Running In Circles


Thank you to all my rewiewers! You're great! (throws confetti)


Disclaimer: I don't own anyone. Not even Caradoc…J.K. Rowling made him up too. (OotP, pg. 158)


II. Friends

March 20, 1981

The first time James had ever spoken to Caradoc Dearborn was sometime in March, two years after he had graduated. It was during the second Order meeting that year, and Alastor Moody had hurriedly introduced the two before pulling James outside to keep guard over the front entrance.

After his shift had ended, James had come back inside to find Caradoc frowning up at a map that had red tags showing the various locations of Death Eaters. Eager to find Lily and Sirius, James hung up his clock at headed straight for the hall.

"About a million red marks around Edinburgh."

James looked up uncertainly, unsure whom Caradoc was speaking to.

"Come here, Potter. Look at this."

Startled, James approached.

Caradoc gave him a tight smile and gestured towards the map again. "See all those red tags near Edinburgh?"

"Yeah." James cast an anxious glance at the doors to the hall, where there was a distant roar of laughter. Dumbledore must be in there, he thought. Recent displays of Albus shooting out fireworks and candies made everyone grin like mad. It was all the older man could do to keep their hopes up during such a long war.

"It's pathetic really. Do you know who is in Edinburgh?" asked Caradoc, interrupting James' thoughts.

He frowned thoughtfully, but he wasn't exactly thinking. "No actually."

Caradoc smirked, looking rather pleased with himself. "Cornelius Fudge. It's where the Minister of Magic is hiding." He waved his wand and several Edinburgh tags fluttered to the ground. He turned to James and peered at him. "He's trying to use the order for extra protection."

James didn't reply.

Turning away, Caradoc gathered up his cloak around his shoulders. It was an old blue knit one, slowly unravelling at the edges.

Anxious to join Lily and Sirius, James hesitantly continued towards the Hall.

"How is your son?"

James stopped in his tracks, a cold chill running through his blood. He immediately clenched his fists and scowled, growing suspicious. No one talked about children these days – they found it frightening. "Why do you ask?" He replied.

Caradoc shrugged. "Merely a question." Drawing his wand out, he walked out of the door without another word.

Of course, later that night Dumbledore revealed the prophecy. As Frank and Alice embraced in grief, and as Lily trembled and grew pale, James' thoughts were completely bent towards Caradoc.

Something just wasn't right.


June 30, 1996

He knocked loudly, as the cold wind was beginning to sting his eyes.

Warily, the door opened, revealing a stout, frightened looking woman. Her fear vanished quickly however, when she saw him. "Oh! It's you! Come, come in."

"I need to talk with William." He muttered bitterly. His face felt numb from the cold.

"Oh sure, sure. Have a seat, have a seat." She twittered continuously as she hurried down the hall to find her husband.

He looked enquiringly around the entrance hall. He knew the wide staircase that was in front of him lead to another family on the second floor. The lights were all dimmed or put out, and he suddenly realized how late it must have been. Sighing, he rubbed his hands and made his way to the fireplace, holding them over the luminous flames.

"James?"

He briskly turned around. Caradoc was walking towards him, looking as his he had been asleep, with his hair mussed and his gait unsteady.

Obviously, the man hadn't realized his mistake.

"You look well - Caradoc."

The man's eyes suddenly grew wide in shock. "Hush!" Caradoc hissed. "Not here, not-" He collapsed into an arm chair by the fireplace. "Not ever." He rubbed his face, trying to bring back his alertness. "That's not my name…anymore."

James took the seat opposite him. "But you called me James."

Caradoc sighed gravely. "Yes…yes. I'm sorry. Old habit, I know." He paused, rubbing his eyes as they attempted to close on him. "What – what brings you here then?" He asked.

James hesitated as the rush of regret and anger returned. He was dead.

"Sirius."

Caradoc froze.

James sighed and stood up. "Caradoc - William - this plan…this…game." He moved slowly back towards the fire. "I think...I think everything's gotten too far. I can't live like this anymore." He paused, aware that Caradoc grew tense. "I can't hide forever."

Caradoc looked up at him, anger flashing briefly in his eyes. "What else do you want to tell me?"

James paused, and closed his eyes. He felt so sure of himself before, but now, standing here, the words in his head sounded foolish. He was angry about Sirius' death, sure. But Caradoc had sacrificed a whole lot to keep him hidden and alive…

"What do you want to tell me James?" Caradoc's voice was daunting, threatening.

James clenched his teeth. As hopeless as he felt, he turned back towards Caradoc, staring down at him.

"Harry needs me."

Caradoc stood up suddenly, which was surprising because he looked so exhausted moments before. "No he does not. We had a deal James. You can't just back out whenever you want to."

"Harry has no one else. He needs -"

"What? What does he need?"

"He needs -" Immediately, James realized how stupid his argument was. "He needs to be protected."

"Merlin!" Caradoc threw his hands up in the air. "Did you HONESTLY just say that?"

James looked away. "I…"

"Good Lord!" Caradoc's voice became suddenly low as someone moved in the next room. "What's happened to you James! What happened to SENSE!"

James frowned at his hands. "I…"

"Protection? What do you think you're offering your son by pretending that you're DEAD? Free lemon drops?"

James remained silent. Caradoc was right. All this hiding; it all had been for Harry. For fifteen years, they had been completely hidden from the entire Wizarding world. Meaning they were able to watch over everyone – Harry, especially.

But Sirius.

"Your son could be dead, you remember."

After a moment, James slowly nodded.

Why did he feel so helpless? He was a marauder! He should have been able to put up more of an argument than this. For heaven's sake! He should've walked up and hit Caradoc square in the face.

Oh, but he couldn't. Not anymore.

He couldn't just throw away fifteen years of desperate strategy – just because he suddenly got cold feet. No he wouldn't. He would stand his ground and follow the plan. As long as he remained invisible, he would watch Harry from a distance, and Caradoc would make sure his son would grow up safe and protected.

Watching his son grow up from a distance.

Secretly, James began to question his sanity.