The Adventures of Xero Brainz
Disclaimer: In addition to the junk I don't own mentioned in the first disclaimer, this story contains original characters made by me, they are not real, nor are they based on real people, at most they are based on stereotypes. This was ONCE a script format which despite being really easy and fun to write was against the rules, so I changed it, I think it was better as a script format, but whatever.
Author's Note: BEFORE YOU READ ON This story will have massive use of the word "Jackass" it isn't meant as a curse, it's just the name Xero gives Ranma. If this offends you, I'm sorry but my original name for Ranma was "Pigtailed Hermaphrodite" but that's just wrong, the purpose of the story was to make fun of the characters, not necessarily bash them and Pigtailed Hermaphrodite is a pain in the neck to write every time Xero wants to refer to Ranma. Xero Brainz and Ex Tra are not based on Zero and X, the names are coincidence that I didn't notice, they were supposed to be jokes. I.E. Zero Brains, Some Chick, Extra, Useless, etc.
Part II
First Contact during the Mating Season?
Xero is whispering to himself, "What a day! We've had significant gains. Today seems to be the mating season as several females in heat have come for Jackass."
Shampoo shoves a bowl of ramen under Ranma's nose, "Ranma eat Shampoo's ramen, no?"
Ranma backhands the bowl and it hits Genma on the head. "I'm not hungry!"
Ukyo glares at Shampoo, "Here's your delivery Ranma-honey, eat up!"
Ranma gives Ukyo a confused look. "I didn't order anything!"
Soun stomps over and grabs to Okonomiyaki. "I did!"
"Uh . . . right." Ukyo chuckles.
Akane glares at Ukyo and Shampoo, "Ranma! I want you to eat MY cooking!"
Ranma scoffs. "I don't wanna DIE Akane!"
Akane lets out a loud battle cry and throws her glass of water at Ranma's face.
Xero sighs. "Alas, Jackass cant seem to decide which female to mate with. Let's move on. No wait! Aha! I hope my camera crews are getting this! The incredible hu-man mating process performed by two females, Maniac and Female Jackass!"
(Akane and Ranma are fighting, no martial arts, they're just rolling around trying to scratch each other's eyes out.)
Xero grins happily, "Aha. Well, now that we've got actual footage of two females in the mating process we can assume that hu-mans have invented same-sex relationships, as such they are just nigh of sentience. Somehow their mating seems more akin to the wrestling matches me and my brother used to watch and then imitate."
Sum sighs. "That isn't mating sir. Mating is what Fat Bald Smelly Man and Sword Woman did last night, I'm not sure what that is but wrestling might not be far off-"
Xero rolls his eyes, "And it seems "Know it all" Lieutenant Commander Sum would like to be thrown out of an air lock!"Sum grumbles to herself, "Mutiny solves nothing, mutiny solves nothing . . . but it sure would feel good!"
"Let us continue!"
In the kitchen
Nabiki rummages through the kitchen. "Hmm . . . where does that crafty Kasumi hide those cookies?"
Ryoga appears from out of nowhere. "Hey Nabiki, what are you doing in-"
Nabiki holds out an annoyed finger to silence him. "Not the time lost boy."
Ryoga scratches his head, "Huh?"
Nabiki shoves and icecream cone into his hands, "Here, I'm going to search the cupboards, hold my delicious ice cream cone, if you eat it I'll kill you."
"It's melting!" Ryoga cries in panic.
Nabiki ignores him and continues her search, "Yeah, well do something about that. But don't eat it or you die!"
"It's getting all over my hands!"
"So long as it isn't in your mouth." Nabiki shrugs.
Annoyance bridge
"Aha! What is this? It seems that Sleepy and this unnamed male are in the process of hunting for food!" Xero says, impressed with how good of a documentary voice type person he is.
"What do you mean 'unnamed'? That's-" Sum gets cut off by Xero.
"I will call him Bartleby!"
"Sir?"
Xero shrugs. "He must be called something."
