A/N: Yeah, yeah, its my first fic. Don't abandon it though! Give it a chance... I promise you can recieve a refund if you don't love it. Now I just ditched all homework responsibilities and took about 4 hours writing this. And I had no BETA, actually I have no BETA (wink wink, any takers?). So it was just little old me proofreading as I wrote, so excuse the errors, although I don't think there are many.
The fic is based on all spoilers for the finale (yes, I am a spoiler whore). So IF YOU ARE NOT A WHORE (spoiler whore that is) THEN DO NOT READ... I would never want to be the reason you abandoned your anti-spoiler beliefs. So... without any more babbling on my part...
Ch. 1: The Road Back to Sanity-ville...
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Eight
thirty PM. Lorelai's car.
Leaving
FND (aka: disater from hell).
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She was angry, she was crying, and she was driving. So not a good combo, Lorelai thought as she focused on the road in front of her, speeding back toward Stars Hollow. Through the tears and the darkness though, it was hard to see. Focus Lorelai, focus.
What the hell is that kid thinking? HOW can she just do that? Oh wait, no, wrong inflection—How can SHE just do THAT? After everything I've taught her, told her about those people, about that kind of life… She abandons it all... Yale, her career, everything she's every dreamed of since she was eight… me. How can she side with Richard and Emily over me? How the hell can those people side with her? I mean, if they signed some deal with the devil to go against every single word I say or else He gets their souls… I would certainly believe that this exact situation would be the only one when they would side with ME and forget about their damned souls—Wait, who the hell am I kidding, they don't have souls!
…To let Rory just leave Yale because that stupid Huntzburger man father richie boy told her, my Rory, that she "don't got it"? Who the hell does he think he is… Rory's had it since she was just a kid! And you'd think Richard and Emily would support the side for "education" and "achieving your goals"… God I feel stupid for even assuming that. Of course in the end they would choose whichever side would get Rory to marry a WASP, who cares about her dreams right? 'Cause we know she won't need those, or any kind of education outside Miss Manners. She just becomes some passive, mechanical trophy wife… it will probably drive her to become an alcoholic, too. Or maybe a pill popper. All of those women used "Mommy's Little Helpers" and every other Happy Pill just to get through the day with those husbands. GAH!
I always thought that kid knew what she wanted… and she would have gotten it, I know it. What the hell did I do? Did I even do something? Yes, Lorelai of course you did! You must have done something wrong… something to drive her to that. After all, she did give you a good old fat list of all the horrible things you've done to her over the past years… just pick any of those accusations... As Lorelai thought of it all, more tears began to form and fell down her cheeks. But, unlike before, these weren't "pissed off/disappointment" tears at Rory… they were "pissed off/disappointment" at herself.
Lorelai took a deep breath. She had to pull over before she hit something. She knew she had to either drive or think about what just happened. A combination of the two would only be bad, bad, bad.
When she saw the sign "Stars Hollow: 16 miles" she pulled off to the side of the road and put the Jeep in park. I have to call him, I can't do this alone, she thought, almost against her will. Admitting vulnerability and uncertainty was something Lorelai Gilmore frowned upon. It was definitely something completely, totally, way, way, way out of character for her.
Lorelai grabbed her pink cell from her purse on the seat next to her and dialed the number, not even looking at the keypad. She put the phone up to her ear and leaned her head against the wheel and let the tears fall on her skirt. She didn't even care about the fact that she had just bought that skirt, having called every store in Hartford looking for it after she saw how awesome it looked on Jessica Simpson in InStyle. Well, she almost didn't care: Crap, I should take it to get dry-cleaned tomor—
"Luke's," her mental To Do list was cut off when Luke answered the phone at the diner. He sounds tired. He's probably drained from work… and the fight, she thought. Oh! Right. Speak, Lorelai.
"Hey… its me," she said, sounding a odd since she was able to hold back the actual tears but was having a hard time controlling her voice from cracking and squeaking.
"Hey… are you okay?" he asked slowly, unsure of how to act before the little incident earlier in the apartment, "Are you already done with dinner?"
"Oh yeah… I'm done… over there… with them… and Rory," Oh crap, the tears were making their way down her face again.
But before she could continue, Luke cut her off, "Rory? What happened with Rory now? Is she okay?" he stopped when he got no response. Luke knew about Rory's little "escapade" a few days ago. He knew about the little joy ride she took with… Logan, man he hated that kid… in Mr. Fat Stock Broker Man's $3 million yatch. He knew that Rory, his Rory… Lorelai's Rory, spent the night in jail and Lorelai had to bail her out. He knew because Lorelai vented to him about it all, and of course he was there. How could he not be? I love her after all, and she loves him… at least I think that's what was established. He swallowed hard trying to forget about that for a minute. Oh great… I hope Rory hasn't done anything to make Lorelai more upset… She's too fragile right now, after seeing her in jail, and now, after our little discussion… Ah geez, she doesn't sound good, she sounds like she's been crying. Something must have happened… "Where are you?" he asked finally, now more worried than before.
