Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter's characters.
My Sin is Loving you
1° Chapter: To be near you, smell like danger
Dear Ron:
I don't know how to start, I know that I should doing this face to face not through a letter, but I also know that I could not doing it if I have to stand in front of you and have to look at your eyes and feel your arms around me and hear your voice telling me that we can win this battle, although both of us know that this battle is already lost, so I have to do it by this weak way.
First of all, I want to thank you for everything you did, do and I know if I ask you, will do for me. I don't know how to pay you, I just try to pay you by loving you in the same way you love me and sometimes loving you more, I just hope that this was enough and if it is not send me the invoice and I'll try to pay you later.
Do you remember how all this started? People say never play with marked cards because you can loose everything, and that's exactly what happened to us, we played with marked cards and we lost our hearts, our souls, our love, in few word we lost the most important things, we lost each other.
Fate has an estrange way of working, you know? it gives you too much happiness, that you believe you are living in a dream, then without a sign it takes away everything you live for, leaving you hopeless and lifeless but then, again it gives you other reason to live other kind of love, a love you also cannot live without, a love you are prepared to give up everything for it, a different love but with the same intensity.
I hope you remember the night that brought us together as I do, although it started a year ago, I remember every little detail. That night I didn't want to go to our famous Friend's Tuesdays nights, although it was just the three of us, no husband or wives, I did not want to listen all the happiness and love you and Harry have. During these eight years, since we graduated from Howarts, we have had this tradition and I have always been excited to spend time with my two best friends but this night was different, I was so sad, my life with Richard has become a nightmare. Everyone think that Richard was the perfect husband but they cannot be more wrong.
At the beginning I also thought he was perfect, now I can assure that the phrase "love is blind" is so true, but given it a second thought and after what I lived with you, I know that I never loved Richard, I think I was just impressed with him, He is handsome, intelligent, cultured, rich, excellent worker and everything a woman can ask but unfortunately when a person doesn't have a good heart the beauty becomes arrogance, the intelligence and culture, superiority and being an excellent worker is being a workaholic. During my three years of marriage I learned to deal with him because I thought I loved him, but everything has a cycle and ours had begun to end.
That night When Richard arrived home I was so sad, another again my hopes fall down, the thing I desire the most was the one I could not have, a baby. When Richard came to the room I was crying I didn't understand why can't I have a baby if both of us are healthy and don't have any problem to conceive. He seated in the bed near me and said: "Hermione, dear you should not be like this, look at you, you look so bad. I have told you thousands of times, we are not ready to have a baby, we are so happy just you and me, no one who affected our lifestyle and tried to steal you from me, when are you going to understand and give up with the idea of the baby, you know I'm always right even the nature knows I am right, that's why we don't have babies, so take a shower, wear a beautiful dress, have a good time with you friends and presume how happy we are and wear the expensive necklace I bought you, now I am going to work a little bite more and see you when you are back". he kiss me and left the room. When he left the room I began to understand that I have made a huge mistake by marrying him, he was so insensitive, so selfish. I didn't say anything to him, just did what I was told. While I was taking my shower, I just felt so unloved, so sad, so alone.
I decided not to ruin the night, so I tried to smile and to have a good night. When I arrived, only was you at the table, you look so handsome but at the same time so sad. You greeted me with a hug and a kiss on my cheek and I felt a little better. After a few minutes a letter from Harry arrived to tell us, he couldn't make it, his children were sick and he prefers to stay at home with Gabrielle to take care of them. So, that night was just the two of us and the comment you said after you bend the letter: "I have to confess that I am envious of Harry's life again"
At first I did not understand why you were envious of Harry's life, I thought that may be it was another of your jokes, because I believed you had a great life, you have accomplished you dream of being one of the best and most famous players of the Chudley Cannons, You have a great big family, You are married to a very pretty woman. " I think I am the one who should be envious of Susan, not you of Harry, you have all you have wanted" I tried to joke so we can calm the mood.
You looked straightly to my eyes, took my hand and said "We have been friends, best friends actually, since 13 years ago so I can't lie to you, my life with Susan it's a nightmare. At the beginning I thought she was perfect but I could not be more wrong, she lives to make exercise, her problems are How do I look? Do I look fat?, Do you think I should were boots or high heels? Are you going to eat all this food? What do you think if we buy a bigger house? She is turning me crazy, you know? Why are we going to need a damn bigger house, when she doesn't eve want children. You said I have everything I wanted but now that I have those things I'm not happy, I want more than a beautiful wife and money, I want children playing in the garden, a wife who loves me and who does not think of me only as a provider, I don't want to feel so alone, after you said all these, you looked straight to my eyes and said: "I have already confessed now is your turn" " I don't have nothing to confess" I tried to sound unaffected "oh come on "Mione" you cannot play the fool with me, if you have nothing why your eyes look like you were crying a lot?". .
And after you said that I began to feel noticed, to feel important, to feel loved, feel that someone was worry about me, about my feelings, I couldn't take any more and I just started to cry and told you everything, my life with Richard, my fear of never have a baby. You hugged me and for the moment I was in your arms, I felt live again, I felt a woman, a loved, happy and beautiful woman. In that moment and even today your arms were the perfect place to live.
We stay in each other arms a little more, then you looked straight to my eyes and you did what I was longing for, you kiss me with passion, with desire, with love, with a feeling I have never known, with this emotion that only the one who loves you with all his heart can transmit you. I kissed you in the same way, to make you feel the way you had made me feel. If we had wanted we could blame the alcohol we drank or the vulnerability of the moment, but all I could say in my favor was that since we were 11 I wanted to kiss you and since we were 11 I have love you with all my heart but until that night I have the courage to confront myself and no to listen the reason but listen my heart. My reason said that this would never going to work, you are married, I am married and that we could ruin everything but most important our friendship, but my heart said to take the chance, to take advantage of this opportunity, to bet my heart in this game of love. And this time the reason was right we ruined everything, our friendship, our hearts and our souls.