Sum shudders. "Yes sir . . . But Bartleby?"
Kitchen
Nabiki holds up an oatmeal raisin cookie in triumph! "Haha! Think you're so smart hiding them in the cookie jar don't you Kasumi? Well I'm wiser! Heh! Alright Ryoga, give me the . . . Hey!"
The ice cream cone is gone
Ryoga feebly tries to look innocent. "I didn't eat it!"
Nabiki considers this for a moment, the gasps with realization, "You lie!"
". . . yes." Ryoga runs for dear life.
"Come back and die like a man!" Nabiki bolts after Ryoga, ready to make him die.
Ryoga runs into the closet, Nabiki goes in with a frying pan, Kasumi appears out of nowhere and locks them both in.
Kasumi laughs maniacally. "Take that you cookie bandits!"
"Ahh! My brains!" Ryoga cries.
"Eh?" Kasumi pauses for a moment, then recognizes the voice. "You're in there too Ryoga? What are you doing in a closet with my sister!?
"Getting my head bashed in!"
Kasumi shakes her head. "Well you two are just going to have to stay in there and think about what you've done!"
"Ahh!"
"Don't worry, you should be fine." Kasumi shrugs. "How much damage can she actually do? What about your Breaking Point training?"
"It never applied to the BACK OF MY HEAD!"
Xero looks confused. ". . . what the heck was that about?"
"What's this? No half baked theory?" Sum scoffs.
Xero frowns for a momment. "Ahh! You're right . . . yar! Obviously a predator appeared and they took flight, and the alpha female has placed them in a protective area of . . . protection."
Sum lets out a bored sigh. "Looks more like . . . Okay, you know what? You're right sir, can I get off duty early?"
Xero scowles. "Yes, I grow weary of your complaining, go away!"
"Bah, you know you want me."
Xero scratches his head. "Eh? Aren't you my sister?"
Sum pauses for a moment, then just shrugs. "Maybe . . . I don't remember." She leaves.
Xero sighs. "All alone now . . . what to do?" He wonders.
Xero stands there thinking for a moment. He stares into space and doesn't blink, a micro-fly lands on his eye and after ten minutes he decides to wave it away.
"Commander, Chief Scientist Sum left five hours ago . . ." The ship's computer reports.
Xero waits another ten minutes . . . "Hey! . . . She did leave, didn't she!? Who gave her permission? The gal of that female!"
"You gave-" The computer begins.
"Shut up! I've finally decided what I'm going to do. Where is the nearest hu-man?"
"Eh . . . ahem. Sleepy and Bartleby are still in the closet." The computer clear's it's throat.
"Bah!" Xero scoffs. "The predators must still be around, we'd give away their location if we made first contact with them . . . and why is my computer clearing it's throat?"
The computer quickly changes the subject, "Next nearest human is Jackass."
Xero forgets his computer's strange behavior. "Take me to Jackass!"
Livingroom
Xero whispers to himself, "Captain's log, star date . . . I don't know. Tonight I have decided to make first contact with the one known as Jackass. Here I go!"
Ranma is up late watching TV, and listening to Ryoga's cries for help with no small amount of amusement. He'd briefly entertained the thought of saving Ryoga, but then this was probably as close to a date as poor Ryoga was ever going to get with an older girl like Nabiki, by not saving Ryoga's life, Ranma was in fact doing him a favor. At least that was his way of thinking.
Then suddenly an image appeared in front of him of a tall guy with large red eyes, blue skin and red tentacles for hair, his legs bent backwards and his arms were rather long, ending in six fingered hands.
Then the figure shimmered and became a shoe.
"I am Commander-eh Captain Xero Brainz of the L.I.L. Annoyance, I have come to observe your race and have decided that you are a prime candidate for first contact." The shoe said.
"You were an alien a minute ago . . ." Ranma points out.
"Yes, well you could never comprehend my true form-"
"Yes I could." Ranma protests.
