Title: The Road is Destiny

Author: Firefly Lantern

Rating: PG-13 for language and violence

Author Note: [kind of mean, but I'm making a point here] Okay, here it is. I openly admit Ihave written a Mary Sue type story ::gasp!::. And you know what? I don't carewhat any "Tolkien Purists" have to say about it. Whine all you would like, but please, if you are going to tell me this story isn't HARDCORE Tolkien or whatever belittling tidbits you'd like to throw my way, please email me instead of taking up space on the review board. Thankies. ^.^. This story is for FUN. I am not trying to createamasterpiece in the style of Tolkien, I prefer creativity and originality to redundancy. Okies? An open mind is a wonderful thing! Have fun on the journey.

Hang in with me here!

Disclaimer: JRR owns the LOTR characters. Any other modern things mentioned here belong

to the makers, etc.

Oh, and P.S. Woo! Chapter 5! This story is ROLLING along! Can YOU

spot the Liv Tyler humour in this chapter? [psst, it's one of the songs]. The

scent, Vanilla Lace, is from Victoria's Secret, and is HEAVENLY. People seriously rioted when they took it off the shelves, so it's back in production now, yay! I also have NO CLUE what the monetary system is in Middle-Earth, so I made up my own, lol... And there is some Pig Latin in this chapter. If you don't know Pig Latin... take the first letter of a word, put it on the end, and add an "ay". With vowels, just add "ay" on the end. Like so:

Iay ikelay Egolaslay = I like Legolas! Easy as iepay!

Note: This Chapter has been replaced [more like fixed] due to a heinous amount of typos and errors. How embarrassing! This was when I was writing on Notepad and didn't have the convenience of Word's spell-checker. . . Sorry and thanks again!





_The Road is Destiny_



Sometime in the middle of the night, Julie awoke when something kicked her in the leg. Common sense told her it was only one of the Hobbit "Clump".

"Sorry." Frodo whispered as she sat up.

"Can't sleep?" She whispered back. His shoulder slumped and he let out a shallow breath.

"No."

"Wanna talk about it? You seem pretty stressed, Frodo." She offered. He remained silent, contemplating his words and thoughts.

"No... No thank you." He hesitated.



"You're a very important Hobbit, aren't you? I see the pain in your eyes... You can trust me. Frodo, I want to be your friend. It looks like you need someone to talk to."

"I must carry this burden alone." He shook his head in melancholy. "I do not want anyone else getting hurt... because of me."

"Those creatures were after you." It was a statement, not a question.

"Yes."

"All right, hon, I won't ask why. It's your business, not mine. Don't blame yourself for me getting hurt today. All right? It was my own fault... Besides, the others are willing to give their lives for you... so am I. I don't know what is going on, but it must be something very important since an Elf and a Dwarf are traveling together. You guys are on the good side, right?"

"For certain."

"Hoo-ah!" She said, using the military cry. "That is one step in the right direction. Would you like to hold Pierre for the night?" She offered her bear, pressing it to his chest knowing full well once he felt the plush fur, Frodo couldn't resist. Heh heh. Sneaky sneaky! Frodo accepted, curled into a ball, and was asleep in a few minutes.

______________



The next morning, Julie began writing in her journal. Not every girl could truthfully write:

"Dear Diary,

I've been kidnapped by Hobbits, beaten up by Orcs, and there's this real cute Elf....."

Most girls would be ecstatic just to write about seeing a hot guy, let alone having one personally bandage up what could have been a mortal wound. HA!

"Hey, Aragorn, can you read this?" She showed him a newly written page.

"Yes."

"Grrr. So much for inter-dimensional linguistic privacy!" She huffed. Aragorn looked at her with wide eyes. She wasn't going to start writing in Igpay Atinlay ustjay osay heytay ouldn'tcay understanday. Ughay!

There was one thing to be happy about: her wound had scabbed over and stopped bleeding! That was a relief. She felt 300% better after drinking some of the cool spring water. Of course Gimli had called her something-- probably the word for "wuss" in Dwarvish--when she refused to drink unboiled water.

"But... Deer peed in there!" She had pointed out. "Do you know how many viruses, bacterium, and parasites are festering in your stomach and intestines?!" She panted, breathing erratically. Gimli had shrugged and dunked his entire face in the water. He even blew bubbles for her.

Oh, so mature.

"Here." Legolas offered a clay cup. "The water is pure, it will not taint you." No arguing that logic. It was either suck down pondscum or die of dehydration. Neither was appealing...She groaned. Weeee, pondscum! She coughed as she drank.

_________________

OH NO. One more song.... One more song about the meadows, the glens, the groves, the hills, the dales, the valleys, the orchards... Someone was gonna get punched in the eye! Oh walkman, where for art thou? Julie's eyes traveled heavenward. This sing-a-long needed kicked in the butt.

"Okay! It's time for me to teach you some Earth songs! Quick, how do you spell your names?"



-Minutes Later-

"There was a Hobbit with a pipe, and Frodo was his name-o! F-R-O-D-O! F-R-O- D-O! F-R-O-D-O!

and Frodo was his name-o!" ....

