"Yeah, I'm back."
"So, do I have to leave all my friends now?"
"I don't know Dawnie, I haven't decided yet."
"Well isn't that just great. You haven't decided to ruin my life yet."
"Dawn, please..."
"Oh right." She stormed upstairs and slammed her door. Buffy dropped her head back into her hands and just sat staring into the distance.
Willow found her that way when she came in half an hour later. "Hey Buffy, welcome home! How'd it go?"
"It was nuts. I still don't know what to do. It's, I don't know, I think I'm going to have to get some sleep before I can even explain it. It was really wiggy."
"Ice cream, you need ice cream. I'll get us some." Willow returned a few minutes later with two large bowls of chocolate fudge. "Here we go!" They sat in companionable silence for a while slurping down chocolate.
"Oh yeah! Thanks Will, that was great. I gotta get some sleep, I hardly slept at all over there. See ya in the morning." Buffy got up and headed upstairs stopping at Dawn's door to say, "Dawn, I'm going to bed. I haven't really slept since I left." She pulled down the blackout curtains, tossed on a big shirt and lay down to sleep. She slept fitfully for a few hours and then popped wide-awake around midnight. She tossed and turned for twenty minutes and then gave up.
Down in the kitchen she poured herself a large glass of orange juice and slid down the cabinets to sit on the floor. Overwhelmed by all that had been happening she held the cold glass against her throbbing temple. The coldness reminded her of Spike's hand.
She sat staring across the kitchen until the sound of the back door opening brought her back to awareness. Her body reacted first with the hot rush of wetness she got when she thought of him. "Spike."
"Slayer..."
"What are you doing here?"
"Out. For. A. Walk. Bitch," he said with a smile. She shook her head in confusion and he continued, "Thought I'd come around and see how it went with those wankers in London."
"It went." She looked up at him, "Spike, hold me." For a moment she was afraid he'd refuse but he settled beside her after a brief hesitation and pulled her into his arms. He smelled so good she thought as she breathed in the scent of leather, old smoke, and the spice soap he used. "Gods Spike, I'm so tired."
"You should be sleeping then, pet." He heard her heart speed up as he held her close and smelled her arousal as well. Struggling to not just take her for once he pulled her closer and wrapped his duster around her.
"Not that kind of tired, soul tired. I've died twice and come back and now I have to deal with all this. It's left me feeling drained and wishing it all could be over. Heaven was so nice. You were right, I think I've hit my expiration date."
"Yeah, well I could help you out if it weren't for the sodding chip."
"The chip doesn't work between us anymore."
"Oh, right then," he said switching to vamp face. "I could end it now..." he paused long enough for his face to switch back as she closed her eyes and tilted her head to give him easier access to her neck. "But I won't, pet."
Her eyes snapped open. For a moment she had really hoped he would. "What?"
"Death doesn't hurt the dead, not really. Well maybe a few minutes of pain, but then it's done. No, death hurts the living. You walk around and think 'I can't wait till she bursts in again and smashes my nose, or hurls me across the crypt, or tonight I'll see her on patrol again', then you remember, 'right mate, she's dead'. No more, ever. The first week was the hardest. Every day I'd wake up from feeling myself falling again, knowing I'd failed. But that wasn't the worst. I'd see you jump again and again. I almost staked myself a dozen times that week. If it hadn't been for a promise to a lady, I would 'ave."
"Spike..."
"Let me finish, luv. You're back and you'll last a bit longer and then you'll die again. You'll go back to your mum and heaven and all that. I won't help you do it sooner though. You'll have to find a different way. I promised to take care of Nibblet and I will, even if it means refusing you."
His words sank in slowly while they sat in silence. She took his hand and placed it on her bare thigh, then gently moved it around, feeling the cool roughness. "Slayer, you said it was over."
The predator slipped forward before she realized it and purred, "It will never be over, vampire." Spike's eyes widened in surprise as she grabbed his lip in her teeth and nibbled hard on it. "I. Need. You." She pulled him to her savagely, surprising him with the force. They moved together roughly and at the end she pulled his face to her neck and growled hoarsely, "Bite me Spike. Make me yours."
His rhythm faltered as he jerked his head back. "I can't do that, I won't turn you."
She hauled his face back to her neck. "You won't turn me. I know what slayer blood does to you. Bite me. I won't turn if I don't take yours," still he struggled against her. "Bite me, make me yours," she hissed and then grabbed his ear with her teeth.
"Slayer," he cried in anguish, but she felt his face shift.
"Yes!" she hissed. Then he bit down and she exploded, screaming "Mine!" Not even noticing her mouth drop to his neck and clamp down hard.
The feeling pushed him into release with her. "Buffy, oh god!"
It wasn't until they lay wrapped together on the floor that she saw the red marks on his neck. She reached out a shaky hand and gently traced her teeth marks there, feeling for blood. "No, you didn't. I would have felt it." His eyes remained haunted though. "I need to go..." he pulled away, adjusted his clothes, and started to stand. 'I bit her. Slayer blood, so good. Oh god, I bit her. Now I've really done it.'