A shoelace comes out like a bullwhip and whacks Ranma's cheek. "No you couldn't! Anyway I'm using holograms to project this image of me in a light that is more easily accepted by you."
Ranma raises an eyebrow. "A talking shoe?"
". . . I look like a shoe?! A shoe! That's just stupid!"
Ranma nods. "Really stupid."
"Do not agree with me, Jackass!" The shoe commands threateningly.
"Hey! What'd ya just call me!?" Ranma demands.
"No time, we must be quick. Now, tell me Jackass, do you enjoy living?"
Ranma thinks about this for a while. Can he honestly say yes when his life is so messed up? "Yeah I guess. Why do you keep calling me 'Jackass?'"
"I have an interesting offer for you, Jackass." The shoe says. "You see my ship and crew are here to observe you hu-mans. If I don't like what I see, I am going to blow up your entire planet."
Ranma just stands there speechless.
"I will watch you and your herd closely," the shoe continues, "depending on your interactions and so on I will decide what to do. Project humans in a positive light and you'll be able to mate with Flat Chested Violent Maniac many, many more times!"
Ranma considers this for a moment ". . . Flat chested . . . violent maniac? Oh! Akane. I never 'mated' with that sexless tomboy!"
The shoe chuckles. "Nonsense, we have it all on tape. Computer, display!"
A hologram of female-Ranma and Akane fighting one another appears, Ranma groans.
"Oh, we'll be 'mating' a lot then."
Shoe sounds uninterested, "Good for you. Well, remember, good light and what not and-"
"Commander! What are you doing!? We're not supposed to make CONTACT with them!" Some voice shouts from the other end of the line.
"Gah! Curses they wont let me have any fun. Well, farewell Jackass!"
Ranma growls, "You call me that again and I'll put my foot up your holographic-eh I mean . . . eh . . . farewell space traveler!"
The shoe disappears, Ranma decides to go save Ryoga and get to work on that 'projecting humans in positive light' Little does he know he's too late!
Kitchen
Ranma opens the door and Nabiki and Ryoga fall out.
Ranma jumps up and down frantically, excited and fearful to tell his friend and rival everything. "Ryogaaspacealienjusttoldmehegonnadestroytheearthand. . . are you wearing each other's shirts?
Nabiki yawns ". . . I was wondering why I didn't have to button it up."
Ryoga scratches his head, "I was wondering why it didn't fit!
Ranma shudders. "I'm not even going to ask!"
"We were in there for five hours!" Nabiki cries defensively, and shows Ranma her watch and makes it glow. "Beating up on him stopped being fun after a while, he's too tough for it to sink in. So we found something even more fun to do, and it was great because thanks to that stupid rock training he's got endurance like you wouldn't believe!"
Ranma shudders. "I didn't need to know that! Anyway I said I wasn't going to ask!"
Ryoga and Nabiki trade shirts back, Ryoga turns to Ranma and tries to move the subject away from the closet activities. "So Ranma, ah . . . what were you saying?
Ranma takes a deep breath, "Ryogaaspacealienjusttoldmehegonnadestroytheearthand-"
"Slowly!" Ryoga says, irritated.Ranma breathes in and out for a moment, then says slowly, "Ryoga . . . a . . . space . . . alien . . . just-"
"Not THAT slowly!" Nabiki snaps.
"All right! A space alien just told me that he's going to be observing humanity and that depending on our actions he'll decide weather or not to blow up the earth!"
Nabiki looks around nervously. "Uh . . . our actions?"
Ranma nods. "Us, as a herd-eh family. So . . . since Ryoga is practically part of the family, no more fooling around."
"Fat chance." Nabiki sighs. ". . . well, I'll cancel my long term plans."
"We're doomed!" Ryoga sighs.
"Yes we are . . ." Nabiki says dejectedly. Then her expression brightens, "Ryoga, you wanna come see my room?"
"Sure!" Ryoga beams. They leave.