Hearing his sincere concern, And even after that—thing—earlier, he still cares. Well of course he does, you idiot, he loves you. She did a double take for just a split second, Right, he told you. After you told… Lorelai swallowed and continued, "Listen, Luke, can we just put our little feud on hold for a just sec, just for tonight. I need to-" her breath caught in her throat quickly. Just say it fast before any more tears come out, "-I need to come see you."
"Anything. Do you want to come to the diner or have me meet you-"
"No, no I'll meet you there."
"I'll have coffee waiting," he said simply.
"Thanks, Luke. I'll be there soon," she said with a slight smile from his previous comment. Well, there was no smile on her lips, but her eyes shone a little brighter than the dark ocean-y blue they had been before due to the tears and exhaustion—emotional and physical.
"Drive safe," he warned her. And with that, she hung up.
She dropped her phone in the hammock that her skirt had created when it stretched across her thighs as it did now. She threw her arms over the wheel again and gently lowered her head them. She had stopped crying, Man I have been crying a hell of a lot today… her eyes were probably all dried out. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, practicing her yoga breathing, I just don't see how people can stand it, let alone how in the world it helps you feel better. As the deep breathing, in through the nose, out through the mouth, continued, Lorelai re-played the discussion she had with Luke earlier in her head… one last time before she would start the car and go to the diner.
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Earlier
that day.
Noon(ish)
at Lorelai's.
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"You bought a house… that I am apparently moving into… and you didn't even tell me!"
"Well you took a pregnancy test and didn't even tell me!" Luke retaliated with just as much anger.
The two were standing in the middle of Lorelai's living room, going at it. And, no. not the dirty way. Lorelai was pacing up and down the hall while Luke leaned against the couch, placing his hat on the arm of it, "Luke! That didn't concern you-" but Lorelai was cut off.
Luke stood abruptly, "I'm sorry… It doesn't concern me? Unless you had sex with some other guy and he was the one who impregnated you and that was his baby you were peeing on a stick for… which, if that's the case, then our situation is not lookin' too good. But… yeah, umm, if that's not the case then it damn well concerns me." He stated firmly. Lorelai didn't react right away, just looked at him with that intimidating look she gives when she's really angry with him, usually when Aunt Flow comes to town every month, But its not that time of the month yet… Maybe its just natural for women to get some kind of pseudo-hormones when they think they're pregnant… but then they're really… not. At this thought Luke was suddenly overwhelmed with a feeling of disappointment, and sadness. But he did not let that faze him. He was on a mission: make Lorelai realize how upset… no Luke, how PISSED OFF… I am, that she didn't include me in this! "You have to include me in stuff like this, Lorelai! If the woman I am in love with is potentially pregnant with my kid, then I sure as hell have a reason to be somewhat involved in the entire situation…" Luke's rant, or beginning of a rant, suddenly faded. He had realized what he let slip. Ok. That was not supposed to happen… Maybe she didn't notice? He waited for her response, while panting somewhat audibly because of the previous rant.
If there was any change in Lorelai's appearance, then it was so quick and subtle that Luke hardly caught it. When Luke said "it" he noticed Lorelai's eyes pop open as wide as possible for just a split second, while her lips parted ever so slightly so just a thin black line could be seen between the two. But other than that, Luke was a bit taken aback that she did not respond in any Lorelai-like way. No witty response, no joke, no anecdote, he even half expected her to say it back. Luke was definitely worried.
If only he knew the immensity of the reaction happening inside of Lorelai. Luke could only see the slight indicating movements on the exterior of general shock. But on the inside, Lorelai's heart just about stopped. It did stop… I felt it. She thought, He loves me. I knew he did. Wow. I'm in love for the first time and he loves me back… God, can you get any sappier, Lorelai? He bought a house because he loves me and probably wants to do the whole "future" thing with me… and I want it too… Lorelai's face then shifted ever so slightly again, into a look of annoyance. But again, it was on the inside that the changes were really going on… That bastard! I mean, I love him, of course I do, but what a jerk! He's getting mad at me for not filling him in on some huge dramatic over the top out of this world change for US as a COUPLE, a team, partners… and really he's the one who is to blame here! I mean, I lied, well I kept it a secret for just a little while… but he's been planning this whole Twickam House fairytale… it would be nice, a nice little fairytale middle, not ending… No, Lorelai… He's been planning this for almost a month! Who knows, he's probably been planning it for even longer. I mean I know he's had the picture in his head since he was a little kid… woah. But then probably his wife never had a face… Wait. Ok, breath, you're fine. His… wife… never had a face. But I bet for the past few, yeah a good few, months it's been you're face! And he never ever even indicated it to you! Ever! And you've only known about the baby… sorry, 'maybe' baby… oh a rhyme… you've only known about that for a day!