She hauled him back down. "Oh no vampire, not this time." Hope warred with fear in his eyes. The predator's confidence warred with Buffy's insecurities. "Spike, I..." 'Damn, this wasn't as easy as it should have been.' Images of Angel and Riley chased around her head, "Spike, stay with me. Please don't leave me. Everyone always leaves me." She couldn't keep the pain out of her voice.
"Have I yet, luv? You push me away and still I stay. What makes you think I'll leave now? I'm love's bitch, remember." He was surprised when only a hint of the bitterness colored his voice.
"You were right, I'm afraid Spike."
"You pet?"
"It's a laugh isn't it? The slayer, fighter of all that's big and bad, is afraid. You can laugh if you want..."
"I can't laugh pet. I know. I know every time I look at you what it's like. Will she hit me? Or will she use words again? It's the words that are the worst you know. I know you can't love me, but it still hurts pet. Hurts more than I care to say."
"I'm sorry Spike. I've wanted to love you, I really have, but I couldn't let myself go. Couldn't disappoint those around me and couldn't let go of what happened with Angel. I want to try again, please? It went badly in London, I'll, I'll explain later. I want you to know it was thinking of you that got me through it. It's just everyone I have loved leaves." The hope flared again and she saw him brutally smash down on it. "Spike, I need you. I want you. I love you."
"Slayer, don't play with me," he growled, "or I'll think again about draining you."
"You've had my body and now my blood, how can I prove you have my heart as well?"
"Stop pushing me away in front of the others. Don't deny us in front of them either. Stop being ashamed of us, of me, of yourself."
She rolled up and kissed him. "It starts now." Taking his hand she led him toward the stairs, pushing him into her room. "I need to get cleaned up. You, get in that bed." Her eyes turned wide and scared, more like the eyes he knew, "Please?"
His cocky grin surfaced as he moved into her room, shedding clothes as he went. He lay back in her bed breathing in the scent of her as he waited. Soon she came in, dropping her clothes as well. Grinning she leapt onto the bed and wrapped herself around him. "What happened in London, pet? Something changed."
"Never can let a moment last can we?" The predator stirred again, "Oh yessss something changed." She licked up his neck and nibbled playfully at his veins. A satisfied smile returned to her face as she leaned back. "I'll tell you soon, but first..." Her tongue danced across his flesh drawing hisses of pleasure from him. Shoving him back she rode him once more until she allowed him to flip her back onto the bed. Once again they bit each other and once again they saw heaven. She curled up in his arms as he began to purr.
As she began to drift into sleep she also started to purr. Spike jerked, startling her into wakefulness. "Pet..." Spike looked at her with fear in his eyes. "Humans don't purr. What's going on?"
"It was wiggy Spike, totally wiggy. It was a trap, I should have known. Travers was going to chip me, something similar to yours. He screwed up though. Whatever they gave me to put me down sent me back to the First Slayer. Now she and I are one."
Spike sat back and looked at her. "The First One? How? What? Is that the predator I see in you now?"
"Yes," that smile was back again. It was like Dru he thought, Dru in one of her lucid moments. She turned thoughtful, "I don't know what it means. It freaked Giles too."
"You saw the Watcher?"
"He got me out of London. Anyway, there's something else as well. It was all weird. That dweeb Travers was his usual awful self, but the rest of them were all skulky and secretive. It looked like everyone had their own thing going." Taking a deep breath she launched into the rest of it. "I overheard a couple of people talking. They're going to mess with Willow and Xander if I don't go. They don't like you working with me either. They said, they said they were going to take care of that as well." She pulled him close again and wrapped her arms tightly around him. "I can't loose you. Who would I fight with?" She tried to smile through the tears threatening to fall.
"Let the wankers try, luv. I've survived 120 years so far and I don't plan on leaving just yet."
"Spike, I don't know what to do. I can't let them do stuff to my friends. But I don't know what they are planning."
"We'll think of something pet. You always do. Now sleep, it'll look better tomorrow."
She slid up him, drawing a moan from low in his chest. "I'm not sleepy yet," she whispered as she took his lower lip in her teeth. Her mouth moved on to his ear and nibbled, "Need more of you." This time the loving was gentle and sweet.
For long moments she watched him, as she lay curled up across him. "Spike, you are not a monster and you are not beneath me. You never have been. It was wrong and evil of me to ever say that to you."
"I was tonight luv." He tried to make light of it at first, but his next words told the truth. "Thank you, pet. That night was the only time I might actually have killed you." Tears sprang up in her eyes and silently ran down onto his shoulder. "But I didn't and now I'm happier than I have ever been. You didn't come back wrong, you came back better than ever." He pulled her to him and kissed the tears away. "Sleep pet and remember I love you."
Sleep claimed her quickly for the first time in weeks. Her purring startled Spike for a brief moment, then he let it relax him as he drifted off with her. She slept the sleep of exhaustion and weariness and she didn't stir once.