Ranma scratches his head "What the heck is wrong with you people!? The world is going to end and you go show him your room? What's so great about your . . ." A light bulb of realization appears over his head, he shudders, "Oh my gosh! You two are sick! AAAHHHH!" He runs around in circles until he gets tired and goes to sleep.
L.I.L. Annoyance
"Sir! What were you doing?"
Xero chuckles nervously. "Eh . . . Ensign Use Lass . . . don't tell Sum, I was making first contact."
"You're afraid of Sum finding out?" Use balks in disbelief. "What about high command? You get executed for that sort of thing!"
Xero scoffs, "Heh! How's high command going to find out? And what could they do to me?"
A big screen behind Xero comes on with a very angry female face, a caption on the bottom idenfies the person as 'High Admiral Xero-Tall Rance'
"XERO!" The admiral roars.
"Ahh! Mom!" Xero panicks.
"Dont call me that!"The High Admiral cries, "I have no son!" She pauses for a moment in consideration, then adds, "Besides your brother."
"Aww c'mon, that's not nice." Xero pouts.
"Why did we just get a report of an unauthorized holographic emitter use?" Xero-Tall Rance demands.
Xero struggles to think of a good excuse ". . . Eh . . . Use Lass did it!"
A robotic arm comes out of the ship's ceiling and throws Use Lass out of an air lock.
The High Admiral eyes her alleged son suspiciously. "We'll be watching you, Commander!"
Xero lets out a cocky laugh, "Yeah right. Hey!"
Sum runs onto the bridge, "What's going on? What was all that!?"
Xero scowls hatefully. "Those jerks at High Command! They threw Use Lass out an air lock!" He falls to the deck and pounds his fist against the floor crying out to the heavens, "Those monsters! They killed him!"
Sum holds back tears of bitter lament, "Wow . . . I didn't think you'd get so upset at some one else's death sir . . . maybe you have feelings after all . . ."
Xero shakes his head violently, "That JERK Use Lass owed me twenty bucks!"
To Be Continued . . .
Disclaimer: In addition to the junk I don't own mentioned in the first disclaimer, this story contains original characters made by me, they are not real, nor are they based on real people, at most they are based on stereotypes. This was ONCE a script format which despite being really easy and fun to write was against the rules, so I changed it, I think it was better as a script format, but whatever.
Author's Note: BEFORE YOU READ ON This story will have massive use of the word "Jackass" it isn't meant as a curse, it's just the name Xero gives Ranma. If this offends you, I'm sorry but my original name for Ranma was "Pigtailed Hermaphrodite" but that's just wrong, the purpose of the story was to make fun of the characters, not necessarily bash them and Pigtailed Hermaphrodite is a pain in the neck to write every time Xero wants to refer to Ranma. Xero Brainz and Ex Tra are not based on Zero and X, the names are coincidence that I didn't notice, they were supposed to be jokes. I.E. Zero Brains, Some Chick, Extra, Useless, etc.
Part II
First Contact during the Mating Season?
Xero is whispering to himself, "What a day! We've had significant gains. Today seems to be the mating season as several females in heat have come for Jackass."
Shampoo shoves a bowl of ramen under Ranma's nose, "Ranma eat Shampoo's ramen, no?"
Ranma backhands the bowl and it hits Genma on the head. "I'm not hungry!"
Ukyo glares at Shampoo, "Here's your delivery Ranma-honey, eat up!"
Ranma gives Ukyo a confused look. "I didn't order anything!"
Soun stomps over and grabs to Okonomiyaki. "I did!"
"Uh . . . right." Ukyo chuckles.
Akane glares at Ukyo and Shampoo, "Ranma! I want you to eat MY cooking!"
Ranma scoffs. "I don't wanna DIE Akane!"
Akane lets out a loud battle cry and throws her glass of water at Ranma's face.
Xero sighs. "Alas, Jackass cant seem to decide which female to mate with. Let's move on. No wait! Aha! I hope my camera crews are getting this! The incredible hu-man mating process performed by two females, Maniac and Female Jackass!"
