All characters owned by J K Rowling of course.
I would like to thank Cmar for beta-reading this chapter and the previous few chapters and all the reviewers. They are all greatly appreciated. All reviews welcome.
Chapter Seven – Harry Potter
For once Hogwarts had a decent Defence against the Dark Arts teacher that was neither a werewolf or a Death Eater. Corazon Shapira was a short dumpy teacher who looked like a friendly primary school teacher. The type of woman who was always in front of you in the shop paying for goods with all the change and tokens she could and holding up the queue by talking to the cashier about her dahlias and daffodils. This was a clever façade and many a Death Eater had gone to Azkaban because they had underestimated her. She swept her brown curly hair from her eyes and beamed at her pupils.
"Morning class!"
"Good morning, Professor Shapira," the class said cheerfully.
Shapira thinks she's so clever.
"Right, class, today we are dealing with cursed items."
Woop de doo.
She pointed behind her. "Do you know what this is?" She pointed at a candelabrum with three red candles on it.
I know! I know! Ooh! Ask me! Ask me!
Harry put his hand up. "I know! I know!"
Shapira smiled at Harry in surprise. "Gosh, I'll be impressed if you get this."
"It's a so-called vampire candle."
"Why's it called that?" said Shapira curiously.
"It drains the blood of its victims if you light the candle. The candleholder is cursed. If you light it, it warms the creature up sufficiently to cease being dormant and then strikes. The wax is in fact dried blood that it feeds on during its dormant stage."
The others looked at Harry curiously.
I'm the man! I'm the man! I'm behaving very curiously. I hope these teenage hormones aren't catching?
"Well done, Harry. Impressive. Ten points to Gryffindor."
But I'm Slytherin! That's so unfair!
"Okay, class. Our next task will be to deal with a dark creature. Follow me, class."
I know how to deal with a dark creature. Offer it power and riches and all the muggles it can eat.
They walked out of the class to outside the castle. There was Rubeus Hagrid standing outside a huge cage. The cage was covered in a thick, grey, and above all battered blanket. The cage shook as the creature inside it flew against the bars. A strange ominous growling emerged when they walked out.
"Hello Rubeus," said Shapira. "Thanks for the help with this one. Has he given you much trouble?"
"Not too much," said Hagrid, sucking on his hand and two long scratches running down it.
She grabbed one end of the blanket and pulled the sheet off the cage. "Does anyone know what this is?"
Inside the cage was a huge lizard with two wings and two back legs. It had two evil looking black eyes and rows of sharp teeth. It tried to scratch Shapira with its back legs but she stepped smartly back.
"It's a dragon," said Draco Malfoy in a bored tone.
"No it isn't," said Shapira. "Five points from Slytherin for not using their eyes."
Five points from Slytherin! The old hag! I'll tell them what it is.
Harry raised his hand. "It's a Wyvern. You can tell by the fact it has no front legs but it has wings. This one is a female and it looks like, judging by the meta dorsal fins and the fact its ears don't fold back, to be one of the High Atlas Wyverns of Africa. Very rare and difficult to get hold of. I thought their export into England was illegal due to their murderous nature and impermeability to most of the killing curses."
Hagrid went red at this and suddenly found his boot of extreme interest.
"My, my, Harry, you have been reading up on this. Another ten points to Gryffindor."
NO! Why do you hate me so much, God?
"Harry, why are you head-butting the cage?"
No reason, you stupid woman.
"Right, bonus points if you tell me what spell is best against the Wyvern?"
Not telling. Not saying this time. I'm not getting any more points for Gryffindor.
"I think I know," said Malfoy.
Yes! Go Malfoy! Go Malfoy!
"Edray eyeway. The conjuctivitus curse. It blinds the creature," Malfoy smirked and looked rather happy with himself.
Rookie mistake! You idiot! I knew Lucius "Smug git" Malfoy was a bad teacher. Did he teach his son nothing?
Malfoy started choking.
"Mr Potter, kindly stop strangling Malfoy."
"But he's an idiot!"
"That's as may be, but you can not strangle sense into him. Five points from Gryffindor for disrupting my lessons…"
"YES!" said Harry and punched the air.
"Ten points from Slytherin for speaking without knowing."
"NO!" said Harry, and punched Malfoy non-too gently on the arm. "The spell is Eezefray Ingway. It freezes the wings together, meaning it cannot move. It is a variant of Tetrifucus Totalus, you fool." At that he slapped Malfoy on the head.
"Twenty points to Gryffindor. I must admit you are displaying an amazing knowledge of dark magic and dark creatures. You've obviously been reading up. Well done. Please Harry, stand up, stop punching the ground and grinding your teeth."
Must control myself. What is up with me? Damn these hormones. What is Hermione looking at me for? I didn't realise she was so attractive. She has some figure, wow I could get lost in those eyes, although fair enough her teeth are a good landmark.
