Trying to Start over

Chapter 2

Kawaiiangel20

It had been exactly a week since the day that I had received the news. Since then, my husband and I had taken our 5 day honey moon which was a 3 day cruise to Hawaii, then touring various islands. Might I add a remarkable and unforgettable honey moon at that. No, nothing like THAT had happened…If you get the picture. I suppose as I was having fun, the past which I had pushed back was revealing itself over and over throughout my mind, torching me with delight. I did enjoy myself, but it was almost impossible to while being reminded of him. Knowing that when we returned, I would have to see him. And I doubt it was just me who was dreading the day. It was also Ginta.

Yet the day we feared had crept up upon us sooner than expected. And today was the day. After arriving home late last night from the honeymoon, we were too tired to even think about the day, and didn't speak much. Even though we were up and well rested now, not much was said.

My parents had called early this morning, making sure we had arrived last night and everything went well, which had…

"Moshi Moshi?"

"Ohayou-gozaimasu Miki! WE MISSED YOU!"

"Konichiwa Mom and Dad! I missed you too. Ogenki desu-ka?"

"We're fine, thanks. So uh, someone's been here for 3 days now. He's waiting to see you."

"Yeah, the trip was fine. Ginta's here and says hello."

"Miki-san…we know the trip went well. But someone's here and he's been waiting an awfully long time to see you again."

"Weather was fine…"

It must have been clear to my parents that I didn't want to talk about it, so they changed the subject.

"Well we thought you could meet us at that great teriyaki house downtown, the one we went to for Christmas a couple years back. You know, the one near the restaurant we all first met at,"

"Uh huh, we'll be there for a brief lunch. We do have lives we need to get back to. With work and all,"

"Yes Miki, but it's not everyday that we get to see Yuu. You know he's in his senior year of college?"

"Hai…"

"How about coming back to the house for just an hour…that would give everyone some time to talk,"

"Fine, but I really have to go. Ginta needs to get to the office before lunch. I'll see you there."

"Alright. We love you Miki, and so do Chiyako and Youji,"

Within a few hours, Ginta and I had both run into work and made sure everything was running alright. I was glad to finally be back home and in my office. I worked as a secretary at the center of company for a bank. Ginta on the other hand had a completely different job. He was an engineer for computers. After many had greeted me and welcomed me back, I headed out to pick Ginta up from work so we could just take one car instead of two.

We pulled into a parking spot directly in front of the restaurant. We were to meet them inside. I stepped out of the car to be met by a chilly August breeze. Various leaves were starting to drift to the ground, but had not exactly all turned brown, red, or yellow yet. Ginta had noticed them too as we got out because he was looking the same place as I. I chuckled silently; with Ginta getting an estranged look upon is face. I could feel the hotness upon my face. I guess Ginta could tell too because as we started walking, he grabbed my hand and gave me a reassuring look. I knew I loved Ginta so much at that moment.

"Welcome to our fine restaurant. Do you have a reservation?"

"We're here with the Matsuura-Koishikawa party."

"Ah, right this way"

We were led to the table with my 5 family members sitting around it.

And there he was. The man that had broken my heart numerous times, left me in devastation, and then don't hear of for another 2 years. Here he was. Sitting between his mother and father, my step-mother and step-father. There were 2 open seats for Ginta and I. We both sat down, I next to my mother, Ginta next to Yuu's father. It was after I sat down that our eyes finally met.

He looked slightly different. The sweet expression that came across his face almost every time we saw each other did not appear. His hair was slightly longer than 2 years ago. His eyes were partially covered with his long bangs. They were a broader brown color, and had a lost look deep inside them. He seemed to have better posture when sitting up, and although I hadn't seen him stand up, he seemed slightly taller than before, maybe an inch or two.

I could tell he was examining my looks, clothes, everything. His eyes did not move off of me until I picked up my menu. It shielded most of my face. I glanced over at Ginta. He still had that uncomfortable look upon his face. He looked over at me and smiled. I returned the smile and then looked back on the menu.

After conversation of our lives, Yuu's life and other light talk, we finished eating and slowly headed out after Dad paid the tab.

"Miki-san, why don't you and Yuu go in one car, and we can take Ginta in ours?"

"I guess…"

"What way you can catch up. It'll be good."

"Alright." I said hesitantly as Ginta and I exchanged looks.