(Akane and Ranma are fighting, no martial arts, they're just rolling around trying to scratch each other's eyes out.)
Xero grins happily, "Aha. Well, now that we've got actual footage of two females in the mating process we can assume that hu-mans have invented same-sex relationships, as such they are just nigh of sentience. Somehow their mating seems more akin to the wrestling matches me and my brother used to watch and then imitate."
Sum sighs. "That isn't mating sir. Mating is what Fat Bald Smelly Man and Sword Woman did last night, I'm not sure what that is but wrestling might not be far off-"
Xero rolls his eyes, "And it seems "Know it all" Lieutenant Commander Sum would like to be thrown out of an air lock!"Sum grumbles to herself, "Mutiny solves nothing, mutiny solves nothing . . . but it sure would feel good!"
"Let us continue!"
In the kitchen
Nabiki rummages through the kitchen. "Hmm . . . where does that crafty Kasumi hide those cookies?"
Ryoga appears from out of nowhere. "Hey Nabiki, what are you doing in-"
Nabiki holds out an annoyed finger to silence him. "Not the time lost boy."
Ryoga scratches his head, "Huh?"
Nabiki shoves and icecream cone into his hands, "Here, I'm going to search the cupboards, hold my delicious ice cream cone, if you eat it I'll kill you."
"It's melting!" Ryoga cries in panic.
Nabiki ignores him and continues her search, "Yeah, well do something about that. But don't eat it or you die!"
"It's getting all over my hands!"
"So long as it isn't in your mouth." Nabiki shrugs.
Annoyance bridge
"Aha! What is this? It seems that Sleepy and this unnamed male are in the process of hunting for food!" Xero says, impressed with how good of a documentary voice type person he is.
"What do you mean 'unnamed'? That's-" Sum gets cut off by Xero.
"I will call him Bartleby!"
"Sir?"
Xero shrugs. "He must be called something."
Sum shudders. "Yes sir . . . But Bartleby?"
Kitchen
Nabiki holds up an oatmeal raisin cookie in triumph! "Haha! Think you're so smart hiding them in the cookie jar don't you Kasumi? Well I'm wiser! Heh! Alright Ryoga, give me the . . . Hey!"
The ice cream cone is gone
Ryoga feebly tries to look innocent. "I didn't eat it!"
Nabiki considers this for a moment, the gasps with realization, "You lie!"
". . . yes." Ryoga runs for dear life.
"Come back and die like a man!" Nabiki bolts after Ryoga, ready to make him die.
Ryoga runs into the closet, Nabiki goes in with a frying pan, Kasumi appears out of nowhere and locks them both in.
Kasumi laughs maniacally. "Take that you cookie bandits!"
"Ahh! My brains!" Ryoga cries.
"Eh?" Kasumi pauses for a moment, then recognizes the voice. "You're in there too Ryoga? What are you doing in a closet with my sister!?
"Getting my head bashed in!"
Kasumi shakes her head. "Well you two are just going to have to stay in there and think about what you've done!"
"Ahh!"
"Don't worry, you should be fine." Kasumi shrugs. "How much damage can she actually do? What about your Breaking Point training?"
"It never applied to the BACK OF MY HEAD!"
Xero looks confused. ". . . what the heck was that about?"
"What's this? No half baked theory?" Sum scoffs.
Xero frowns for a momment. "Ahh! You're right . . . yar! Obviously a predator appeared and they took flight, and the alpha female has placed them in a protective area of . . . protection."
Sum lets out a bored sigh. "Looks more like . . . Okay, you know what? You're right sir, can I get off duty early?"
Xero scowles. "Yes, I grow weary of your complaining, go away!"
"Bah, you know you want me."
Xero scratches his head. "Eh? Aren't you my sister?"
Sum pauses for a moment, then just shrugs. "Maybe . . . I don't remember." She leaves.
