Chapter IV . . .
A Horse, A Sword, A Headache!
Ryoga stared up at the large black horse that Ranmorgan had assigned him. It had huge muscles, a large red bloodshot eyes filled with a crazed look, and perhaps most importantly, sharp pointed teeth . . . didn't horses have flat teeth? "Nice horse. He wouldn't happen to be half demon or anything like that would he?" He said.
"Yes--I mean no!" The stable master said, "Y'see . . . we keep him on a very strict diet of raw meat and eggs"
"And can I ask why?" Ryoga asked.
"Sure." The stable master said contently.
After a few long moments without an answer Ryoga sighed, "Okay, why"
"Hmm? Oh, just to see what'd happen. Uh . . . don't let your guard down around him, he's eaten the heads off three of my stable hands"
Ryoga turned to Ranmorgan. "With all due respect great prince . . . are you crazy"
"This's the best horse in the land, he's big, strong and brave, perfect for the dragon slayer." Ranmorgan shrugged.
"Look at him! He is a dragon!" Ryoga cried as the horse lunged for a stable boy who scurried away screaming. "You raised him on raw meat? I don't even think horses are able to survive off raw meat, his very life defies science"
"Sci-what?" Arkane frowned.
"Nevermind." Ryoga sighed. He just didnt have the energy, it was better to just accept the fact that his fate was in the hands of morons. "Thank you, thank you very much, I'll try to bring him back in one piece"
"We named him Betty." The stable master added with a content smile on his plump face.
"But isn't Betty a girl's name?" Ranma asked.
"Yeah . . . we did it to be mean . . . we poke him with sticks too, so he'll grow up good and vicious." The stable master said.
Ryoga raised an eyebrow at Ranmorgan, who shrugged helplessly. "Now that I had no idea about." The prince sounded honest enough.
"Uh . . . no offense Horse Master or whatever," Ryoga said, "But . . . you are a crazy son of a gun, and if I didn't fear the impact this dangerous, probably maniacal, and almost certainly homicidal animal would have on the environment, I'd let him loose in the wilds so as to avoid returning him to your . . . utterly cruel handling"
"Now, now, Sir Ryoga," Arkane said, "His methods may seem a little . . . uh . "
"Insane? Cruel? Pointlessly ridiculous?" Ranma offered, Ryoga nodded his agreement.
"Uh . . . yes. Anyway I assure you that he really is the best man for the job in all the lands." Arkane said.
Ranmorgan said, "He knows everythin' there is to know about raising and breeding horses, his hobbies may be . . . incredibly unusual, but he has served three generations of Dirt Princes"
"You need to rename your country, how about Rantopia?" Ryoga offered.
"I like it." Ranma nodded.
"I think what my dear husband means," Arkane spoke up, "is that as unusual as this horse may be, he will bring you back here safely. A finer war steed you'll not find in the entire kingdom." "What about mine?" Ranma asked. "Ya didnt give me a crappy one did'ja"
"Well a young lady should have a proper horse," Arkane was saying, "and since you will be a young lady, I have selected for you the most beautiful white stallion in the kingdom. His name is Percivile"
The stable master led out a handsome white stallion with red bows in his long silvery hair.
"Can I get rid of those sissy bows?" Ranma asked.
"I would not recommend it." Arkane said. "He likes the bows"
"Yeah right. Let me get those off ya buddy." Ranma said to the horse, "You must by dying to get outta that sissy getup, I know how it feels to have to wear girl's cloths and boy do I--ooghff!" Ranma grunted as the horse nimbly spun around and kicked him clear across the stable and into a water troth as his hands closed around one of the bows.
"I told you." Arkane sighed. "Are you alive"
"Lemme at 'im! I'll show that jerk a thing or two!" Ranko cried, jumping out of the water troth, Ryoga and Ranmorgan had to hold her back.
"Let it go, let it go, it's just an animal." Ryoga said.
"Yeah . . . yeah all right . . ." Ranko took a deep breath. "But you!" She shouted at the horse, "You kick like a girl"
The horse snorted at him--er her and nudged Arkane who fixed the bow Ranma had tampered with.
Kaneosuke tried hard not to shout. "It is not practical, not realistic." He said as calmly as he could.
Nabiatrix shook her head. "I am empress, I will decide what is practical"
Kaneosuke now worked hard to keep the scowl from moving across his face. "An overthrown king does not simply 'retire' you cannot hold your father in prison indefinitely"
"That is not my plan." Nabiatrix said calmly.