"Are you okay, Harry? You're acting very strangely?"
"I'mway inefay Ermionehay."
By Sauron's beard! I've forgotten how to speak!
Hermione looked at Harry curiously and pushed her curly hair back from one eye. "Pardon?"
"Illway ouyay opstay ookinglay atway emay easeplay!"
She's only a girl? Why can't I talk to her? Stop picking at your nose Harry! What is it with teenagers? Right, let's walk away quickly to the other side of the cage so she can't see you.
Ron walked up to him. "Are you okay, Harry?"
"Why does everyone ask me that? I'm fine, you red haired freak."
"Okay, no need to bite my head off."
"Don't give me ideas." Don't get too close to the cage. "OUCH!" Harry leapt back as a razor-sharp claw caught the back of his trousers and cut his leg. "You overgrown lizard! You will feel the wrath of Voldemort!"
The others looked at him curiously.
"I mean Harry Potter!"
Wrath of Harry Potter! Why that sounds so scary! You see how many books they write about you in ten years time. Voldemort is a name for the ages.
Harry stayed at the back of the lesson for the next hour, muttering to himself. It finished, and not a moment too soon for Harry. He walked back to the school in front of the others, trying not to talk to anyone else. Hermione bustled past him in a hurry to get to the next class.
"Come on, Harry. I didn't realise you knew so much about the Dark Arts."
"Yo Hermy, why you always baggin on me?"
What in the seven steamy fiery hells of Nonsuiojhz does that mean?
Hermione pulled up short and grabbed Harry by the sleeve. "Pardon?"
"Let's check out that bang at Goyle's crib tonight, my ho."
I'm talking in teenage speak! A curse on these fiery hormones!
"I am not your," Hermione shuddered, "ho. Thank Merlin."
Control yourself.
"You are bootylicious; let's bounce and light some trees, my hoochie."
What am I talking about? I don't even know what I'm saying? I will not indulge in teen speak.
"You are not yourself today, Harry."
You got that right, biatch. No wait. I am Voldemort! I am the most powerful wizard in a hundred, no, a thousand generations! I am the only one capable of bringing all the disparate wizarding nations of the world together. I have conquered giants, demigods, demons, even Death itself; I can control a spotty teenager!
Harry stopped, grabbed his face and grimaced. "Must control myself."
Hermione halted as well and looked at him. "You are acting very outlandishly." She looked thoughtful. "You've been like this since you left the Forbidden Forest. What happened to you in there?"
I can control this. I will control this. You control nothing. I am in control here. What the fetid demon spawn was that?
He grabbed Hermione and dragged her into a handy doorway. He saw Malfoy and Goyle laugh at this. He grabbed Hermione and took her by the neck, and whispered. "Obliviate." He concentrated on her mind and picked out the past five minutes to remove. He pushed Hermione back out into the corridor.
"Carry on."
"I feel strange. I've got a headache. What were we talking about?"
"Nothing, my dear. Nothing."
I can. I will control this. Voldemort, you filth! The boy's spirit is stronger than I would have given him credit for. I need to kill Dumbledore while I can. How can I get sent to the Headmaster's study soon? Burn the school down? Tempting, but not a good idea. Get into a fight? No, I might have aurors about too quickly. Do a joke or prank? That was what those fools Fred and George Ferret - I mean Weasely always get into trouble for. According to Malfoy they are always being summoned to Dumbledore's office. Right, what would be a good prank? What would be really funny?
Harry raised his wand as he walked past a door. "Exterminateor."
The door blew off the hinges, glowed red for an instant and disintegrated into a thousand pieces over a stunned looking first year class.
Now that's a classic prank!
Ron ran up to Harry. "What the hell have you done, mate?"
"It's a joke, it's a prank."
"Disintegrating a door is not a prank."
Minerva McGonagall came storming out of the classroom and up to Harry.
"Mr Potter, explain yourself!"
"What can I say? Take me to Dumbledore."
"Fifty points from Gryffindor."
Yes! Yes! Yes! I am the man! Now just take me to old man Dumbledore. I'm itching to do some killing.
"Follow me, Mr Potter. You've got some explaining to do."
"Certainly, Minerva." Harry could not contain a smile as he followed behind her. A force seemed to be holding him back.
Damn you Potter! You will not stop me!
Harry was sweating but he managed to force his legs to follow her. He followed behind her as she mouthed the password to the gargoyle which lumbered out of the way and he walked up the stairs to Dumbledore's office.
"Wait here, Potter," said McGonagall. "I'll go and fetch the Headmaster."
Left alone, Harry took a vial out of his left pocket and sprinkledthe liquidover a plate of biscuits and marshmallows in the office. He had just finished when Dumbledore walked in and smiled at him.
"Hello, Harry." Dumbledore reached down and picked up a biscuit that he started to munch on. "What's this I hear about you blowing up doors?" Dumbledore started to go a strange shade of purple.