Xero sighs. "All alone now . . . what to do?" He wonders.
Xero stands there thinking for a moment. He stares into space and doesn't blink, a micro-fly lands on his eye and after ten minutes he decides to wave it away.
"Commander, Chief Scientist Sum left five hours ago . . ." The ship's computer reports.
Xero waits another ten minutes . . . "Hey! . . . She did leave, didn't she!? Who gave her permission? The gal of that female!"
"You gave-" The computer begins.
"Shut up! I've finally decided what I'm going to do. Where is the nearest hu-man?"
"Eh . . . ahem. Sleepy and Bartleby are still in the closet." The computer clear's it's throat.
"Bah!" Xero scoffs. "The predators must still be around, we'd give away their location if we made first contact with them . . . and why is my computer clearing it's throat?"
The computer quickly changes the subject, "Next nearest human is Jackass."
Xero forgets his computer's strange behavior. "Take me to Jackass!"
Livingroom
Xero whispers to himself, "Captain's log, star date . . . I don't know. Tonight I have decided to make first contact with the one known as Jackass. Here I go!"
Ranma is up late watching TV, and listening to Ryoga's cries for help with no small amount of amusement. He'd briefly entertained the thought of saving Ryoga, but then this was probably as close to a date as poor Ryoga was ever going to get with an older girl like Nabiki, by not saving Ryoga's life, Ranma was in fact doing him a favor. At least that was his way of thinking.
Then suddenly an image appeared in front of him of a tall guy with large red eyes, blue skin and red tentacles for hair, his legs bent backwards and his arms were rather long, ending in six fingered hands.
Then the figure shimmered and became a shoe.
"I am Commander-eh Captain Xero Brainz of the L.I.L. Annoyance, I have come to observe your race and have decided that you are a prime candidate for first contact." The shoe said.
"You were an alien a minute ago . . ." Ranma points out.
"Yes, well you could never comprehend my true form-"
"Yes I could." Ranma protests.
A shoelace comes out like a bullwhip and whacks Ranma's cheek. "No you couldn't! Anyway I'm using holograms to project this image of me in a light that is more easily accepted by you."
Ranma raises an eyebrow. "A talking shoe?"
". . . I look like a shoe?! A shoe! That's just stupid!"
Ranma nods. "Really stupid."
"Do not agree with me, Jackass!" The shoe commands threateningly.
"Hey! What'd ya just call me!?" Ranma demands.
"No time, we must be quick. Now, tell me Jackass, do you enjoy living?"
Ranma thinks about this for a while. Can he honestly say yes when his life is so messed up? "Yeah I guess. Why do you keep calling me 'Jackass?'"
"I have an interesting offer for you, Jackass." The shoe says. "You see my ship and crew are here to observe you hu-mans. If I don't like what I see, I am going to blow up your entire planet."
Ranma just stands there speechless.
"I will watch you and your herd closely," the shoe continues, "depending on your interactions and so on I will decide what to do. Project humans in a positive light and you'll be able to mate with Flat Chested Violent Maniac many, many more times!"
Ranma considers this for a moment ". . . Flat chested . . . violent maniac? Oh! Akane. I never 'mated' with that sexless tomboy!"
The shoe chuckles. "Nonsense, we have it all on tape. Computer, display!"
A hologram of female-Ranma and Akane fighting one another appears, Ranma groans.
"Oh, we'll be 'mating' a lot then."
Shoe sounds uninterested, "Good for you. Well, remember, good light and what not and-"
"Commander! What are you doing!? We're not supposed to make CONTACT with them!" Some voice shouts from the other end of the line.
"Gah! Curses they wont let me have any fun. Well, farewell Jackass!"
Ranma growls, "You call me that again and I'll put my foot up your holographic-eh I mean . . . eh . . . farewell space traveler!"
The shoe disappears, Ranma decides to go save Ryoga and get to work on that 'projecting humans in positive light' Little does he know he's too late!
