy…so review, minna-chan!