Oh man, she was going to let him have it now. She loved him, Why do I have to love this diner man so damn much? …Of course Lorelai knew why she loved the damn diner man, but she couldn't let him blame it all on her. If they were going to work, they had to teach each other a lesson."Luke! It doesn't matter, I'm not even pregnant! That whole issue is, well… it's not even an issue! What is an issue though is that you bought a house for us! You bought a house for me. For me and you… For me and you to live in. Together! You bought the house that you've dreamed of having your whole life to live in when you've finally found someone who…" she stumbled with her words. Not wanting to look flustered by his sudden impromptu declaration, she took the favorable rant option, "You sucked up to Taylor… Hell, you freakin' worked with Taylor… Patty said he called you his 'right hand man' or something equally disturbing, but you didn't object to any of it… which disturbs me just a little bit on a different level, too, but… yeah, anyways, you put all your extra time and energy into getting on his good side and on the good side of those old… weird… freakishly mysterious 'Town Elders', who—after 10 years of living in this town—I just found out about! Man, they are probably Taylor clones, or rather Taylor's inspiration… wow, creepy," Lorelai paused when her head was suddenly filled with four little men, all of whom were probably only 4 feet tall, with long gray and white hair, wearing crowns that had little drawings of Stars Hollow's staples—Doose's, Miss Patty's studio, Luke's, The Dragonfly Inn—all carved into the gold. They wore long velvet robes in silver, midnight blue, burgundy, and maroon, each of them sitting on huge ornate thrones, Ohhh I want one of those, maybe Luke can build me one similar… and in front of them all, sitting on his knees and bowing up and down with his arms stretched out as far as possible, was Taylor. And he was wearing a toga. What the hell? Then he began muttering some kind of promise or oath or something over and over again… Something about Stars Hollow and… Okay Lorelai, what the hell are you doing? No crazy day dreaming about weird townies while you are doing this with Luke! …Ohh, dirty. And gross! Focus!
"Umm, Lorelai… are you finished or just taking a breather?" Luke asked, suddenly nervous at her far off, 'I'm not really here' look.
Jumping back into reality, Lorelai shook her head and responded, "Yeah, yeah I was just thinking of Taylor."
"Taylor?" Luke was frustrated now that she hadn't said anything about what he said earlier... She was thinking about Taylor, and he was quite disturbed.
Annoyed at his insinuation, even though she was not quite sure what he was insinuating, she grunted or yelled with equal frustration, "UH! No I was just thinking about the house with the thing and the deal with the elders… and Taylor just fell in there," Lorelai quickly explained, "Oh NO Luke, you are not going to accuse me of something again!"
She sighed to prove her annoyance and frustration, if it was not already obvious enough by the annoyed and frustrated scowl she has been selling him for the past ten minutes. But all of a sudden, she remembered what he said: "The woman I love…" and she instantly felt angry with herself for not telling him how much she loved him as well. She had wanted to say it for so long, but she didn't want to say it in a fight. She was almost a little sadden by the way Luke had expressed it, being the first time and all, she just thought it should be… more. But she had to tell him. She had to let him know she wasn't going anywhere, despite the huge mess they were both in together at the moment. But she had to reassure him of that. I just wanted to tell him when everything was perfect and there were stars or music or lots of amazing food or when we were in bed together, after making amazing, amazing love, and we were naked!
She sighed and took a deep breath, You love him, he loves you. That's all that matters. As long as you love each other, and you are sincere enough, it doesn't have to be said during 'perfection'. One more breath and… here it goes, "Luke… this is really bad." Ok not exactly the jumping off point I'd hoped for…
"Yeah, I know. We're talking about us and you standing there thinking about old men," Luke avowed, clearly not understanding her meaning. Suddenly he dramatically cringes and runs a hand through his hair, "Ahh, geez."
Lorelai can't help but smirk at this, but she rolls her head down so her chin is touching her chest to hide her amusement from Luke. Once she can remember which direction she was going with her little 'speech', she picked her head up and turned on her Serious Lorelai face again, "Luke, just listen to me," she said softly, and Luke regained composure. He knew she was serious, "When I mean is that… okay. See, both of us are stubborn and independent people, Wonder Woman and… Wonder Man… if you will, and of course we will never admit that to ourselves, because well, we are stubborn. Umm, a mixture of two very stubborn, but also strong-willed, yet almost annoyingly independent people such as the two of us… they do not always make the most..." not knowing how to word what she is trying to say, Lorelai pauses, biting the side of her lower lip.
A little nervous, and quite unsure of where she was going with this, Luke took a small step toward her and asked, "The most what, Lorelai?"
She meets his eyes before closing hers and sighing, "They don't make the most harmonious partnership."