Kitchen
Ranma opens the door and Nabiki and Ryoga fall out.
Ranma jumps up and down frantically, excited and fearful to tell his friend and rival everything. "Ryogaaspacealienjusttoldmehegonnadestroytheearthand. . . are you wearing each other's shirts?
Nabiki yawns ". . . I was wondering why I didn't have to button it up."
Ryoga scratches his head, "I was wondering why it didn't fit!
Ranma shudders. "I'm not even going to ask!"
"We were in there for five hours!" Nabiki cries defensively, and shows Ranma her watch and makes it glow. "Beating up on him stopped being fun after a while, he's too tough for it to sink in. So we found something even more fun to do, and it was great because thanks to that stupid rock training he's got endurance like you wouldn't believe!"
Ranma shudders. "I didn't need to know that! Anyway I said I wasn't going to ask!"
Ryoga and Nabiki trade shirts back, Ryoga turns to Ranma and tries to move the subject away from the closet activities. "So Ranma, ah . . . what were you saying?
Ranma takes a deep breath, "Ryogaaspacealienjusttoldmehegonnadestroytheearthand-"
"Slowly!" Ryoga says, irritated.Ranma breathes in and out for a moment, then says slowly, "Ryoga . . . a . . . space . . . alien . . . just-"
"Not THAT slowly!" Nabiki snaps.
"All right! A space alien just told me that he's going to be observing humanity and that depending on our actions he'll decide weather or not to blow up the earth!"
Nabiki looks around nervously. "Uh . . . our actions?"
Ranma nods. "Us, as a herd-eh family. So . . . since Ryoga is practically part of the family, no more fooling around."
"Fat chance." Nabiki sighs. ". . . well, I'll cancel my long term plans."
"We're doomed!" Ryoga sighs.
"Yes we are . . ." Nabiki says dejectedly. Then her expression brightens, "Ryoga, you wanna come see my room?"
"Sure!" Ryoga beams. They leave.
Ranma scratches his head "What the heck is wrong with you people!? The world is going to end and you go show him your room? What's so great about your . . ." A light bulb of realization appears over his head, he shudders, "Oh my gosh! You two are sick! AAAHHHH!" He runs around in circles until he gets tired and goes to sleep.
L.I.L. Annoyance
"Sir! What were you doing?"
Xero chuckles nervously. "Eh . . . Ensign Use Lass . . . don't tell Sum, I was making first contact."
"You're afraid of Sum finding out?" Use balks in disbelief. "What about high command? You get executed for that sort of thing!"
Xero scoffs, "Heh! How's high command going to find out? And what could they do to me?"
A big screen behind Xero comes on with a very angry female face, a caption on the bottom idenfies the person as 'High Admiral Xero-Tall Rance'
"XERO!" The admiral roars.
"Ahh! Mom!" Xero panicks.
"Dont call me that!"The High Admiral cries, "I have no son!" She pauses for a moment in consideration, then adds, "Besides your brother."
"Aww c'mon, that's not nice." Xero pouts.
"Why did we just get a report of an unauthorized holographic emitter use?" Xero-Tall Rance demands.
Xero struggles to think of a good excuse ". . . Eh . . . Use Lass did it!"
A robotic arm comes out of the ship's ceiling and throws Use Lass out of an air lock.
The High Admiral eyes her alleged son suspiciously. "We'll be watching you, Commander!"
Xero lets out a cocky laugh, "Yeah right. Hey!"
Sum runs onto the bridge, "What's going on? What was all that!?"
Xero scowls hatefully. "Those jerks at High Command! They threw Use Lass out an air lock!" He falls to the deck and pounds his fist against the floor crying out to the heavens, "Those monsters! They killed him!"
Sum holds back tears of bitter lament, "Wow . . . I didn't think you'd get so upset at some one else's death sir . . . maybe you have feelings after all . . ."
Xero shakes his head violently, "That JERK Use Lass owed me twenty bucks!"
To Be Continued . . .