"There was a wizard in a hat, and Gandalf was his name-o! ..." ...

"There was an Elfie with a bow, and Legolas was his name-o!..."

".... and Aragorn was his name-o!"

Yes! Everyone had a good chuckled about the cute song and the Hobbits terrible attempt

at spelling in rhythm.

_________________

Voices echoed across the rolling slopes of the grass meadowlands. A lone doe stopped grazing to lift her slender head in alert. She remained motionless except for the flicker of her large ears, which tried to hone in on the strange noise echoing across the plains...

"I know all the games you play!

And I'm gonna find a way to let you know that you'll be mine someda-a-ay!!!

Cause we-e-e could be happy can't you see-e-e?

If you'd only let me be the one to hold you,

And keep you here with me-e-e!

Cause I try and *try* to forget you girl.....

But it's just so *hard* to do! ......

Every time you do THAT THING YOU DO!!!!!!!"

Julie and the Hobbits sang in unison. Her energy was

infectious. Even Gimli hummed--quietly--along when he thought no one was watching. It sure beat songs about lonely mountains and depressing caves! Hoo!

Julie loved singing. She understood why the group sang as they traveled. It kept their spirits up as well as being a great way to pass the time.

"Julie! How's your cut?" Pippin practically bounced along the trail.

"Good! It's healing. You know... I've never had anyone try to kill me before. It was exciting! Frodo, don't apologize." She said as his mouth opened to say sorry.

"Aragorn must teach you how to fight. He's a ranger, but we could help." Merry offered.

"Great! Though I'm pretty deadly with a broom. What with sweeping everyone off their feet...". Julie quipped.

"There it is! The village of Leije!" Gimli's deep voice grated happily. "Aye! Meat and mead wait for us!"

"Oh! Maybe I can sell some of my jewelry or my perfume for a weapon and some kickin' new threads." Julie beamed.

"Beeeeer!" The Hobbits cheered. Everyone was elated to find civilization. Julie didn't know what to expect.

"Young woman, I must fix your eyes. Your...glasses... will attract suspicion. " Gandalf chanted words in a booming monotone . His hand waved across her face and her eyes tingled. In the next instant when she blinked, the strength of her lens prescription made her eyes cross.

"AH!" She squeaked, ripping her glasses off her face. "Ohmigod!" She hugged Gandalf, put herglasses in her purse. "This is fabulous!" She batted her eyelashes.

"Julie! Your eyes are HUGE!" Merry gasped as if she had suddenly grown googlie fly eyes.

"No they aren't! They only look so big because you can see them!" She chased him across the meadow, trying to kick him in the butt.

"Julie! Your wound! Don't run! Merry, STOP!" Aragorn called to no avail. Everyone smirked behind his back as the duo kept laughing and romping in the meadow.

___________

Okay.

The plan was for Julie to pose as Boromir's servant as to not draw attention to a girl sharing a room with 9 men. Julie didn't care about her reputation, but Legolas and the Hobbits insisted she be treated like a lady and not a... hussy.

"The lady needs proper attire." Boromir commented, draping his cape across Julie's shoulders. It covered her entirely from the neck down.

"I can sell my jewelry and my Vanilla Lace spray... I only need a weapon, clothes, and some food. Any left over money goes to the group."

"A lady should not have to make do without her perfume."

"I know, I know. But it will fetch a high price. Please, let me do this for everyone."

"I cannot argue such passion." A smile spread across Boromir's face.



The Marketplace throbbed like a heart pumping out oxygen-rich blood. It was more than Julie ever could have imagined. Food, cloth, clothes, shoes, weapons, instruments, kitchenware, horse needs... It was a bad-ass Medieval Wal*Mart! All Julie needed was money! From what Aragorn and

Boromir explained, silver and gold coins were the staple monetary currency here, though people still bartered and traded goods and services. This village was not filled with poor people, either. The savage buyers were not afraid to haggle one another over the price of the finely crafted

goods they sought to buy.

Hmmm... Most expensive perfumes cost about 500 gold pieces. About $50, Julie guessed. That number of gold coins would buy many necessities. Julie planned on getting much, much more for her spray.

If there was one gift she proudly claimed, it was the gift of Gab.

Legolas, Boromir, and Pippin listened intently to her plan and occasionally nodded and smiled in conspiracy.

"Red Team go!" She muttered, finding a spot near the middle of the marketplace. She was an excellent actress and a talented performer; she sprayed herself several times then pulled a sorrowful face. As she walked along the line of shops, browsing the goods and wares, Pippin came to her side and grabbed her elbow.

"Lady, what fragrance do you wear? It intoxicates me!" He spoke loud enough for passerbys to "over hear". Several stopped to watch the commotion.

"I pray for you, sir, to take your hand from my elbow!"

"And I pray I may hear your name, my lady."

She hmphed and removed his hand, secretly patting his thumb in pride at his performance. She stalked away. Taking no more than three steps, Legolas jumped in front of her from nowhere and bowed graciously.

"Oh! Lady fair! What sweet scent do you powder on your lovely skin?"