"Ah yes, to spare your father and your sister, to allow them to retire to small comfortable countryside estates . . . empress that is too dangerous, he must be done away with"
Nabiatrix again shook her head. "You would have me stain my hands with the blood of my own family? In all my actions leading to this point that is exactly what I have hoped to avoid, Kaneosuke"
Kaneosuke couldn't hold back the scowl any longer. She was allowing her emotions to control her actions, to endanger her! "My empress . . . as long as your father lives, there is the chance that he will escape or be rescued, if that happens he might rally the people against you"
"The people practically rejoiced when I took control." Nabiatrix sighed, "What makes you think they'll follow my fool of a father"
"I do not want you to be surprised by how unstable the opinions of the masses can be." Kaneosuke said.
"And when I slaughter my father and his supporters what sort of monster would that make me? I would lose the support of my people, and that is something I can not afford. It matters not what charges I put against them, real or imagined the people will see it as the murder of their former king. They may not be willing to follow a fool, but they could easily be persuaded to rally behind those who would make my father a martyr. The regents for example. I would be forced to use my own troops to put down my own people, I warn you now Kaneosuke, I will not suffer my own people to be slaughtered like sheep"
"Did you not pay the people to whisper against Ranmorgan? Can you not do the same to your father until the populace begs for his death"
"Let us say that I could. That does not mean that I would." Nabiatrix said simply.
Kaneosuke shook his head. "It is dangerous." He said. "Very dangerous"
"Then I will face that danger, understood?" The empress said with a tone of finality that Kaneosuke was about to ignore, however Nabiatrix immediately changed the subject. "Now tell me, any odd reports"
Kaneosuke removed the scowl from his face, though her words only made him want to scowl all the harder. She was obsessed with news of unusual reports! He knew, and even understood why she wanted to make contact with the dragon slayer, the Knight of Wolf's Fang was a celebrity and every day he became more legend and less fact, imaginative story tellers spun tales of a single warrior who stood determined against a flight of dragons when in fact Sir Ryoga had been something quite different. All the same to have him back Nabiatrix would only increase her own popularity, and as she had planned the coup she had been assuring Kaneosuke that the turbulence would draw Ryoga to them before the war began. While it might not mean so much for the seasoned Crimson Legions to see the dragon slayer ride out at the front of a Dirt legion might well cripple the morale of the Rubadub armies whom Kaneosuke's legionnaires were even now training.
But it had not been Ryoga's army--if indeed he even had one--that helped the princess capture the capital city, it had not been Ryoga's army that put down the rebellion, it was not Ryoga's army who was training the new legions of this new nation, it was not Ryoga who had convinced his men to turn their back on their old loyalties in favor of a newer and brighter future, and it was not Ryoga who loved Nabiatrix enough to do all those things without regret.
Kaneosuke recognized and despised that he had become Nabiatrix's pet dog. He would do anything she commanded, when she praised him he was content and almost drunk with happiness, and when she scolded him he was devastated, he would retreat from her presence, tail tucked firmly between his legs only to sneak back with a disarming smile in hopes of regaining favor.
Kaneosuke had tried desperately to be everything the princess wanted and needed in an advisor and martial of the armies . . . but the dragon slayer seemed to be all that occupied her thoughts at times, in recent days it seemed he could not have a conversation with her without the thrice cursed Ryoga coming up and worse he had to suffer the poorly disguised looks of disappointment on her face whenever he told her the news.
And even though he now had an chance to be praised and content, though he could finally tell her what she'd been longing to hear, that his spies had reported back that the Dragon Slayer was in Dirt, but apparently neither openly allied with Ranmorgan nor involved with the Dirt military. . . he felt as if the world had fallen to his shoulders, he did not want to lie to his greatest love but who knew what the truth might mean? "My spies report . . . the dragon slayer is nowhere to be found"
Nabiatrix's shoulder slumped slightly and Kaneosuke bowed, knowing by routine that he was dismissed. He wondered how long he could bring himself to go on lying to her, and what would the consequences be if his delay allowed Ryoga to align himself with Ranmorgan.
Ryoga watched intently as Ranko and the fifteen elite soldiers of Dirt prepared themselves for the journey. They wore simple gray cloaks, and carried sabers similar to Ranmorgan's.
Ryoga himself had been given a large, heavy black sword, no sleek slightly curved saber. For him it was easy to lift, but no one else seemed able . . . sort of like his umbrella, only ridiculously big.
He could still remember his argument with Ranmorgan over the sword's edge, or lack of it.