Yuu headed over to my car, head down and hands in coat pockets. I quickly hugged Ginta goodbye and got in the car. I watched my family get into their minivan as I pulled out of the parking lot.

"So…I hear you and what's his face, Ginta got married?" Yuu asked to start casual conversation.

"Yeah, a week ago today."

"I see.."

"Yep. So are you seeing anyone?"

It took a while for him to respond to the question. After several moments of an awkward silence, he responded.

"I haven't been really close to anyone since you Miki,"

"Oh.."

"It's been so hard to get close to anyone…"

There was another slice of silence.

"Yuu…"

"Hm?"

"Can I just ask you why out of all the times in the past two years you have to come back now? I mean there were never any visits, and only a couple phone calls since you left. Why now?"

"Because….because…well it's not like I didn't miss my family or anything, y'know? My parents are part of my life, your parents, and you were a part of my life,"

The words clung to me and ripped at my heart. My throat became dry, my eyes starting to shimmer with water. But it was the truth, and it was the truth that was tearing at me.

I was part of his life. But I wasn't now. It was over. I suppose…

"Yeah, I would miss them too. Anyways…"

"Miki, I've missed you this whole time. I've thought about you everyday…"

"Yuu…"

"You don't have to say anything. I just wanted you to know that. But there is something else that I've wanted you to know,"

"Oh?"

"I've loved you all along. I never did stop loving you. I've regretted every single day what I did. I never meant for what went on between Arimi and I to happen,"

"That's nice Yuu. But really, what's in the past is in the past,"

"But Miki, I still love you. And all you can say is that's nice?"

"Yuu, I didn't mean it like that…but I'm married. I'm in love with someone else,"

"You don't love me anymore do you? I'm still in so much pain but if you don't love me then that's fine,"

"You slept with you ex, take off, leave me heartbroken for 4 months, I finally move on and get with Ginta, and when we get married and I finally put what you did in the past, and when I think I'm ready to move on, you come and bring it all back. I don't want this Yuu. I want it to be in the past. Its fine if you come and visit, but I just can't be with you. I don't see you as anything more than family. Do you not see that?"

"Do you think I could stay around after realizing what I did? You wouldn't even listen to what I had to say. I had to put it all behind also. But it's not like you didn't break my heart by leaving me off like that. I missed you so much and thought about all the times we had together. I still do. And it's almost impossible to think that things aren't like that anymore…but I was hoping that things might be the same when I came back,"

"Well Yuu, things aren't the same. I'm married and even if I might feel something for you, it doesn't matter anymore because it's in the past. Even if I feel the slightest resent for pushing my past in the back where I think it should be, it's not going to make a difference,"

There was yet again another awkward silence between us. We weren't far from my house, about another 2 minutes. If I could just keep quiet, things would probably be alright.

"Miki…I know not much that I say now will make a difference, but I just want you to know that you are still part of my family okay?"

"I know Yuu…"

"And I still love you,"

"If that's how you feel, then I'm not going to try and stop you. But I am going to stop myself because that's not how I feel about you. It's how I feel about Ginta-san,"

"Thanks for understanding thought. It means a lot to me, even if you don't feel the same way about me anymore,"

And with that being the last thing said to me before we pulled up into our driveway, it made me really think about what had happened since the last time I had seen Yuu. I did understand what he was saying. Though he may feel the way he does not, it doesn't matter if I love him or not. He's always going to feel that way about me, or at least until someone comes along that he can really hold onto. Is it really fair for me not to give him a chance? I already gave him that chance and he broke what we had. He just left me there. Now I suppose I can do the same. There isn't a lot that I can do now. I'm married and I'm fine where I am. Yuu could have came back a long time ago, even if would have been hard.

As we pulled up, the other cars did too. We all got out of our cars and headed in for some more visiting. Before anyone proceeded, I made sure to make my way over to Ginta. I could tell that the ride there had been quite odd from the expression on his face. Parents. What can you say? I let out a slight chuckle.

Ginta glanced back with a slight smile, showing me that he was feeling alright and not to worry. I was glad Ginta was here because if he weren't I do not know what I would do.

Soon the 7 of us headed into our old home, where I had grown up most of high school, created many memories, laughs, drama, and everything else you can possibly think of.

Ginta and I walked hand in hand over to a small couch just enough to seat the two of us. I began to feel very uncomfortable as everyone sat down. I could feel that something big was going to happen. Something between Ginta, Yuu, and I. And it wasn't a good something.