"Cursed Vanilla Lace!" She bemoaned, knowing dang well she smelled wonderful. Pippin and Legolas were doing such a great job!

"Never before has such a fragrance enticed me so!" He sighed as if smitten. A giggly shiver tickled her spine, but she ignored it.

"Hmmm... What he said!" A man walking by stopped and sniffed the air around her. So did several more men... until she was literally surrounded.

She didn't panic, she went to action.

"Damned Vanilla Lace!" She echoed her lament. "It is a perfume so utterly perfect and lovely only one bottle exists in all of Middle-Earth! No man can resist it!"

The crowd oooohed and aaaaahed. The men closed in, testing her words. They were reduced to grinning, drooling idiots at the light vanilla fragrance.

"This perfume was made by a good witch and was meant only to attract one man... I only wanted one suitor! I wish to sell this bottle for only 500 gold pieces so my master does not continue to slay men who pound on his door, day and night, crying my name like a sigh!" She broke off into a sob.

"500!"

"700!"

"1000!" Shouted a stout, donkey of a woman.

"1300!"

"2000!"

"2500!"

"3000!"

At the bid of 3700, Boromir prowled through the maddened crowd.

"Paxil [Julie couldn't believe he used the fake name she told him to use, ha!]! Paxil! Have you sold that wretched bottle?"

"Yes, Master." She bowed her head. "Sold for 3700!"

"Minnnnne!" The unattractive woman pranced to Julie and dropped a bag filled with coins into Boromir's hand. Ya know, the woman wouldn't look so terrible if she had more confidence and put some time into her appearance, Julie noticed. She could find a man with no problem; she didn't need the

'magic' perfume. All the coins were there, plus 35 extra silver coins.

"I can't take this..."

"Take the extra coins! It is worth it, my dear!"

"Only if you accept this." Julie dug in her bag and handed the woman a taupe shade of lipstick that would look fabulous on the lady. "It will colour your lips.

Use only a little!" She demonstrated with a pearly pink lipstick then gave the taupe one to the lady.

"Aye!" Happy tears shone in the woman's eyes. The crowd dispersed as if nothing happened. Boromir led Julie away by the elbow.

"Oh.....my!" She giggled into his chest as his arm went around her waist. "3700 gold coins! For a $5 on-sale spray! DANG!" She gushed, not looking where she was going. "Now we can buy food, clothes, weapons, extra blankets... Everything you guys need."

"You need clothes and a weapon. Your needs will be seen to first!" Boromir laughed. "Then we will see how many coins are left." They both knew she could buy 10 dresses and 10 swords with the amount of

coins they carried. It was exciting!!!

"What kind of weapon?"

"The lady requires a pole arm!" Legolas whispered loudly, walking by and

pretending to be another face in the crowd.

"Oh! Yes! A polearm!" Julie agreed. "Whatever that is. Let's go find one...!"

_________________

Julie studied her reflection in the tarnished mirror. Her friends would kill to have such awesome Ren-Faire wear, heh heh. She and Boromir had made out like bandits in the deals they haggled from the craftsmen. For about 300 gold coins, she now possessed leather gauntlets, a pair of knee-length brown boots, a bunch of bloomer pants and camisoles, a crimson bodice,

2 *sturdy* brown skirts, 2 white low-cut blouses with long, puffed sleeves, and an old black cloak. Wow!

Boromir helped her pick out a nice polearm called a Halberd. Damn, was it cool! It was a polearm with an ax blade, a spear point, and a hammered bill all in one piece. It was a very versatile weapon, she could use it to inflict injury, or simply trip her opponent [or toss them from horseback

if she ever got good enough]. Julie liked it a lot! She picked out a dirk and a 'bodice dagger' on her own. The bodice dagger was an actual dagger so small it was easily concealed in a woman's bodice. Niiiiice.

Happiness made her face glow; buying a new outfit was always a fun event! She had changed and now wore one of the sturdy brown skirts, a white blouse, and the crimson bodice [she also wore the frilly under-things because the woman at the market stall told her it would prevent chaffing and would

make her outer-clothes last longer. She definitely resembled a peasant woman, though the bodice did it's best to support her chest and create cleavage. Yeah, baby! She laced up her boots and was quite pleased with her appearance. She let her wild, wavy hair hang loose and free. It matched the glint in her golden hazel eyes.

"Julie, are you done yet?" Merry whined, knocking on the door. "I'm hungry!"

"Yes!" She moved and tripped on the hem of her skirt. She fell to the floor with a loud thud. She gasped at the fresh pain that shot through her stomach. Did she re-open the wound?

"Julie!" Merry, hearing the noise, opened the door and ran to her side. "Are you ill?"

"No no. I tripped. Graceful, I know..." She muttered as he helped her stand. He stared at her, his jaw slack and his eyes wide. "What?"

"You look... like a girl!" He was amazed.

"Well...Yes. I hope so! What did I look like before?" She looked questioningly at him. He stammered for a few seconds before she laughed. "I'm only teasing. Let's go eat!"

"May I offer my arm?" He bowed.

"You may!" She curtsied.