Title: Taking Care Of Me
Author: Katie
Story Summary: What you didn't see in "Teach Me Tonight"
Spoilers: Up to and including "Teach Me Tonight"
Pairing: Rory and Jess
Authors Note: This is my very first fanfiction so PLEASE send me
Feedback…Good or bad!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything Gilmore Girls…I wish I did though.
Chapter thirty-one: You Should Know
As they walked into Rory's house she threw her jacket on the couch and went into her room. She sat down on her bed and looked up at Jess who was just standing there. She closed her eyes for a moment. Nothing had changed on the walk to Rory's home. They had barley said two words to each other and Jess never lost the emotionless look from his face. Rory knew she deserved this and that it was her fault but it was killing her.
"What do you want to do?" Rory asked trying her best to sound normal and happy. "We can read or watch TV or a movie or whatever you want…" Rory trailed off.
"Doesn't matter" Jess answered sitting down on the bed a little farther from Rory than he normally would. Part of him just wanted to run. To get away from Rory for a little while and let him self think. She hurt him. And the fact that she didn't trust him like she said she did brought up questions about whether or not she loved him like she said she does. "You can pick"
Rory sighed softly, "You don't want to be here with me" Rory said, it wasn't a question.
"I'm sorry," Jess said. It wasn't worth lying and trying to convince her that he wanted to be there. Part of him did want to run but another part of him was scared that if her ran he wasn't going to come back. And of what he would do while he was running. Jess finally looked back up at Rory, "Do you love me?" He asked her quietly.
"What?" Rory asked. Her head shot up and her eyes found his, "Of course I love you"
"Don't just say that to me out of habit" Jess said a little bit harsher than he meant to and saw Rory physically recoil at the sound of his voice. "This is the second time that you've had to question who I am now based on who I used to be" Jess said not entirely sure what he was trying to say. "Do you love me, because part of love is trust, and if you can't trust that I'm someone different now then you don't love me, Rory" Jess finished his voice calming down.
Rory stood up and walked a little away from Jess. "Jess, I do love you and I do trust you. When Kevin and Maria were here…that kind of stuff used to really scare me, that I was just a conquest for you, them saying it just brought it back up." Rory tried to explain herself.
"It shouldn't scare you" Jess said harshly as he stood up a few feet from Rory. Jess took a deep breath to calm him self down and closed his eyes for a moment as he saw tears fall down Rory's face. He hated seeing her cry, he especially hated that it was his fault. "Rory, back in New York you should have never had to ask me if I had raped anyone before. But, even more now, about this, I love you, of course you are not a conquest to me, but that shouldn't have even been a question at this point. Months ago, when all you knew about me was my past that was a fair question. But now, after everything, how could you ever even think that?" Jess said and finally looked up and met Rory's eyes with his. "Rory, if you were just a conquest, we wouldn't still be together…we slept together in New York" He finished most of the emotion gone from his voice.
Rory looked at Jess. She was holding his gaze with her own and tears were streaming down her face at a constant rate. "I apologized for New York a million times Jess, and I apologized for this to. I'm sorry." She said fighting to make sense through her tears.
"That's not the point Rory" Jess sighed.
Rory slowly walked closer to Jess until he reached his hand out and grabbed her arm softly but firmly. The skin to skin contact that normally made them both so happy made Jess feel sick to his stomach. "Don't, please" Jess said not wanting at that moment to be that close to her. Rory nodded and took a step back.
"Rory, if its this easy to make you think that you're just a conquest for me, then you don't love me, and you don't believe that I love you." Jess sighed hating that he was hurting her but knowing he wasn't willing to just let this go. "Rory, no one should ever be able to just walk in and within 15 minutes make you think I'm just using you for sex, that's crazy. You should know after everything we've been through and everything that we've done that I'm not just using you. And if you don't know that, if you can't just believe that I love you then we shouldn't be together." Jess finished trying desperately to hide everything he was feeling. He loved her more than anything in the whole world and this conversation was killing him. All he wanted to do was take it all back and tell her everything was fine and make her stop crying and just be with her. But he couldn't continue this relationship if his past was always going to haunt them.
Rory just stood, shocked, tears falling freely down her face.
"I'm going to go home, and give us both some time to think." Jess said and sighed. "I love you, Rory" Jess closed his eyes for a moment and as he walked past her he heard her crying and kissed her temple feather lightly. "I love you more than anything Rory, but I can't do this if you can't love me." He whispered and finally tore himself away from Rory and walked out of the house.
As soon as Jess walked out of the house Rory fell to her knees crying. Some where in the back of her mind her brain was reregistering that the phone was ringing. Rory heard her mom's voice fill the house as the answering machine picked up the phone. Rory found the phone and picked up. "Mommy…"
Rory cried into the phone and told her mom everything.
