Spoilers: Season Five of Angel.
Disclaimer: All Characters belong to Joss Whedon and Fox.
'I saved her; Bloody hell! I saved a slip of a girl I hardly know, and gave up my chance. My chance to feel a woman, to taste blood, to smoke a fag, to see Buffy.' Spike finishes sadly. Spike walks around Angel's empty office and stops by the window staring intently into the night.
'I should of let her die, no I couldn't do that, I just wanted to do that. But I couldn't see her die while I unlived. No you sodding wanker you wouldn't want her to die either. Yea but if it was one of the others like Wesley or Gunn, I would of let them die in a heartbeat, right? Bugger! No I wouldn't. DAMMIT! I've become such a fucking Nancy boy! Do Nancy boys say fuck? Is this what a champion goes through? Facing decisions that mean everything and getting the losing end of the deal. Am I a champion?' Spike asks himself.
'You know I never felt like a Champion before, not even when I died to save the world or was it to save the girl? There's no conviction when I tell Angel I'm one, no spirit when I tell it to the others, I didn't believe it when Buffy said it and handed me an honorable death. I never felt like a champion till some slip of a girl needed me to save her, and I did it without question. I did it without her asking me or paying me or promising a chance at love.'
Spike stops his mental rant and stares at the window, searching for a reflection he knows he'll never find. He starts to think about the past, his relationship with Buffy, the Texas beauty working late in the lab, and finally his future. Suddenly he turns sharply and heads to the lab, passing through walls just to get there quicker. He finally ends up in Fred's lab and sees her in her office asleep with her head resting on her desk. Spike slowly walks into the office and hovers above her for a few moments. Spike's not sure what to do till he sees a pen and some paper. Concentrating his best, Spike grabs the pen and writes Fred a note.
When Fred finally woke up about two hours later the first thing she noticed was something was written in very elegant handwriting on her notepad. Fred shook the cobwebs lose and picked it up and smiled as she read:
I never felt like a Champion, till I met you.
-William
"It's true you know." Spike's voice floated through the air. Fred slowly looked up and her heart sped up just a bit, Spike had a feeling that she wasn't scared of him.
"Spike" she exhaled the word like he was the reason her breath was caught, because he was. Spike slowly made his way over to Fred.
"Just be quiet for a moment and stay still, I need to concentrate." Fred became stilled, wondering what he would do, hoping for one thing. Spike slowly cupped her cheek with his hand and planted a soft kiss on her lips. He slowly losses concentration and forces himself to pull back, just a little.
Fred's breathing was a little heavy as she looked into Spike's blue sapphire eyes. No matter how happy she was at that moment a question formed at her lips. "What about Buffy?"
Spike frowned slightly before answering, "Luv, Buffy's my past. Took me a while to figure that out, but she and I we can't go back. Even if I got my body back, more pain then love. And I'm so tired of Pain."
"So what am I? Your future?" Fred asked.
Spike smiled and said, "That's what I'm here to find out."
And then Spike kissed her again.
-Fin