"Why doesn't it have a sharper edge?" Ryoga had demanded, "It's like a butter knife"
"Because it's so heavy and large. The weight of the thing will kill your opponents, a sharper edge makes it harder to handle since it'll cut through the air faster. Does that answer your question"
"Uh . . . no." Ryoga said. "In fact it raises a few more, first of all . . . could this thing be any more obvious? It's almost as big as me, I'd have more luck getting a tank past airport officials"
"Nothing you said now made any sense. I know nothing of airports or their officials." Ranmorgan pointed out. Ryoga's eye twitched.
"How do I get this past the gate guards?" The young man translated.
"Hide it under your cloak." Ranmorgan suggested.
Ryoga's eye twitched again. He could not put it under his cloak, the blade alone was as tall as he was not counting the handle, and it was about as wide as he was. "Moving on . . . it is so big even if I knew how to properly use swords--and I do--how could I possibly handle it efficiently"
"Yeah . . . that's another reason why it doesn't have a sharper edge." Ranmorgan pointed out.
Ryoga's eye twitched twice now as he absorbed Ranmorgan's meaning. "Well okay, thank you for that. But again . . . why? Why make such a weapon in the first place? And why in the world are you assigning me such a weapon"
"Well the truth is that the smith made this giant sword . . . but no one could hold it, there are no giants in dirt and there's no one has the strength . . . except you, you were destined for this weapon"
"Don't try to play on my ego." Ryoga had said crossly. "As if the demon horse wasn't enough, if I show up in Rubadub with this huge slab of metal 'hidden' under my cloak . . . I'm gonna look like a japanimation character"
"I see . . . even though I still don't understand yer foreign dialect." Ranmorgan scratched his chin. "Suren the wizard can put a spell on it or something"
"Yeah . . . you tell him to get right on that." Ryoga had said.
Happerlin had turned it invisible, that had solved the problem of it being seen by the guards, but now no one could find it.
Ryoga would be going in unarmed . . . he didn't see the problem, his hands could be just as lethal as any blade--especially one without an edge.
Of course Ranma was the only one who believed this and the Dirt troops were already beginning to see him as a dangerous liability, his reputation as the dragon slayer--which seemed to mean more to Ranmorgan and Arkane than it did to the soldiers--was the only thing that kept them from leaving him behind, not that he'd have minded if they had.
"All right," Drinian shouted over the buzz of the other soldiers, "The city of Nabitopia awaits! Sir Ryoga, do see to it that that . . . uh . . . creature remains properly bound, we do not want any roadside tragedies"
Ryoga's horse had to be muzzled after it bit off the ear of one of the other horses and reduced the commando squad by two members after biting off one man's hand and kicking another so hard that Happerlin had been forced to use his crystal ball just to find the man's liver. Both would survive and even be restored to full health after some heavy spell casting by the perverted wizard.
Ranmorgan shouted to his men, "Go forth my soldiers, and liberate the prisoners of the evil empress! Let none question the bravery of our soldiers, as you give up your very lives to avert war"
Arkane whispered something into the prince's ear, "Oh right!" He said, "Eh . . . I mean let none question your bravery as yerselves uh . . . triumph over evil without a single loss of yer most precious and irreplaceable lives"
The soldiers stirred uneasily.
"We've prepared this mural for you . . . to commemorate your heroic actions!" Arkane said, the look on her face told Ryoga not to expect anything too grand.
The mural depicted a mountain of dead soldiers wearing what Ryoga hoped was the Rubadub uniform, atop them were the commandos and Ranma and Ryoga . . . and atop the crushed and mutilated commandos, battered dragon slayer and viciously brutalized Ranma was Ryoga's horse, standing triumphantly, bleeding from a dozen minor wounds, holding Ryoga's severed head in his jaws by the bandanna with a neat lightning bolt clashing in the background.
"Flattering." Ranma said. Ranko's image had been beaten, run through with a couple spears, and the eyes had been stabbed out with daggers.
"The . . . uh . . . the honor." Drinian smiled weakly, the depiction of his person showed about five swords shoved into his chest, and his lower half ripped away, quite possibly by Betty the horse.
"I'm glad you like it." Ranmorgan smiled happily, "Arkane thought it might be bad for moral"
"Not . . . at all." Ryoga sighed. "It only uh . . . motivates us"
"I knew it would." Ranmorgan grinned widely.
And so following Drinian's lead the now much less enthusiastic soldiers turned towards the castle gates, and the mission they only now seemed to fully realize could prove all too suicidal.
To Be Continued . . .
I had certain reservations about this chapter, but you've waited too long for me to just scrap it and try over. I'll just have to make the next chapter twice as good. Meh--why do people say "meh"?