"We're not harmonious!" Now Luke was slightly angered, but honestly just scared: scared of losing Lorelai, scared that she wasn't happy, scared that he couldn't make her happy…
Immediately she took a step toward him and placed her hand on his forearm that was hanging loosely at his side. She never wanted him to doubt her happiness with him. I did make it sound that way though, didn't I? "No Luke! I wasn't talking about us… per se… I just mean that if we continue the way we are, we won't be able to be fully content with each other," she's looking right at him now, but his eyes are on his hat on the arm of the couch behind her, How'd that get there? And impulsively he runs his free hand through his hair.
"Luke…" she speaks softly, "I know you know we have something special here…" at this Luke finally glanced up, only to look at her eyes for a second or two, almost questioning her, before he quickly resumes his previous big boy pouting, "Listen to me, you make me so… harmonious… you make me more freakin' blissful… than any other man has ever. Never question that, Luke."
She isn't making any sense! She isn't happy about the house, she flips out over it, but then she says… that! Finally looking up and keeping her gave for more than a few seconds, Luke finally speaks loudly, "I don't understand then Lorelai! You say that, you say I make you feel that way, but then why the hell aren't you happy about the Twickam house? I bought it for us because I thought we were headed in that direction. I thought you would love it. You could do anything you wanted to it, you could force me to paint the living room bright pink and blue with a big, fat gold band in the middle! I just thought-" but he was cut off before he could finish his last thought.
"I know Luke! I know you would do all that for me, that you would let me do that…" she was shouting now, "that you would let me have all the Charlie's Angels plattery I wanted! All the fluffy bath products overflowing the bathroom! I know you just wanted to give me all that, Luke! You are so unbelievably kind and generous and giving and I love you so so much because…" and as the realization kicks in, the yelling quiets down… "because that's who you are…" Un-freakin'-believable! I wanted to at least say it when I wasn't in the middle of a shouting match with him! Great. Oh crap. Crap, crap, crap. Start a rant…
"But like I said Luke, we can't keep doing this to each other! We need to talk about our feelings Luke, and if that is too Mr. Sensitive for you then tough! I'm your girlfriend and you shouldn't be embarrassed about that because that's what real relationships are about… its about expressing what you think and feel! Especially, ohhh yes, especially if you are gonna go drop half a million on a house for the two of us!" By now Lorelai has practically completely forgotten that she was supposed to just distract him from her earlier declaration, and has gone off on one full-blown tangent. She was pacing like crazy in front of him, not even paying attention to his expression, "I shouldn't have done what I did, I know that… but you have to understand—its not the fact that I don't love the house, but you didn't tell me Luke. You didn't bother to mention one tiny little thing about you even contemplation buying it! You snuck behind my back telling everyone! You told Taylor even! And I know he has a lot of authority with the house but still Luke… it's Taylor! You hate him, you despise him, and you tried to kill him with a frying pan! And you tell him over me? I just… this is just… we just…" And now, ladies and gentlemen, Lorelai Gilmore has finally looked up to see the look that one, Lucas Danes, has been giving her for the past three whole minutes…
Luke was staring at Lorelai, arms crossed across his chest. He had two huge eyes on her, and an amused smile stretched his lips up as high as they could go, defining his cheek bones even more so than usual… but was trying hard to conceal it… it was not working.
Lorelai was confused. Or she getting it, but was just pissed. Or was she happy? No, she was just confused… Is he just laughing at me, does he think this is all a joke to me? Wait, he never even reacted to when I let 'it' fall out! What is wrong with this man? Oh wait, is this his reaction? No, can't be… he has better reflex skills than that… Why can't he just talk to me, I mean, I'm saying more to him than I probably ever have, well not ever, but in the far as seriousness and our relationship goes, then yes I am speaking more about that than I ever have… and he thinks this is a joke? Well, if that's the way he's gonna be…!
"What could possibly be so funny Luke? You can't even be serious about this for one second can you?"
He was smiling like an idiot now. She said she loved me. She loves me because… I'm me. Just Luke Danes. I'm giving, generous, kind… that's just me. And she loves that. And above all that, she thinks I still don't get it! Haha! She thinks I think its all a joke! Haha, if she only knew… But I get her now; I know I was a complete idiot for not talking to you, ok Lorelai? Yeah, man, just say that. And this time how about we give her a real 'I love you' that isn't in the middle of some pathetic rant of yours, okay buddy! Hey wait…
Lorelai suddenly turned around and walked up the stairs, each stomp on the wooden steps louder than the last.
Finally, Luke snapped out of his little party in his head, "Lorelai, wait! Where are you going?" Luke grabbed the very bottom banister and leaned over a bit so he could get a glance of her bedroom through the railing.
"I'm leaving!" Lorelai shouted from her room as she began locating random pieces of clothing she would need for Friday night dinner.
"But… this is your house!"
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